Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had... - FML

By juliet - 6/4/2009 04:39 - Canada

Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had a violent stomach flu. My understudies were unreachable, and she threatened to fail me if I did not perform. Halfway through the first act, I vomited on the first row. She failed me for letting the cast down. FML

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Instadrama

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Compassion

By Anonymous - 16/2/2017 04:00 - United States

Today, while working at Starbucks, a customer dumped a hot chocolate on me and yelled, saying it wasn't his order. The order actually belonged to a 4-year-old boy with the same name who started screaming when he didn't get his chocolate. FML

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By Anon Y. Mous - 2/10/2015 04:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned what being stabbed in the leg by an ex feels like. FML

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By dejected - 28/2/2010 01:32 - United States

Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather and none of my friends or family wanting to spend time with me to feel loved I took my favorite stuffed animal and that says 'I love you' when you squeeze it. I squeezed it. Nothing happened. Even an inanimate object rejected me. FML

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By call me humpty - 30/6/2018 20:30

Today, my dad knocked me down the steps while chasing my brother around the house shouting, "Get back here you pervert!" at the top of his lungs. I have a concussion and a vertebrae fracture because my dad is a religious nutjob and he caught my 22-year-old brother having premarital sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2012 06:24

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

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By sunshine19217 - 18/1/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

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By teaspoonzz - 25/10/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML

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By maddengirl12 - 20/2/2014 08:57 - United States

Today, my mom and I flew three hours from Wyoming to a volleyball camp in Kentucky. When we arrived, we went to the volleyball center and told them I was there for the volleyball camp. They told me it had been cancelled two weeks ago and they forgot to call us. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2020 07:37

Slight overreaction?

Today, my husband and I recently decided not to have kids, because neither of us like children. Learning this, my dad wrote me out of his will and my mother swore on the Bible in church that she’s never going to speak to me again until I obey God's word and start multiplying. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

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By dudewheresmywheelschicago - 20/9/2016 05:14 - United States - Danville

Today, I had the most Chicago experience ever. While I was eating my delicious, deep dish pizza, someone was ripping the rims off my car 15 feet away. FML

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By :( - 27/4/2011 06:54

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML

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By cande - 1/12/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

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By The Dishwasher - 7/6/2017 15:00 - Canada - Guelph

Today, I started work at catering company. I was aware that I'd be cleaning dishes, but they forgot to warn me how many. Needless to say, after polishing 527 glasses, my hands hurt. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2013 17:58 - United States - Athens

Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML

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By baebookboo - 4/8/2014 15:08 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

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By Hungrytoothbrush - 7/3/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I spat up blood and had horrible chest pain. My mom still made me go to school, claiming she needed to take the cat to the vet instead of me to the doctor. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2015 02:25 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for smiling and laughing too much. Last week, he reprimanded me for not smiling and laughing enough. FML

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By Tigerlily - 3/5/2017 22:00

Today, my cat thanked me for buying her a new litterbox by peeing in all of my plants. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2020 15:00

Crossed Wires

Today, while on Grindr, I saw that this guy I'm friends with and have liked for a while now had messaged me. I got all excited, just for it to be a picture of him flipping me off. FML

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By anon - 10/11/2012 21:14 - United States - Kent

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

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By Jennifer - 20/1/2016 19:20 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was at school deleting documents I no longer needed on my school account. After clicking empty trash can, I saw a final paper on political science deleted. I'm not in political science, and I wasn't deleting files on my account. FML

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By Daddy_issues - 2/6/2018 05:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of four years. She took the opportunity to tell me that she's pregnant. With my half-brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2012 09:45

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

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By Noname - 17/1/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML

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By GhettoBeast - 8/9/2009 04:42 - New Zealand

Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML

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By wtf - 30/8/2011 12:16 - India

Today, it's my birthday. I've been dropping strong hints all year about wanting to learn to tap-dance, hoping for some decent tap shoes. Instead, I got a beekeepers outfit and some furry dice to hang on my wreck of a car's rear-view mirror. FML

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By LesboLover - 26/6/2019 02:30

Today, I found out that my crush is a lesbian. Everyone knew about it. Everyone also knew that I liked her. No one told me. FML

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By foreveralone.jpg - 29/8/2012 20:51 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML

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By Justme - 30/6/2016 18:20 - United States - Missoula

Today, while I was riding the bus to work, I noticed the guy sitting across from me had shorts on. He also had no underwear on and I could fully see his "parts" just hanging there. I decided to switch seats but as I stood up to move, the bus jerked. I fell face forward right into his "parts". FML

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By Pumpkin - 18/7/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

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By buttpain - 11/1/2017 13:25

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

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By indi1011 - 20/4/2009 12:21 - Australia

Today, I was giving a presentation to a group of high school kids about how being 'cool' wasn't as important as they might think. When I was done I asked for questions. A kid says, "Miss, I get that you're not into being cool, but you're wearing your pants inside out.' He was right. FML

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By weeping_angel_ - 12/7/2014 14:00 - United States - Cortland

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

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By happybirthday - 22/4/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like jabba the hut. FML

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By DookDaSpook - 11/1/2016 23:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

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By Embarassed - 30/8/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML

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By Mush - 27/8/2015 16:42 - France - Montpellier

Today, after an 8-month wait, I went on my big vacation. The beach, the sea, the dive, the jellyfish, the allergic reaction, the hospital. FML

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By ParanoidFreak - 31/12/2010 09:31 - United States

Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML

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By anonymous - 14/3/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

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Top comments

By rosiegrewup | 0

#86645 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:28

Complain to the principal. That is totally out of line.

By Sviiiden | 0

#86635 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:20

Your teacher's a bitch...an obvious but necessary comment!

Comments

By LadyKaya | 0

#86605 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:05

FHL for making you go. Next time, get more reliable understudies. Hope you feel better soon!

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#926261 - Monday 8 March 2010 22:25

have your parents consult the teacher an if nothing happens the principal. hurry before it's to late!!!

Reply

grammarcheck | 2

#1045747 - Sunday 27 June 2010 5:51

contest it, you have to win

Reply

Yourmomschesthai_fml | 1

#2385018 - Thursday 21 April 2011 21:30

you should have looked up at her and vomited in her face.

By suadelaaa | 0

#86615 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:10

Hope you get better soon =]

Reply

Lasagnaa | 24

#5406265 - Friday 15 March 2013 8:00

Your teacher sounds like a bitch. Sorry OP. FYL

By Endymion_fml | 0

#86617 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:11

I agree with #2, but why didn't you just say no, and, if she failed you, go to your head teacher?

By Sviiiden | 0

#86635 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:20

Your teacher's a bitch...an obvious but necessary comment!

By rosiegrewup | 0

#86645 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:28

Complain to the principal. That is totally out of line.

By C4rn4g3 | 0

#86651 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:33

HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

But seriously, you should've just told her to get fucked.

By Miss_Me | 0

#86656 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:38

Wow, I can't believe people actually thought you deserved this!

I hope you feel better soon!

Go to your head of section or principal? How can she fail you for that? It's not like you knowingly and maliciously contracted an illness...

By LadyKaya | 0

#86680 - Monday 6 April 2009 12:59

Meh, bitch somewhere else if you don't like people saying first (like maybe....not a free public forum? Just a suggestion).

:)

Jealous.

By itsTiffany | 0

#86681 - Monday 6 April 2009 13:00

Your director's a cunt!
I wouldn't take that class next year unless you can really put up with the BS.

By suadelaaa | 0

#86685 - Monday 6 April 2009 13:05

Oh yes 'LadyKaya' I'm ever so jealous that you got first comment.
My life is pretty much over.

"Today, I got beat to first comment on a fml post. FML" D: Ohno.

Reply

CrypticHatchet | 0

#980764 - Saturday 17 April 2010 4:21

lady Kaya didn't say first and everyone goes off on her

Reply

northbaldwinbabe | 18

#4669738 - Monday 9 July 2012 23:26

stop fighting, #10. god, can nobody get along? holy shit.