Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one... - FML

By unwilling redneck - 24/5/2013 22:48 - United States

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42347

You deserved it

4566

Tweet

Share

Dad jokes, part 43884

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Great boyfriend

By ifyouseekmylife - 25/10/2009 15:44 - United States

Today, my son told me he lost the envelope with all the money he earned selling Cub Scout popcorn. The popcorn was delivered already, and the money needs to be turned in to the pack leader tonight. I just spent $220 on popcorn my neighbors are eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32448

You deserved it

5589

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Wauseon

Today, a police officer stopped me and told me he got an anonymous tip that I was going to kill myself. I wasnt. Protocol says he had to bring me straight to a hospital where I explained that someone was messing with me. nobody listened. Now I have a hospital bill for $2,250. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3520

You deserved it

151

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/1/2018 01:30

Today, while leaving a job site, I put a bundle of pipe on my bosses van, picked up a few tools, and left for the day. He called screaming 30 minutes later to inform me that I didn't strap the pipe to the rack. It slid off the van and hit the car in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2007

You deserved it

4498

Tweet

Share

By catpeecathy - 14/9/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36496

You deserved it

5381

Tweet

Share

By Marcus Whitfield - 14/3/2020 15:00

Bear of a man

Today, I came to the unsettling realisation that the 2XL jacket that was originally 3 sizes too big for me is now a perfect fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1263

You deserved it

432

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/6/2013 12:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was doing a little victory jig after finally sending out the last of the invitation cards for my wedding when I realised that I had forgotten to put the date of the event on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39777

You deserved it

23112

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/7/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48395

You deserved it

3055

Tweet

Share

By jayne_dhoe - 22/11/2009 07:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32577

You deserved it

5465

Tweet

Share

By zuut - 18/1/2009 05:22 - Australia

Today, I logged on to Facebook for the first time in nine days. No new notifications. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25154

You deserved it

9269

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/12/2010 10:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to take a short cut driving through the snow. I skidded to avoid an oncoming car and ended up in someone's garden, inches from their brand new extension. The house belonged to a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10307

You deserved it

31774

Tweet

Share

By Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople - 11/8/2014 05:11 - United States - Houston

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43074

You deserved it

3695

Tweet

Share

By ugh - 14/8/2012 16:52 - United States

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31615

You deserved it

2027

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/10/2018 03:00

Today, I actually said the words "yes, a blowjob from a guy is still cheating" to my husband. I never thought that would be a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4269

You deserved it

278

Tweet

Share

By Sonotsuave - 4/3/2019 08:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, my now ex-friend told me she had feelings for my ex and was also choosing him over our friendship, despite being fully aware of the crazy rollercoaster our relationship was and being there to hear every detail of the trauma. She classily told me at random, in a public mall. People suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2167

You deserved it

198

Tweet

Share

By it's v - 17/3/2018 08:00 - United States - Denver

Today, after my flight arrived late, I ran 60 gates to get my connecting flight. I sprinted up to the gate agent, completely out of breath, and he looked at me, shut the door, and said, “The door is shut. You’re too late.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

5231

You deserved it

281

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/5/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49943

You deserved it

17529

Tweet

Share

By Soapy - 28/6/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours washing my hands to get the pony out of the soap bar. I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13622

You deserved it

55262

Tweet

Share

By see you next cunt - 18/3/2014 19:44 - United States

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59763

You deserved it

5096

Tweet

Share

By DonPedro - 16/1/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I took a crap at work. When I go to flush the toilet, it clogs and begins to overflow. I leave the bathroom the way it is and as I walk out, my boss comes in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20763

You deserved it

11244

Tweet

Share

By why - 17/8/2013 14:18 - United States - Lexington

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63187

You deserved it

7331

Tweet

Share

By rxcrs3 - 9/8/2012 06:44 - United States

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27852

You deserved it

2446

Tweet

Share

By fucker43 - 2/6/2013 06:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my friend made an effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47675

You deserved it

4709

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/1/2015 14:24 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38775

You deserved it

6040

Tweet

Share

By Miriden - 19/7/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I got a call from a creditor asking for a Sarah. I told them that I'm not Sarah, nor do I know one. They then asked if she was my wife. Annoyed, I said, "Alright, when did I get a wife? I don't even remember having a girlfriend." They sniggered and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30402

You deserved it

7459

Tweet

Share

By Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you. - 19/6/2014 21:05 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51639

You deserved it

5343

Tweet

Share

By nothappywithlife - 30/3/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

259066

You deserved it

13023

Tweet

Share

By littlebigbrother - 23/5/2012 06:13 - Japan

Today, we got a call that my brother stuck a rock up his nose and couldn't get it out. My mom had to pick him up and take him to the hospital. My brother is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27269

You deserved it

2119

Tweet

Share

By Behemoth2 - 14/12/2008 05:15 - France

Today, at the Eurostar customs, an officer asked me if I had packed my luggage myself. I teasingly answered "No, I was helped by a member of Al Qaeda." which earned me a body and luggage search and a missed train. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8353

You deserved it

68026

Tweet

Share

By thebrokentardis - 22/9/2014 06:45 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42526

You deserved it

5267

Tweet

Share

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39494

You deserved it

5935

Tweet

Share

By elle - 23/5/2011 10:17

Today, I found out that the peaceful rain I'd been listening to all night was really a broken water-main flooding my entire yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36182

You deserved it

4120

Tweet

Share

By dan - 25/1/2010 00:50 - Canada

Today, to my surprise my girlfriend said, "I've never felt this way before." We have been dating for six months, and I knew that I loved her, so I replied, "Me neither, I love you." There was a long awkward pause. Turns out, she was talking about her abnormally painful period cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34329

You deserved it

4568

Tweet

Share

By - 24/1/2020 14:00

Fact of scratching

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2798

You deserved it

221

Tweet

Share

By stewiesclone - 11/2/2010 09:09 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22780

You deserved it

3005

Tweet

Share

By zazadudu - 23/12/2008 06:47 - France

Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he went up the stairs, "It stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the bin. We can eat sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30642

You deserved it

3737

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/12/2013 06:02 - Norway

Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44295

You deserved it

3866

Tweet

Share

By kggggg - 12/8/2010 11:00 - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I noticed her brother had a bit of an accent. I laughingly said "Is it me or does your little brother have an accent?" She stared and replied with "No, he has autism." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16736

You deserved it

47241

Tweet

Share

By shecrieseverytimeIremindher - 7/6/2016 22:29 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I looked at the revenue from my Etsy shop. After hours and hours of hard work, I was ecstatic to find that I made about $560 so far. That is, until I remembered that it all went to my mom's bank account and I paid all the fees out of my own pocket. And yes, she won't give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13609

You deserved it

1578

Tweet

Share

By AkaiKitsune - 29/6/2017 04:00

Today, I went to explore a beach that was rumoured to have big crabs on it instead of the usual small tide pool crabs. I found out that the rumours were true went I went to flip over a rock, which was in fact not a rock. I now have to explain to a doctor how I ended up needing stitches again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3798

You deserved it

1206

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2012 00:25 - United States - Newark

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31320

You deserved it

5641

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MichaelT17 | 9

#5505900 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:40

Thug life

By grahambertus | 11

#5505903 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:41

You just need to embody the spirit of the redneck. The inner hick wants to be free.

Comments

By MichaelT17 | 9

#5505900 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:40

Thug life

Reply

jessi_sunshine | 26

#5505977 - Saturday 25 May 2013 6:03

He didn't CHOOSE the thug life...

...the thug life chose him.

Reply

TrueTriage | 16

#5505986 - Saturday 25 May 2013 6:07

I never chose the redneck life. My uncle handed me a beer turned on Lynyrd Skynyrd and it was down hill from there. On his tractor

Reply

chabelo | 10

#5506198 - Saturday 25 May 2013 11:32

looks like someone took the song "she cranks my tractor " too serious

Reply

jonathan_kraft | 14

#5506665 - Saturday 25 May 2013 19:49

Just a great american

By grahambertus | 11

#5505903 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:41

You just need to embody the spirit of the redneck. The inner hick wants to be free.

Reply

MichaelT17 | 9

#5505906 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:42

Lol

Reply

chinagirl3343 | 8

#5505914 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:43

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

grahambertus | 11

#5505982 - Saturday 25 May 2013 6:05

You can be both.

Reply

apache316 | 6

#5506054 - Saturday 25 May 2013 6:53

I read this in Morgan Freeman's voice

Reply

alstbv12 | 13

#5506088 - Saturday 25 May 2013 7:32

We all got a hillbilly bone down deep inside no matter where you from you just can't hide it, when the band starts bangin and the fiddle saws you can't help but hollerin, yee haw!

Reply

grahambertus | 11

#5506105 - Saturday 25 May 2013 7:52

Tittysprinkles

By True_NonBeliever | 6

#5505913 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:43

"Say it loud! I'm a redneck and I'm PROUD!" Embrace it OP :)

Reply

ElementaryEdGuy | 18

#5505963 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:58

I'm not a redneck, though. Honestly, I'm hella ghetto.

By cwells0430 | 12

#5505917 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:44

Cue banjo music please Jethro

By HortonThelephant | 15

#5505922 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:45

America! Fuck yeah!

Reply

nortwdschick | 24

#5505927 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:46

I believe it's "Murica, fuck yeah!" ;)

Reply

ekb777 | 13

#5506032 - Saturday 25 May 2013 6:34

Or as Tim McGraw would say, "Truck Yeah!"

By JustAReaderZZZZ | 8

#5505928 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:46

At least he didn't drive the tractor into your house.

By nattynatters | 14

#5505932 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:46

Just enjoy it! Sometimes it's fun to be the loud people on the block.

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5506197 - Saturday 25 May 2013 11:32

Yeah, tractors are cool! Especially John Deere tractors.

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5506369 - Saturday 25 May 2013 15:17

So if they're in the suburbs, then..

"You can take a ride on my big green.. riding lawn mower…"

By nortwdschick | 24

#5505936 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:47

Don't be ashamed! U should embrace the redneck life :)

By KayleeT | 9

#5505937 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:47

Haters gonna hate. Lol just kidding, I'd probably be pretty annoyed too. I feel your pain, OP.

By Jemm_fml | 29

#5505939 - Saturday 25 May 2013 5:48

Redneck family moves to the suburbs? Where's that banjo player when you need him?

Reply

AngrySailor | 17

#5506410 - Saturday 25 May 2013 16:17

He's chillin' by the C-ment pond.