Transportation: Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch... - FML

By ThatTrafficCone - United States

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

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Sorry…

Last dates

Fire hydrant

By Anonymous - Canada - Grand Bay

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

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By Selfish Whiner - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, I started seeing a therapist for my depression. While I was looking through the magazines in the waiting room, I found an article accusing people who see therapists of being selfish and having no real problems. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fairview

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

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By boopingsnoot

Ready for the grill!

Today, at work, the chest freezer was accidentally turned off. I work at a vet and the freezer is our morgue. It got opened before anyone realized the contents had thawed. FML

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By Gabby125 - United States

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into the school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML

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By No thanks - United States

Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML

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By cheshirealyce - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a mild allergic reaction from eating pasta salad. I told my mom that I might be allergic to the parsley, since it was the only ingredient that I don't eat often. She made me eat a sprig of it to "make sure." Now my face is covered in hives. FML

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By Anon

Today, I was working on an art commission for some random kid's OC and I didn't notice that I made the nose look like a man's private parts. The mother was upset and spammed my mailbox. FML

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By tittyboomboom - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

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By losthusband - 11/10/2020 20:01 - United States

Hello from the other side

Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML

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By hotandbothered - United States

Today, I was developing film at walmart. It started to get a little warm, so I began taking off my sweatshirt. This creepy old man approaches me, saying "You know, usually girls like you are paid to take their clothes off." FML

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By Anonomous - Canada - Whitby

Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML

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By Iabnysmwytm - 29/7/2020 14:01

Yeah, that's the same

Today, we were talking about discrimination. I shared my story of being denied housing and a job offer because I'm trans. Some idiot tried to compare it to the time he was denied a car loan due to not having credit history. FML

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By MenstrualCrampsRuinedMyAcademicFuture - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I vomitted on an Oxford professor during my first university interview. They called me "little miss nervous" in my second interview. FML

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By hottygirl905 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

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By thesporkhop - United States

Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML

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By fijiflu

Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML

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By xxx - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died. But I thought for a few seconds the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML

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By indian:( - United States

Today, I realized that I hate lying to my mom about having a boyfriend. FML

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By Redhead

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was at an outdoor market with my family. We'd had dinner and were about to leave when 2 women stood next to our table, smoking. We called out to let them know they could have it, as we were leaving. They thought we were complaining about the smoke. They yelled at us and stormed off, while the other tables stared. FML

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By No.Life. - United States

Today, I decided not to go on Facebook so people would actually think that I have a life. FML

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By zingle af

Erection for Protection

Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock solid erection. FML

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By msarosi - Canada - Port Perry

Today, I popped a pimple while stopped at a red light. When I looked over the woman in the car next to me was laughing, and had her camera phone out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Great start

Today, I was starting my new job in the city. A man with a torn suit on came up to me and asks me for spare change. In a hurry to catch a taxi, I declined and rushed to catch one. At the office, my boss was late. About an hour later, I found out the man in the suit was my boss. He was attacked. FML

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By disgruntled

Today, my boss is writing me up for not signing a report before I left work. He refused to print the report that day, and I don't have access to the printers. FML

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By SoMuchForThatIdea

Today, I got to spend the entire day shopping for lingerie with the man of my dreams. He bought everything I'd ever wanted and more! Too bad it was for another woman. FML

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By (L) - United States - Athens

Today, I was studying in my university library when I noticed an attractive boy sitting alone four tables ahead of me. I wrote down my phone number, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it at him. He looked up, opened it, scrunched it up, and threw it back. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2020 14:02

Boredom

Today, I'm so bored during quarantine that I'm looking forward to the virtual doctor's appointment I made for next week, about the potential erectile dysfunction I might have. I'm also 22 years-old. FML

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By mama’s boy

Chuck E. Cheese awaits

Today, I realized just how spoiled and immature my boyfriend is when I asked him several times what he’d like for dinner. Getting no answer, I made steak, potatoes and salad. He then sulked and refused to eat it, since he wanted spaghetti and meatballs instead. FML

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By onedollar - Venezuela

Today, someone gave me 13 dollar bills. I rejected one because I'm very superstitious about the unlucky 13. Later, I waited half an hour in the car for someone to bring me exactly 1 dollar because I did not have enough for the parking fee. FML

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By sdeeter - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bell

Today, my son was crying because he wanted his daddy, and he asked when he can see him. I had no idea what to say, given his dad left us in the middle of the night last year, now lives in another country, and told me he never wants to see us again. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Man child, part 2

Today, I was told I'm lazy by my boyfriend because I skipped work. He skips his all the time and when I get home still have to cook and clean up after him. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while at work, I was trying to locate the source of the really bad BO wafting around, when I realized I'd forgotten to put on deodorant this morning. I have 5 hours of shame left to go. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2020 23:02

Trust

Today, my husband's grandmother told me in confidence that he was diagnosed with psychopathy as a child, so in all likelihood my husband isn’t actually capable of feeling love for me. I’m just a useful tool to make him seem normal so doctors and therapists leave him alone. FML

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By Enni

Today, my husband told me that, "a girl's orgasm serves no purpose". FML

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Top comments

By Armin_fml | 0

#602637 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:24

Bad, bad car

By Narzhul | 0

#602650 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:30

You've got a real hot wheel now, huh?

COMMENTS

By Armin_fml | 0

#602637 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:24

Bad, bad car

Reply

Phalankx | 0

#602723 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:13

You've got a real hot wheel now, huh?

Reply

bornbroken | 0

#602943 - Sunday 4 October 2009 17:04

cheesy...SO cheesy

Reply

Philosophic | 0

#856889 - Monday 15 February 2010 4:56

Ikr? It was probably a German car.

Reply

Dmars444 | 4

#2389143 - Friday 22 April 2011 18:28

somebody forgot the handbrake...

Reply

babygurl91695 | 2

#3098709 - Saturday 13 August 2011 6:28

I smell transformer....

By Incubuss | 0

#602647 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:29

FYL. But not really a funny FML.

Reply

rachel_parker | 0

#602727 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:14

they aren't supposed to be.

Reply

echolot | 0

#602746 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:33

Yup. Sucks to be OP, but there doesn't seem to be any irony or amusement in most FMLs just now.

Reply

danielw | 0

#602764 - Sunday 4 October 2009 15:02

yes, but an interesting story

Reply

roadrunner189 | 0

#603473 - Sunday 4 October 2009 21:43

they don't have to be funny. this is fmylife, not my life is funny.

Reply

woosah | 16

#1670138 - Tuesday 9 November 2010 6:37

really? I'm actually still laughing... it was in a ditch... and on fire.

By AliMarie | 0

#602649 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:30

FYL only if you don't have insurance.

By Narzhul | 0

#602650 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:30

You've got a real hot wheel now, huh?

By xxBAMFxx | 0

#602656 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:32

Did your car commit suicide?
Mine did that last week.

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#603537 - Sunday 4 October 2009 22:35

Mines seeing a therapist so these kinds of things don't happen! Learn to read the signs of a depressed car. My car kept swiching radio staions to emo music, I knew something was wrong...

Reply

MissCharlotte_fml | 26

#5610324 - Friday 2 August 2013 23:45

25, which car therapist do you use? My car is switching the radio station to sad love songs. Ever since my ex took his car, things have been going downhill... But on a serious note, FYL OP

By TC1_fml | 0

#602660 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:37

Call Mulder & Scully.

Reply

Alhan_fml | 0

#970385 - Monday 29 March 2010 6:20

Wtf...? What would the X-Files accomplish with a crashed car?

By SaintJimmy | 0

#602715 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:00

I agree with #14.

By amatayo | 0

#602733 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:20

I don't care

By danielleFML | 0

#602737 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:24

Now I need to know the rest!! FYL though, I'd be so depressed if that happened.

By meganslutface | 0

#602765 - Sunday 4 October 2009 15:02

That really sucks. I'm sorry.