Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had... - FML

By juliet - 6/4/2009 04:39 - Canada

Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had a violent stomach flu. My understudies were unreachable, and she threatened to fail me if I did not perform. Halfway through the first act, I vomited on the first row. She failed me for letting the cast down. FML

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Workaholic

TMI

Bad news

By grabber - 9/8/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML

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By biwhat - 8/3/2014 09:23 - Australia - Bassendean

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. He dumped me because apparently now there is "too much competition". FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2013 05:40 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

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By Kftc88 - 11/1/2013 08:03 - United States - Pomona

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

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By BlueSteele220 - 29/7/2020 17:01

Too late

Today, someone stole a package off my doorstep. Too bad, it was the video doorbell to prevent my packages from being stolen. FML

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By Porter_Robinson - 30/4/2013 08:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

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By Samantha - 25/12/2018 02:00

Today, I discovered that my parents made a game out of my mental illness. Every morning, they have a bet on which one of them can make me cry first. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told his best friend to text my sister telling her to tell me that he was breaking up with me. FML

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By wherermypants - 2/8/2012 05:10 - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2013 16:58 - Finland - Nykarleby

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

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By call me humpty - 30/6/2018 20:30

Today, my dad knocked me down the steps while chasing my brother around the house shouting, "Get back here you pervert!" at the top of his lungs. I have a concussion and a vertebrae fracture because my dad is a religious nutjob and he caught my 22-year-old brother having premarital sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2020 17:04

This is us

Today, after 14 years of relationship, him forgetting every anniversary and birthday, and being disloyal several times, my boyfriend offered to buy us friendship rings. Because I according to him, I seem to care for such gestures, and it would fix our problems. 14 years. FML

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By hahatofunny - 13/9/2016 19:54 - United States - Pensacola

Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML

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By yessir - 1/12/2011 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend rear ended a cop car because he was texting me. I was sitting next to him. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2011 14:08 - United States

Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

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By mommyfairy - 12/3/2011 08:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my boss is able to read all the emails my coworker and I send each other. Most of them are about how she is such a shitty boss. FML

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By pon-3 - 22/6/2012 21:13 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

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By GasFromThePast - 24/11/2018 16:40 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I smelled gas when entering my apartment. I checked everything and then left to seek help. I was told to call 911, which resulted in two firetrucks and 10+ firefighters, one of which was my high school sweetheart, entering my messy apartment and finding nothing wrong. FML

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By Chin... uh.... - 10/5/2016 22:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2016 03:14 - New Zealand - Takanini

Today, I went to the doctor's after over a week of feeling extremely tired and having headaches. His advice? "When I'm tired I drink coffee. You should drink coffee." Somehow, I don't think that was worth $60. FML

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By Slipperywhenwet - 28/2/2009 13:08 - United States

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

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By TheLastSerenade - 23/1/2013 08:33 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

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By shutupandsmile18 - 18/4/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

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By Mayo - 4/12/2018 13:30

Today, I met one of my favorite fitness models. She told me I need to get in shape. I weigh 150lbs. FML

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By Ihatemylife - 3/3/2013 12:17 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom

Left hanging

Today, I was at work, and I had to tell my manager I was calling someone to bring me a bra as mine had broken mid-shift. I was the only woman on shift. It took them 30 minutes to show up and I still had to serve front of house while I waited. FML

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By roadrage - 22/10/2009 13:11 - Australia

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

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By Shell - 5/3/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I was working at Chuck-E-Cheese. If that isn't enough, I was put in the mouse costume. Due to the disgusting hot smell and atmosphere in the costume, I fainted in front of a birthday party. I awoke to a little boy screaming who then kicked me in the face and ran. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2013 22:25 - Luxembourg

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

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By kiwi - 11/11/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, I realized that the most romantic thing that my boyfriend and I have done in the last month is comb lice out of each other's hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2020 20:01

Twinned

Today, I realized my boyfriend is a little too much like my ex, who passed away 6 years ago. Some days, it's as if I'm dating his personality doppleganger. FML

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By Noname - 1/2/2009 22:17 - Canada

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

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By castironstomach - 3/10/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that my daughter will literally eat until she is sick to keep her father and brothers from getting her dessert. I also learned that my boys are sympathetic vomiters. All five of them. FML

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By Darth Binks - 1/2/2015 18:48 - Canada

Today, I came back from vacation to find a packet on the company's stress management programs on my desk. I was sent the same packet over my vacation. I got the same packet from my boss as I left. All because I snapped at a co-worker who was throwing a tantrum over the Star Wars trailer. FML

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By puppielover - 21/8/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

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By stillfuckingcrying - 24/2/2013 21:20 - Sweden - Kristdala

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2012 17:26 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, at a supermarket entrance, a seemingly drunk old lady said, "Sir?" as I passed by. I just ignored her and walked in. When I walked out with my groceries fifteen minutes later, several people were standing around her, calling for an ambulance. She'd passed out on the ground. FML

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By RuasaLove - 30/7/2015 02:34 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

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Top comments

By rosiegrewup | 0

#86645 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:28

Complain to the principal. That is totally out of line.

By Sviiiden | 0

#86635 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:20

Your teacher's a bitch...an obvious but necessary comment!

COMMENTS

By LadyKaya | 0

#86605 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:05

FHL for making you go. Next time, get more reliable understudies. Hope you feel better soon!

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#926261 - Monday 8 March 2010 22:25

have your parents consult the teacher an if nothing happens the principal. hurry before it's to late!!!

Reply

grammarcheck | 2

#1045747 - Sunday 27 June 2010 5:51

contest it, you have to win

Reply

Yourmomschesthai_fml | 1

#2385018 - Thursday 21 April 2011 21:30

you should have looked up at her and vomited in her face.

By suadelaaa | 0

#86615 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:10

Hope you get better soon =]

Reply

Lasagnaa | 24

#5406265 - Friday 15 March 2013 8:00

Your teacher sounds like a bitch. Sorry OP. FYL

By Endymion_fml | 0

#86617 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:11

I agree with #2, but why didn't you just say no, and, if she failed you, go to your head teacher?

By Sviiiden | 0

#86635 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:20

Your teacher's a bitch...an obvious but necessary comment!

By rosiegrewup | 0

#86645 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:28

Complain to the principal. That is totally out of line.

By C4rn4g3 | 0

#86651 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:33

HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

But seriously, you should've just told her to get fucked.

By Miss_Me | 0

#86656 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:38

Wow, I can't believe people actually thought you deserved this!

I hope you feel better soon!

Go to your head of section or principal? How can she fail you for that? It's not like you knowingly and maliciously contracted an illness...

By LadyKaya | 0

#86680 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:59

Meh, bitch somewhere else if you don't like people saying first (like maybe....not a free public forum? Just a suggestion).

:)

Jealous.

By itsTiffany | 0

#86681 - Monday 6 April 2009 13:00

Your director's a cunt!
I wouldn't take that class next year unless you can really put up with the BS.

By suadelaaa | 0

#86685 - Monday 6 April 2009 13:05

Oh yes 'LadyKaya' I'm ever so jealous that you got first comment.
My life is pretty much over.

"Today, I got beat to first comment on a fml post. FML" D: Ohno.

Reply

CrypticHatchet | 0

#980764 - Saturday 17 April 2010 4:21

lady Kaya didn't say first and everyone goes off on her

Reply

northbaldwinbabe | 18

#4669738 - Monday 9 July 2012 23:26

stop fighting, #10. god, can nobody get along? holy shit.