Love: Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago...

By Anonymous - 01/09/2012 00:49 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 033

You deserved it 2 481

Love

Another great day to be alive

Our house, in the middle of our street

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Anonymous - 26/08/2014 18:11 - Latvia - Riga

Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 641

You deserved it 2 680

By nomorefreehugs - 27/06/2011 23:34 - United States

Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 657

You deserved it 41 145

Zigazig Ah

By Anonymous - 17/12/2017 01:30

Today, I walked in on my fiancé while he was masturbating to the Spice Girls movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 285

You deserved it 779

By Anonymous - 04/05/2016 14:15 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 677

You deserved it 2 831

By sdk2010 - 06/03/2012 17:05 - Canada

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brew master at a beer company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 395

You deserved it 2 252

By thirdwheel - 09/07/2013 11:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 355

You deserved it 4 813

By TheRawrza - 26/04/2009 09:47 - United States

Today, I was at a pool party. Standing outside of the pool, I was hesitant about taking my shirt off. A girl in the pool shouted "Hey, you're not the only fat one here, don't feel bad!". I was worried about what my friends would think of my new bellybutton ring, I don't think I'm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 173

You deserved it 8 221

The cake was not a lie.

By Alex Knight - 07/11/2017 19:00

Today, I bought a cake. I then immediately forgot what I was carrying, opened the door to my car, and tossed the bag into the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 4 046

By chris - 09/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 812

You deserved it 10 738

Strawberry surprise

By Anonymous - 02/06/2020 17:00

Today, my husband got home and shouted he had a surprise for me. I shouted back that I hoped it was his tasty knob with strawberry lube. Nope, he'd picked up my grandparents for a visit now social isolation is being relaxed. They might be in their 80’s but they’re not deaf, unfortunately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 793

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 13:49 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I came out of the closet, after years of fear and shame, thanks to my mom making me to go to a church full of fundies my whole life. In the end, I was in tears. All I got was a frown and a "So? Want a medal or something?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 759

You deserved it 3 758

Just a prank, bro!

By fail - 16/02/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to Facebook on a public computer after they had left. Trying to teach them a lesson, I updated their Facebook status to something outrageous. That's when they came back to the computer after getting something from the printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 564

You deserved it 67 916

By Anonymous - 07/09/2010 19:16 - United States

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 463

You deserved it 3 661

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 245

You deserved it 48 335

By Tennisplayer - 10/02/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 149

You deserved it 44 103

By E_Sauce - 24/03/2019 12:00

Today I went to the bank to get a jar of coins exchanged for cash via fancy counter machine. After 30 minutes I was handed a bag of rolling sleeves and was told to do it myself. Good news, I have a lot more money than I thought. Bad news, I have A LOT more coins than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 348

By halloweenless - 01/11/2010 13:14 - United States

Today, I spent over $160 and 2 hours preparing for a Halloween party I was throwing. The only person who showed up was my sister, who helped me decorate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 074

You deserved it 4 299

Galaxy brain take

By Oragami - 12/06/2020 14:07

Today, a customer told me it was bullshit we couldn't serve coffee because of the COVID restrictions, and added that the protests and riots happening are because people are bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 211

By balletteacher - 08/09/2012 20:32 - United States

Today, I realized my acne looks like star constellations. I've already found the Little Dipper on my left cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 185

You deserved it 2 570

By lanbon182 - 10/04/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250 704

You deserved it 31 177

By Sherry - 11/07/2012 13:29 - United States - Middletown

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 925

You deserved it 3 164

Almost there

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a better job offer out of the blue, more pay, less work. I informally accepted and handed my notice as legally required. They rescinded the job offer. I'm now unemployed at the end of hiring season. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 205

By ? - 29/11/2009 07:59 - United States

Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 549

You deserved it 9 904

By JimmySmoothBeans - 21/10/2009 12:15 - Australia

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn't have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn't think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 307

You deserved it 3 473

By kenken5 - 19/06/2019 01:51

Today, I had my first sexual experience since going through a rough break up a month ago. The guy finished after 60 seconds of a blow job and then didn’t return the favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 228

You deserved it 345

By thatsnotmyname - 03/07/2014 03:12 - United States - Calhoun City

Today, my boyfriend of a couple of weeks mixed up my name with his ex wife's name. After he said it, he looked at me and said, "You knew it was going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 965

You deserved it 7 775

By weddingblues - 30/05/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 516

You deserved it 23 585

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 16:16 - United States - Port Lavaca

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 117

You deserved it 3 959

Legalize it

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 15:01 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, after arriving, I was told that there will be mandatory drug tests for everybody at my work. Yesterday, I did joints at a friend's party, as it was her birthday. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 1 350

By Anonymous - 28/06/2015 05:13 - United States - Corona

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 890

You deserved it 2 607

By Anonymous - 15/08/2013 17:39 - Spain - Mon?var

Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 869

You deserved it 3 433

By whyme - 10/03/2012 23:37 - United States

Today, my mother screamed and swore at me because I said I was looking to move out soon. Apparently, the idea of me moving out at 27 and her getting a job to pay her own way is devastating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 282

You deserved it 2 956

Stink bomb

By Jenni - 02/08/2021 11:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got into my car to remember that I left dead fish and waxworms in my car from fishing at the lake yesterday. We unloaded everything but those two stinky things. It was 90 degrees today too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 1 122

By Anonymous - 18/01/2012 11:30 - Australia

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 426

You deserved it 5 483

By Luckless - 23/02/2019 04:00

Today, I'm preparing my defense for allegedly stalking someone at work. The best part, I have absolutely no clue who it is. Now my skin is crawling as I go through all the messages and in person events that occurred with my actual twice-my-age stalker to show my boss what a real stalker does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 167

You deserved it 144

By Dannylover - 17/02/2009 20:53 - Netherlands

Today, I finally hooked up with a boy I really liked. We were lying in bed and my panties were already off when he asked me : "Would you also have sex with me if you weren't drunk?". I responded "Yes!" and asked him the same question, at which he responded : "No, probably not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 165

You deserved it 13 003

By notanidiot - 20/06/2012 12:46 - United States - Lansing

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 901

You deserved it 3 648

By Noname - 12/03/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 944

You deserved it 31 286

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 489

By gingerbetty - 04/09/2012 07:54 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise for him, so when I was getting close, I whispered the Welsh for "Don't stop." He pulled out and accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 989

You deserved it 4 689

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Top comments

SweetAsHell 9

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:38

You may not know it, but you two have been going out for years. It's just that most of the time, on your dates, she's hiding in the bushes.

Corrupt_waffles 13

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:38

Well now you know why it would have been bad had you actually started consistently dating her. :/

Corrupt_waffles 13

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:38

Well now you know why it would have been bad had you actually started consistently dating her. :/

mystashisgone 6

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:54

Love the reference to another fml. Works perfectly

yassminza 0

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Saturday 1 September 2012 10:13

#9 that was perfect.

rarrar321 3

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:10

Oh, the Aussies :)

ashlieelizabeth 6

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:05

#9 What a great reference. Haha :)

walmartpaysme 15

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Saturday 1 September 2012 15:16

Seriously, if you like a comment just thumbs up. Don't waste valuable comment space parroting the person in front of you.

Harpy20 24

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Saturday 1 September 2012 16:17

Now that you know, please don't give crazy a baby.

MDTeddy 13

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Saturday 1 September 2012 16:42

She or her parents has to pay for your car. I'd go ahead and make it happen.

Futacy 29

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Saturday 1 September 2012 17:09

Bitches be crazy!

jillybee101 7

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Saturday 1 September 2012 21:30

Sue her.

gc327072 30

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Saturday 1 September 2012 23:24

If she's a crazy B, it's cause she wants the D. Hehe

fury1031 10

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Friday 7 December 2012 22:42

OP, get that bitch arrested!

SweetAsHell 9

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:38

You may not know it, but you two have been going out for years. It's just that most of the time, on your dates, she's hiding in the bushes.

cynide 13

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:55

#2 Sounds like a keeper! ;D

IscoreOnU 19

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Saturday 1 September 2012 12:42

Mannnn bitches be trippin!

SCUBA_Diiver 3

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Saturday 1 September 2012 15:18

What a phsyco bitch!

whosindahouse 9

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Saturday 1 September 2012 19:15

39- with a bat!

IscoreOnU 19

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Saturday 1 September 2012 21:49

Ahh 60 I got that reference

oicu812xD 16

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Sunday 2 September 2012 1:01

Tech n9ne win

gc327072 30

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Sunday 2 September 2012 3:04

Crazygirlfriend.jpg

GlobalGenocide 8

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:39

Haha! time to ring triple 000 and suggest she see's a shrink(after the police arrive or she'll start swinging at you).

rarrar321 3

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:39

Triple AAA?

seasonedtoast 19

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Saturday 1 September 2012 15:35

Triple 0. Australian emergency number.

Drigr 9

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Saturday 1 September 2012 16:23

Tripple 000 and AAA? So ring up 000000000 and AAAAAAAAA?

nerobluerose 10

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Sunday 2 September 2012 1:18

Your picture goes with the AAA part

bizarre_ftw 21

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:39

Well? Did you cheat? Also, call the cops and get her forcibly medicated

boofgall 16

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:57

He just went on an 'awkward' date with her, I'd say there's no solid commitment there to cheat on her.

mystashisgone 6

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:57

Maybe I'm weird but unless he asked her out one "date" doesn't mean they are "dating"...but what do I know.

rarrar321 3

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Saturday 1 September 2012 13:11

Not gonna lie, #4, your picture is exactly the kinda girl I pictured for being the cray cray....no offense.

wolfhausen 7

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Saturday 1 September 2012 18:01

Hahaha .. That's mean. But hilarious

deadxwedding84 5

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:39

Seriously, go hit HER car with a baseball bat.

Khariau 8

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:49

Two wrongs don't make a right !

off_constantly 8

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Saturday 1 September 2012 10:06

17 - pointless but very true

Osito2011 9

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:17

Or you can lpoop on her door step everynight. Pray that she and her family gets the point and move far far away.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Saturday 1 September 2012 14:45

IPoop? Is that a toilet with a touch screen?

hopsinlove17 26

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Saturday 1 September 2012 15:09

#5, because that's mature-_- there are better ways to handle a situation like this

ForS3ri0usn3ss 0

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:39

Some girls are just "bat" crazy... Get it? But seriously... Hope you reported her because she clearly needs help

COOL__Coal 12

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Saturday 1 September 2012 10:15

I don't get it can you explain it?

sonicgreg 12

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Saturday 1 September 2012 17:52

Get it? No? Well its because she hit his car with a... Oh you do get it? Pretty funny eh? No?

xiaodoggiie 5

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:43

Well it is a good thing you aren't dating her.

srgspartan117 8

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Sunday 2 September 2012 19:11

Right imagine what happened if they dated..... Bat and and a car still meet together most likely earlier hahaha

PleadingInsanity 20

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:44

I wonder what made the date awkward. Then again I can only imagine how that went considering the way she acted.

notjustanybody20 9

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Saturday 1 September 2012 9:51

Bitches be crazy! :D. Maybe you gave off wrong signs at the date.. That led her to beleive that you were enjoying her company?! No? Then she is plain crazy! Runnnnn