Love: Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie....

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 06:46 - United States

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 043

You deserved it 25 494

Love

This Charming Man

Squeezed one out

Dumbass friends

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 11:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 309

You deserved it 2 551

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 648

You deserved it 30 843

By anon. - 17/11/2015 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 707

You deserved it 2 751

By anna14 - 21/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 129

You deserved it 49 328

By Crushgonewrong - 22/06/2016 21:42 - United States - Compton

Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 426

You deserved it 12 790

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 03:21 - France

Today, my first (and only true) date ended with the girl saying "Thanks for dinner, I was hungry - and oh, by the way, I'm a lesbian". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 987

You deserved it 2 475

By etsl - 26/10/2008 12:07 - France

Today, I've learnt that the girl I love thinks I'm gay. To be honest, I'm having doubts too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 262

You deserved it 15 321

By Anonymous - 13/09/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I received a rejection letter from a college that I'd applied to 6 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 041

You deserved it 2 602

By cashier - 12/07/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, I was trying to clean the belt of my register at work at a grocery store. I noticed two strips of rubber stuck in the corner of the belt, and after pulling on them periodically all morning one finally came loose. It was a foot. I had been pulling at a dead rat trapped in the belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 518

You deserved it 3 302

By anonymiss - 13/04/2009 16:12 - Canada

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 711

You deserved it 25 438

By Rick - 28/07/2011 10:51 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 867

You deserved it 5 193

By nemi - 31/08/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 603

You deserved it 8 814

By Bummer - 30/10/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 758

You deserved it 3 870

By Bilibók Renáta - 16/08/2019 14:00

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 800

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 09:29 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 560

You deserved it 3 604

By Rusty - 03/07/2015 19:02 - United States - New City

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 975

You deserved it 2 651

By yoyo22 - 05/12/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my friend for vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 930

You deserved it 9 390

By jooshuarr - 18/06/2010 23:09 - Spain

Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange screeching sound. I leaned over to look behind the neck. The biggest string snapped off and cut the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 650

You deserved it 4 708

Smells like… victory

By sickofthesmelltoo - 28/02/2013 10:56 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 578

You deserved it 3 074

By Funless - 18/08/2010 16:52 - United States

Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 538

You deserved it 7 553

By mitsuko045 - 10/08/2010 00:33 - Ireland

Today, after moving into my new house, I agreed to let my house mates have a house warming on the condition it be a small one, as I have exams all day that day and one that I can't fail on the very next morning. The facebook event guest list now has 100+ confirmed guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 118

You deserved it 25 889

Compassionate

By crap - 17/07/2020 05:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because apparently, I'm a drug addict who can't speak without slurring and stumbling with my words. I have a recurring speech impediments and the stammer is definitely real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 139

By CityBoysNow - 11/09/2013 00:14 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 512

You deserved it 13 208

By Anonymous - 17/02/2015 01:04 - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 587

You deserved it 38 233

By 2k16 - 17/03/2016 02:48 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 768

You deserved it 1 667

By Oh No... - 05/07/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend filmed a video about violence in sexual relationships for a class. I expected a monologue kind of thing. She then told me it was an example video of an encounter with a male classmate. She showed me. It’s pretty much porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 279

You deserved it 210

By hardgraderorhardass - 24/02/2016 04:46 - United States - Bridgewater

Today, my English professor bragged to my entire class about how good my essay was. He kept on saying great things about it for the duration of class. To my surprise, he'd given me a C-. When I asked why, his only response was: "I'm a hard grader." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 728

You deserved it 1 520

By BrokeButSmart - 23/08/2012 05:24 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, my boss reprimanded me in front of the rest of the staff for "not following instructions" because I went to a company meeting. I have the email from him telling me to go to the meeting. He thinks I faked it. Unemployment sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 984

You deserved it 1 710

But mah freedumbs!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 10:23 - Canada

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 910

You deserved it 5 249

By Ugh - 27/02/2013 21:42 - United Kingdom

Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 422

You deserved it 7 720

Fortnite thievery

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 16:01

Today, my little brother decided he needed $170 worth of V-Bucks. How was he going to get it? From the credit card he took from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 53

By PaneraSucks - 19/02/2014 06:24 - United States - Londonderry

Today, a customer at work pronounced the word "Asian" as "Ah-See-Awn" when ordering a salad. I wasn't allowed to say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 131

You deserved it 4 274

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:07 - Israel

Today, I was told by my neighbors that my guitar playing sounded a dying cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 454

You deserved it 23 433

The best method!

By Anonymous - 04/01/2020 18:00

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 878

You deserved it 903

By Anonymous - 27/03/2012 04:27 - United States - Panama City

Today, my best friend stopped by my house, borrowed a movie, and left. That was the extent of our communication for the day. Today is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 124

You deserved it 2 509

By Anonymous - 06/08/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I called in to my girlfriend's favorite radio station to propose. After spending what seemed like an eternity telling her how much I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, she took a deep breath, said, "How about no?" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 151

You deserved it 4 423

By TheJuggla17 - 22/12/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I put in an application to my local market for a job that I desperately needed. I was talking to the manager, he seemed pleased with my application and said he'll call me. As he walks into his private office, I hear the sound of a paper shredder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 054

You deserved it 2 605

By zitroskies - 07/10/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 743

You deserved it 3 025

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 13:38 - United States

Today, the coach bus I was riding almost crashed. I was using the restroom at the time. The bus braked so hard, I peed all over the wall and splashed my shirt. Nobody wanted to sit anywhere near me after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 457

You deserved it 1 696

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 17:36 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 131

You deserved it 6 417

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Top comments

iknow_fml 0

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Sunday 31 May 2009 15:45

dont worry, Shell Want you even more now.

christoper 0

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Sunday 31 May 2009 15:56

She probably thought it was cute. Also, don't ever watch Bambi.

Futt_Buck 0

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Sunday 31 May 2009 15:44

Way to show off!

ERICA833 0

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Saturday 3 July 2010 18:57

I personally like sensitive guys and would like u more for crying at an extremely sad part such as that

AriettaX 15

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Monday 22 September 2014 13:57

Ahh **SPOILER ALERT!**!! Thanks a lot op!

Static_fml 0

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Sunday 31 May 2009 15:44

Oh cmon you're a guy... And it wasn't Bambi xD Sux to be you anw

Macromartyr 3

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Monday 21 June 2010 9:20

Bambi was so sad, but so was lion king! What the hell drives Disney to be so upsetting...

sexybeastwon 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 21:13

this is a re post

iknow_fml 0

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Sunday 31 May 2009 15:45

dont worry, Shell Want you even more now.

Duckzy 16

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Wednesday 24 December 2014 19:51

Shells love a sensitive man

o_m_g_joe 0

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Sunday 31 May 2009 15:46

hey dude forget it chicks dig a sensitive guy next time pick a comedy

Insert_Wit_Here 0

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Sunday 31 May 2009 15:46

How is this a FML? That's a sad part. Awesome movie too, if it was your choice she'll probably be impressed.

Antonio718 0

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Sunday 31 May 2009 15:47

Thats a turn-on to girls!

AnneFTW 17

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Sunday 31 May 2009 15:48

YDI for being such a wimp. & btw @ #7 crying guys is NOT a turn on.

nightmaree_fml 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 14:52

trueeee

jamieisreallymad 0

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Saturday 26 March 2011 17:39

no, crying is not a turn on. but girls do like a sensitive guy.

Takaska 0

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Sunday 12 June 2011 17:21

Well, little miss bitch, some girls LIKE a sensitive guy. I suppose you're one who enjoys a 'tough guy' who over-the-top-violently reacts to the littlest situation?

SheTheOtaku 21

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Friday 14 March 2014 7:44

If my guy doesn't have the more sentimental emotions, I ain't interested. The angry type isn't very attractive.

ColdSyrup 9

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Tuesday 26 January 2016 4:46

If you watch the Lion King and not get atleast a little stuffy your not human

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Monday 5 February 2018 16:31

I can tell you've never seen the Lion King. I personally never cried during it, but it did depress me for awhile and I wouldn't blame anybody for crying during that part especially, it's supposed to be sad, and anybody who didn't cry or even feel any type of emotion during it is not a human being I would want to associate with.