Health: Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 122

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 612

06/04/2009 04:39

Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had a violent stomach flu. My understudies were unreachable, and she threatened to fail me if I did not perform. Halfway through the first act, I vomited on the first row. She failed me for letting the cast down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133 001

You deserved it 6 278

The smell detective is on the case

Hiding from the drama

Keep your distance

Played yourself

By nano123 - 17/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 512

12/06/2016 10:00

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 208

You deserved it 2 144

10/04/2011 04:42

Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 497

You deserved it 4 969

02/11/2009 01:43

Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 522

You deserved it 14 885

20/01/2009 01:23

Today, I had to sit here for 8 hours copying and pasting thousands of product codes on a frigging spreadsheet. My job title is not data entry, I'm a graphic designer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 245

You deserved it 2 784

Dogs 4 Life

By RIPFelicity - 21/08/2021 00:01

Today, my boss wrote me up for appearing "depressing" to customers. I told her that I was upset because my dog had to be put down yesterday. She told me, "Aw that’s sad. But guess what? That dog ain’t gonna pay your bills and put bread on your table. So cut the emo crap or you’re fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 201

NEVER JOKE ABOUT FLUFFY

By Sheepiebeepie - 11/08/2017 04:30

Today, at the end of a 15 hour shift, my girlfriend and her friends played a "prank" on me by texting me from a random number saying my cat got hit by a car. I immediately burst into tears and lost it in front of my colleagues. My cat is fine. My relationship is the real joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 028

You deserved it 417

Selfish

By Anon - 10/10/2011 15:24

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently, I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 882

You deserved it 2 607

25/02/2013 19:26

Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 411

You deserved it 2 489

04/09/2018 06:00

Today, I got a new vibrator, raced all the way home, tore my pants off, took it out of the box, and then my grandmother walked in my front door. Apparently she's spending the night so she can make it to a doctor appointment in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 281

You deserved it 586

23/10/2014 15:56

Today, I didn't make dinner fast enough so somebody had a yelling and screaming temper tantrum. It would be understandable if the person who threw the tantrum was a child, and not my 57-year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 264

You deserved it 2 902

01/06/2014 22:15

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 461

You deserved it 12 467

The sweet smell of unsuccess

By Anonymous - 26/07/2020 23:00

Today, it marks the 3-month anniversary of adopting the 'I don't have the slightest chance at success' attitude at work. In those 3 months, my boss, my coworkers and my boss's boss have all agreed and our relationships have greatly improved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 182

29/05/2015 20:15

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 053

You deserved it 26 490

20/06/2011 14:59

Today, the only person I actually spoke with was a prank caller. I tried to have a conversation with him, but he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 399

You deserved it 7 905

22/08/2013 00:09

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 943

You deserved it 3 954

30/07/2010 04:40

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 031

You deserved it 33 390

04/04/2015 18:23

Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 051

You deserved it 3 476

20/01/2016 06:06

Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 767

You deserved it 1 821

That Monday feeling

By Ed. - 20/07/2020 05:01

Today, I have to go into work for the first time since the Covid-19 lockdown. I've been working from home since March. Today was also the first time since going on lockdown that I cut myself shaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 204

02/08/2012 14:12

Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 396

You deserved it 3 032

25/02/2016 07:39

Today, I paid $50 to go to a war museum. It was so boring that I fell asleep standing up, lost my balance and faceplanted the floor right in front of our tour guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 175

You deserved it 5 731

18/01/2017 09:02

Today, I realized that I hadn't heard anything about my upcoming class reunion. Turns out it was an invite via Facebook that I didn't receive because most of my classmates are on my block list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 272

You deserved it 7 739

15/04/2019 14:00

Today, I took a shower and went to put clothes on after, only to find no clothes in my closet. My mom took them all and hid them. No idea why. No idea when I will get them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 206

18/06/2011 15:34

Today, I found out that my eight year old son is actually my nephew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 666

You deserved it 7 081

Pompous twat

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 06:01

Today, this guy who I thought was my friend said that my "existence is of minimal consequence," and that I'm "an individual I clearly don't acknowledge." All this after he'd said, "I'm not trying to hurt you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 72

31/05/2010 15:43

Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to band-aids. I now have a band-aid shaped rash around a tiny cut on my leg. Oh the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 127

You deserved it 4 048

25/01/2019 00:00

Today, the school I applied to work for told me they were not going to schedule an interview. Why? Because they think my papers and name are fake. My name is Seymour Skinner. I’m not joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 703

You deserved it 149

Value

By Randy - 13/09/2011 02:15

Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 264

You deserved it 5 228

04/04/2013 08:20

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 166

You deserved it 3 475

Thanks, dude

By jamiedevin - 06/11/2010 04:04

Today, I was feeling really sick when I was with my boyfriend at the park. When we were walking, I got really dizzy and collapsed. My boyfriend didn't catch me. His mom took me to the hospital. While I was being poked with needles, he was at home playing COD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 586

You deserved it 4 812

06/07/2009 19:33

Spicy

Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of 2 years called and proposed to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 658

You deserved it 22 145

10/09/2017 23:15

Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 538

You deserved it 302

22/04/2009 14:09

Today, my mum and I were walking down a road where we met an old neighbour who recently got divorced. Her son who we hadn't seen for about 10 years was with her and he looked very handsome. I said, "oh wow ! your son has grown up so much !" The woman replied, "this is my boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 398

You deserved it 8 915

07/06/2018 20:30

Today, I asked my 4-year-old daughter where her father went. She said, "Out to have fun with Zoe." Acting on suspicion, I followed him and did a stakeout. Hours later, I barged in and caught him playing Dungeons and Dragons. "Zoe" is the female wizard he plays as. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 3 903

11/10/2010 00:57

Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 641

You deserved it 2 777

06/11/2016 09:18

Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 822

You deserved it 1 125

It's the monstaaaaah

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 21:30

Today, a 4 year-old saw me and started crying and screaming like heck. I mean, I knew that I didn't look good, but this is too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 79

30/05/2011 15:46

Today, my mom publicly pole danced. In a playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 006

You deserved it 5 022

13/06/2013 23:59

Today, I started playing softball again in a league after not playing for about 5 years. My very first time at the bat I whacked a foul ball into the parking lot and hit my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 218

You deserved it 6 659

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Monday 6 April 2009 12:28

Complain to the principal. That is totally out of line.

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Monday 6 April 2009 12:20

Your teacher's a bitch...an obvious but necessary comment!

Comments

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Monday 6 April 2009 12:05

FHL for making you go. Next time, get more reliable understudies. Hope you feel better soon!

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Monday 8 March 2010 22:25

have your parents consult the teacher an if nothing happens the principal. hurry before it's to late!!!

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Sunday 27 June 2010 5:51

contest it, you have to win

Yourmomschesthai_fml 1

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Thursday 21 April 2011 21:30

you should have looked up at her and vomited in her face.

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Monday 6 April 2009 12:10

Hope you get better soon =]

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Friday 15 March 2013 8:00

Your teacher sounds like a bitch. Sorry OP. FYL

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Monday 6 April 2009 12:11

I agree with #2, but why didn't you just say no, and, if she failed you, go to your head teacher?

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Monday 6 April 2009 12:20

Your teacher's a bitch...an obvious but necessary comment!

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Monday 6 April 2009 12:28

Complain to the principal. That is totally out of line.

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Monday 6 April 2009 12:33

HAHAHAHAHAHAH. But seriously, you should've just told her to get fucked.

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Monday 6 April 2009 12:38

Wow, I can't believe people actually thought you deserved this! I hope you feel better soon! Go to your head of section or principal? How can she fail you for that? It's not like you knowingly and maliciously contracted an illness...

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Monday 6 April 2009 12:59

Meh, bitch somewhere else if you don't like people saying first (like maybe....not a free public forum? Just a suggestion). :) Jealous.

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Monday 6 April 2009 13:00

Your director's a cunt! I wouldn't take that class next year unless you can really put up with the BS.

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Monday 6 April 2009 13:05

Oh yes 'LadyKaya' I'm ever so jealous that you got first comment. My life is pretty much over. "Today, I got beat to first comment on a fml post. FML" D: Ohno.

CrypticHatchet 0

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Saturday 17 April 2010 4:21

lady Kaya didn't say first and everyone goes off on her

northbaldwinbabe 18

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Monday 9 July 2012 23:26

stop fighting, #10. god, can nobody get along? holy shit.