Today, my ten year-old brother told me that his thirteen year-old... - FML

By KillahCam - 26/1/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, my ten year-old brother told me that his thirteen year-old friend took one of my bras and two pairs of my underwear a few weeks ago. Apparently he took them out of my room, put them on, and has been sleeping with them ever since. He's coming to give them back tomorrow. FML

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Family values

Great speech, thanks!

Breaking Badly

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 05:40 - United States - Latonia

Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML

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By Anon - 10/10/2011 15:24 - Canada

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

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By Unknown - 26/10/2008 12:56 - France

Today, I have blue lips because of a guy whose face I don't even remember didn't know the difference between kissing and sucking. FML

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By ijustwantpizza - 7/1/2015 12:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML

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By BearGrillz - 17/8/2009 23:40 - United States

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

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By nopethanks - 31/10/2014 12:05 - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I woke up really early to get ready for an interview. I guess it was too early because my mom thought someone broke into our house and now I have two bruised ribs. FML

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By Stairs? Noooooo - 15/9/2015 22:31 - United States - San Leandro

Today, I was signing with my deaf brother at a local McDonald's. We were having a laugh about a game we played last night when this morbidly obese woman waddled over to us. She was utterly convinced we were "talking shit" about her and made a scene about our "hand gestures." Seriously? FML

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By AnnaMarie. - 28/2/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

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By lehonj49 - 21/6/2013 16:10 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

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By Mj - 20/7/2016 00:28 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2018 18:30

Today, while waiting for my interview to start, I tried to slip out a silent fart. It ended with shit running down my leg. FML

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By CollegeBound - 17/8/2012 19:55 - United States - Tully

Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

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By T-Shain - 31/5/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 08:13 - United States

Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML

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By tmi4me - 26/5/2015 03:50 - United States

Today, my boss admitted she's having an affair. She's married to my brother. FML

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By fmylife - 26/8/2010 10:09 - Malaysia

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

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By WitchQueenLiz - 28/6/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

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By LoveMyNewBro - 4/1/2011 10:56

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

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By Magnus_the_Red - 9/9/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

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By JuggaloSlasher15 - 8/8/2013 23:03 - United States

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2009 12:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend didn't come home from a night of drinking with the boys again, so I told him that I was packing my things and I wouldn't be here when he came home. After all my things were packed, I realized he drove my car to the bar. FML

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By Vkaz - 2/10/2014 18:20 - United States - Tampa

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

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By Annie - 1/11/2018 22:15

Today, the CEO of my company told me the only reason I'm being sent to this huge tech conference is because the company will look better with a girl there. I'm expected to stay out until 4am with creepy rich business partners to stroke their egos. FML

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By unbelievable208 - 5/8/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

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By ImaSneakyNinja - 17/11/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

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By anonymous - 18/3/2013 09:17 - United States - Torrance

Today, I was over at a friend's house feeding her cats while she was on vacation. After feeding the four of them, I found an extra cat under the sofa. Thinking it was an intruding stray, I kicked it out. She actually has 5 cats. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 22:26 - United States

Today, after an argument with a coworker, I sent him "Sorry about being such a jerk" in a reply to a mass email he had sent. I accidentally hit 'Reply All'. I now have 32 "It's okay" messages in my inbox. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2013 16:42 - United States - Englewood

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

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By stupidassgeek - 15/6/2016 13:22 - Australia - Moonee Ponds

Today, I opened up my laptop to replace a faulty chip inside, which took me half an hour. When I closed it all up again, I saw the replacement part in its packaging on my desk. FML

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By Twiggysucks68 - 7/1/2013 01:49 - United States - Antioch

Today, my fiancé decided he wants a baby only because our dog is good, quiet, and falls asleep as soon as he starts to cradle her. He thinks a baby will be just like that. FML

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By Sad - 1/3/2009 09:08 - United States

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 01:03 - United States

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

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By Alex Xavier - 25/6/2018 01:30

False Advertising

Today, after getting married recently and my wife making a ton of promises about "things" we'd do, she admitted she won't do any of them and said I should just accept that she lied. FML

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By Spotted - 18/2/2009 22:09 - Canada

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

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By Bliggins - 28/11/2012 03:08 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

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By Jeezus - 16/2/2016 03:00 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML

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By Paul Williams - 24/6/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, I had my first hockey game after being out with a shoulder injury. I ended up cracking my tail bone. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2013 22:37 - United States - Denison

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2015 01:49 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I overheard my co-workers referring to me as "Uncle Fester". This is apparently my nickname around the office, and has been for nearly three years. I had no idea. FML

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Top comments

By ur_lifeblows | 0

#799567 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:17

what a little weirdo...

By trevolution11 | 0

#799563 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:15

don't forget to wash them.

COMMENTS

By trevolution11 | 0

#799563 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:15

don't forget to wash them.

Reply

happyhak | 5

#923164 - Monday 8 March 2010 0:20

Wash them?! Forget washing them! Burn them ina fire! And if you can burn the little perv too! He has NO right to go through private things of yours, let alone steal them!

Reply

neddyy | 0

#983650 - Thursday 22 April 2010 15:10

Two thoughts:

1 Punch him in the face or tell his parents (either but not both)
2 The kid must have some serious boy boobs to be able to wear a bra so tease him about it.

Reply

underaegis | 0

#1288555 - Monday 23 August 2010 8:18

wash em?! the little perv probably mastubates to them

1 burn them
2 kill the kid
3 get a good fucking lawer

Reply

CEiiLEiiGH | 7

#5716335 - Monday 14 October 2013 22:36

Eww. I would tell him to keep them

Reply

MdMan2 | 23

#6309922 - Thursday 4 June 2015 3:04

I don't think she'll be wearing them anymore bro.

By ur_lifeblows | 0

#799567 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:17

what a little weirdo...

Reply

m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3592454 - Wednesday 16 November 2011 5:55

Future transvestite?

By lexie206 | 0

#799569 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:19

ew! I'd burn those! I can't imagine what he did to them.. FYL OP :(

By OMGxChrisHansen | 0

#799574 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:17

I'm not sure if this is amazing..... I think so.. ya fyl.

Reply

DESTROYERS3 | 0

#799727 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 11:27

what does OP mean?

Reply

rishaa143 | 0

#799785 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 12:24

i was think to burn thm too lol

Reply

sebastianhs | 6

#799821 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 12:47

Original Poster

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#801493 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 5:57

Orangutang Pubes

;)

Reply

quietlytearful | 0

#802833 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:30

teehee (:
#61, you are a genius!

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#804202 - Thursday 28 January 2010 7:14

thanks very much
I also had Octopus Porn on the mind, but that's just gross 

Reply

Xppppppppppppp | 1

#806500 - Friday 29 January 2010 5:49

HaHa!!!! you are now my hero xD

Reply

NomNomCookies | 0

#1494138 - Monday 4 October 2010 2:35

Optimus Prime!!

By SweetestSin | 4

#799578 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:18

eeewwww Just tell the little perv to keep them and if you can install a lock on your bedroom door.

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#799584 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:22

What's wrong with your brother that this is his friend?

By Lawzen_Rainbow | 7

#799581 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:22

eww creepy wee perv. tell his parents?

By Luckster | 0

#799582 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:22

Disturbing is an understatement here.

By nodbor | 11

#799588 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:21

Nice

By signalarmywife | 0

#799598 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:25

Throw them away when you get them! Sick little kids!!

By anela_fml | 0

#799609 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:32

awe how sweet of him to return them so you can burn them