Work: Today, neither I nor any of my coworkers understand why our boss... - FML

13/01/2016 06:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, neither I nor any of my coworkers understand why our boss hates me enough that I feel the need to carry pepperspray on me at all times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 978

You deserved it 1 592

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Walk on the wild side

Child's play

25/06/2011 20:39 - Switzerland

Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 987

You deserved it 4 205

06/02/2009 19:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 461

You deserved it 6 856

Different strokes

By chickenmcnuggetgirl - 18/03/2013 18:10 - Ireland - Enfield

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 355

You deserved it 5 114

13/04/2013 18:07 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 674

You deserved it 48 080

20/02/2009 05:30 - South Africa

Today, at a strategy session my manager displayed a flow chart of his employees. I wasn't included. Apparently I had been fired and they forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 676

You deserved it 2 428

09/03/2013 09:05 - Australia

Today, my boss told me that, while he respects the fact that I have my own style, I have to stop wearing "that hideous wig" because apparently, it "makes the clientele uncomfortable". I don't have a wig. It's my natural hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 500

You deserved it 4 023

Meet the family

By OhMeGerd - 05/10/2012 14:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 436

You deserved it 28 910

Great job, dude

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 23:01 - Australia

Today, after my boyfriend of three years and I had our first child together last year and he was so hands on, now when I ask him to help with the baby he tells me I’m the primary carer, and that he’s not ready to be a dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 154

06/10/2018 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 608

You deserved it 370

02/10/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, we had a lockdown in our school for 2 hours because a man was sitting outside our school in his car with a gun in hand. I texted my mom telling her what was going on and that it's on the news. She responded saying "I'll tape it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 870

You deserved it 3 638

06/04/2016 08:34 - United Kingdom - Bromsgrove

Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 387

You deserved it 1 882

22/05/2017 22:00

Today, I'm so pale that I managed to get a sunburn while sitting in a bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 975

You deserved it 401

05/05/2013 19:35 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 835

You deserved it 6 003

25/05/2012 01:37 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 650

You deserved it 4 213

09/05/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 833

You deserved it 3 547

25/05/2013 04:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 798

You deserved it 9 042

20/04/2014 23:24 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 100

You deserved it 5 583

GHOSTS!

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 05:01 - United States - Gladwyne

Today, my mother interrogated me about the duct tape, that I'd put on my foot for a wart, having fallen off. I tried to explain that my foot was just sweaty. She responded by arguing that the duct tape falling off was a "supernatural event". I really wish I could afford my own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 59

07/11/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 914

You deserved it 5 014

16/11/2010 22:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 747

You deserved it 11 586

04/08/2009 21:03 - Malta

Spicy

Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm. While doing so she was lying on her back. I asked her: "How do you like that, baby?". She responded by asking where I bought the false ceiling and spotlights as she thought it would look good in her flat. She got bored instead of excited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 668

You deserved it 17 568

29/12/2013 22:58 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that we need to talk. I think he dumped me, but I'm not sure, because he muttered it in Russian and quickly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 394

You deserved it 3 641

07/05/2018 19:00

Today, my father has been unemployed for 8 of my parents' 25 years of marriage, and my mom still supports him. I've been unemployed for three months and my mom is kicking me out. The difference is, I'm actually applying places. He just plays video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 661

You deserved it 304

13/03/2010 19:01 - United States

Today, I visited my family for spring break because I've been away at college and I haven't seen them since Christmas. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, my mom had me clean the living room area, clean up cat vomit, and do the dishes. Thanks guys... I missed you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 532

You deserved it 3 076

14/08/2013 20:28 - United States - Hudson

Today, I fell asleep on the beach while tanning. I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from my stomach. Why was bread on my stomach? Because my little brother knows birds are my biggest fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 579

You deserved it 6 002

01/06/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, at an elementary school a girl showed me her grandma's obituary in the paper and started crying. To stop her from crying I made things out of the rest of the paper, later she asked me where her grandma's obituary was. I accidentally made it into a hat, with lots of tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 078

You deserved it 52 995

20/08/2013 04:01 - United States - Smyrna

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 296

You deserved it 5 640

06/11/2011 08:21 - Australia

Today, I let my brother borrow my car, as he had a job interview. I told him the tank was nearly empty and gave him $20 to put some petrol in it. Ten minutes later, he calls me, saying the car won't start. He filled it up with diesel. It's a petrol car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 692

You deserved it 4 615

Bread is serious stuff

By bullsonyourface - 30/09/2019 20:00

Today, it's my 6-year anniversary with my fiance, but due to a lot of different family issues, I had to drive 9 hours with my dad to go visit them. Long story short, there was a giant argument about bread, my dad stormed out and I'm left to deal with this shit storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 141

03/05/2017 02:00

Today, my gay best friend slept over, as he has many times during the past three years of our friendship. This time, however, he confessed to me that he's only pretended to be gay to get closer to me because he's in love with me. I've allowed my stalker to sleep in my house and in my bed for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 412

You deserved it 1 482

20/10/2010 16:14 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed with a pedestal fan on facing us when my boyfriend sneezed. Where did he sneeze? Into the fan, which then sprayed it all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 228

You deserved it 3 952

17/10/2013 05:06 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 572

You deserved it 4 277

11/03/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one that's in my math class, noticed me, regardless of me hiding. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 190

You deserved it 26 332

02/11/2010 06:20 - France

Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 780

You deserved it 14 279

05/12/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 151

You deserved it 37 118

06/11/2014 01:12 - United States - Fremont

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 312

You deserved it 2 910

28/01/2010 11:00 - Norway

Today, I woke up with a hangover. I had a party last night. Besides a stolen TV, someone seemingly decided to take a dump in my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 470

You deserved it 30 121

Nice try

By Ma.Sa.La. - 27/02/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings - No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right… NO INTEREST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 637

You deserved it 50 448

15/04/2012 06:49 - United States - Sandpoint

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 997

You deserved it 47 892

09/02/2014 21:18 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 670

You deserved it 5 308

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:54

Sounds like a problem with your boss, not you. Make sure any threatening behavior is reported to the proper people. Your safety is your number one priority.

NonScaryPumkin 22

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:55

Why have you not gotten the police involved? Or the higher ups?

Comments

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:54

talk to him about it and settle things?

NonScaryPumkin 22

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Thursday 14 January 2016 5:23

If OP has to carry pepper spray I don't think the Boss is the kind of person who will sit down for a heart to heart with OP about why the they hate OP. The Boss sounds more like a person with the "attack first, ask questions later" mentality.

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:54

Sounds like a problem with your boss, not you. Make sure any threatening behavior is reported to the proper people. Your safety is your number one priority.

helptheorphans 17

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Thursday 14 January 2016 2:04

crazy russian hacker, is that you? (YouTube reference)

justcommenting19 19

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:54

Something tells me that HR should get involved. After all, you do have your coworkers to back you. :)

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:54

I'm sorry OP. If your boss hates you enough that you're worried about assault, is there any way you could talk to HR, if you have one?

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:54

Op, I think it is time to look for a new job.

NonScaryPumkin 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:55

Why have you not gotten the police involved? Or the higher ups?

supertacowaffle 41

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:57

I would ask to talk to him to settle your differences, or if you are too uncomfortable to do so, contact HR. Nobody should feel uncomfortable in the workplace OP. Stay strong.

Shmatterhorn 38

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 22:29

I would take it to HR first before talking to the boss. Document everything, and then have HR deal with the boss. Also, report any retaliation that the boss sends your way (don't forget to document anything that looks like retaliation).

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:58

Do you really feel like you're in danger? Please find a new job as soon as you can if it's that bad. Better safe than sorry!

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 16:04

He might resent you because he envies you, sees similarities of himself he doesn't like, or you're a pain in his butt. Smart to carry pepper spray! ignore him, we can't please everyone!

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Thursday 14 January 2016 8:09

Well, it seems that OP is carrying pepper spray in the event that the boss is tempted to commit a salt for some inexplicable reason; it's not something that can simply be ignored. [walks away slowly and quietly]

neuronerd 28

Thursday 14 January 2016 13:48

*assault Oh wait...we're you making a salt and pepper joke?

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Friday 15 January 2016 4:38

This why it's hard to joke on the internet

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 16:06

is there someone above him you can talk to about the situation?

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 115

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 136