Love: Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny....

By neverdoingthatagain - United States - Pottstown

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21178

You deserved it

2088

Favorite

Love

Buzzing the tower

Bad news

This is fine

By Tragic - United States

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67142

You deserved it

6810

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45320

You deserved it

5870

Favorite

By NoHamForMeThanks - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30485

You deserved it

2597

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48119

You deserved it

3424

Favorite

By poop - United States

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30642

You deserved it

4167

Favorite

By ctschantz - France

Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when my remote wouldn't work and neither would my key to unlock it. A cute young guy came over, not to help but to ask me what the hell I was doing to his car. My car, that looked exactly like his, was on the other side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22713

You deserved it

13466

Favorite

By pirsquared - United States

Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I'm working on my PhD in engineering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11826

You deserved it

36526

Favorite

By Anonymous - India - New Delhi

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23142

You deserved it

42198

Favorite

By Dimples - United States - Sanford

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38349

You deserved it

3421

Favorite

By Dooh - United Kingdom

Today, I've found out that since beginning my new heavy workout regime, my testosterone levels have gone through the roof, making me constantly horny. My girlfriend lives on another continent. The reason I'm working out so hard? To impress her when I see her next. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29962

You deserved it

4981

Favorite

By ToInsecure4me - United States

Today, I had to stay late at work. My husband made me take a video of myself punching out, to prove I wasn't cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35918

You deserved it

6409

Favorite

By awkwardballer

Today, while playing basketball with my new coworkers, I managed to get the ball stuck between the hoop and backboard. In trying to free it, I also got a traffic cone stuck and ended up having to drag a large ladder across the court while everyone watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9809

You deserved it

1573

Favorite

By disaster... - United States

Today, my mom and my step dad decided they're getting a divorce. They've been married for 2 weeks and I paid for a quarter of the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71221

You deserved it

6578

Favorite

By fyou - United States

Today, I am contemplating ending my relationship of 6 years. My boyfriend is too busy playing with a plastic guitar to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28193

You deserved it

3991

Favorite

By snowlover - United States - Fremont

Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now bitch" from my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44626

You deserved it

6617

Favorite

By lrn2road - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was screamed at by a lady for riding my bike too slowly in front of her car. I was in the bike lane, and so was she. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49369

You deserved it

4520

Favorite

By Garrett - United States

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15984

You deserved it

46448

Favorite

By UTRejected - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34572

You deserved it

3832

Favorite

By clumsy

Today, while walking on the sidewalk with my boyfriend, I slipped and fell. Not only did he not help me get up or ask if I was okay, he got mad at me for embarrassing him in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35157

You deserved it

4685

Favorite

By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27863

You deserved it

3335

Favorite

By childdreamkiller - Canada

Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32219

You deserved it

5165

Favorite

By Anonymous

Her House, Her Rules.

Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1492

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By Lockedinroom - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47257

You deserved it

13836

Favorite

By xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - United States

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13408

You deserved it

34676

Favorite

By RazorBumps - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35425

You deserved it

3446

Favorite

By bailey1389 - 26/8/2020 02:02 - United States

Slippery slope

Today, I slipped on my son's Hot Wheels cars and fell onto a building made out of Lego. I now have a fractured tailbone and a broken wrist. I called my husband to tell him what happened and all he could do was laugh. My son didn't leave them on the floor, my husband did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1627

You deserved it

174

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I'm a graduate but still an unpaid intern. My daily work is folding letters and putting them into envelopes. The sad thing is, I actually enjoy doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26931

You deserved it

7796

Favorite

By KC - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30311

You deserved it

8696

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57360

You deserved it

15234

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bloomfield

Are you OK?

Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15777

You deserved it

1561

Favorite

By distressed - Australia - Burwood

Today, my mother worked out that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Instead of confronting me about it, she now just sits and stares at me judgmentally whenever I'm in the same room as her, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36147

You deserved it

6925

Favorite

By Matti

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3097

You deserved it

216

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32488

You deserved it

6458

Favorite

By cmolloy - Ireland

Today, I texted a friend offering my condolences over the death of his grandfather. He hadn't been told his grandfather had died yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35246

You deserved it

4458

Favorite

By Awkward - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, claiming moving in was a bad idea and he is the type who needs his privacy. It was his idea to move in, he had to convince me. Now we are stuck, under lease together for the next 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29759

You deserved it

3686

Favorite

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22445

You deserved it

3127

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37923

You deserved it

2586

Favorite

By fml9124

Et tu, Doggo?

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1306

You deserved it

339

Favorite

By gassy - United States - Winter Garden

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28207

You deserved it

3992

Favorite

By ambushcat - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10476

You deserved it

28523

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By whysobeachy | 37

#6546761 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:14

Was it worth it, to her?

Also, next time, you can try positions which require less movement on her part. Or you can try grinding, instead of thrusting.

By Ashamed_Sister | 60

#6546762 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:15

Doesn't matter, had sex.

COMMENTS

By whysobeachy | 37

#6546761 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:14

Was it worth it, to her?

Also, next time, you can try positions which require less movement on her part. Or you can try grinding, instead of thrusting.

laurellkawes | 31

#6546829 - Saturday 27 February 2016 22:11

He meant she was on top, and I'm guessing from now on she won't be doing any riding

By Ashamed_Sister | 60

#6546762 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:15

Doesn't matter, had sex.

vikky538 | 28

#6548269 - Monday 29 February 2016 16:56

Came for this comment. Not disappointed

By quinn1184 | 25

#6546772 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:29

sounds messy. and not in the good way

By bananassin | 25

#6546776 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:33

Oh it must of been very dirty

JKPwnage | 25

#6547027 - Sunday 28 February 2016 5:56

must've*

By PuppiesKisses | 15

#6546777 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:34

Maybe next time go nice and slow instead of blowing her like snow.

TheBestAround23 | 13

#6546914 - Sunday 28 February 2016 0:55

I believe you mean plowing her like snow

By iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6546780 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:38

If you're wife is wiling, do it again and try to find a rhythm that won't trigger her morning sickness, you know? Maybe turn the motion in the ocean down a notch.

By football98_fml | 20

#6546783 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:46

Syphilis. It's always gotta be syphilis.

whysobeachy | 37

#6546789 - Saturday 27 February 2016 20:55

I think you misread the FML.

By juturnaamo | 29

#6546795 - Saturday 27 February 2016 21:02

The lazy dog was my favorite when I was pregnant. it's like doggy, but you're on your sides.

whysobeachy | 37

#6546796 - Saturday 27 February 2016 21:04

So basically like spooning? I was thinking about that position, too.

False_Stupidity | 41

#6546846 - Saturday 27 February 2016 22:47

Good name for it, it's one of my favorites too.

By DarkRaiiin | 8

#6546819 - Saturday 27 February 2016 21:56

Another piece of advice I don't see is if you want to do missionary put a pillow under her back to prop her up so her belly isn't in the way. My wife and I did that to some success.

By kowsee | 22

#6546832 - Saturday 27 February 2016 22:19

Be gentle and there are other ways to have her satisfied