Work: Today, on WhatsApp, I jokingly said, "I have been a naughty furry,... - FML

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, on WhatsApp, I jokingly said, "I have been a naughty furry, I need spanking" in a group chat with all my friends. They had a good time laughing their asses off, not only because of the text, but because I put it in a group that included my boss and all of my colleagues. FML

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By smartass - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a co-worker passed me a note with information about one of our cute, new co-workers I was interested in. Her report? Simple: "Lesbian. Try again. They're EVERYWHERE!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a headache when I woke up for school. I had final exams that day, so I took what I thought were 2 advils. They were two sleeping pills. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 06:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Pompous twat

Today, this guy who I thought was my friend said that my "existence is of minimal consequence," and that I'm "an individual I clearly don't acknowledge." All this after he'd said, "I'm not trying to hurt you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2am. This old man pulls in and asks me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replies, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to do some laundry, with the washer and dryer I bought off of Craigslist for 150 dollars. The washer leaks and the dryer doesn't dry. So I called the guy and left an angry message about how the washer flooded my kitchen. In fact I just forgot to hook up the drain hose. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, while eating at my college cafeteria, I started thinking about all the awful crap going on in my life right now, and I started sobbing. Some guy at another table started snickering at me, at which point the guy I like said, "Give her a break. If I was as fuck-ugly as her, I'd be crying too." FML

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By

Today, I organized a party at my place, invited 20 people, bought snacks and cancelled my workout. Nobody showed up. I ended up eating a whole ciabatta alone. FML

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By crazytortise - United States

Today, I was syphoning some gas from my truck to my friend's car just enough to get to the gas station. I told my friend to let me know when the gas was coming; he said, "Alright." Suddenly, I got a mouth full of gas because he was on his phone taking a video of me. He got the whole thing. FML

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By Jarman - United States - Columbus

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

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By oops.

Today, my wife had a nip-slip. At my family reunion. In front of everyone. FML

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By idiot - Sweden

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

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By mustanggt - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

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By namehere34 - United States

Today, I found a diamond on the floor, which I could only assume was from one of my brother's cheap earrings. I was positive that it was fake. To prove it to myself, I ran it across my window, as they say only real diamonds cut glass. It's real. FML

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By justine

Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML

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By Jenny - United States

Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

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By dammitt - United States

Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, "I know you're faking. You can stop now." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

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By wtfmama - United States - Hudson

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

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By ZiggyTink - United States - North Branch

Bashing

Today, my boyfriend's brother and his fiancée decided to preach to me about how I need to read the Bible because I'm agnostic. I'd be fine, if it wasn't coming from two 19-year-olds who dated for 5 months, got pregnant, got engaged, lost the baby, and still wanna get married, "so they don't look bad." FML

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By Kenton

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML

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By Noname - France

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

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By stinkypits - 23/6/2020 14:00

The pits

Today, I started six weeks of radiation on my left axillary region. Besides not being able to shave my armpit, I also can’t use lotion of any kind near the area, nor wear deodorant. This wouldn’t be a problem except it’s summer and I live in Southern California. The sweat is killing me. FML

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By Owen - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my teacher wore a bikini at the pool. She is 68. FML

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By Our Talisman - France

Today, I was at a red light when the guy next to me gave me that look people give when they want a street race. I won, but I should've seen the word "Sheriff" written on the side of his car. FML

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By Raela - United States - Fort Lee

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

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By menerethrr - United States

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

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By Crish - 22/11/2020 05:05 - Italy

Simple plan

Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML

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By Sith Dad

Today, I accompanied my daughter to her classmate's Disney Princess themed birthday party. Minutes in, the celebrant's mother kindly asked us to leave because my daughter was ruining the theme. How? She dressed up as Princess Leia. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2021 17:01

Forever alone

Today, I found myself being jealous of the relationship between Ethan Klein and Trisha Paytas on Frenemies. I need a life. I need real friends. FML

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By Fairy31 - United States

Today, the boy I tutor failed his math test. As a result, the family fired me. The boy failed because he forgot to write his name at the top. FML

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By Cheated - Canada

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

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By aurelj1 - United States - Colleyville

Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and am single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML

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By neversayhiagain - United States

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

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By why - United States - Broomfield

Today, I'm no longer allowed to work the drive-thru at my job, because over the weekend, 3 dumbasses I go to school with came in and complained to my manager, saying I sounded a creepy pervert and that it scared them enough to take their business elsewhere. FML

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By anyone - Lebanon

Today, while browsing facebook I found out that today was my school's class reunion. I was the ONLY one not invited. FML

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By imeanreallytho - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom at work. The lock on the stall door broke, and I couldn't open it. I was all alone and I started having a mini panic attack. After several minutes of frantically trying to fix the lock and hyperventilating, I realized I could just crawl under the door. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time ever, my boyfriend of one year told me he loved me. He was calling me by collect call from the county jail. FML

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Top comments

By redryan725 | 1

#7381560 - Friday 30 December 2016 4:51

Before fully reading the first sentence I said YDI.

By erindgentry | 28

#7381519 - Friday 30 December 2016 3:05

I'm sorry OP but you deserved it. You should have checked before sending that.

COMMENTS

By Tripartita | 44

#7381518 - Friday 30 December 2016 3:04

You're probably barking up the wrong tree.

Reply

stingray112 | 24

#7381667 - Friday 30 December 2016 10:27

Gotta be honest that joking or not, a dude telling a bunch of people he's a furry and needs a spanking is pretty weird man.

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#7381836 - Friday 30 December 2016 21:03

I… don't see how your comment is relevant to mine…

I think you just replied to get your comment higher in the stack. :(

How can you /use/ people like that?!

Reply

Cali | 54

#7381862 - Friday 30 December 2016 22:27

That's a paddlin'.

By erindgentry | 28

#7381519 - Friday 30 December 2016 3:05

I'm sorry OP but you deserved it. You should have checked before sending that.

Reply

thelittlem | 15

#7381531 - Friday 30 December 2016 3:26

Oh shut up.

Reply

erindgentry | 28

#7381596 - Friday 30 December 2016 5:50

lol

By mattyiscool123 | 26

#7381523 - Friday 30 December 2016 3:12

I'm sure they'd be willing to help you out

By maritime1992 | 5

#7381537 - Friday 30 December 2016 3:46

That's not even remotely funny and watch who you're sending stuff to next time.

By brooklyn0118 | 22

#7381544 - Friday 30 December 2016 4:06

Always double check so your sending this too! Good luck at work!

By Magnoxidans | 19

#7381546 - Friday 30 December 2016 4:06

Just lie and say someone else was typing

By bigbadbarley | 1

#7381554 - Friday 30 December 2016 4:31

what the fuck

By redryan725 | 1

#7381560 - Friday 30 December 2016 4:51

Before fully reading the first sentence I said YDI.

By the_killers | 0

#7381580 - Friday 30 December 2016 5:21

That's ruff

By Juls464 | 10

#7381582 - Friday 30 December 2016 5:24

10/10 do not recommend doing that

Reply

trucker2 | 33

#7381594 - Friday 30 December 2016 5:48

Little late...