By smyp - Lithuania

Miracles

Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23153

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1592

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Love

Commando

BO Central

Wake up bark

By confusedbagel - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42897

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3979

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By Honest mistake

Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2381

You deserved it

5062

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By insomniacap - United States - Stratford

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27517

You deserved it

4938

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By snickerdoodles - France

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32308

You deserved it

3958

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By a man - United States

Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31010

You deserved it

3869

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By supercharged - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation where I had no internet whatsoever. I turned on my phone to get notifications, hoping to see a message or two that I'd missed while gone. There was 1 notification, telling me how many FMLs were posted while I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33070

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3322

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By ew - United States - Pickens

Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21549

You deserved it

2157

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2020 14:02 - United States

Thanks, I hate it!

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

978

You deserved it

408

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30234

You deserved it

4020

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By sadsadboy - Peru

Today, I went to a bar which has two stories. I was on the top floor and then went downstairs. As I was going down, I recognised a boy in a wheelchair and his friends trying to get him up. I helped and took the wheelchair. One of his friends decided it would be a good moment to steal my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26284

You deserved it

1834

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By Anonymous

Today, I met my favourite singer, but when she signed my CD, the marker was out of ink. By the time I realised there was no signature, she was already gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3075

You deserved it

383

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By kaynotentirelywrong - Canada - Repentigny

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40122

You deserved it

13297

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By needtoscratch - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23843

You deserved it

1762

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By bobbies - United States

Today, I was telling my sister about how I am horribly depressed and how I can't function and she responded with, "Oh, shit! I've got to go Jeopardy is on!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

55557

You deserved it

5946

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By Oh.

Today, I told my dad that failing to kill yourself must be really awful, because you think you’ve failed your life and then you even fail your death. My dad who, as I recalled when he shot me a sour look, tried to commit suicide during his youth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

591

You deserved it

2343

Favorite

By Female Struggles - United States - Denver

Today, while I was waiting at the bus stop, a car that looked like my mom's pulled up. Thinking it was actually her, I walked up and jokingly asked what she was into. The guy inside now thinks that I'm a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39473

You deserved it

16953

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68246

You deserved it

5544

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By Pongy

Today, I found out that shirt sizes don't get longer, they get wider. Being 6ft4, every shirt I try on makes me look like a cheap stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44543

You deserved it

3253

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By Anonymous - United States - Rochester

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50460

You deserved it

22984

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By DFR - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41528

You deserved it

23647

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, "As long as they're bigger than mine." They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38619

You deserved it

4759

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By waitthatsnotme - United States

Today, after dating my girlfriend for about a month she decided to change her Facebook status to taken. When I saw the update I immediately clicked "Like." Then I looked up and saw I wasn't the person she had put herself in the relationship with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53153

You deserved it

5516

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend starts fights with me over text because apparently, when I'm arguing with someone, I stop speaking in "annoying shorthand" and am grammatically correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11138

You deserved it

38616

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By hannieannie - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25254

You deserved it

3092

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By SheaLili - United States

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28378

You deserved it

3359

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By smartass - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13696

You deserved it

39276

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By unknown - France

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35119

You deserved it

4788

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By cupcakemonsteryu - France

Today, I found out that the man I met online was a fake Facebook account, made by my daughter and her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36721

You deserved it

7473

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2021 20:01 - United States

Failing upwards

Today, I got my acceptance letter from Harvard University. Yay! Unfortunately, I sent it as a joke, never thinking I'd get accepted and I have absolutely no way to get there, or the money to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

763

You deserved it

463

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28129

You deserved it

8592

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By Bart - France - Lille

Today, our company was being visited by one of our biggest clients, a rich Japanese businessman. My boss wanted to honour him by welcoming him while wearing a kimono in the reception area of our building. The client was in a suit and tie, and I don't think he'll be back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28253

You deserved it

3490

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By Alexandra - Lebanon

Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37471

You deserved it

8930

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bridgnorth

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45376

You deserved it

8445

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By KrissyBearr - United States

Today, while having sex, I told my boyfriend that I love him. I could feel him go soft inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49125

You deserved it

9950

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By PrayingForMoney - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38592

You deserved it

6431

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By Taylor Page - United States - Gainesville

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33520

You deserved it

2524

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By roofer - United States

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54427

You deserved it

2591

Favorite

By feeling single - United States - Burbank

Today, it's been so long since I heard from him, I had to look at my boyfriend's Facebook page to see if we're still in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23357

You deserved it

5106

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By chloeleigholivia - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, being the clean freak that I am, I bought an expensive pair of 'mop socks'. As I walked upstairs to show everyone, I slipped on the corner of the bottom step and landed on my face, breaking my toe in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18241

You deserved it

5059

Favorite

By V - United States

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Beautiful, smart, academic, charming, a true gentlemen, totally my type. I am at a bar voted "the best gay bar in the world". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30759

You deserved it

18078

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Top comments

By allykaymorris | 24

#6492971 - Friday 25 December 2015 1:03

Another monster-in-law... When will they learn that just being nice makes everything better? Merry Christmas OP, I hope things only get better!

By CSU_Dynasty | 8

#6492969 - Friday 25 December 2015 1:03

Been there. Lives that.

COMMENTS

By CSU_Dynasty | 8

#6492969 - Friday 25 December 2015 1:03

Been there. Lives that.

By allykaymorris | 24

#6492971 - Friday 25 December 2015 1:03

Another monster-in-law... When will they learn that just being nice makes everything better? Merry Christmas OP, I hope things only get better!

TripleDallas123 | 15

#6493387 - Friday 25 December 2015 18:13

"Monster-In-Law" Never heard that one before xD

By jlang917 | 14

#6492972 - Friday 25 December 2015 1:04

Don't let it get to you OP! Just go to your family next year!

By corporatescoundr | 25

#6492974 - Friday 25 December 2015 1:04

Damn... Sorry OP. I know what it's like to have a semi-bad relationship with your in-laws. Just grit and bear through it. Hopefully she comes around.

By CharlieKearney | 23

#6492978 - Friday 25 December 2015 1:04

Some in-laws just don't accept their children's spouses. Just suck it up and be polite, you don't have to see them everyday. And I really hope your Christmas wasn't ruined by this. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Mathalamus | 24

#6493021 - Friday 25 December 2015 1:50

i would go the route of never seeing them. even on Christmas. just me, not anyone else.

HighlandShadows | 48

#6493141 - Friday 25 December 2015 7:06

But that could upset the spouse, that whole "you marry me, you marry my whole family" thing.

Lunaressence | 13

#6493243 - Friday 25 December 2015 10:14

It might be how I was raised, but the whole marry the family thing is just creepy and wrong to me. Not sure why. Always cringe when I read it.

DoomedGemini | 37

#6493354 - Friday 25 December 2015 17:42

If they won't stand up for their spouse, they don't really have a right to complain about them avoiding someone who is rude, disrespectful, or mean toward them.

tlnorman | 18

#6493571 - Saturday 26 December 2015 1:23

Agreed 100%

By hoosiergirl94 | 31

#6492984 - Friday 25 December 2015 1:06

Well doesn't she sound delightful to be around...

By PenguinsLaugh | 24

#6492985 - Friday 25 December 2015 1:06

That sucks, OP. Talk to your wife about it and maybe she can clear things up with her mom. I had something similar happen with my mil. My husband talked to her later and found out she was just in a really bad mood and didn't mean it. Hope everything works out. Merry Christmas!!