Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was...

By emm - United States

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML

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39243

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Intimacy

Serious times

Out of it

Countdown

By ice_dancer_jake

Today, after spending the day at work avoiding all hard manual tasks that may harm me, I had a table dropped on my foot. I broke my toe, split my nail and had to get a tetanus shot. I was avoiding injury as I was supposed to be performing in a figure skating exhibition this evening. FML

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1788

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179

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By Bob - United States

Today, I finally bought the toy my two year old son always wanted. He would always tap on the TV when the commercial for it would appear. I give him the present, and he starts playing with the bag. FML

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45651

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9742

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By Karma - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, whilst in the last week of my notice period, I was instructed by my boss to tell six new employees that their jobs had fallen through before they'd even started. Later that afternoon, I received a call from my line manager. Guess whose own job has fallen through too. FML

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29142

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28183

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By bad sis - United States - Monterey Park

Backwards

Today, my family got very upset with me when I advised my brother’s girlfriend to take the kids and leave. They’re more upset with me telling her that, than the fact that my brother is an abusive serial cheater and a raging alcoholic, who hits her and the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2257

You deserved it

113

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By Anonymous - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26713

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By stardustveins - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting in the McDonald's drive-thru and listening to some music. I was tapping my non-driving foot to the song when I accidentally tapped the wrong foot and rear ended the cop car in front of me. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12008

You deserved it

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By lalala_hahaha - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

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29809

You deserved it

3042

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By kstaa - Australia

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

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29070

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4503

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By pygmalion - United Kingdom

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

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42469

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By lamortdeshommes - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML

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42817

You deserved it

8284

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By Photos - United States

Today, after I got home from school I went to my room to find the maid had cleaned it, also to find a bag labeled "trash" it was all the sketches and paintings I had done in art class, which is my major plan for college. FML

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48614

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By Lilie - France

Today, my sweetheart came round to drop off some underwear which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31256

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2474

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By Ohwhy - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

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24378

You deserved it

2035

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By KnightToucan

Today, I got written up at work over false accusations that I didn't do some safety tasks. The same tasks that were done before I had even arrived. FML

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1503

You deserved it

123

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By Kpotassium - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I noticed that my two cats have been urinating on my Christmas tree skirt more frequently than in their litter box. I've tried to get them to stop, but I don't know how. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6970

You deserved it

1032

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By oreosaretoocool - United Kingdom - Cardenden

Today, I finally gave my mum an expensive designer dress I spent months saving to buy for her as she had been very depressed. However she has gained so much weight from stress eating she ripped it when trying to put it on, and now won't talk to me because, "I wanted to make her feel fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks

11471

You deserved it

1111

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By latenightbite - United States

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38041

You deserved it

3073

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By hell! - France

Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47998

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6924

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By where do they come from - United States - Bellingham

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

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51525

You deserved it

4525

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By Anonymous - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

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25867

You deserved it

3216

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By clean - Australia - Ashfield

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47057

You deserved it

4258

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By lexithepirate - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

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21808

You deserved it

2717

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By depraved - United States

Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML

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27152

You deserved it

4660

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By yeah okay then - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21858

You deserved it

2065

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By Megan - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

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21488

You deserved it

2301

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law announced that she's going to be moving into the apartment next to us. Oh joy. FML

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39699

You deserved it

2982

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By Anonymous - United States - Modesto

Today, my boyfriend's freshly-repainted car got keyed. He's literally more of an inconsolable wreck now than he was when his own mother passed away last year. When I tried hinting that he was overreacting, he told me to go to hell. FML

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42241

You deserved it

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By Juancames3

Saboteur!

Today, after spending all night packing for my 5am flight to Brazil, my cat peed all over my open suitcase. FML

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3592

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688

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed. FML

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29708

You deserved it

11565

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By OCDrunk - Australia

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27931

You deserved it

9870

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By smokecloud_ - United States - Ashland

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

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52157

You deserved it

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By SymmetricalPizzaFace - United States - Westminster

Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML

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35626

You deserved it

2941

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By Real Life Sucks - United States

Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I make less money in my full-time job now than I did working part-time in college. FML

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34088

You deserved it

3115

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been fooling around with for two weeks has a boyfriend, who is in jail, and is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. FML

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40634

You deserved it

7391

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By jedd90 - United States

Today, I overdraw my account, and I ended up paying an extra 35 bucks for a 1.99 item. It was an application on the iPhone that is supposed to help me keep track of my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19650

You deserved it

52654

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By zzarzzur - United States - San Francisco

Today, I installed motion sensor lights in my house to save on energy. When I laid down in bed, I saw the lights turn on from downstairs to the kitchen. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24654

You deserved it

1835

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By Fatty - Canada

Today, I was making out with this guy that I like. In an attempt to be romantic, he tried to pick me up and press me against the wall. He couldn't lift me off the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43137

You deserved it

16022

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By FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland - Cork

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38023

You deserved it

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By justcomesnaturally - United States - Danby

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

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7430

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Top comments

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2201200 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:49

Fuck harder, drive softer?(:

By Capt_Oblivious | 10

#2201164 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:45

Show him then, fuck him hard enough to wreck him, then tell him to shut the hell up if he complains.

COMMENTS

By KickItHigh | 32

#2201150 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:44

What an ass...

pwincessa23 | 1

#2201229 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:52

indeed!

TayonaC | 10

#2201234 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:53

haha
wait did you do that purposely??

phreshboi | 1

#2201238 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:53

but funny!

hannah1203 | 2

#2201370 - Friday 18 March 2011 23:10

Your boyfriend's an ass but funny as hell lol

tesuan | 0

#2201487 - Friday 18 March 2011 23:34

I disagree. 10 points to Boyfriendor!

tulsafml | 0

#2201776 - Saturday 19 March 2011 0:32

11 for pikachu

jacob4848 | 4

#2201992 - Saturday 19 March 2011 1:43

0 for chubby dog.

tulsafml | 0

#2202060 - Saturday 19 March 2011 2:05

I'm fluffy

pwincessa23 | 1

#2202067 - Saturday 19 March 2011 2:06

what?

nbk1405 | 0

#2203658 - Saturday 19 March 2011 9:29

lol

By mendozaale | 0

#2201153 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:45

wow, he tried to brighten up the mood, in a way...

persianjr1 | 7

#2201510 - Friday 18 March 2011 23:37

OMG. he should be worried that you got rear-ended. call the cops for rape!!!

im2cool2fml | 0

#2202851 - Saturday 19 March 2011 5:08

does op want to be rear ended shutout a car?

By StupidBunnySuit | 0

#2201155 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:45

He's a keeper.

BAMF18 | 0

#2201498 - Friday 18 March 2011 23:36

word.

luke134 | 0

#2202450 - Saturday 19 March 2011 3:29

like :)

josephhhhhh | 0

#2203014 - Saturday 19 March 2011 5:56

like x2 ;)

niquii | 0

#2203858 - Saturday 19 March 2011 11:06

me gusta

By saleha97 | 4

#2201159 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:45

rude much?

yohooooooo | 5

#2201538 - Friday 18 March 2011 23:43

nope. not at all.

ipwnlosers | 4

#2202086 - Saturday 19 March 2011 2:12

Lolololol at your picture! ^

By Capt_Oblivious | 10

#2201164 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:45

Show him then, fuck him hard enough to wreck him, then tell him to shut the hell up if he complains.

mendozaale | 0

#2201198 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:49

why would he complain?

TayonaC | 10

#2201216 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:51

because he would be "wrecked"... wouldn't you complain if you were "wrecked"

mendozaale | 0

#2201272 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:57

oh i see...

mendozaale | 0

#2201289 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:59

oh i see... ya i'll probably complain if i was wrecked

antsinmypants199 | 0

#2201737 - Saturday 19 March 2011 0:21

^^ aww ye :D

nofatchicks90 | 0

#2201865 - Saturday 19 March 2011 1:00

win

Brittaneyyy | 0

#2202750 - Saturday 19 March 2011 4:37

honestly when are guys not bragging complaining talking or just pure thinking about sex....

bannedforlife | 0

#2203053 - Saturday 19 March 2011 6:06

Nofat90---no fugly dudes.

RandOmPhyXiO | 5

#2203805 - Saturday 19 March 2011 10:37

haha

frygirl | 0

#2204392 - Saturday 19 March 2011 14:09

can't argue with that logic!! :)

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2201200 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:49

Fuck harder, drive softer?(:

niquii | 0

#2203866 - Saturday 19 March 2011 11:08

you have to find a balance in life haha

By testthecoal | 5

#2201202 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:49

This sounds like a sitcom. It could only be better if the other person in the accident is his mistress.

OCDC | 9

#2203725 - Saturday 19 March 2011 9:55

The Great Gatsby?

By ilovepoppa | 0

#2201211 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:50

Wow.. what a jerk!

By LittleMonsterSam | 5

#2201241 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:53

DUMP HIM NOW

techweed | 12

#2203649 - Saturday 19 March 2011 9:23

is that Lady GaGa in the pic??

Bobdoleomega | 0

#2610638 - Friday 3 June 2011 6:17

come on calm down it was a joke geez and a pretty funny one at that

By mintcar | 9

#2201251 - Friday 18 March 2011 22:55

Maybe you start fucking a little harder? Problem solved.

C6Racer | 0

#2202778 - Saturday 19 March 2011 4:44

Indeed