Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago...

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

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30996

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Love

Serious times

Messed up

Looks like we made it… Oh.

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML

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44772

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By cinderella - Netherlands

Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

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33292

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By foolishgirl - United States

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16860

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47670

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By airhead2015 - United States - Morristown

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

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43328

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By therosalina - United States - Duluth

Today, my dad moved my car onto the street so he wouldn't accidentally back into it while moving our boat. My neighbor backed into it instead. FML

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2788

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147

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By Loho - Canada

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18874

You deserved it

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By booyouwhoree - United States

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

50737

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By bunkbed - Canada

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32945

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22623

You deserved it

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By WeddingWoes - United States - Columbia

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28533

You deserved it

5663

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39310

You deserved it

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By BerkeleyBiker - United States

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

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36271

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3707

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By Anonymous

"shit tickets"

Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2917

You deserved it

241

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition that makes me lactate. I'm a 6' tattooed guy with a boxing competition coming up soon. I'm never going to hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24272

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1805

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By fuckthat! - United States - Madison

Today, my soon-to-be ex-husband had the audacity to ask if the woman he cheated on me with could be in the delivery room while I give birth to our baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5536

You deserved it

290

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42654

You deserved it

6465

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By Shibs - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I was riding my bike along a road and a deer jumped out from the tree line, knocking me to the ground and breaking my arm. Someone pulled over to see if I was alright, running over my bike in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26244

You deserved it

1756

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By TrophyGirlfriend - United States

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53758

You deserved it

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By catwithwatermelononhead

The gift that keeps not arriving...

Today, the $800, large capacity, professional carpet steam cleaner my husband supposedly bought me for Christmas got "lost in the mail". So did the refund. FML

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4104

You deserved it

284

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Waterford

Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML

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33559

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By Anonymous - United States - Rowlett

Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML

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19038

You deserved it

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By krt - United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

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26012

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By nycplywood - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

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18351

You deserved it

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By TooTallNiCo - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Clause isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13957

You deserved it

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By sprocket - Hong Kong

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year - "why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" he replied - "opposites attract." FML

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47990

You deserved it

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By loveeyou. - France

Today, I realized the only reason I watched the SuperBowl is because Justin Bieber tweeted about it. I don't even like football. I had no idea what was going on the whole game. All I knew was who I was cheering for, because Justin Bieber tweeted who he was cheering for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10288

You deserved it

86415

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By colorfulgina - United States

Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt to pick it up. Next thing you know it I tipped the desk over and I crashed onto my crush's lap with my face in his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36257

You deserved it

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By nazooer - United States

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23293

You deserved it

3804

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By taydean - United States

Today, my sister and I were eating at Wendy's. On the way out, I thought it would be funny to kick the door open and yell, "This is Sparta!" I lost my balance and fell flat on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9248

You deserved it

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By social anxiety my a** - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, after three years with my boyfriend hardly ever going to any social or public event with me due to his social anxiety, I got to witness him improve his flirting skills on every girl available at his house party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37582

You deserved it

4182

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By kbeavv - United States

Today, I read my mom's Facebook status. It said, "So sick of kids, can't wait for Vegas this week!" My dad, along with 12 others, liked it. I didn't even know she was going to Vegas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29861

You deserved it

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By lamponau - France

Today, my 6-year-old son said to me, "You smell nice daddy." Surprised but flattered, I thanked him. He then added, "I like the smell of cheese!'" FML

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36426

You deserved it

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By ImprovTeacher

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

663

You deserved it

2219

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By Harry641 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I got accused of ruining my girlfriend's birthday, all because I accidentally got her the same birthday present as her mother did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21256

You deserved it

1499

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By stillhungry - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29293

You deserved it

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By rejected - United States - Charlotte

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44106

You deserved it

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By GlueAndCarrots - Canada - Markham

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I crossed the street without holding her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32121

You deserved it

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By Iwtumn - Austria - Deutschlandsberg

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32931

You deserved it

7150

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I realised I haven't had a date in so long that I actually seriously considered meeting someone from online, purely based on the fact he could spell properly. FML

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25880

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Top comments

By SweetAsHell | 9

#4884335 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:38

You may not know it, but you two have been going out for years.
It's just that most of the time, on your dates, she's hiding in the bushes.

By Corrupt_waffles | 13

#4884332 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:38

Well now you know why it would have been bad had you actually started consistently dating her. :/

COMMENTS

By Corrupt_waffles | 13

#4884332 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:38

Well now you know why it would have been bad had you actually started consistently dating her. :/

mystashisgone | 6

#4884361 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:54

Love the reference to another fml. Works perfectly

yassminza | 0

#4884398 - Saturday 1 September 2012 10:13

#9 that was perfect.

rarrar321 | 3

#4884589 - Saturday 1 September 2012 13:10

Oh, the Aussies :)

ashlieelizabeth | 6

#4884690 - Saturday 1 September 2012 14:05

#9 What a great reference. Haha :)

walmartpaysme | 15

#4884878 - Saturday 1 September 2012 15:16

Seriously, if you like a comment just thumbs up. Don't waste valuable comment space parroting the person in front of you.

Harpy20 | 24

#4885078 - Saturday 1 September 2012 16:17

Now that you know, please don't give crazy a baby.

MDTeddy | 13

#4885104 - Saturday 1 September 2012 16:42

She or her parents has to pay for your car. I'd go ahead and make it happen.

Futacy | 29

#4885139 - Saturday 1 September 2012 17:09

Bitches be crazy!

jillybee101 | 7

#4885478 - Saturday 1 September 2012 21:30

Sue her.

gc327072 | 29

#4885651 - Saturday 1 September 2012 23:24

If she's a crazy B, it's cause she wants the D. Hehe

fury1031 | 10

#5224547 - Friday 7 December 2012 22:42

OP, get that bitch arrested!

By SweetAsHell | 9

#4884335 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:38

You may not know it, but you two have been going out for years.
It's just that most of the time, on your dates, she's hiding in the bushes.

cynide | 13

#4884367 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:55

#2 Sounds like a keeper! ;D

IscoreOnU | 19

#4884518 - Saturday 1 September 2012 12:42

Mannnn bitches be trippin!

SCUBA_Diiver | 3

#4884883 - Saturday 1 September 2012 15:18

What a phsyco bitch!

whosindahouse | 9

#4885338 - Saturday 1 September 2012 19:15

39- with a bat!

IscoreOnU | 19

#4885503 - Saturday 1 September 2012 21:49

Ahh 60 I got that reference

oicu812xD | 16

#4885786 - Sunday 2 September 2012 1:01

Tech n9ne win

gc327072 | 29

#4886218 - Sunday 2 September 2012 3:04

Crazygirlfriend.jpg

By GlobalGenocide | 8

#4884337 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:39

Haha! time to ring triple 000 and suggest she see's a shrink(after the police arrive or she'll start swinging at you).

rarrar321 | 3

#4884652 - Saturday 1 September 2012 13:39

Triple AAA?

seasonedtoast | 19

#4884921 - Saturday 1 September 2012 15:35

Triple 0. Australian emergency number.

Drigr | 9

#4885085 - Saturday 1 September 2012 16:23

Tripple 000 and AAA? So ring up 000000000 and AAAAAAAAA?

nerobluerose | 10

#4885900 - Sunday 2 September 2012 1:18

Your picture goes with the AAA part

By bizarre_ftw | 21

#4884338 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:39

Well? Did you cheat?
Also, call the cops and get her forcibly medicated

boofgall | 16

#4884374 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:57

He just went on an 'awkward' date with her, I'd say there's no solid commitment there to cheat on her.

mystashisgone | 6

#4884377 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:57

Maybe I'm weird but unless he asked her out one "date" doesn't mean they are "dating"...but what do I know.

rarrar321 | 3

#4884592 - Saturday 1 September 2012 13:11

Not gonna lie, #4, your picture is exactly the kinda girl I pictured for being the cray cray....no offense.

wolfhausen | 7

#4885204 - Saturday 1 September 2012 18:01

Hahaha .. That's mean. But hilarious

By deadxwedding84 | 5

#4884340 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:39

Seriously, go hit HER car with a baseball bat.

Khariau | 8

#4884350 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:49

Two wrongs don't make a right !

off_constantly | 8

#4884387 - Saturday 1 September 2012 10:06

17 - pointless but very true

Osito2011 | 9

#4884710 - Saturday 1 September 2012 14:17

Or you can lpoop on her door step everynight. Pray that she and her family gets the point and move far far away.

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4884794 - Saturday 1 September 2012 14:45

IPoop?
Is that a toilet with a touch screen?

hopsinlove17 | 26

#4884854 - Saturday 1 September 2012 15:09

#5, because that's mature-_- there are better ways to handle a situation like this

By ForS3ri0usn3ss | 0

#4884341 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:39

Some girls are just "bat" crazy... Get it? But seriously... Hope you reported her because she clearly needs help

COOL__Coal | 12

#4884402 - Saturday 1 September 2012 10:15

I don't get it can you explain it?

sonicgreg | 12

#4885194 - Saturday 1 September 2012 17:52

Get it? No? Well its because she hit his car with a... Oh you do get it? Pretty funny eh? No?

By xiaodoggiie | 5

#4884344 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:43

Well it is a good thing you aren't dating her.

srgspartan117 | 8

#4888144 - Sunday 2 September 2012 19:11

Right imagine what happened if they dated..... Bat and and a car still meet together most likely earlier hahaha

By PleadingInsanity | 20

#4884348 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:44

I wonder what made the date awkward. Then again I can only imagine how that went considering the way she acted.

By notjustanybody20 | 9

#4884353 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:51

Bitches be crazy! :D. Maybe you gave off wrong signs at the date.. That led her to beleive that you were enjoying her company?! No? Then she is plain crazy! Runnnnn

TheEpicMilkMan | 13

#4884466 - Saturday 1 September 2012 11:17

RUN BITCH RUUUNNNNN

aaalllliiiii | 6

#4886152 - Sunday 2 September 2012 2:35

Hey how do I hit you up? (i know what it means just can't find a button to message you) I'm from sydney

By jbones24 | 22

#4884365 - Saturday 1 September 2012 9:55

STAGE 5 CLINGER. ABORT! ABORT!