Work: Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when...

By why - United States - Beachwood

Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when I brought out the food, they started yelling at me because apparently their daughter was allergic to it. Just why would you order it then? FML

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Work

Proactive

And today, on Dr Phil…

Commando

By Username - United States

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

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By akosirm - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

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By AwkwardPotato - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Warwick

Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML

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By roadrage - Australia

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent an hour writing 80 thank you cards to everyone who attended my graduationg party. After carefully personalizing each one and sealing them shut, I realized I did not mark the envelopes with names. FML

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By bigmouth - United States

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML

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By Poorlittlelady - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was helping my elderly dementia client with her toilet. I reached in both front and back to pull up her pants for her. "Not too hard, nice and easy..." she said with a weird smile. I looked over to see I was actually pulling her nipple. FML

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By NeedANewWindshield

Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML

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By frenchgirlll - United States

Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML

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By ashleyevans - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

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By hopelesscollegechick - United States - Alexander City

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

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By PixiXOXO - Denmark - Birker?d

Everybody has a body

Today, I realised just how cripplingly self-conscious I am, when I couldn't even fantasise about having sex with a guy without feeling shy and insecure about my body. FML

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By fd - United States

Today, my partner and I were informed by the man we had a three-way with, the first one after having finally screwed up the courage to do it, that he has mono. I don't feel so good. FML

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By Alejandroc - Honduras

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

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By FML - Finland

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

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By poohanne - United States - Ville Platte

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

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By anonymous - Korea Republic of

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

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By Anonyme - France - Ivry-sur-seine

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

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By SqueakingRetard - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

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By 12yearsoldapparently - United States - Charleston

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

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By Needsanewjob - United States

Today, I guess I accidentally left Facebook open on my work computer while I went to the bathroom, because my boss updated my status to "Unemployed." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

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By Taylor - United States

Today, my brother's girlfriend dumped him. I overheard my mom tell him "It could be worse. Your brother can't even get a girlfriend". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I told the man my girlfriend has been cheating on me with all about her infidelity. He didn't get angry; he just said that he knew, that they were in an open relationship, and that I was pretty stupid to have not figured it out sooner. FML

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By cricketeer - United States

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

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By sammy18f - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

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By jilted - United States

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

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By Preggo - United States - Memphis

Today, I was food shamed by my boyfriend in front of an entire restaurant and his parents because my meal cost more than his. His mom chimed in saying her meal usually costs more than his step dad's too and not to be upset. I'm 8 months pregnant, of course mine costs more. FML

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By TriedToHelp

Today, I was volunteering at an Indian hospital through a Canadian volunteer agency after paying $3000. It was my first day, but I got deported for having an incorrect visa. I had a tourist visa when I was supposed to have a "miscellaneous" visa. I got deported for volunteering. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2020 14:05

Pushover

Today, my in-laws invited themselves to stay at my house for a few days. They live out of state and have been self-quarantining for months. The reason for visiting? So they can throw a party for extended family at our house. Guess who'll end up doing all the work and clean up? FML

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By sandra22 - France

Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML

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By bestiality? do I look like a pig? - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML

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By KatVanGogh - United States - Drexel Hill

Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of Vincent van Gogh. Why? He sleeps under my sunflowers and is a ginger tabby cat. FML

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By dislocated

How romantic!

Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML

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By georgia819 - Australia

Today, my cat was hit by a car. I took it to the vet expecting the worst but they told me that she’d be fine. I was so happy I didn't even mind paying the $50 bill. The next morning my cat was dead. Having her put down humanely would have cost $45, I paid $5 extra to have her die in my kitchen. FML

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Top comments

By cocacola999 | 27

#6595671 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:59

They probably thought that if they could make the manager believe that, they wouldn't have to pay for their food and maybe they'd even get another free meal for their "suffering". Unlikely that the daughter was even allergic.

Yes, some people suck.

By ssnow_fml | 20

#6595664 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:49

Some people should not be allowed to reproduce. They are just too dumb.

COMMENTS

By TheEpicKitten | 20

#6595662 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:44

Did they at least tip?

By ssnow_fml | 20

#6595664 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:49

Some people should not be allowed to reproduce. They are just too dumb.

Mathalamus | 24

#6595691 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 10:54

they already reproduced...

DeadxManxWalking | 27

#6595693 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 10:59

do people really do this sort of thing? that's low.

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6595738 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 12:39

#10 Being a parent is a big responsibility, and if you're beyond stupid like the family in this FML, you don't deserve that responsibility.

By LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6595669 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:54

I'm a little perplexed by this one. Did they know she was allergic or did they not know and she had a reaction, and they blamed you like you were supposed to be a medical psychic on her allergies?

Shade1982 | 20

#6596715 - Wednesday 4 May 2016 12:37

It's in the US. You know, the country where a guy with a nut allergy can eat a bag of peanuts and still sue the company for not warning him peanuts are nuts...

By cocacola999 | 27

#6595671 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 9:59

By nadiabjensen | 15

#6595672 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 10:01

Some people just love arguing... Don't think about them. You did your job OP

By TheGolfGTI | 24

#6595680 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 10:14

This situation sounds pretty fishy considering they knew their daughter was allergic to shellfish.

LyricaSilvan | 29

#6595692 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 10:58

Calamari is not shellfish. It's squid.

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6595742 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 12:41

Take your stupid puns and leave. Now.

TheGolfGTI | 24

#6595875 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 16:19

#15 When you think of a better fish pun...let minnow.

freddygasman | 18

#6596468 - Wednesday 4 May 2016 5:37

I'd like to know too. Just for the halibut.

By msmedieval | 11

#6595710 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 11:41

Did they even know what calamari was before they ordered it? Some idiots order "foreign sounding" stuff just to show off, regardless of whether they knew what it was or not.

Colon_Man | 17

#6595825 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 14:56

"Calamari? Is that like spaghetti?"

ham_spam | 17

#6595882 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 16:40

Omg lol

smokecloud_ | 37

#6596045 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 19:41

So true. I had someone order our beef carpaccio once. It's raw. When it came out the man asked me what the hell is this and when I explained, he said "Yeah we don't want this."