Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to show us an... - FML

By Boothater - 3/4/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to show us an example of the type of shoes we would be wearing in the show. She brings in a pair of hideous black combat boots, and I remark how ugly they are. They're her own favorite boots. I had to carpool with her after rehearsal. FML

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Proactive

Body issues

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 4/2/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

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By seriously though - 22/2/2014 05:48 - United States - Littleton

Today, I arrived at the airport only to find my suitcase was lost and my 3 weeks worth of clothes and supplies gone. All I had left was my wallet and carry ons. Upon leaving the airport I was mugged. FML

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By blasted - 25/11/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of almost a year, and to whom I intended to propose on Thanksgiving, dumped me because her husband will be returning from Iraq soon. And he wants to have a "talk" with me. I didn't know she was married. FML

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By zacharynedley - 6/1/2015 00:16 - United States - Elkridge

Today, I got fired from my job because my boss thinks that me doing everything he says makes me untrustworthy. FML

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By stinkerweeder - 5/2/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, it was both my and my stepmother's birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother's name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML

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By Lizzy - 11/11/2016 03:01

Today, I tried to make things less awkward by complimenting my Tai Chi partner's ring and he says, "Thanks, it's a purity ring!" I said, "I used to have one of those. Would you believe me if I said I lost it in a river?" Now my entire Tai Chi class thinks I lost my virginity in a river. FML

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By gallstones - 9/7/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2020 01:00

Don't worry!

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

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By Erik Aleckson - 5/5/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2013 05:51

Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML

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By clumsyandpoor - 3/12/2014 04:05 - United States - Watertown

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2012 15:46

Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only female out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

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By Dr Pepper - 22/5/2019 18:05

I'm not sad. Or am I?

Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I have an Urinary Tract Infection, causing me to have to use the bathroom about every ten minutes. I'm also about to leave on a 15 hour car trip with my entire family. FML

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By HellaBomber91 - 20/11/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

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By little tooth - 6/11/2008 13:39 - France

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

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By BadKarma - 28/8/2018 07:00 - United States - Douglas

When it rains, it pours.

Today, my washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner, and laptop all stopped working. FML

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By Vince - 9/12/2011 19:38 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML

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By peterpan - 23/2/2010 12:54 - Germany

Today, I was making schnitzel at our kitchen so I had to get rid of all the oil. So I decided it would be best to put the hot pan on our porch so the oil would cool down and then I could get rid of it. Unfortunately the ground is sealed with tar, so the tar melted and now the pan is stuck to the ground. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2015 12:37 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2013 21:53 - Netherlands - Drachten

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

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By notatherapist - 1/10/2014 23:08 - Netherlands - Huizen

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

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By fuck - 2/6/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2014 13:07 - United States - Watchung

Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML

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By whoops - 15/8/2016 04:07 - United States - Huntingdon

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I had cheated on her. She didn't tell or get mad, oh no. She looked at me for a few seconds then burst out laughing and called me a liar. FML

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By O.o - 20/2/2011 08:15 - Australia

Today, while trying on bras in the changing room, I wanted to see what my friend's bra looked like on her. Not wishing to leave my changing room in my underwear, I wriggled under her door. When I got through, my bra had come nearly all the way down and when I tried getting back, I got stuck. FML

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By ouch - 28/4/2012 06:54 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I was with a friend at the mall and I made eye contact and smiled at the worker at a smoothie stand that I went on a date with last year. He saw me, and then ducked down behind the register, where he remained while his coworker awkwardly leaned over him to take my order and money. FML

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By brokennose - 26/8/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML

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By Anaconda - 7/3/2017 14:00

Today, I ordered a plain cheeseburger. The cashier was confused, so I explained, "just meat and cheese". When I got my food, my burger didn't have a bun. FML

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By anonymous - 2/11/2015 03:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

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By ahhh - 3/8/2015 06:06 - United States - Northbrook

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

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By wsumt - 29/1/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML

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By psycho ex - 3/5/2013 00:16 - Brazil

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

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By Mia - 12/12/2018 17:00 - India - Mumbai

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the hall. Turns out his new PS4 had arrived. He said, 'I forgot you were here, sorry' and continued to play. FML

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By qwerty - 27/11/2018 22:08

Today, I found out my little sister took a picture of me taking a shit and showed it to her friends. FML

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By Shamdog48 - 11/4/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, I went to work at a chemotherapy clinic. After explaining to a patient about the risks and benefits of chemotherapy for his underlying metastatic lung cancer, he asks is it OK to smoke during chemotherapy. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2016 13:32 - United States - Rowlett

Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML

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By Oops54321 - 28/9/2009 07:12 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

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By lolwut - 11/9/2014 06:33 - United States - Albany

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML

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Top comments

By Kiriel | 2

#79522 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:12

Dude, black boots in general = awesome. and I agree with #1, you don't insult what the director brings in, often enough they'll like it or it is theirs.

By youreawhore | 0

#79531 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:14

Why would you remark negatively on something that could potentially become your costume?!
If you have something negative to say about something you can't change, don't comment because it won't do you any good.
Or you could have at least said it more subtly...

And agree with #3, black boots are pretty awesome. Combats in particular.

Comments

By josh1 | 0

#79493 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:04

nothing like biting your tongue, eh? if you carpool with the director, and she shows you anything, might wanna play it safe from now on ;)

Reply

ffmmllyaya | 0

#1070385 - Wednesday 7 July 2010 8:07

people these days are just way too sensitive, so you said her shoes are ugly, what's the big deal

By z4opv14 | 0

#79516 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:10

You're not just going to be spending your time in that carpool with her. if she's the director, you'll be seeing lots of her later.

By Kiriel | 2

#79522 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:12

Dude, black boots in general = awesome. and I agree with #1, you don't insult what the director brings in, often enough they'll like it or it is theirs.

By youreawhore | 0

#79531 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:14

Why would you remark negatively on something that could potentially become your costume?!
If you have something negative to say about something you can't change, don't comment because it won't do you any good.
Or you could have at least said it more subtly...

And agree with #3, black boots are pretty awesome. Combats in particular.

By roflcopterlmao | 0

#79546 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:20

No one knows what the boots looked like...they could definitely have been hideous. Black boots are not always awesome. And maybe boothater just didn't like the boots. But there's a million different ways you could have told her you didn't like the boots in a subtle way.

By EffYoLife | 14

#79558 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:23

well its your opinion! she shouldnt wear hideous boots if she doesnt want them getting talked about

By yourpathetic | 0

#79570 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:29

#6 might be her opinion but the director doesnt have to take her or him home, and could remove them from the project :)

There is a lesson in here, learn to STFU and dont make stupid comments towards what the director's shit, whatever it might be.

By lol_Epic_Fail | 0

#79572 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:29

lol. Fail. I thought girls talked trash BEHIND each other's back. XD

Reply

DoctorKyda | 5

#3259336 - Friday 9 September 2011 1:15

Most do. It's the gender-confused ones that have problems with that.

Reply

T1A2Z3 | 34

#7617957 - Sunday 1 April 2018 23:39

Just because some girls are shitty human beings doesn't mean we all are...

By Limberger | 0

#79609 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:51

Combat boots are awesome and therefore you deserve it

Reply

MiGman | 5

#1053382 - Friday 2 July 2010 5:37

#9 I conquer combat boots are the best

Reply

lollife_23 | 0

#1764537 - Sunday 28 November 2010 18:19

I think you mean concur, try to know how to spell words before you use them

By ArmoredSandwich | 0

#79616 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:55

Smooth!