Love: Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie....

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

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Love

Proactive

When nature calls

Creepy

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was kicked out of my track team's locker room because the coach said there weren't enough lockers for everyone on the team. There are 74 lockers and only 52 girls on the team. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

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By adogg18 - United States

Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML

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By testacular - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Bad blow job

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

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By broken - Australia

Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the drive way, hurting my leg and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML

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By Whitley - United States

Today, I made salmon patties and boiled cabbage. I smelled smoke from my stove burner, but thought I spilled something in the burner. No big deal. Later, this horrible smell started coming from the stove. My husband took the stove apart, only to find that I had fried a mouse as well. FML

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By talkingtoaretard - United States

Mood: broken

Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML

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By Anonymous

All true, obviously

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law thinks that Trump is the "best man to walk the earth since Jesus," and that he's "fighting the deep state who's in control of the fake news." She tried to indoctrinate me. FML

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By FallCameEarly - United States - Alhambra

Today, at my job as a librarian at an old library, I was shelving books. Things were great until one entire bookshelf fell over. The damage wasn't too bad. Then the rest fell down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richardson

Today, our band had a road trip. Two people chose to stack themselves on top of each other to share a seat rather than sit in the last seat next to me. FML

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By seeminglyunsexy - United States

Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

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By Anonymous - Zambia

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

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By Unknown - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML

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By Now What - United States - South Otselic

Today, my boyfriend told me he only loves me sometimes. He explained what days he chooses to love me and what days he doesn't want to. I told him that's not how it works. He disagreed. He's 27. He still doesn't understand why this is a problem. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

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By caramelkarma - United States

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

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By ArtistBlock - United States - Phoenix

Today, I spent nearly seven hours clearing out our storage room in order to transform it into my art studio. Things were going great until I tweaked my back. At least from my stationary position in bed I have a perfect view of the table I can't work at for the next 2 to 4 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

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By humanshield - United States - Rockland

Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML

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By carsuck - United States

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

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By never_ending_hangover - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend out to meet my coworkers for the first time. I really wanted to impress them, and get them to think how cool we are to hang out with, since I am new to LA. Instead, my boyfriend threw up in my boss' sink. FML

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By Drew - United States - Newark

Today, at school, I wore a back brace because I have fractured vertebrae. During first period, a girl tapped me on the back to ask me a question. It made a "knocking on wood" sound. She looked at me like I was a freak. FML

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By daniella101 - United States - Lacombe

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML

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By BirthdayBoy - United States - Madison

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was informed after submitting my request to have Christmas off about 2 weeks prior to Thanksgiving that I was denied. About 15 minutes later, I overheard the person that denied my request talking with another agent, who put their request in today, that they were granted the holiday off. FML

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By BaliTheDog - France

Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

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By Viridian - United States

Today, I gave a big presentation at work. The manager decided to video tape it. I went through my presentation with ease and was confident I did a good job. My confidence was then lowered after watching the tape. Apparently, my boobs are much more interesting than what I had to say. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to my stepdad's funeral. He was the most important person in my life, but it didn't stop my stepsister angrily saying, "Why are you crying? He wasn't even your real dad." FML

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By lindora - 14/9/2020 17:00 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Whoop-di-scoop-di-poop

Today, I counted 3 weeks since my new roommate scooped the poop out of her two cats' litter boxes. Also, she keeps rubbing in my face that she takes such good care of the cats, and I can only pretend to nod in agreement. There’s five more months on the lease. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Port Hardy

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

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By jooshuarr - Spain

Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange screeching sound. I leaned over to look behind the neck. The biggest string snapped off and cut the side of my face. FML

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By midwesternpetclerk - United States

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

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By djxerxes9000 - Canada

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

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Top comments

By iknow_fml | 0

#247572 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:45

dont worry, Shell Want you even more now.

By christoper | 0

#247618 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:56

She probably thought it was cute.

Also, don't ever watch Bambi.

COMMENTS

By Futt_Buck | 0

#247568 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:44

Way to show off!

ERICA833 | 0

#1058763 - Saturday 3 July 2010 18:57

I personally like sensitive guys and would like u more for crying at an extremely sad part such as that

AriettaX | 15

#6071327 - Monday 22 September 2014 13:57

Ahh **SPOILER ALERT!**!! Thanks a lot op!

By Static_fml | 0

#247569 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:44

Oh cmon you're a guy... And it wasn't Bambi xD

Sux to be you anw

Macromartyr | 3

#1037963 - Monday 21 June 2010 9:20

Bambi was so sad, but so was lion king! What the hell drives Disney to be so upsetting...

sexybeastwon | 0

#1281080 - Saturday 21 August 2010 21:13

this is a re
post

By iknow_fml | 0

#247572 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:45

dont worry, Shell Want you even more now.

Duckzy | 16

#6153201 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 19:51

Shells love a sensitive man

By o_m_g_joe | 0

#247582 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:46

hey dude forget it chicks dig a sensitive guy next time pick a comedy

By Insert_Wit_Here | 0

#247583 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:46

How is this a FML? That's a sad part. Awesome movie too, if it was your choice she'll probably be impressed.

By Antonio718 | 0

#247587 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:47

Thats a turn-on to girls!

By AnneFTW | 17

#247593 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:48

YDI for being such a wimp.
& btw @ #7 crying guys is NOT a turn on.

nightmaree_fml | 0

#1581051 - Thursday 21 October 2010 14:52

trueeee

jamieisreallymad | 0

#2245153 - Saturday 26 March 2011 17:39

no, crying is not a turn on. but girls do like a sensitive guy.

Takaska | 0

#2666140 - Sunday 12 June 2011 17:21

Well, little miss bitch, some girls LIKE a sensitive guy. I suppose you're one who enjoys a 'tough guy' who over-the-top-violently reacts to the littlest situation?

SheTheOtaku | 21

#5884411 - Friday 14 March 2014 7:44

If my guy doesn't have the more sentimental emotions, I ain't interested. The angry type isn't very attractive.

ColdSyrup | 9

#6519965 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 4:46

If you watch the Lion King and not get atleast a little stuffy your not human

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7595032 - Monday 5 February 2018 16:31

I can tell you've never seen the Lion King. I personally never cried during it, but it did depress me for awhile and I wouldn't blame anybody for crying during that part especially, it's supposed to be sad, and anybody who didn't cry or even feel any type of emotion during it is not a human being I would want to associate with.

By Antonio718 | 0

#247596 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:49

# 8 , i was being sarcastic...learn it...

By Shirschfield | 0

#247603 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:51

ha ha wimp

By tgm0112 | 0

#247609 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:53

How could you cry at a Disney movie? Are you 12?

Man up.