Work: Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled... - FML

By fuckfuck - 31/01/2014 18:46 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 263

You deserved it 3 342

Age difference

And today, on Dr Phil…

Pile on

By ugly - 03/09/2012 08:17 - United States

Today, I attended my 10-year high school reunion. My ex-husband's new wife showed up in the same dress as mine. I guess both the dress and my ex-husband look better on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 119

You deserved it 2 572

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 933

You deserved it 25 432

By Radgirl - 28/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 332

You deserved it 58 401

By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 678

You deserved it 8 125

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 07:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 198

You deserved it 2 959

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 13:30

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 820

You deserved it 634

By eggman 583 - 13/09/2016 21:12 - United States - Massapequa

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was, "trying to change her." A week ago I asked her to stop talking to the 6 guys that have all previously asked her for nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 493

You deserved it 1 163

By Quortney - 22/07/2015 04:20 - United States

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 534

You deserved it 3 051

By Unlucky taxi driver - 08/11/2018 14:00

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 393

You deserved it 536

By dessy - 09/05/2016 21:37 - United States - San Diego

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick up a few things from the store for him while he was at work. After picking up everything he asked for, I wasn't left with much money so I used $50 from my account. When he got home he then grumbled about me spending all of "his" money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 761

You deserved it 1 013

By Wow - 11/04/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 194

You deserved it 19 276

By SummerGirl0009 - 23/08/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I discovered that the medicated eye drops I have been taking to fight a mild eye infection show up under black lights when I walked into a party and the whole left side of my face was glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 069

You deserved it 3 775

By Anonymous - 19/11/2013 16:50

Today, my boss declared total bankruptcy of the company and I lost my job. The good news is my coworkers and I all received McDonald's 10%-off coupons. They expired in 2003. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 359

You deserved it 2 895

Whistleblower

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I discovered two senior doctors made misdiagnoses by ignoring protocols. When I confronted them, they denied it. My director told me not to turn them in, and I'm not financially stable enough to quit. The state licensing board only takes complaints from patients. I'm so sorry, I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 56

By #MurrayShow - 27/02/2018 01:30

Today, my son was finally born. He was the perfect weight, as healthy as can be, and has his father’s dark, chocolate complexion. At least I’m guessing so, since both my wife and I are white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 594

You deserved it 496

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 127

You deserved it 4 908

By CutePenguin - 17/03/2012 22:26 - Canada

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 654

You deserved it 2 045

By Anonymous - 21/03/2009 19:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him "if you ignore something long enough, it won't bother you anymore." His response was "I've ignored my herpes for a long time but it still bothers me." We've been having sex for 3 months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 051

You deserved it 22 738

By ihateoldmagazines - 27/01/2011 21:31 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for an appointment. After waiting for ages, I asked the receptionist what the delay was. Apparently, I had no standing appointment today. This is coming from the same receptionist who checked me in nearly two hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 373

You deserved it 2 846

Casual something

By lukey101 - 14/02/2021 18:30 - Australia

Today, I went to the Asian Grocery. I politely smiled, bellowed, “Hello!” and kind of waved to the cashier as I walked in, to which he gave me a blank, scared-for-his-life kinda look. Turns out he was actually just another customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 352

By ... - 12/02/2019 18:00

Today, I finally had an interview for my dream job. It was all going great until I started chuckling uncontrollably, snorted like a pig and hit the guy with the world's largest snot rocket. All I could do was slip out the door as he sat paralysed with shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 266

You deserved it 512

Who are these people ?

By ShelbyIsAwesome - 04/03/2021 17:01

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 05:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 067

You deserved it 7 957

By Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia - 04/01/2015 01:30 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 166

You deserved it 5 901

Mystery

By Sarraahh - 19/04/2020 05:00 - Canada

Today, my 65-year-old grandmother called and asked me to tell my boyfriend that she was flattered, but she's happily married. I have no idea what she was talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 148

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 09:55 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 470

You deserved it 8 660

By scottishoatmeal - 01/02/2016 23:11 - United Kingdom - Auchterarder

Today, it's been about 8 months since I moved into my studio flat. It was already furnished, there was no bed but a fancy bedseat from Ikea. I slept uncomfortably on it for months until I realised it pulls out to become a double bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 164

You deserved it 12 062

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 293

You deserved it 4 026

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 14:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 182

You deserved it 2 580

By Anonymous - 04/10/2018 15:30

Today, my 6'8" Russian friend picked me up, a 5'0" petite girl. This would be fine if he hadn't been startled by a moth and dropped me down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 034

You deserved it 219

By anon - 10/11/2012 21:14 - United States - Kent

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 982

You deserved it 2 221

By Jill - 07/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 1 610

By Anonymous - 23/01/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, the boy I've liked for the past 8 years asked me out and then dumped me when he realized that I was taller than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 488

You deserved it 3 366

By Anonymous - 04/03/2011 13:39 - Australia

Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 909

You deserved it 10 311

By infected - 30/12/2010 21:37 - Denmark

Today, I had a snowball fight with a friend. In the midst of the game, I stole her hat and put it on my head, ignoring her pleas. Apparently, she was trying to say she had head lice. I can now verify that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 612

You deserved it 43 483

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 493

You deserved it 13 102

By Mr_Yato - 19/01/2016 20:07 - United States

Today, a girl in my class introduced herself to me for the fourth time this semester. Am I really that invisible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 465

You deserved it 1 819

A case of Keemstar beard?

By Declan - 04/12/2020 21:58 - United States - Miami

Today, I finally got my boyfriend to go get his lockdown beard trimmed. He came back with the kind of pointy monstrosity you see on people like Keemstar. I'm tempted to prune it in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 200

By skrumpp - 20/03/2014 16:15

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 820

You deserved it 5 118

About last night…

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 20:08

Spicy

Today, I woke up on the couch in front of the television covered with a blanket. Last night, I'd come home pissed from the pub, fired up porn, got my pants off and settled down for a wank. However, this morning the telly was off, my trousers were on, and I don't remember a blanket. I live with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 1 713

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Top comments

Levvy 22

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

Eh, look at it this way. Now that that's done, you can save some time and effort at that stop just flinging mail instead of having to drop it in the box. His loss, your gain.

Rizzen 27

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

he is really messed in the head. just have him pick up his mail from the post office

Comments

renaee 13

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:43

Time to change your name and move to Canada, eh.

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Saturday 1 February 2014 4:20

That, my friend, was a mail-fail.

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Saturday 1 February 2014 6:40

1, Canada ain't much better. You see all kinds of crazy shit delivering mail on the mean streets of Canada, take it from someone with experience.

sempiternal80816 9

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Saturday 1 February 2014 6:42

#54 A Toronto ghetto is a JOKE compared to an American one. So don't say that about Canada.

Levvy 22

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

Eh, look at it this way. Now that that's done, you can save some time and effort at that stop just flinging mail instead of having to drop it in the box. His loss, your gain.

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Saturday 1 February 2014 3:23

I agree!

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Saturday 1 February 2014 16:41

Until he complains about it to OP's boss. Let's face it, this guy isn't rational.

Rizzen 27

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

he is really messed in the head. just have him pick up his mail from the post office

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:55

Or better yet, report him and have him pick up his mail at the police station.

ElementaryEdGuy 18

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Saturday 1 February 2014 4:18

That is what I am saying. Legally, as a public official (assuming that you work for USPS; I'm not sure how it would work for a private company, like FedEx or UPS), you have the right, nay, the obligation to go onto his lawn.

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:45

I'd quit giving him his mail. Make his crazy ass go to the post office for it.

ChristianH39 30

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Saturday 1 February 2014 4:25

That was my first thought too, him threatening to shoot OP is more than enough reason to stop delivering to him.

WinterBlue42 22

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Thursday 5 June 2014 23:09

Actually, I think the best option would be for the OP to report it to his superiors, and not deliver the mail until they provide a solution. (Such as police, or. . Something.)

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:46

some people just want to watch the world burn

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:55

No no they want to watch their mail burn.

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Saturday 1 February 2014 1:01

No, no, some people are just bat-shit crazy and shouldn't have the right to gun ownership.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Saturday 1 February 2014 10:04

some people want to make overused comments and watch fml burn

Bloink 25

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:47

next time throw it at his face

LinkandSaria 10

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Saturday 1 February 2014 1:03

Because violence solves everything right?

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Saturday 1 February 2014 3:03

I think it would be better to put the mail in a bucket of wet dog poop and put a lid on it, placing it just beyond his property line.

ChristianH39 30

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Saturday 1 February 2014 4:26

OP should just throw it haphazardly out the window as he drives by, as long as it lands in his yard it's good right?

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Saturday 1 February 2014 4:26

Yep it sure does.

Bloink 25

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Saturday 1 February 2014 18:42

throwing it at his face will make it so he doesnt even have to move to get his mail!

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:51

he must be one of those paranoid people I here about all the time.

weveallbeenthere 30

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:53

don't deliver it, tell your boss he threatened you and make him get a P.O. Box

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Saturday 1 February 2014 7:29

This is the reason so many mailmen go 'postal'...

hansam 12

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:54

Keep his mail then

SgtAssCheeks 21

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Saturday 1 February 2014 14:00

You do know that's a federal offense, right?

x_the_lancer_x 13

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Saturday 1 February 2014 0:57

Report him. Threatening like that simply isn't acceptable, some might argue that it comes with the job but this is a bit extreme if you ask me.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 120

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 295