By feiedbutter - 07/12/2013 14:55 - Canada - Ottawa

Spicy
Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML
I agree, your life sucks 65 786
You deserved it 20 652

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Top comments

Guess you should get to work then.

Sweep or weep.

Comments

Guess you should get to work then.

Hey OP, are you finished with those errands?

Well if she's going to treat you like a kid, don't forget the Barney music!

Stand up for yourself OP! You don't have to go along with it just tell your wife you're not gonna play along with her stupid little hand

If it were me, I would do the work and get the points needed, then tell her you weren't interested in sex with her. Ignore her from then on out.

57- if he does that, he may be "playing" with his stupid little hand a lot more!

72 A guy that passes up sex? Not gonna happen.

Make your own chart... and she loses points the longer u dont have sex, and if she gets to 0 points u get a divorce :)

103- my ex used to pass up sex all the time.

it sounds like the wife is desperate for her husband to stop being lazy and it's a pretty good scheme; maybe she's not so crazy after all. He could verywell be a useless husband who just sits around playing X box and expects sex

#72, your solution is kind of immature and no way to solve a situation like this. They are husband and wife. Sure the wife isn't doing the most mature thing herself but getting into this kind of vicious circles isn't the solution imo.

Immature 156? Making a Chart for sex is immature.

Better earn some points quick, and do extra work do get more points loll

103, you're 15. You must know so much about guys passing up sex.

148-- you said it yourself, "scheme". If she would like him to do these things, maybe she should talk to him like an adult. Right now, she is treating him like a 5 year old. That chart has to be degrading and patronizing.

#187, maybe she has tried to have an adult conversation with OP, and it didn't work. Sure, the wife is kinda grasping at straws here, but maybe she's desperate to get OP's help.

197-- that is still no excuse to use sex as a weapon. He is going to end up resenting her for this. Bribery and bitterness is not the way to have a relationship.

Sex has been used as a weapon for centuries, that's not gonna change anytime soon 208.

I noticed that you stated "ex husband"

Does anyone else wonder what the title has to do with this FML?...

Guess he should get to work? No, that`s plain stupid. A marriage is about doing things for others but this is more like she is using her body to get out of housework.

332, you're a little late to this party. Sarcasm doesn't translate into text very well, but I'm sure most people would recognize that as a joke.

Maybe I should make up one of these charts for my significant other.

#174, you just made my day.

By getting to work I hope you mean masterbating.

I know that when my husband doesn't help out I get annoyed, which means I don't want sex. I ask, but I have to nag to get it done, which I hate, so I just do it. We both work the same hours, so maybe some kind of chart would help him see how much more I do at home. Not that I would withhold sex; maybe some kind of competition--winner chooses weekend activity.

As a weapon or currency.

Wife chart - gain a pound lose 10 points, hahahah

How about you make a chart for her... 3 points for intercourse, 10 points for head, 15 for anal. 50 points earns her one chore from a list you've written...

Sounds like the wife wants you to divorce her. I wouldn't stand for that shit of I were you OP

Better start racking up those points!!

divorce is easier

not really..

How many points til anal? Over 9000?

You should ask her if you can apply for the Double Rewards Credit Card!

It'd be worth it, just to yell, "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAANNNDD" when the time came.

ask her if you get double points on holidays.

That's an odd wife you got there OP.

She seems to be a very economically inclined person. I think that she's hanging onto the phrase "if you do something well, don't do it for free" pretty tightly. If she's willing to go down that path, OP must be pretty unambitious. Or really pathetic.

Maybe not so smart though... using sex (or lack thereof) as a weapon in marriage is really bad for a marriage

Maybe OP's lazy and doesn't help around the house so his wife found a new funny(smart) way to get him working :p

hes obviously a lazy sod whos pushed her into having to make this arrangement! ! he definitely deserves it!

61 - I'm impressed that you gleaned that much information from a story that's two-and-a-half lines long. Teach me your secrets.

@61 I think you might have come down with a case of "judging". Poor you!

Personally I agree with 61... It says that he isn't gaining points so his wife us going to sleep alone... According to OPs sorry, he gets points by doing chores, and he isn't getting points because he isn't doing anything, and this was his wife's way to get him to finally do some chores, and he still failed at doing chores, even for sex.

Lots of people do this, although they usually use charts for kinky sex.

"Economically inclined" - is that a polite way of saying that she's a prostitute? She's sure acting like one.

Bigfabthetruth52 22

It won't last long women love sex also.i wouldn't worry.

Yes, but she knows how to get what she wants.

How many points to hire a working girl?

Better get to work then!

Sweep or weep.

Masturbate or clean the plate.

No, just no...

I'm sure he meant masturbate ON the plate

Um, she's female.

I'm sorry #171. I'm not a Grammar Nazi, so I don't notice.

217 it didn't say masturbate ON the clean plate, it said masturbate or clean the plate... I don't see how he is being a grammar nazi...

I wasn't talking about OP, I was talking about the girl who said "masturbate or clean the plate." I apologize, I wasn't aware you were so stupid you couldn't figure that out.

195 was right lol...my bad 112..

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

I don't know about you, but I don't expect my wife to hold my sex life hostage

Too often men want to sit on their asses and not help out then expect their women to be full of energy in bed. A wife or husband should not have to resort to this to get the help they need. I'm sure the wife tried communication and other methods before the sex chart. In a marriage talking about things usually brings a resolution or solution unless one person does not do the things they agree to do during the discussion. OP YDI. There are two people in a marriage is time you do your part. .

99 - I love how you go on about their being two people in a marriage while simultaneously assuming that the blame for this rests solely on one of them.

99 - You know nothing about their marriage, so how can you make all these assumptions? The woman very may well have not tried talking things out. Women often think that guys can read their mind and always know what's wrong without us guys being told what's wrong. And what if he's constantly working to support the both of them, so he has no time for chores? What if his job takes up more energy than chores? You can't just assume that OP is lazy when you have no idea what he does.

98- We must be reading a different FML because I don't see anything in there that makes me "sure the wife tried communication and other methods before the sex chart"

In a sense, I agree with 98 when they said it takes two to have a successful marriage, but it was wrong to assume they'd tried everything else. Also, I think it's pretty fucked up his wife is trying to be so in control of his own sex life.

Good points all. But I think it shows desperation to resort to a sex chart. It's my assumption yes. but doubt a sex chart would be the first solution she tried. If she is willing to move to the guestroom means that is being going on for a bit. Would love to hear what the OP had to say in his defense.

I seem to be the only girl who's boyfriend holds her sex life hostage. KIND OF SHIT IS THIS?

Oh lord guys it was a joke

176- the wife is being controlling of his sex life? It's only his? The wife somehow never participates? Unless they agreed to have an open relationship, I'm guessing that once they became a committed couple that it was agreed upon that they would only have sex with each other. So it's their sex life. Not just his, not just hers, but their sex life together. OP, see this as an opportunity to get your marriage what it needs, help. Obviously something is not working here communication wise. Either your wife was communicating hers needs/wants to have you help more around the house and you weren't listening or taking it seriously, or your wife was just expecting you to help more and since you aren't she's resorted to doing this sex chart thing. I think you'd be better going to marriage counseling together to work on this. It's probably the only way for the sex chart to go away and for you to understand why your wife made it to begin with. She seems pretty desperate for resorting to withholding sex just to get help around the house.

#333, finally someone brought this up. I was wondering how everyone was just completely ignoring the fact that its both of their sex lives :P

Don't you know #360? the sex life is always and completely controlled by the man! Women have no say since they're a less valuable kind of being. Good for nothing but keeping the house in order, popping out babies, and being used for a man's pleasure. Seriously though, all these people talking about "his" sex life and how it's the WORST thing ever to go without sex for awhile. Please! There's obviously something worse lacking than the sex in this marriage. They need to work on their communication.

Don't know what you are talking about. My marriage is nothing like that lol.

This is genius. Better start on those chores.

Agreed! Ops wife is brilliant.

Genius? If that's true then OP should make a Money Rewards Chart where the wife can earn money by doing bedroom chores if you know what I mean. And before I get voted down, I'm a female. I wouldn't consider it prostitution because they are married. I think it's fair seeing as though the wife made a chart also. Ok I'm ready to be voted down now. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

@ 175 I up voted. Your idea is only fair, after all she's tried to make him the hired help. Except instead of money, he gets paid in sex.

Only works if wife does not work.

doesnt anyone realize how wrong it is for a wife to withhold sex? its very disrespectful to the man and as you can see she is taking advantage of him due to his need. this is why divorce is so damn popular...

So is out fair for to the wife to have a job and do all the chores around the house. including cleaning the garage and mowing the lawn? women need sex too. It's not just him that's being punished. If he was helping her out I don't think she would have to resort to the chart

damn OP you should earn some points quick man bcus she's tripping good luck man FYL

Don't worry, 82. I don't understand retard as a language either.

121- that's just fucking ignorant calling her retarded for using slang. Does it make you feel better, when you called her that?

We can rest assured now that his ignorant comment was deleted

Excuse me sir, I speak jive. She said, "you better start cleaning, because your wife is acting crazy. Good luck, good sir."

PMSL 188.. I don't think many people would have got that reference. Awesome movie tho.

That sucks, OP. Guess its time to get the mop.

make a chart where if she does things for you and earns enough points you'll do chores.

No. She made the chart because he doesn't do things for her. Him doing your idea would just lead to a very dead relationship.

#25 And using sex as a bribe to do more around the house is better? They should both act like fucking adults and talk about it instead of her treating him like a child. If he's not doing his part, then it goes without saying that he needs to do better. But we don't know that for a fact.

25: The relationship is already dead if his wife is making OP her slave

Depends on how many points he gets for chores. If 50 points is many weeks worth of cooking and cleaning this program is just a way to keep op around as a servant while she looks for/enjoys new sexual partners. If it's 2-3 days, it's just punishment for some perceived slight in his part in the past.