Work: Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when...

By why - 02/05/2016 20:08 - United States - Beachwood

Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when I brought out the food, they started yelling at me because apparently their daughter was allergic to it. Just why would you order it then? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 933

You deserved it 872

Work

Broken heart

The Good Life

Anxiety

By Unemployed - 02/06/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 904

You deserved it 3 565

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 16:35 - United States - Overland Park

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 682

You deserved it 3 309

By k - 16/02/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looks at me and asks "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 193

You deserved it 11 534

By PixieWrists - 13/03/2012 17:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 752

You deserved it 4 069

Added flavor

By Boyufd - 27/10/2020 11:01

Today, I walked out the bathroom and saw my girlfriend peeing in a mug. She said that's the mug she uses when she can't hold it anymore. That's the mug I put my coffee in every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 168

By Oihana - 01/08/2015 03:30 - United States - Greensboro

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 346

You deserved it 1 995

By BetterThanFake - 13/01/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, I made a fake MySpace so that I could flirt with my boyfriend and see what he would do. He ended up dumping me for the fake MySpace girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 381

You deserved it 51 458

By MBC - 22/02/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, after my two credit cards were stolen, thousands were charged before I could cancel. The thief dropped nearly $1,000 at Juicy Couture, so she/he is somewhere laughing at me in a magenta, rhinestoned "leisure suit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 194

You deserved it 3 712

By Bacon0426 - 04/07/2016 21:03 - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 700

You deserved it 1 092

Own it!

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 08:02 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, my ultra-conservative aunt got rip-roaring drunk at a family barbecue and told everyone that I'm a "raging homosexual" with a lack a moral compass, all because I kissed a male friend at a high school party about 20 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 142

By 102496 - 05/02/2010 03:53 - France

Today, I went to the store with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. When we got to the cosmetics aisle, she asked what make-up was for, I told her it was to make women prettier. My daughter then told me it was a good thing I wear make-up because I was ugly and that I might scare off my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 677

You deserved it 4 564

By Annoyed - 11/05/2016 01:23 - United States - Panama City Beach

Today, one of my students stole my wallet. I teach kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 363

You deserved it 1 207

By lowlife123 - 01/05/2012 03:01 - United States - Manawa

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 811

You deserved it 7 413

By Anonymous - 18/05/2013 19:34 - United States - Coatesville

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 392

You deserved it 4 666

By ZZ - 30/06/2009 03:01 - Canada

Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 536

You deserved it 66 635

By Anonymous - 20/03/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 032

You deserved it 4 050

Customers from hell

By hexphoenix - 07/04/2015 00:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at my job, a couple became angry with me because I charged them for an extra ranch they'd ordered, as I'm supposed to. When I explained how it says in the menu how any additional sauces are an extra charge, she said nastily, "That's okay, we'll just take it out of your tip". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 326

You deserved it 2 680

Who you gonna call?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 02:02

Today, I couldn't enter my workplace because I haven't gotten the new keycard yet. I ended up having to wait outside for close to an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 24/03/2014 20:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 497

You deserved it 8 931

By homelesslyf - 30/12/2018 22:00 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I was kicked out of my aunt's house for being 15 minutes late for her to pick me up. She told me she doesn't want me to come home and left me in a panicked mess. My sister and brother are on her side and refuse to talk to me. I'm now couch surfing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 362

You deserved it 383

By letstradefamilies - 21/12/2015 21:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 305

You deserved it 1 814

By Juliet - 10/03/2011 12:36

Today, I auditioned for my school's production of Romeo and Juliet. When they announced that I got the part as Juliet, all the guys auditioning for Romeo suddenly disappeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 889

You deserved it 5 909

By Username - 01/07/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I was so broke that I paid for a $0.28 candy bar with my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 231

You deserved it 12 753

By misopower - 25/07/2009 18:50 - China

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 038

You deserved it 9 285

By Sigh - 13/09/2009 12:42 - Australia

Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 611

You deserved it 3 486

Tiler, the creator

By musicalxtheories - 09/05/2020 08:00

Today, my cat pooped in the shower. How did I find out? I didn't see the poop when I got in. I slipped in it, and smacked my head on the tile wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 256

Hey, it's you!

By SlothyMolly - 06/03/2013 17:19 - United States

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 777

You deserved it 4 168

Didn't see ya there!

By jazojigga - 02/03/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the crosswalk. Suddenly, I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 744

You deserved it 52 087

By anonymous - 22/08/2011 11:04 - Australia

Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 524

You deserved it 2 381

By sandwhiched - 01/01/2015 08:52 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 604

You deserved it 4 789

By trippy - 24/06/2019 20:01

Today, my mom tripped over a curb and cried, because she “tripped and not even drunk.” I thought it was normal to trip over my own two feet several times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 204

By HeadStillHurts - 26/10/2016 11:43

Today, I tried to impress a group of friends by jumping a set of stairs on my skateboard. I didn't realize the ceiling dropped down towards the bottom of the stairs and knocked myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 643

You deserved it 8 737

By asparagus piss - 19/10/2012 17:05 - United States - Tifton

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 679

You deserved it 6 587

By Anonymous - 02/11/2015 08:01 - United States - San Jacinto

Today, while at a party playing Truth or Dare, I found out my best friend fantasizes about having sex with my 51 year old mother. The rest of the guys at the party then nodded in agreement and thus spawned a group conversation about how "screwable" my mom is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 537

You deserved it 3 519

By Jared - 25/02/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 000

You deserved it 30 775

Get 'em!

By Gosh Darn Phone Thief - 11/12/2020 23:02

Today, somebody grabbed my phone out of my hands and ran away with it. I'm a cross country runner, albeit one with stress fractures, but I was able to catch up with them and get my phone back. Unfortunately, the running aggravated my stress fractures and I have to get a plaster cast. Merry fricking Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 68

Get out

By F.U. QFN - 28/03/2021 00:29

Today, I was given my marching orders because I corrected my supervisor on something he was actually doing wrong. It seems I deserve this for "not learning to obey my immediate superiors." FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 78

By Anon - 27/08/2015 08:37 - United States

Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 286

You deserved it 5 825

When nature calls

By Andrew Williams - 11/12/2020 14:01

Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 309

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 06:47 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, while crying at my grandma's funeral I was told to man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 751

You deserved it 1 800

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

cocacola999 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:59

They probably thought that if they could make the manager believe that, they wouldn't have to pay for their food and maybe they'd even get another free meal for their "suffering". Unlikely that the daughter was even allergic. Yes, some people suck.

ssnow_fml 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:49

Some people should not be allowed to reproduce. They are just too dumb.

TheEpicKitten 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:44

Did they at least tip?

ssnow_fml 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:49

Some people should not be allowed to reproduce. They are just too dumb.

Mathalamus 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 10:54

they already reproduced...

DeadxManxWalking 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 10:59

do people really do this sort of thing? that's low.

NostalgiaFreak9 40

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 12:39

#10 Being a parent is a big responsibility, and if you're beyond stupid like the family in this FML, you don't deserve that responsibility.

LostInTheZone11 28

Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:54

I'm a little perplexed by this one. Did they know she was allergic or did they not know and she had a reaction, and they blamed you like you were supposed to be a medical psychic on her allergies?

Shade1982 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 May 2016 12:37

It's in the US. You know, the country where a guy with a nut allergy can eat a bag of peanuts and still sue the company for not warning him peanuts are nuts...

cocacola999 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:59

nadiabjensen 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 10:01

Some people just love arguing... Don't think about them. You did your job OP

TheGolfGTI 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 10:14

This situation sounds pretty fishy considering they knew their daughter was allergic to shellfish.

LyricaSilvan 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 10:58

Calamari is not shellfish. It's squid.

NostalgiaFreak9 40

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 12:41

Take your stupid puns and leave. Now.

TheGolfGTI 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 16:19

#15 When you think of a better fish pun...let minnow.

freddygasman 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 May 2016 5:37

I'd like to know too. Just for the halibut.

msmedieval 11

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 11:41

Did they even know what calamari was before they ordered it? Some idiots order "foreign sounding" stuff just to show off, regardless of whether they knew what it was or not.

Colon_Man 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 14:56

"Calamari? Is that like spaghetti?"

ham_spam 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 16:40

Omg lol

smokecloud_ 37

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 19:41

So true. I had someone order our beef carpaccio once. It's raw. When it came out the man asked me what the hell is this and when I explained, he said "Yeah we don't want this."