Miscellaneous: Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors.... - FML

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 13:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 893

You deserved it 3 107

Empathy lives

Second Life

Don't engage with these people

By brittbrat4 - 13/08/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 273

You deserved it 36 555

Worst teeth in the game

By Anonymous - 23/09/2021 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist and she told me, "If you don't stop smoking, yellow teeth aren't the only thing you'll have to worry about." I don't even smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered why the toilet seat is often sticky in the morning. My husband is too lazy to lift the seat, instead opting to pee all over it and sleepily wipe it down with loo paper if he notices a splash. He doesn't see why it's a problem since he 'cleans' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 415

You deserved it 759

By Ohgodhelpme - 25/10/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend bought me a vibrator for my birthday. Sounds sweet, right? Then he invited my 10/14-year-old cousins to our house. They surprised me in my room. While I was using it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 452

You deserved it 726

Values

By mira - 13/03/2021 17:01

Today, I told my mom I was leaving early to give my boyfriend a ride to work. She asked me why on Earth I’m even attracted to someone who doesn’t have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 359

By Anonymous - 26/04/2012 04:36 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 2 673

By StellaSanguina - 09/10/2009 03:17 - United States

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 307

You deserved it 6 757

By fired - 13/05/2012 06:26 - United States - Portland

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 643

You deserved it 46 865

RIP in peace

By Janice - 03/01/2019 12:00

Today, while working as a bank teller, a woman came in with a $100k check. I commented, "Wow, I really could do with one of these!" She responded, "It's a life insurance check. I'd rather have my son back," and teared up in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 3 809

By awkwardbf - 09/09/2009 01:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 762

You deserved it 4 814

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 00:56 - United Kingdom - March

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 061

You deserved it 3 281

Second opinion

By annoyed - 12/07/2021 21:01 - United Kingdom - Banbury

Today, after three years of being in physical pain, which affects my health and daily life, I was told it's an undiagnosable condition that I'll have to deal with for a long time, as there are no answers and no fixable solution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 43

Geometry

By sickpuppy - 08/09/2019 12:00

Today, I learned the hard way that when sick, throw up, then have diarrhea. Not the other way round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 150

By rick - 02/12/2013 21:15 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 057

You deserved it 3 529

Smurf mouth

By shoeaddiikt - 07/10/2009 07:48 - Australia

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 222

You deserved it 42 370

By petty petty petty - 08/09/2017 16:00

Today, my mom yelled at me for fighting with my younger brother. Not because she wanted us to stop, but because my brother couldn't find a good comeback to my argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 394

You deserved it 248

Family Ties

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 12:00 - Australia

Today, I found out via Facebook that my older sister just had another baby, a whole week ago, whose name is my middle name. No one told me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 364

By hamburger - 06/07/2013 21:21 - United States - Adrian

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 130

You deserved it 8 461

By Pain_intolerant - 11/03/2011 14:11 - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 399

You deserved it 4 994

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 06:37 - United States

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 652

You deserved it 4 828

By Anonymous - 24/09/2018 05:00

Today, getting home from a long day at work, I checked the mail and saw 3 envelopes from the IRS. Apparently I now owe over $4,000. I only have $2 in my bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 393

By leahneedssleep - 11/07/2011 10:53 - Canada

Today, trying to make a good impression and be helpful, I volunteered to look after my manager's cat while she moves house. The cat hasn't stopped meowing since he got here this evening, it's now 4 am and I have work in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 449

You deserved it 6 712

By Anonymous - 15/01/2015 11:35 - Australia

Today, at the train station a woman's baggage had gotten stuck in the ticket barriers, so I used my ticket to unlock the barriers for her but told her to wait so I could get through too. She didn't wait. And I got painfully stuck in the barriers whilst I watched my train go by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 942

You deserved it 3 797

By me - 07/08/2011 07:22 - United States

Today, I arrived at the beach for a week's vacation. I walk on the beach only to find they are "rebuilding" it. They have heavy machinery all over the place, they work 24/7, and this only happens every 15 years. Glad I picked this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 925

You deserved it 3 702

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 300

You deserved it 5 842

By Anonymous - 20/01/2014 21:16 - United States - Homer Glen

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 222

You deserved it 7 583

By bigbaby - 16/09/2016 07:06 - United States - Saint Michael

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked because I couldn't find my blankie. I'll be 36 in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 759

You deserved it 3 212

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, I came home to my family remodeling our (extremely) out of date bathroom. I was SUPER excited to help them get it done. I walked down the hallway and opened my bedroom door to find a huge, gaping hole in my wall and my room covered in dust. I had to sweep every surface in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 285

You deserved it 3 245

By fuck.jpg.bmp.gif.rar.zip.shit - 12/10/2013 20:28 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 252

You deserved it 14 904

By Anonymous - 16/02/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I had an interview for a college. The college is in Rhode Island. I live on the West coast. When I asked the interviewer if they got to the mainland by boat or by some other form of transportation, he told me Rhode Island is not an island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 643

You deserved it 64 634

By frustrated - 17/05/2014 10:11 - United States - Forest Park

Today, I called the cops on a couple who was fighting outside my window at 4am. They hid in the bushes when the cops came, came back out when they left, and started fighting again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 280

You deserved it 4 788

By FortuneFaded - 06/05/2009 15:47 - South Africa

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 350

You deserved it 18 998

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 374

You deserved it 2 919

By Can I press charges? - 15/01/2015 17:23 - Australia - Hamilton

Today, my nutjob girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my best friend, just because she's a woman. Before she left, my now-ex decided to punish me by destroying the dissertation I've spent months working on, along with both backups of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 517

You deserved it 4 643

By surrounded by dumbfucks - 13/12/2012 23:44 - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 839

You deserved it 2 135

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 12:21 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 457

You deserved it 2 274

By I hate my brother - 20/03/2016 18:53 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 859

You deserved it 1 993

By Hooker - 28/03/2013 23:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 955

You deserved it 20 516

By Anonymous - 13/05/2015 17:20 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 873

You deserved it 2 759

Sorry Nana

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 19:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I skipped out on my grandmother's 70th birthday party. I'm autistic, and I have a hearing disorder that significantly enhances my hearing to a painful extent, so I couldn't tolerate how noisy it was. Now, my grandmother thinks I hate her because I put my mental health first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 225

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:54

Which team were you rooting for?

\ 28

Monday 21 October 2013 19:13

Team Quiet-The-Fuck-Down-And-Go-To-Sleep

Comments

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:54

Which team were you rooting for?

\ 28

Monday 21 October 2013 19:13

Team Quiet-The-Fuck-Down-And-Go-To-Sleep

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:29

the crack heads vs night owls?

LanceGoodthrust 19

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:36

I always root for skins

TheOrangeProon 13

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Monday 21 October 2013 20:00

#27- I feel for the cheerleaders; gimme a Q... Gimme a u...

ThePK 5

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Monday 21 October 2013 22:22

Nah man, it's all about the Tune Squad

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Monday 21 October 2013 23:06

#27 do you have no life but fml? ur always the first to comment!

then000bster 16

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 3:14

The Stompers versus the Jumpers

ThePK 5

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 10:45

Okay guys, I get it. None of you liked Space Jam but that movie was the shit >:o

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:54

why not join in?

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:59

Maybe because it's indoors...at 3 am.

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:59

I would join in by throwing a stink bomb or three up in their window. At 3 am.

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:05

Patrick star eats krabby patties at 3am so why not

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:06

Because Patrick Star creates fire under water. He defies normality.

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Monday 21 October 2013 21:25

and physics

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 14:36

If it were me, I would invest in a chainsaw for the noise revenge.

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:55

Sounds like it's time to hit the ceiling with a broom at all hours of the night! Paybacks are a bitch!

thrAsHeRr9081 16

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:20

I'm pretty sure if they are dribbling a basketball around inside, a broomstick hitting their floor will not bother them.

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:29

It's not all about that night.

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Monday 21 October 2013 21:33

Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me! Twice on the pipe, if the answer is noooo

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 3:42

66- *knocks twice on pipe*

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:55

Get Kevin Ware on their asses

perdix 29

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:58

#4, or Kermit Washington, for you old folks.

swaggalikethat 22

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Monday 21 October 2013 21:19

Ball is life

incoherentrmblr 21

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 11:00

Or Ron Artest.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 15:49

#92, I guess Metta means "the opposite of?"

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:55

File a complaint. Or go up there and give give them a talking to.

ElricMustang 23

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:11

Por que no los dos?

niallo 23

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 3:40

I wouldn't go up. They're probably out of their face on something, and you don't know how they'll react. Call the police. It's way after quiet time and they need to shut up.

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:55

That's ridiculous! You shouldn't have to jump through hoops to lay up and get a little sleep. I can see maybe a neughbour making noise getting a rim job at 3AM, but this just sucks balls. They should definitely be sneaker about it. Giving them a piece of your mind is a slam dunk.

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:19

You went out of bounds at rimjob.

red225 14

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:27

Those beautiful puns have made my day.

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:33

woah! double wammie!

SlapAndTickle 20

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:55

And boom goes the dynamite.

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:56

What assholes.

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:56

Blare hate music at full blast.

False_Stupidity 41

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Monday 21 October 2013 23:08

Not quite. That's music you hate, not hate music, there's a subtle difference :)

worldclassrager 39

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Monday 21 October 2013 23:52

That would be worse than the basketball...

The_Big_Boss 20

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:56

I would run up there and threaten them with a dull knife if they don't stop. But i'm a bit of a psychopath so...

Roskie 16

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:01

Yes... Just a bit.

disturbed678 10

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Monday 21 October 2013 21:49

Scariest picture to go along with that comment...

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Monday 21 October 2013 18:57

Hopefully, it's shirts vs skins and the dudes are wearing the shirts.

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:02

What skins would the other team be wearing? Tiger, bear, or yeti?

perdix 29

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:06

#19, Bare, and I ain't talkin' grizzly or polar. ;)

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Monday 21 October 2013 19:23

Oh there would be something polar going on.

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 4:58

So koala bear, right?

incoherentrmblr 21

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 11:06

#19, I'm going with Wookie.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 49

Spicy

Spicy

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 177