Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to show us an... - FML

By Boothater - 3/4/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to show us an example of the type of shoes we would be wearing in the show. She brings in a pair of hideous black combat boots, and I remark how ugly they are. They're her own favorite boots. I had to carpool with her after rehearsal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12500

You deserved it

59918

Tweet

Share

Rock, hard place

Incognito browsing

Fake News

By sunshine - 29/6/2017 02:00

Today, I saw my uncle after six months. The first thing he says to me is, 'I didn't even recognize you! You've gained so much weight.' Gee thanks uncle. Just what I wanted to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3770

You deserved it

884

Tweet

Share

By doblex - 20/12/2012 11:19 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41265

You deserved it

9009

Tweet

Share

By VaveJessop - 5/5/2020 20:00

Torn

Today, my 19-year-old best friend decided she's going to elope with her 30-year-old, alcoholic boyfriend, who she's only been dating for 5 months. She wants me to go with her and be her maid of honor. She says she'll never speak to me again if I don't support her terrible decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1717

You deserved it

126

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/7/2020 02:02

What's your damage?

Today, I put my car in the garage last night so it wouldn't get damaged by a huge thunderstorm. Golf clubs fell on it while it was stowed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1122

You deserved it

305

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 14:27 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boss decided that a mug and a public 'thank you' were a sufficient substitute for a Christmas bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40339

You deserved it

3868

Tweet

Share

By Aether - 3/6/2014 22:51 - United States - Lake Jackson

Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39463

You deserved it

4736

Tweet

Share

By L.Lime05 - 8/8/2010 23:27 - United States

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37818

You deserved it

3797

Tweet

Share

By mahanaaa_23 - 19/12/2012 20:47 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45689

You deserved it

4380

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/6/2019 00:01

Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2375

You deserved it

187

Tweet

Share

By i hit a cyclist - 27/5/2013 11:19 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55967

You deserved it

25559

Tweet

Share

By d - 26/3/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30924

You deserved it

9435

Tweet

Share

By Rejected - 16/7/2011 13:28 - Australia

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45136

You deserved it

4742

Tweet

Share

By anonymousyo - 24/4/2015 22:04 - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34003

You deserved it

4175

Tweet

Share

By Satver7 - 10/3/2017 22:00

An Inconvenient Thief

Today, after meeting a girl for the first time and having sex with her, I found not only my wallet missing but also the 128 GB pen drive that had my project I've been working on for 6 months on it. I have to give the presentation in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6108

You deserved it

4512

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 8/6/2011 16:47 - United States

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20590

You deserved it

43367

Tweet

Share

By etgohome - 26/8/2013 00:10 - Canada - Kingston

Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42085

You deserved it

3614

Tweet

Share

By wellokthen - 26/11/2019 18:00 - United States - Birmingham

Bed move

Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4774

You deserved it

243

Tweet

Share

By Soon2beexhr - 5/2/2018 15:00

Today, my boss tested a candidate for my current position while I was out of the office. How did I find out? I work in HR and the test results were sent to my email. The reason I was out was to have emergency surgery. Now I get to recover and job search at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4380

You deserved it

201

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/9/2020 23:01 - United States - San Bernardino

The long con

Today, I had expired soda and stale chips for my dinner. Why? Because my mother spent all our grocery money on organic food for her chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1131

You deserved it

88

Tweet

Share

By dogbreederssuck - 3/2/2015 15:26 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32378

You deserved it

2843

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/5/2019 18:00

Today, I met my new psychologist for the first time. Expecting it to be someone I wouldn’t know, the door opens and out walks a man I hooked up with once. What makes it worse was he pissed my bed that night. I never called him back or spoke to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2180

You deserved it

224

Tweet

Share

By cocacoola - 11/7/2011 14:24 - Iceland

Today, the couple downstairs decided they wanted to try a home birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47640

You deserved it

4294

Tweet

Share

By Tim - 16/6/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79734

You deserved it

5989

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/12/2013 07:55

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61731

You deserved it

7377

Tweet

Share

By Alyssa - 21/9/2016 07:17 - United States - Spring Park

Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14112

You deserved it

1194

Tweet

Share

By jcooh0lla - 24/7/2009 21:30 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53582

You deserved it

7415

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/5/2016 21:10 - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out it's possible to dislocate your jaw just by yawning. Now I'm in the ER, looking like a total psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13211

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1377

Tweet

Share

By BW - 7/6/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79543

You deserved it

6251

Tweet

Share

By phreshrice - 7/4/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64845

You deserved it

22486

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/5/2011 17:54 - United States

Today, both of the roads leading to my small town were washed out by rising flood waters. I now live on an island in the middle of Wyoming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37543

You deserved it

3401

Tweet

Share

By catwithwatermelononhead - 21/1/2018 19:00

The gift that keeps not arriving...

Today, the $800, large capacity, professional carpet steam cleaner my husband supposedly bought me for Christmas got "lost in the mail". So did the refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4099

You deserved it

284

Tweet

Share

By maalmawr - 2/4/2016 05:20 - United States - Dearborn

Today, a friend asked me to help him get rid of a girl who would't stop texting him. It worked perfectly. Now she's texting me nonstop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19838

You deserved it

3390

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/7/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, as I was putting groceries away, I went to open my freezer door which randomly gets stuck by giving it a good tug, and a frozen hamburger fell on my right foot. My right foot, which is currently healing from a sprain I got a couple days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1088

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By Less Friendship, More Cash - 6/5/2016 11:54 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I realized one of my best friends was only friends with me because I would take her shopping, spoil her regularly, and help her out financially. She moved to another province and only contacted me whenever she wanted money. After I refused a couple of times, she deleted me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17590

You deserved it

2636

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/4/2012 21:41 - Canada - Orillia

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29488

You deserved it

2275

Tweet

Share

By Cassidy - 8/10/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my crush didn't make up a fake girlfriend to get me jealous; he made her up as a way to tell me to back off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13285

You deserved it

35595

Tweet

Share

By Jerf - 24/6/2009 00:56 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52780

You deserved it

9764

Tweet

Share

By Username - 18/2/2011 09:33

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10981

You deserved it

44763

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/4/2015 16:27 - United States - San Jose

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31174

You deserved it

6221

Tweet

Share

By cold - 15/2/2017 10:00 - United States - Phoenix

Gasp

Today, I canceled all my plans because my boyfriend wanted to go on a date. He didn't mean with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7165

You deserved it

570

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Kiriel | 2

#79522 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:12

Dude, black boots in general = awesome. and I agree with #1, you don't insult what the director brings in, often enough they'll like it or it is theirs.

By youreawhore | 0

#79531 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:14

Why would you remark negatively on something that could potentially become your costume?!
If you have something negative to say about something you can't change, don't comment because it won't do you any good.
Or you could have at least said it more subtly...

And agree with #3, black boots are pretty awesome. Combats in particular.

COMMENTS

By josh1 | 0

#79493 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:04

nothing like biting your tongue, eh? if you carpool with the director, and she shows you anything, might wanna play it safe from now on ;)

Reply

ffmmllyaya | 0

#1070385 - Wednesday 7 July 2010 8:07

people these days are just way too sensitive, so you said her shoes are ugly, what's the big deal

By z4opv14 | 0

#79516 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:10

You're not just going to be spending your time in that carpool with her. if she's the director, you'll be seeing lots of her later.

By Kiriel | 2

#79522 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:12

Dude, black boots in general = awesome. and I agree with #1, you don't insult what the director brings in, often enough they'll like it or it is theirs.

By youreawhore | 0

#79531 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:14

Why would you remark negatively on something that could potentially become your costume?!
If you have something negative to say about something you can't change, don't comment because it won't do you any good.
Or you could have at least said it more subtly...

And agree with #3, black boots are pretty awesome. Combats in particular.

By roflcopterlmao | 0

#79546 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:20

No one knows what the boots looked like...they could definitely have been hideous. Black boots are not always awesome. And maybe boothater just didn't like the boots. But there's a million different ways you could have told her you didn't like the boots in a subtle way.

By EffYoLife | 14

#79558 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:23

well its your opinion! she shouldnt wear hideous boots if she doesnt want them getting talked about

By yourpathetic | 0

#79570 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:29

#6 might be her opinion but the director doesnt have to take her or him home, and could remove them from the project :)

There is a lesson in here, learn to STFU and dont make stupid comments towards what the director's shit, whatever it might be.

By lol_Epic_Fail | 0

#79572 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:29

lol. Fail. I thought girls talked trash BEHIND each other's back. XD

Reply

DoctorKyda | 5

#3259336 - Friday 9 September 2011 1:15

Most do. It's the gender-confused ones that have problems with that.

Reply

T1A2Z3 | 34

#7617957 - Sunday 1 April 2018 23:39

Just because some girls are shitty human beings doesn't mean we all are...

By Limberger | 0

#79609 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:51

Combat boots are awesome and therefore you deserve it

Reply

MiGman | 5

#1053382 - Friday 2 July 2010 5:37

#9 I conquer combat boots are the best

Reply

lollife_23 | 0

#1764537 - Sunday 28 November 2010 18:19

I think you mean concur, try to know how to spell words before you use them

By ArmoredSandwich | 0

#79616 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:55

Smooth!