Miscellaneous: Today, the button on my husband's pants popped for the 4th time.... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 38

05/01/2016 08:43

Today, the button on my husband's pants popped for the 4th time. I already used the strongest thread and buttons. He's obviously put on some weight around the stomach, but he won't listen to reason and still blames me for my sewing, which is making his pants "turn against him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 077

You deserved it 1 731

Mother of the year

Own it

Earthquake

08/12/2015 06:17

Today, I got fired from my job because I closed the store 84 seconds early. They found out because the state manager was sitting across the street with binoculars watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 297

You deserved it 3 853

31/03/2013 05:10

Today, I announced to my family that I got accepted into Harvard. My grandma laughed and muttered, "Liar." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 118

You deserved it 3 221

16/09/2014 18:28

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 133

You deserved it 9 500

06/07/2009 04:03

Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 466

You deserved it 77 622

14/03/2012 02:32

Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 466

You deserved it 6 442

First Dates

By sillvy - 13/01/2012 09:32

Today, I was on a date. I noticed he kept looking at my lips. Thinking he wanted to kiss me, I leaned in closer. Disgusted, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but that pimple on your chin is, like, staring at me or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 069

You deserved it 5 528

17/08/2009 13:50

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 223

You deserved it 14 874

23/11/2011 05:25

Spicy

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. When I confronted her, she yelled at me for not noticing the signs sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 932

You deserved it 4 930

09/04/2014 05:17

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 592

You deserved it 50 345

11/02/2015 04:34

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 877

You deserved it 2 825

24/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 544

You deserved it 206

17/05/2011 17:36

Today, I took a final for my law class. As I was taking the test, I noticed the girl on my left copying off me. I wrote all the wrong answers on my sheet while writing the correct answers on my desk hoping she would copy the wrong answers down. I forgot to write the correct answers on my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 124

You deserved it 69 060

17/09/2016 14:45

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 297

You deserved it 1 098

Testimony night

By Anonymous - 15/11/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 466

07/06/2012 17:41

Spicy

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 036

You deserved it 6 675

28/02/2010 17:10

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 012

You deserved it 23 726

19/07/2010 08:34

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 212

You deserved it 5 524

02/03/2012 15:01

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 029

You deserved it 3 612

25/02/2012 11:25

Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 029

You deserved it 8 646

22/10/2012 10:54

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 371

You deserved it 1 885

11/05/2009 23:14

Today, I walked into Best Buy to buy a 42" widescreen TV I'd been saving up for many months. As I walked in, a man stopped me and handed me my wallet that I'd accidentally dropped. I thanked him. 5 minutes later at the checkout, I opened up my wallet to realize it was empty. He had stolen everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 644

You deserved it 11 982

Classic canine move

By Anonymous - 23/08/2020 22:49

Today, I was walking my dog when another dog barked at him. My dog ran, pulling me with him. I fell to the ground in pain, with my hand still holding the leash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 291

16/06/2009 00:32

Spicy

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 032

You deserved it 6 585

04/08/2016 18:53

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 517

You deserved it 1 141

21/07/2011 12:34

Today, my bike got stolen because I left my keys in the lock. On my way home, I saw my bike in front of a store, unlocked. I jumped on it, only to get punched in the face by the guy that had taken it, and got it stolen from me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 516

You deserved it 13 882

Wrong size

By ali927truthh - 12/01/2020 03:00

Today, when I finally got delivered the new kitchen table that I ordered online a week ago, I found out that it was actually a kitchen table for a dollhouse, as I forgot to check the size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 2 570

13/06/2012 16:00

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 606

You deserved it 119 984

12/11/2017 22:09

Today, my sense of smell is severely impaired by a bad cold. As a result, I inadvertently ate some highly questionable dairy. I figured this out after my roommate sniffed my yogurt and gagged, just before my bowels had their opportunity to object to my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 001

You deserved it 467

03/08/2010 22:37

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 049

You deserved it 7 390

05/05/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 126

26/10/2009 21:34

Spicy

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 934

You deserved it 5 575

17/05/2009 17:34

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 913

You deserved it 7 793

15/03/2014 21:48

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 335

You deserved it 4 834

13/05/2013 20:36

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 953

You deserved it 3 262

09/07/2019 06:00

Today, I sat in my doctor's office and broke down, crying and shaking, with a blood pressure of 190, getting off my chest everything that has gone wrong in my life lately. To which the doctor, well into her sixties, replied, "My goodness, I've never met anyone with so many problems!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 818

You deserved it 347

29/10/2009 04:15

Today, I was getting on a bus, the driver shut the door on me while I was half way inside. Instead of apologizing to me, he criticized me for getting in the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 861

You deserved it 3 331

21/08/2009 04:01

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 717

You deserved it 3 884

Another birthday ruined

By Michael - 13/02/2021 09:30

Today, my girlfriend of one year broke up with me because I started having PTSD induced night terrors. On my birthday as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 59

10/08/2011 05:48

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 711

You deserved it 6 679

19/08/2009 17:23

Today, I thought I saw a snake while I was watering. I got my son to check it out and he agreed too. I was nervous so I called animal control, and they said it would cost $50 just for them to come out, I agreed. It ends up I paid $50 for them to pick up an old diamond weave farmer's hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 534

You deserved it 42 731

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Top comments

Genius_Kitty 27

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:14

Tell him that his dick is too big and he needs new pants. He will believe you then.

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:14

Tell Jabba the Gutt to stop eating like a Sarlacc, might help.

Comments

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:14

Tell Jabba the Gutt to stop eating like a Sarlacc, might help.

Genius_Kitty 27

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:14

Tell him that his dick is too big and he needs new pants. He will believe you then.

onlychildFTW 33

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 20:38

That's the best advice OP could get. Haha. No guy would argue against that. Or at least I know I wouldn't.

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Wednesday 6 January 2016 3:24

I would, I'm perfectly content being average size. Anyone trying to convince me otherwise is obviously blowing smoke up my ass.

G6Fari 18

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:14

Jeez this is a heavy situation

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:15

You reap what you sow, and he eats while you sew.

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:16

Tell him that his pants must be defective, so you need to get him new ones.

cassm 7

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Tuesday 27 September 2016 1:17

Or that you'll go get him new ones (then she can get the right size and he wouldn't know)

Miss_Chevious 37

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:17

Chauvinism at its finest.

Earths_Venus 25

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 21:20

My now ex-boyfriend had very obviously put on some weight and kept verbally abusing me because "whatever I'm doing to the laundry is making his shirts shrink". Which is absurd, because my clothes still fit perfectly. The argument ended with me showing him that his entire set of new work shirts had been ordered a size too small (he ordered XXL and they sent him XL) and then when he called me a bitch I kicked him out. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

countryb_cth 38

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Thursday 7 January 2016 10:58

Holy crap your ex was a huge dick. Jeez I guess the male ego really is that fragile. Thankfully you got rid of that ass.

Ramb0 20

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:19

just leave him op, he's not treating you right, next time the button pops send him some divorce papers

Ramb0 20

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 19:02

when I get married I won't treat my wife like that, that man is not a real man

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 20:20

with your thinking all old couples need to get divorced no offense to op

THEDUDE1553566 24

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Wednesday 6 January 2016 0:36

What are you stupid? He isn't mistreating her he is in denial about gaining weight. Seriously what's wrong with you? Couples have disagreements, sorry we aren't all perfect like you #7

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Wednesday 6 January 2016 8:51

Don't worry about it. I posted this and you are right. My husband is a good man, he is just completely in denial about his belly. After 4 attempts to save his pants I now just quite trying to. He is a grown man, he can buy new pants if he needs them :-)

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:21

He popped a boner which popped the buttons

ninety 25

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:22

Sneak some new pants into his drawers.

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 20:21

both of my grandma's did that before and they didn't notice

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Sunday 10 January 2016 7:53

Like he deserves new pants after acting like that, haha

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:29

Tell your husband denial is not a river in Egypt.

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Tuesday 5 January 2016 20:36

At least you tried