Miscellaneous: Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An... - FML

By sorrygrandma - 01/02/2012 03:34 - United States

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 447

You deserved it 4 186

Vulture

Such a rewarding career

Tock follow tick follows tock…

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 13:59

Today, after I went to live with my biological mom, after she convinced me she’s been off drugs while I was living with my grandparents, she gave me one of two puppies she'd bought as a gift. Then she got arrested. Turns out she stole said puppy. Some things never change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 54

By anonymous - 05/02/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 892

You deserved it 45 009

By hrmpf - 19/01/2016 14:37 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the hairdresser for the first time in the country I just moved to. Guess I don't speak the language as well as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 930

You deserved it 2 937

By badboyfriend101 - 12/05/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was continuously telling me how great my best friend smelled the other night and how I should wear some perfume that smelled like that. I have the same exact perfume and have been wearing it for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 848

You deserved it 4 316

By david - 28/04/2009 14:08 - United States

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 139

You deserved it 111 222

By Olihime - 10/01/2010 18:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while playing spin the bottle, my two spins landed on two really pretty girls. The first girl I missed and kissed her chin. The second girl I headbutted and gave a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 049

You deserved it 44 325

The Voice

By legit247 - 10/05/2013 04:44 - United States - Moscow Mills

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 680

You deserved it 9 417

By bet a woman would've been thanked - 07/05/2013 20:21 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 036

You deserved it 3 092

By smart phone mms - 07/12/2009 06:36 - United States

Today, I got a new smart phone and wanted to surprise my girlfriend with a naughty picture with it. A few minutes after sending it, I got a reply back from my girlfriend. And my best friend. And my sister. And everyone on my contacts list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 966

You deserved it 47 495

Simple Pleasures

By boredwithnothingtodo - 29/10/2019 06:07 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got a new washer and dryer set. It's sad when all you have to do at night is make popcorn and watch the clothes washing. I even invited friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 290

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 033

You deserved it 10 926

By thatgirl34 - 09/02/2012 11:29 - Australia

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 296

You deserved it 18 639

By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 04:13 - United States

Today, at my new job, I took some food out to a customer. Walking away, I heard a lady mumble, "Oh my God, you could never pay me enough to wear that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 488

You deserved it 3 527

Toxic masculinity

By BigGinge - 10/07/2021 22:01

Today, I'm depressed. After trying to talk to my boss about it, twice, as it has been affecting my work, I've been told to, "Stop thinking about it" and to, "Man up." He has also told me to come to him with any problems I'm having, and to be honest with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 136

Harsh

By SkipBeatOtaku - 29/08/2020 23:02

Today, my estranged father died. No one bothered to tell me, and the only reason I found out was because his wife texted my sister. When I asked about the service, I was told I was no welcome in the state he had lived in, because I was no longer family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 314

By Anonymous - 07/11/2011 00:26 - Reserved

Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 867

You deserved it 2 393

By anonymous - 03/04/2016 21:50 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I discovered that the vitamin I've been taking for hair growth actually works really well. Unfortunately, it only works on my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 640

You deserved it 1 820

By i believe in shaq - 19/08/2012 22:28 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 566

You deserved it 6 296

By pooplife - 30/11/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 193

You deserved it 4 945

By gibsonSG323 - 14/06/2010 23:13 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 663

You deserved it 28 504

By leahkasscar - 06/12/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, I kissed my 3.5 GPA goodbye because my English teacher was too caught up planning her parrot's birthday party to put in the credit I deserve for three different essays I completed for her class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 186

You deserved it 360

By AFGirlfriend - 28/03/2011 19:10 - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 007

You deserved it 6 921

By manicmandy - 01/08/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, I learned that ice cubes do not cool down hot oil. Instead, it causes a massive explosion of hot grease to splatter all over my parents' kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 487

You deserved it 78 418

By CyberPsycho - 28/07/2016 16:24 - United States - Nashville

Today, I noticed quite a few scars on one of my coworker's legs. I pulled her aside and told her that self-harm was never the answer, and if she needed to talk I was always there. Turns out she's just clumsy and trips a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 074

You deserved it 6 087

By BestBF - 23/04/2013 23:22 - United States - Omaha

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 204

You deserved it 8 702

By phishy - 05/03/2015 22:26 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand the man due to his incoherent mumbling. I had to decline the job after asking him to repeat everything he said, over and over again. I still don't know exactly which job I declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 156

You deserved it 2 474

By Iamthatgirl - 27/08/2014 04:56 - United States - Ada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 321

You deserved it 5 811

By embarrassed - 12/07/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 175

You deserved it 12 608

By staticman101 - 04/10/2012 03:14 - United States - Allendale

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 444

You deserved it 33 964

By now sharing the blessing - 21/11/2018 23:00 - United States - New York

Today, while battling a severe flu, I was forced to come to work by my manager. Upon arrival, I discovered that a colleague he likes who should be covering for me is out today. The reason? Her shoes hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 074

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 09/02/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 508

You deserved it 4 050

By lynn777 - 04/04/2011 20:42 - Canada

Today, I was walking home through the slush and snow when a car drove by, soaking me with dirty water. Frustrated, I flipped him off. He then turned around and splashed me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 212

You deserved it 22 322

By Anonymous - 05/10/2014 16:02 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 190

You deserved it 4 314

Congratulations

By GiannyLuv - 27/08/2021 20:01

Today, I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding. Instead, I'm bedridden with the effects of fibromyalgia. When I called my friend to let her know I wouldn't be making it, her response was, "Can't you get fiber-malgia some other time and hurry the fuck up and come? This place charges by the hour." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 158

Just good friends

By JennyPenny - 23/11/2021 02:01

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years never posts me on his Facebook, yet his girl “bestie” is always on his tags, comments, etc. He recently went to a party and put a picture of them two as his profile picture. He’s confused as to why I’m upset, and thinks I’m “overreacting.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 158

All I have to is dream dream dream

By Anonymous - 28/10/2020 18:02 - United States - Randolph

Today, I dreamt I wet my pants in front of everyone. It wasn’t a dream. A toddler laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 208

By Anonymous - 11/09/2012 04:47 - United States - Norwalk

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 718

You deserved it 2 698

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 510

You deserved it 4 741

he ded

By Anonymous - 27/03/2018 01:30

Today, while on an airboat exploring the Everglades, my cousin decided it would be funny to push me off the boat. Into water full of alligators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 067

You deserved it 337

By misty_love - 10/03/2010 08:09 - United States

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 645

You deserved it 3 709

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Top comments

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:34

Brings a new meaning to "knock am dead"

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:36

You must have a killer voice!

Comments

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:34

Brings a new meaning to "knock am dead"

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:40

Took the words straight from my mouth! OP, you can't help it. I only hope it was a calm, quiet death. Not one of those screaming, chest grabbing, scene making deaths.

imepelepticsir 5

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:44

those where some bomb ass lyrics. no no?

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:59

Killer story bro...

LookOnBrightSide 12

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 9:08

10-That's how I feel after listening to Dub Step. You feel as though you're having a seizure. OP, look on the bright side, at least she passed on listening to your beautiful music.

YakuzaxGeneralz 9

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 9:22

10. Your comment made me laugh uncontrollably. I just pictured exactly what you described.

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 9:58

she was so overwhelmed by your talent that she dropped dead?

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 10:31

48 - Same here.

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 13:45

She was an attention whore >_>!!!

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 13:46

MURDERER!!!

JMTS 0

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 14:15

Voice of an angel?

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 16:09

90 - No, Lips of an angel. Bro

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 16:32

She DIED. I'd rather have an interrupted solo then be dead. O.o

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 17:25

Talk about a 'killer' performance...

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 17:26

Murder or manslaughter? XD

thesunsetglow_fml 8

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 17:47

She has the voice of an angel?!

TheFirstSamurai 18

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 18:40

Yes, the Angel of Death.

JMTS 0

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 22:22

105 - He didn't kiss her...

Manganimegrl 16

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 22:34

It must've been a **puts on sunglasses** drop-dead beautiful performance.

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Thursday 2 February 2012 4:06

It must have been beautiful haha heart stoppingly beautiful

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Thursday 2 February 2012 6:13

You guys killed it if I may...

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Thursday 2 February 2012 7:08

It must have been to die for. Heh lame puns shall be lame.

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:35

what a kill-joy

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:49

Mcr reference?

eb0ny 15

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 9:01

20, no, you're just stupid

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 16:02

She thought the music was her requiem and your voice was taking her higher

Superstitious 6

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Wednesday 14 August 2013 0:30

"...and she's buying a Stairway To Heaven..."

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:36

You must have a killer voice!

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:37

How punny :3

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 9:20

hehehe nice!

SoSickWithIt 14

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 10:16

Well, think of it this way, you're in choir, and you have a solo, you must have a beautiful voice, at least the last few sounds to grace that woman's ears were the sounds of you signing to a crowd full of people whose eyes were strictly and only on you. It's a bad situation, but hey, gotta' look on the bright side.

ImInYourFACEbook 8

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 22:45

Or maybe OP was singing some Justin Bieber, that usually knocks em' dead.

Link5794 18

Friday 16 November 2012 17:24

We're going to Hell, aren't we?

DrMime 10

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:37

Brings new meaning to the term "killer vocals".

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 12:40

I've never heard that term

TheDrudgeChild 4

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 13:59

I've heard that term plenty of times at rock concerts, you all are listening to the wrong type of music if it doesn't have killer vocals.

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Friday 3 February 2012 21:26

Yup. Its definetly us and not you or anything

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:37

Maybe your voice was so heavenly. She decided it was ok to go? Haha.

manatees_r_epic 0

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 13:52

I'm knock-knock-knockin' on Heaven's door...

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Thursday 2 February 2012 3:09

Haha!!! :)

drawmesunshine 17

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:38

Your voice put her in such a peaceful state that she just passed on, OP. Take it as a compliment (:

randomnameflob 0

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 16:04

I wouldn't be complimented if someone decided death is better than listening to me sing.

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:39

Well at least she passed to some nice music… or you're voice made her not want to live anymore Either way FYL

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:39

Did you finish the solo?

Mister_Triangle 21

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Thursday 2 February 2012 7:52

Would have been unfair to the living audience members if she didn't.

hefb 0

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Friday 3 February 2012 2:50

Definetly should have

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:40

She died to your shitty vocals? Bummer. Dweeeeeeep!!!

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 8:41

That's one way to commit euthanasia.

DrMime 10

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 9:09

Or you can take your dogs outside while the choir performs its musical lobotomy on the poor unsuspecting public.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 7

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 74

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 79