Transportation: Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch... - FML

By ThatTrafficCone - United States

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

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The smell detective is on the case

Our house, in the middle of our street

Tidy your room

By latenightbite - United States

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

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By mathhhh - United States

Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times 5 was 20. I'm a math major. FML

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By ohno - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend of 3 years out to where we had our first date. I proposed to her. She breaks down in tears as she tells me she's been sleeping with her co-worker for the past year. FML

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By BDSM4Jesus - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

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By really though? - United States - Dover

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Middleton

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

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By Lastsecondstand - United States

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

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By Walking in a Winter Wonderland - United States - Jupiter

Today, my dandruff got so bad that when I sneezed on the bus, it created a "blizzard" of dandruff, covering me, and two others in it. I'm now known as "Winter Wonderland". FML

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By Harry641 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I got accused of ruining my girlfriend's birthday, all because I accidentally got her the same birthday present as her mother did. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 14:01

Lazy git

Today, my fiancé was offered a job by my boss working as a dishwasher. This is awesome, especially since he just got fired from his last job. When I brought it up, his reply was, "I don't want to work as a dishwasher." I guess beggars can be choosers. FML

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By whoknows?! - France

Today, I decided to change my boyfriend's background on his phone. As I was in the process of changing it, I noticed his most recent picture is of a naked girl. The naked girl happens to be my 18 year old sister. FML

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By stupid - United States

Today, I saw a spot on my computer screen. I tried to use my finger to rub it off. Then, I tried using my nail. Then I tried to windex it off. I continued scratching at it with my nail. A half hour and one scratched screen later, I realized the spot was part of the webpage I was looking at. FML

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By friendless

Today, the reason I’d rather elope with my fiancée than have a wedding is because I have no friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ilminster

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

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By workinggirl - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML

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By embarrassedmom - United States

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Loughton

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

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By socal000 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for a physical. I've been sitting in the doctor's bathroom for 10 minutes now, trying to think of how to tell him I accidentally tripped and spilled my urine sample on the carpet. FML

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By Parental - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

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By I_dislike_Twilight - United States

Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML

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By kiwi - United States

Today, I realized that the most romantic thing that my boyfriend and I have done in the last month is comb lice out of each other's hair. FML

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By yolonono - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

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By Tomato

Today, I went with the kids I work with to a roller rink, where there are tons of black lights. Under the glow, I realized in horror that an old semen stain could be seen on my shorts. Praying no one saw, or realized what it was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I stumbled across "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TV and realized that these awful freaks are going to make more money than I ever will. FML

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By Mybrotherissatan - United States - Arrington

Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML

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By Seriously - United States

Today, my son's homework was to write a story about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wrote that he plans on being unemployed and living at home until we throw him out, then he'll live under a bridge. He's only 12, but already planning for a future as an unemployed bum. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

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By kylie

Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML

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By Jebus - Canada

Today, I finally went on a date with the girl I'm in love with. After dinner we went to the bar for drinks and things were going great. Right up until she went home with another guy. FML

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By shtidsfpa - United States - Shelby

Today, I only just found out that the abbreviation "lbs" is actually short for pounds. I've been saying "labs" my entire life. I'm 21. FML

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By ApolloandDixie - United States

Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML

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By badmom - Canada

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

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By whatajerk - United States - Gainesville

Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML

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By tryena - United States

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

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By wetandpantsless - United States

Today, I got invited to a big upperclassmen party that underclassmen don't normally get invited to. I was feeling really good when I got there and saw that the girl I'm in love with was there. They stole my pants and gave me a swirly. Her reaction was to post pictures on Facebook. FML

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By bakergirl - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML

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By HousemateHorror

Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML

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Top comments

By Armin_fml | 0

#602637 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:24

Bad, bad car

By Narzhul | 0

#602650 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:30

You've got a real hot wheel now, huh?

COMMENTS

By Armin_fml | 0

#602637 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:24

Bad, bad car

Reply

Phalankx | 0

#602723 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:13

You've got a real hot wheel now, huh?

Reply

bornbroken | 0

#602943 - Sunday 4 October 2009 17:04

cheesy...SO cheesy

Reply

Philosophic | 0

#856889 - Monday 15 February 2010 4:56

Ikr? It was probably a German car.

Reply

Dmars444 | 4

#2389143 - Friday 22 April 2011 18:28

somebody forgot the handbrake...

Reply

babygurl91695 | 2

#3098709 - Saturday 13 August 2011 6:28

I smell transformer....

By Incubuss | 0

#602647 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:29

FYL. But not really a funny FML.

Reply

rachel_parker | 0

#602727 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:14

they aren't supposed to be.

Reply

echolot | 0

#602746 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:33

Yup. Sucks to be OP, but there doesn't seem to be any irony or amusement in most FMLs just now.

Reply

danielw | 0

#602764 - Sunday 4 October 2009 15:02

yes, but an interesting story

Reply

roadrunner189 | 0

#603473 - Sunday 4 October 2009 21:43

they don't have to be funny. this is fmylife, not my life is funny.

Reply

woosah | 16

#1670138 - Tuesday 9 November 2010 6:37

really? I'm actually still laughing... it was in a ditch... and on fire.

By AliMarie | 0

#602649 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:30

FYL only if you don't have insurance.

By Narzhul | 0

#602650 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:30

You've got a real hot wheel now, huh?

By xxBAMFxx | 0

#602656 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:32

Did your car commit suicide?
Mine did that last week.

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#603537 - Sunday 4 October 2009 22:35

Mines seeing a therapist so these kinds of things don't happen! Learn to read the signs of a depressed car. My car kept swiching radio staions to emo music, I knew something was wrong...

Reply

MissCharlotte_fml | 26

#5610324 - Friday 2 August 2013 23:45

25, which car therapist do you use? My car is switching the radio station to sad love songs. Ever since my ex took his car, things have been going downhill... But on a serious note, FYL OP

By TC1_fml | 0

#602660 - Sunday 4 October 2009 12:37

Call Mulder & Scully.

Reply

Alhan_fml | 0

#970385 - Monday 29 March 2010 6:20

Wtf...? What would the X-Files accomplish with a crashed car?

By SaintJimmy | 0

#602715 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:00

I agree with #14.

By amatayo | 0

#602733 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:20

I don't care

By danielleFML | 0

#602737 - Sunday 4 October 2009 14:24

Now I need to know the rest!! FYL though, I'd be so depressed if that happened.

By meganslutface | 0

#602765 - Sunday 4 October 2009 15:02

That really sucks. I'm sorry.