Miscellaneous: Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took...

By Moosh - Australia

Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it and showed it to all my friends at my party, while we were eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35834

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4073

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Our house, in the middle of our street

Furry

By alphafoxy21 - United States

Today, after spending 8 months and $11,000 on school, I was denied a job in my chosen career field. They told me they decided to go with someone with more experience. So who got the job? One of my classmates. This is her first job. EVER. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37816

You deserved it

3743

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By pansypup - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25687

You deserved it

2181

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By -_-" - United States - Vestal

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42120

You deserved it

9010

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because I'm in the military and I'm gone too much. The reason I enlisted in the first place is because we agreed that the money and benefits I would earn would help us be able to start a family in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45778

You deserved it

3945

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By Blue_Heart - Canada - Brampton

Today, I decided to bike to work. I normally forget the key to my lock, so I leave it out back and hope that nobody takes it, and nobody does. I finally remembered my lock key so I chained it up. After my 7 hour shift, I walk to the back only to find the lock had been cut, and my bike was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25795

You deserved it

1949

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By SexyPlayer9 - United States

Today, I was on a flight and one of my friends was sitting next to this woman who happened to be sleeping with her mouth wide open. My friend decided to take a picture. While I was editing it, a man sitting behind us said "If you want to take a picture of my girlfriend, wait until she's awake". FML

I agree, your life sucks

8482

You deserved it

66034

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23461

You deserved it

48232

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By ThreeTimesUnlucky - South Africa - Edenvale

Today, I received another letter of rejection from the university of my dreams. I got it the first time, but thanks for reminding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28989

You deserved it

2177

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By blegh - United Kingdom

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47973

You deserved it

8836

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By Ashlee - United States

Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41351

You deserved it

7784

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49676

You deserved it

4141

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By crazycat - Canada

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33532

You deserved it

5808

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By GideonSquire

Today, I walked through a car park and brutally bashed my head, leaving a tennis ball sized lump on my forehead on an overhead sign saying, "Max height 6"6'". I'm 6"4'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3742

You deserved it

418

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2021 23:01 - United States - High Springs

Used car, one careful owner

Today, after searching online and in the newspaper for an affordable used vehicle, I finally came across one that wasn't a scam or the seller lying about the actual condition of the vehicle. It was legit and and sold about 10 minutes after the seller gave me his info for me to go look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

738

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sat right next to the door on the bus. When I went to get up, a man tripped and pushed me down the exit door stairs. I fell down and legitimately broke my ankle. While tending to my ankle, the bus doors closed and my backpack with my laptop, notes and calculator drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39786

You deserved it

2359

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By jack - United States - Mcnabb

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36893

You deserved it

2524

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By allidoiswrkwrkwrknomttrwht - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Stay at home

Today, I found out my request to have off on Thanksgiving for the first time in 6 years was denied, because I work the evening shift every year on Thanksgiving and that's convenient for everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12602

You deserved it

799

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By :| - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was assigned to fill in for a French teacher who was out sick. I had asked the class to name some French-speaking countries. I called on one girl and she replied, "Uh, Europe. That's, like, the only other one, right?" Nobody disagreed. I'm filling in for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46074

You deserved it

2995

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By KillingMeSlowly

Today, I realized that my two year old likes to help with the groceries. And by help I mean hide a bag of chicken. It's been two weeks since I went grocery shopping and I still can't find it, but it smells like something died in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25527

You deserved it

2652

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5217

You deserved it

598

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By oldsoulyoungbody - United States

Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29195

You deserved it

4153

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By replaced - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28083

You deserved it

1642

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By thegoldenboy3 - Spain

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49125

You deserved it

14290

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I rode home alone on a train. I accidentally missed my stop, but wasn't worried about it. My mom did not share my optimism and actually called the train company, saying that I was "lost" and "special". They thought she meant I was retarded. They wouldn't believe me when I said I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31493

You deserved it

3277

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2020 17:02

Everybody needs good neighbours

Today, I live on the second floor and my neighbor from below banged on my door, telling me I sounded like a giant elephant and needed to learn to be quiet. I was eating ice cream in bed. I also live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1432

You deserved it

107

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By NoPromotionForYou

The sweet smell of success

Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

You deserved it

568

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By bummed and broke - United States

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10817

You deserved it

34846

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By socks - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48729

You deserved it

3333

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By grrrrrr - United States

Today, I grounded my daughter for putting play doh in the toaster. She's 17 and got into Columbia early admissions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31543

You deserved it

5033

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By kaydebug

Today, while doing self-checkout at Walmart, the cap of my laundry detergent came off as I scanned it and dumped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1862

You deserved it

190

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34988

You deserved it

4187

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By Tea_baggins - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41248

You deserved it

19692

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32537

You deserved it

3242

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By sammers27 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, a weird guy in pajama pants and a fake hair-hat kept standing by us at a concert. Everyone talked about what a creep he was. I would have too, but he was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47082

You deserved it

4815

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By Anonymous - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my little brother put a battery to my tongue while I was sleeping with my mouth open. The shock found its way right to my metal filling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46276

You deserved it

3937

Favorite

Today, after months of delays, my home renovation is nearing completion. Well, it was nearing completion. Last night, a pipe burst, flooding the entire house. The water damage will cost more to repair than the entire renovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3249

You deserved it

214

Favorite

By Merlin - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a one-inch fish bone stuck in my throat. I went to the doctor, who claimed he couldn't see the long white thing embedded next to my tonsil. He charged me $70, and told me to eat some bread. I had to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34562

You deserved it

2316

Favorite

By oceangirl - United States

Get back here!

Today, I texted my flatmate to ask him when he would be paying his portion of the rent, since he has told me he would be late this month. He wrote back to inform me that he had moved out last night while I was away, and that he won't be paying me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30081

You deserved it

2442

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By andrew

Today, I broke a world record on third-wheeling with my friend and his girlfriend. As we were driving back from the beach, I took a nap and woke up to my friend receiving head in the front seat. They knew I was awake, but they continued and finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6162

You deserved it

911

Favorite

By TotallyDoneDating

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years lost her virginity on a cruise last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5766

You deserved it

727

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#748796 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:39

A number two in the shape of a number two? Stepdad: FTW! What a flawless victory!

By fmlfmlfml15 | 0

#748774 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:24

wow, thats just disgusting

COMMENTS

By fmlfmlfml15 | 0

#748774 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:24

wow, thats just disgusting

redsox4021 | 0

#988961 - Friday 7 May 2010 4:33

Today I took a shit in the shape of a 2 (side note-AWSOME) and showeda pic of it at my step sons party during dinner and he was like
WTFML

xtfauthorx | 0

#1019228 - Friday 4 June 2010 19:25

that's AWESOME a number 2 in the shape of the number two????? it's inspired it's genius!!!!

By Professorx2z | 0

#748775 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:24

FyL

joeyisinsane | 0

#1016042 - Wednesday 2 June 2010 4:01

ydi for having erectile dysfunction and don't ever use ur iPod in Germany

Apple_pie777 | 0

#2828939 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 6:14

think she/he had a crappy time haha

By xdrumkid101x | 0

#748780 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:26

ew.

By ipwnallmen | 10

#748781 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:26

talk about a shitty load XX ugh... im gonna hurl. fml for reading this, fyl for having a stepdad who's crunk when drunk and sober ugh nasty

By adi2 | 0

#748786 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:34

I wish my stepdad was that cool! minus showing the pic during the dinner, that's wrong.

ryguy1997 | 0

#961965 - Thursday 18 March 2010 15:13

I fail to see the 'cool' in this.
You just fail. Epicly.

By Newbie21 | 1

#748788 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:35

gross but have a happy new year

By sara_3536 | 0

#748792 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:36

ewwww !!!

By lolatyouhaha | 0

#748793 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:37

AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA awesome

Canadiansoldier | 0

#815082 - Monday 1 February 2010 9:15

haha

By perdix | 29

#748796 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:39

A number two in the shape of a number two? Stepdad: FTW! What a flawless victory!

Zer0_Zer0 | 0

#748810 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:58

Flawless? Did you read what he wrote at all?
The 1st 6 words are a flaw in itself

kittehkat87 | 4

#1362894 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:58

12- Your comment is flawed.

By ILoveMyLifeSoMuc | 0

#748800 - Friday 1 January 2010 16:44

what a perv