Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch... - FML

By ThatTrafficCone - 4/10/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

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Proactive

Insane parents

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By Ugly - 22/8/2013 23:40 - United States - Jerseyville

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

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By GrossedOut - 11/1/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

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By Extended_desktop - 11/9/2011 17:53 - Poland

Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split second later, I realized I wasn't typing into the browser address bar, but in a chat window on my other screen. I'd been chatting with a girl I wanted to get with at the time. FML

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By Dopeydancer - 8/9/2009 13:12 - United Kingdom

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

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By brokeasscollegelife - 20/11/2015 21:25 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I biked to the store to buy a new lock, since biking is my only form of transportation. I left my bike unattended for the last time, only to come back with a new chain, but no bike. FML

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By Faxshadow - 7/1/2009 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2011 18:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

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By mitsuko045 - 10/8/2010 00:33 - Ireland

Today, after moving into my new house, I agreed to let my house mates have a house warming on the condition it be a small one, as I have exams all day that day and one that I can't fail on the very next morning. The facebook event guest list now has 100+ confirmed guests. FML

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By moerae - 3/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

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By Wetarse - 15/3/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

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By Anony Mous - 20/6/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend moved. I found out when I went over to surprise him with take-out food and he was pulling out of the driveway. He flipped me off as he drove past. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2018 12:00

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

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By Wow - 23/12/2018 16:00

Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML

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By jlowder2 - 11/12/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

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By the attention seeker - 17/4/2013 21:57 - United States - North Miami Beach

Today my mother met my in-laws for the first time. She had been an alcoholic and had us sent to foster care 15 years ago. My husband told his parents this behind my back a while ago. When they asked her about it, she denied everything. His entire family now thinks I lie for attention. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 08:03 - United States

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, "Why do the fat chicks always want me?" FML

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By what did I do? - 25/10/2013 11:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

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By littl3storm - 1/6/2020 17:00

Sick burn

Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML

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By sofuckingembarassing. - 11/2/2013 19:19 - United States

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

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By home owner - 20/8/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2014 21:29 - United States - Toledo

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

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By heterolifepartner - 18/1/2010 06:03 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML

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By ohsosad - 23/11/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I was asked out by a guy who is doing community service because he was caught peeping through windows. I was tempted to say yes. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2011 11:43 - Australia

Today, I was walking to the shops when I saw my friend about 10 metres in front of me, waiting at the traffic lights, by herself. Jokingly, I shouted out "Who's that really ugly person waiting at the lights?" The girl turned around. It wasn't my friend. FML

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By Bruja5 - 7/2/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

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By person123abc - 9/12/2010 05:35 - United States

Today, I sat in my room on the computer instead of attending the party of the year. I got kicked out because I wasn't invited. The party was in my back yard, hosted by my brother. FML

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By Allergic - 24/1/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

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By anonymous - 27/1/2012 15:26 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law asked if she could move in with us. FML

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By ohforcheese - 19/1/2012 20:19 - United States

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

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By preggo - 1/8/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

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By madseason - 7/5/2012 00:13 - United States

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

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By fucking fratricidal - 13/10/2012 22:25 - Canada - Bedford

Today, for the second week in a row, my brother woke me up in the small hours of the morning begging me to help him figure out the math problem to turn off his phone's stupid-ass app alarm. FML

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By chase - 25/1/2013 00:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

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By joecool3426 - 3/10/2013 06:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

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By lauz - 3/10/2009 12:20 - Australia

Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

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By slaughterteddy - 20/7/2016 23:23 - United States

Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML

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By Shitmetalseller - 2/8/2014 22:37 - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Today, I managed to not laugh as a potential high-profile Italian client with a heavy accent repeatedly pronounced "sheet metal" as "shit metal". Unfortunately, my boss and a senior colleague couldn't contain their own laughter. We lost that deal, and our jobs are now endangered. FML

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By DrugsRX - 17/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Winder

Today, for the second day in a row, I was constantly abused, yelled at, insulted, and berated by my wife for "endangering our child's life." I took her to the doctor for a vaccination and flu shot yesterday. FML

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Top comments

By Armin_fml | 0

#602637 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:24

Bad, bad car

By Narzhul | 0

#602650 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:30

You've got a real hot wheel now, huh?

COMMENTS

By Armin_fml | 0

#602637 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:24

Bad, bad car

Reply

Phalankx | 0

#602723 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:13

You've got a real hot wheel now, huh?

Reply

bornbroken | 0

#602943 - Sunday 4 October 2009 17:04

cheesy...SO cheesy

Reply

Philosophic | 0

#856889 - Monday 15 February 2010 4:56

Ikr? It was probably a German car.

Reply

Dmars444 | 4

#2389143 - Friday 22 April 2011 18:28

somebody forgot the handbrake...

Reply

babygurl91695 | 2

#3098709 - Saturday 13 August 2011 6:28

I smell transformer....

By Incubuss | 0

#602647 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:29

FYL. But not really a funny FML.

Reply

rachel_parker | 0

#602727 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:14

they aren't supposed to be.

Reply

echolot | 0

#602746 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:33

Yup. Sucks to be OP, but there doesn't seem to be any irony or amusement in most FMLs just now.

Reply

danielw | 0

#602764 - Sunday 4 October 2009 15:02

yes, but an interesting story

Reply

roadrunner189 | 0

#603473 - Sunday 4 October 2009 21:43

they don't have to be funny. this is fmylife, not my life is funny.

Reply

woosah | 16

#1670138 - Tuesday 9 November 2010 6:37

really? I'm actually still laughing... it was in a ditch... and on fire.

By AliMarie | 0

#602649 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:30

FYL only if you don't have insurance.

By Narzhul | 0

#602650 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:30

You've got a real hot wheel now, huh?

By xxBAMFxx | 0

#602656 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:32

Did your car commit suicide?
Mine did that last week.

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#603537 - Sunday 4 October 2009 22:35

Mines seeing a therapist so these kinds of things don't happen! Learn to read the signs of a depressed car. My car kept swiching radio staions to emo music, I knew something was wrong...

Reply

MissCharlotte_fml | 26

#5610324 - Friday 2 August 2013 23:45

25, which car therapist do you use? My car is switching the radio station to sad love songs. Ever since my ex took his car, things have been going downhill... But on a serious note, FYL OP

By TC1_fml | 0

#602660 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:37

Call Mulder & Scully.

Reply

Alhan_fml | 0

#970385 - Monday 29 March 2010 6:20

Wtf...? What would the X-Files accomplish with a crashed car?

By SaintJimmy | 0

#602715 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:00

I agree with #14.

By amatayo | 0

#602733 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:20

I don't care

By danielleFML | 0

#602737 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:24

Now I need to know the rest!! FYL though, I'd be so depressed if that happened.

By meganslutface | 0

#602765 - Sunday 4 October 2009 15:02

That really sucks. I'm sorry.