Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took...

By Moosh - 1/1/2010 11:12 - Australia

Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it and showed it to all my friends at my party, while we were eating. FML

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Headache

By ReptillianFreeloader - 13/2/2017 11:00 - Australia - North Lakes

Australia? Australia.

Today, I had to chase off the Eastern Brown snake that's been hanging around. When it doubled back, I fell over trying to move out of its way and landed in a bush that contained 3 separate wasp nests. My body feels like it is on fire and the snake is now in my chook shed, refusing to leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2009 10:08 - United States

Today, I came home from my 2 week trip to Florida. At the airport, the door said "Enter Only", while a sign above it said "Do not enter." Long story short, I got arrested for "disobeying signs." Nothing says "Welcome home" like being arrested. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

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By whyme_ss - 23/2/2010 22:10 - United States

Today, I got into my boyfriends car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2016 19:44 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss - whose intelligence level hovers a hair above "Herpity derpity derp" - got up my ass and accused me of lying to him. All because I said that just because I'm a network admin, I can't make his 7 year old piece of crap Blackberry magically be able to use 4G networks. FML

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By oops - 18/5/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

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By Rollymouth - 2/9/2010 01:26 - France

Today, I talked to my crush for half an hour. It wasn't until I was home that I realised I had some remains of the sausage roll I ate an hour earlier spread all over my teeth. FML

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By outofluckatcollege - 27/8/2016 07:33 - United States - Lewisville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't stuck rooming together for the rest of a semester that hasn't even started yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2013 16:53 - United States - Concord

Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML

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By 16seconds - 8/2/2010 01:56 - United States

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

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By Britishboy1991 - 9/12/2016 15:50

Today, I should be working on my big project for work due next week. Instead, I'm walking in and out of the block to get all my things from my flat. My roommate lied about paying the rent for months now and has actually spending all the money on lotto tickets. And no, he didn't win anything. FML

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By Hireme - 8/7/2018 01:30

Today, after being unemployed for the last year, I finally got an interview. When they asked me my favorite past time, I panicked and said, "dancing with my cat". I guess I won’t be hearing from them anytime soon. FML

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By fail - 5/12/2010 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years called me on Skype while he was taking a crap. Think it's a sign that maybe we've been dating for too long. FML

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By Rach - 8/6/2010 14:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

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By mehdi-online - 13/10/2008 08:22

Today, for the first time I sat next to a hot babe. I was feeling nervous, nevertheless, I managed to shyly ask her phone number. It’s only when I arrived back home that I realized there was a digit missing. FML

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By Dave - 29/11/2012 14:22 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my 5 kids were singing their favorite Christmas carols in the van, each trying to sing louder than the others. It would have probably sounded better if they were all singing the same one. FML

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By unfucked - 26/8/2012 23:18 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2014 23:16 - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of pee all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

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By WellGroomed - 26/11/2015 15:20 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

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By iamnotuseless - 10/12/2010 11:37

Today, I went to my local pharmacy. Walking in, the security guard rudely asked me what I was going to buy. I brushed him off and walked in. I was paying and told the cashier what happened. She said "Sorry, we get a lot of hobos, they tend to steal." FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2013 19:53 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

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By sirensaresexy - 24/7/2012 13:54 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I got on a two hour train ride to go to a concert. I had been so caught up in handling the train tickets that halfway to the concert, I realized I had left the concert tickets on my dresser. FML

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By crub - 5/3/2009 15:10 - United States

Today, I had my quarterly review with my supervisor at the warehouse I work at. He told me I was doing great and we discussed my raise. After I left his office, his supervisor told me I was being fired for my attendance. The last time I missed work was to attend a funeral. Five months ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2019 12:12

Today, my son got an email saying he could win an iPad if he just entered his credit card number. He asked for mine, telling me that it was so he could buy some school supplies online, so I gave it to him. The internet just conned a credit card number out of a 17-year-old nitwit. And me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML

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By BroadwayBaby1997 - 17/9/2016 15:26 - United States - Mission

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

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By a_boring_snuffkin - 16/5/2020 02:00

Honestly?

Today, my friend needed to talk out bad feelings. Then she urged me to open up as well. I hate doing it, but it only seemed fair, so I confessed my deep insecurities. Not only did she agree with everything, but she also helpfully added that I'm boring, have no life and all my dreams are unattainable. FML

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By nightput - 17/11/2008 06:02 - France

Today, I took my driving test. I spent 30 minutes with the handbrake on. FML

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By poorkids - 31/10/2012 05:01 - United States - Auburn

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

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By cheaphubbyswife - 4/4/2009 09:19 - Canada

Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away and we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML

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By momlife - 28/3/2016 20:45 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

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By ashleyyyy - 28/10/2011 15:59 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

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By Jack Shart Jr. - 8/7/2015 15:16 - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

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By Username - 8/10/2010 10:53 - France

Today, I was making my bed which would normally be a simple task, until I leaned into the wooden foot of my bed, and put my entire body weight on my left nut. FML

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By dentedmercedes - 20/4/2013 13:43 - United States - Berkley

Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2016 12:31

Today, I found a "white power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2012 04:59 - United States

Today, I was greeting customers at work. After saying good morning to one man, he stopped and looked at me from head to toe before smirking and saying, "Mmmm." He then turned around and said, "It's starting." It's only my first day. FML

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By AvocadoPurse - 31/12/2019 16:00

Today, my mother-in-law took a phone message on the back of my marriage license. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2015 12:14

Today, my pregnant girlfriend and I moved into our first home together, signing a 1-year lease. Less than 12 hours later, we've discovered that the place is infested with cockroaches and we have a mouse. The landlord won't let us out of the contract. FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#748796 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:39

A number two in the shape of a number two? Stepdad: FTW! What a flawless victory!

By fmlfmlfml15 | 0

#748774 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:24

wow, thats just disgusting

Comments

By fmlfmlfml15 | 0

#748774 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:24

wow, thats just disgusting

redsox4021 | 0

#988961 - Friday 7 May 2010 4:33

Today I took a shit in the shape of a 2 (side note-AWSOME) and showeda pic of it at my step sons party during dinner and he was like
WTFML

xtfauthorx | 0

#1019228 - Friday 4 June 2010 19:25

that's AWESOME a number 2 in the shape of the number two????? it's inspired it's genius!!!!

By Professorx2z | 0

#748775 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:24

FyL

joeyisinsane | 0

#1016042 - Wednesday 2 June 2010 4:01

ydi for having erectile dysfunction and don't ever use ur iPod in Germany

Apple_pie777 | 0

#2828939 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 6:14

think she/he had a crappy time haha

By xdrumkid101x | 0

#748780 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:26

ew.

By ipwnallmen | 10

#748781 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:26

talk about a shitty load XX ugh... im gonna hurl. fml for reading this, fyl for having a stepdad who's crunk when drunk and sober ugh nasty

By adi2 | 0

#748786 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:34

I wish my stepdad was that cool! minus showing the pic during the dinner, that's wrong.

ryguy1997 | 0

#961965 - Thursday 18 March 2010 15:13

I fail to see the 'cool' in this.
You just fail. Epicly.

By Newbie21 | 1

#748788 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:35

gross but have a happy new year

By sara_3536 | 0

#748792 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:36

ewwww !!!

By lolatyouhaha | 0

#748793 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:37

AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA awesome

Canadiansoldier | 0

#815082 - Monday 1 February 2010 9:15

haha

By perdix | 29

#748796 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:39

A number two in the shape of a number two? Stepdad: FTW! What a flawless victory!

Zer0_Zer0 | 0

#748810 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:58

Flawless? Did you read what he wrote at all?
The 1st 6 words are a flaw in itself

kittehkat87 | 0

#1362894 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:58

12- Your comment is flawed.

By ILoveMyLifeSoMuc | 0

#748800 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:44

what a perv