Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped... - FML

By ugh - 8/6/2012 04:35 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

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DINOSAURS!!

Delayed proposal

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 19:22 - United States

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

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By JustEwww - 22/10/2009 21:24 - Australia

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

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By corey - 28/2/2012 03:41 - United States

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. He laughed at me and said, "That's hilarious because I was going to ask you if you could take a pay cut!" FML

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By hwscrewed - 10/11/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I was writing my narrative essay for my English class. When I turned it in, I was really proud of what I thought I wrote. Evidently for some people listening to music while writing essays is a bad thing. My essay was filled with little bits of ZZ Top lyrics. FML

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By Elsine - 2/10/2018 13:30

Today, after having to move home with my parents because I'm broke and can't seem to find a job, my mom found out I'm on anti-depressants. She and my dad will no longer be helping with money because she doesn't like "drugs". FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

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By dating a big bag of dicks - 13/5/2014 21:02 - United States

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML

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By jedd90 - 8/7/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I overdraw my account, and I ended up paying an extra 35 bucks for a 1.99 item. It was an application on the iPhone that is supposed to help me keep track of my money. FML

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By Confusedblonde - 30/4/2015 03:31 - United States - Canton

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, all because he thought I was a communist, a sinner, and a terrorist, simply because I think the gay rights are OK, because I agree with some feminists, and because I got blonde highlights in my hair. FML

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By Jjh99q - 3/10/2017 22:30 - United States

Today, I stayed until 11 PM washing, wiping, and mopping up the entire restaurant. I forgot to clock in. FML

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By neelloc83 - 2/3/2009 14:22 - United States

Today, I was meeting friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was waiting for the group to arrive and our table to be ready. An Indian man approached me smiling, so I said "We're not ready for our table yet". Then I realized it was my friend's boyfriend who I've met several times. FML

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By doomed - 11/2/2015 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband recited to me the name and model number of every single weapon in the game Doom, along with what they did and roughly where to find them. Last month, he forgot my birthday. We've been married for 6 years; he hasn't played Doom in at least 10. FML

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By Renesmeekuhnell - 28/2/2010 16:00 - Denmark

Today, I had to walk through the blistering snow, because my boss needed something really important: cream cheese. FML

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By Sawarski - 7/1/2013 20:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

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By Alex - 8/5/2016 19:12 - United States

Today, after spending $120 to have a bouquet of flowers delivered to my mom, she called to complain that I had forgotten about her for Mother's day, but also praise my sister for apparently receiving my flowers I sent at the door and passing them off as hers. FML

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By MaydayManic - 10/8/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

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By photoman - 14/7/2014 09:31 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

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By jobless and broke - 29/7/2015 18:40 - United States - Mesa

Today, I got fired from my new job on my first day. Why? Because I'm 19 and company policy says you have to be 21. But they can't ask how old you are. FML

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By starrybrooke - 6/4/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2016 21:12 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I was using my headset while gaming, and another player couldn't stop laughing at the hilariously high-pitched voice I was putting on. He thought I was mocking the pre-pubescent squeakers on our team. Nope, that's just my natural voice. FML

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By little tooth - 6/11/2008 13:39 - France

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

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By mylovelifeisanepicfail - 12/3/2015 13:53 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

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By Shiet - 10/2/2016 04:08 - Singapore

Today, I found out that people are notified when you list them on Twitter. I've been listing people as "Interesting" and "Stupid". FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2010 23:05 - United States

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

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By f - 31/1/2011 05:47

Today, I was attacked by my dad because I got my hair dyed and he thought I was a robber. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2011 18:39 - United States

Today, my wife told me the main reason she married me is because I have a cool last name. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 17:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2015 15:48 - United States - Bedminster

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

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By prostitott - 4/5/2013 07:22

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 04:21 - United States - Erie

Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML

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By B-377 - 23/10/2018 11:30 - United States - Sarver

Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled up next to me. He assumed I was a woman, and started catcalling me. I'm a 34-year-old man with a wife and kids, and my hair isn't even long. FML

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By anon - 16/2/2014 12:56 - Australia - Kingston

Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML

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By oppafucktardstyle - 14/10/2012 20:36 - United States - Waterloo

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

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By Hilary - 23/9/2010 01:25 - Australia

Today, I was trying to relieve a dog that looked like it was choking because it was tied to a pole while its owner was in a restaurant. The owner called a security guard because she was convinced I was trying to steal her dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2014 03:29 - United States - University Park

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I had gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student there. This happens all the time. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2015 12:21 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

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By Andrew - 31/10/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

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By soontobesingle - 27/3/2013 19:55 - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML

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By BlueBaby123 - 25/7/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

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Top comments

By NYCBOII123 | 7

#4539845 - Friday 8 June 2012 12:59

AHAHAHAHA! That's a good prank.

By xodenisenicole | 3

#4539854 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:02

Wow.. What a thriller ;)

COMMENTS

By NYCBOII123 | 7

#4539845 - Friday 8 June 2012 12:59

AHAHAHAHA! That's a good prank.

Reply

cyborgmexican | 6

#4539857 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:03

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

instnt1nfction | 16

#4539877 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:13

Well we got a... Cyborgmexican here?

Reply

BandWagonGuy | 8

#4540023 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:53

Well, we got instant1nfction here.

Reply

FiestaInMyPants | 8

#4540128 - Friday 8 June 2012 14:26

^ Way to live up to your username. :P

Reply

allard | 14

#4540132 - Friday 8 June 2012 14:27

C-c-c-c-combo breaaaaker!

Reply

instnt1nfction | 16

#4540496 - Friday 8 June 2012 16:06

53, someone removed my comment from this thread. He doesn't deserve thumb downs.

Reply

folfg0 | 12

#4540568 - Friday 8 June 2012 16:30

*facepalm* guys! Op has to be a guy. Other wise a girl would have put girl. The dude is to ashamed to say he's a guy. :P

Reply

aaahhhfire21 | 0

#4541184 - Friday 8 June 2012 18:57

Ydi for having a dumbass fear

Reply

MrBrightside21 | 20

#4542066 - Saturday 9 June 2012 2:11

It's a thriller, isn't it?

Hahaha oh boy I almost peed myself laughing at my own lame pun. I should really get into comedy.

Reply

brunomars09 | 3

#4542097 - Saturday 9 June 2012 2:30

147 - no you shouldn't

Reply

Noremac42 | 8

#4542482 - Saturday 9 June 2012 4:30

I used to be afraid of John D. Rockerfeller's face.

Reply

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#4542511 - Saturday 9 June 2012 4:41

I'm scared of Marilyn Manson :/

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#4543034 - Saturday 9 June 2012 11:22

I thought it was pretty Bad to do that.

Reply

anythingmustbe | 18

#4543668 - Saturday 9 June 2012 15:09

Its because shes bad,bad you know it

By AliceRose13 | 5

#4539847 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:00

Lol that's hilarious OP,but sorry for your fear of him! Hope you have more than one bathroom!

Reply

uJelly24 | 1

#4539938 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:24

Why would anyone be scared of MJ's face,the man is dead for crying out loud!?

Reply

BubbleGrunge | 18

#4540235 - Friday 8 June 2012 15:03

49-we will not break bread with you!

Reply

redreynard | 14

#4540560 - Friday 8 June 2012 16:26

23, because they're ignorant ;)

Reply

drewfus2 | 6

#4540995 - Friday 8 June 2012 18:13

23- Perhaps they saw... The Man In the Mirror! Haha... Ha... Puns.

Reply

DrewFluIngle | 10

#4541685 - Friday 8 June 2012 22:30

#2 That's my face when I see him.

Reply

adamcichuttek | 2

#4541722 - Friday 8 June 2012 22:47

78 - because MJ looks freaky.

Reply

redreynard | 14

#4541758 - Friday 8 June 2012 23:15

132, cuz you missed the joke.

Reply

TayonaC | 10

#4541930 - Saturday 9 June 2012 0:55

Are you a boy? If so, you have every reason to be afraid.
I would be too

Reply

marcus903 | 17

#4542012 - Saturday 9 June 2012 1:50

Not to offend anyone but maybe OP thought his face was scary?

Reply

CharliesCool2084 | 8

#4543187 - Saturday 9 June 2012 12:55

Excuse me Alice Rose, you seem to have Jenna Marbles as your display picture? I haven't seen you comment on here with that picture either. I HAD HER FIRST...

Reply

wlddog | 14

#4544119 - Saturday 9 June 2012 17:34

#2,, I imagined the face on your profile when I read the story.
#78,, I caught the joke.

Reply

twilightluvr101 | 4

#4556368 - Tuesday 12 June 2012 6:45

I liked just because of the jenna marbles face lol

By DrewFluIngle | 10

#4539849 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:00

Well he is pretty scary after he turned all bleach white 0.0

Reply

mango260 | 9

#4540891 - Friday 8 June 2012 17:37

Usually I do that to little kids it never gets old!

Reply

Lrs614 | 3

#4541662 - Friday 8 June 2012 22:20

96 thats just cruel lol

By ChucktheNorris | 0

#4539851 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:01

Why are you afraid of MJ..?

Reply

cathyli623 | 6

#4540340 - Friday 8 June 2012 15:28

Hey, it kinda creeped me out after he bleached his skin but I got used to it.

Reply

Akazuki | 26

#4540529 - Friday 8 June 2012 16:18

68, MJ didn't bleach his skin. He had Vitiligo, a disease that causes depigmentation in the skin.

Reply

rlr386 | 8

#4540554 - Friday 8 June 2012 16:25

I ain't scared of no ghost...Lol

Reply

Akazuki | 26

#4540598 - Friday 8 June 2012 16:40

Whoops. No prob, 82. I apologize for commenting on a subject that I do not know well. My bad ...

Reply

hawaiianfire | 0

#4540690 - Friday 8 June 2012 16:58

Well it could be because he raped Macaulay Culkin. Just saying... Just because he's dead doesn't mean we should forget....

Reply

EduJav321 | 24

#4540718 - Friday 8 June 2012 17:00

Cuz he's Pedobear's best friend!

By falloutboy97 | 16

#4539853 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:01

Is it possible your name is Billie Jean...?

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#4543220 - Saturday 9 June 2012 13:05

or mcaulay caulkin?!

Reply

falloutboy97 | 16

#4543458 - Saturday 9 June 2012 14:06

Touché.

By xodenisenicole | 3

#4539854 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:02

Wow.. What a thriller ;)

Reply

auspycious | 0

#4540121 - Friday 8 June 2012 14:24

Haha pun!!

Reply

pavlovaaLOVE | 7

#4540242 - Friday 8 June 2012 15:04

52 - thanks genius !!

Reply

tennisrapper1 | 14

#4540381 - Friday 8 June 2012 15:41

52 - you can just beat it captain obvious!

Reply

fenixtorador1 | 11

#4541638 - Friday 8 June 2012 22:12

I see what you did there ;) sneaky bastard lol

Reply

xodenisenicole | 3

#4541646 - Friday 8 June 2012 22:14

You loved it.

By putloginhere | 6

#4539860 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:03

This is giving me ideas...

By melij99 | 5

#4539861 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:04

A giant troll face??

Reply

Gtroll | 4

#4546019 - Sunday 10 June 2012 0:19

My giant troll face.

By AwsumShyGuy | 12

#4539863 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:04

I guess you can say she's a smooth criminal.

Reply

aleeshttylXD | 9

#4540709 - Friday 8 June 2012 16:59

;] nice!

Reply

Jonaahhhh | 12

#4545952 - Saturday 9 June 2012 23:46

I bet she Beat It out of the shower when she saw it.

By Spazz420 | 7

#4539871 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:10

Grow up!! I hope people see your face and run away screaming!!

Reply

Kimk13 | 8

#4539883 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:14

That's a little much...

Reply

KriiFahMoro | 9

#4539896 - Friday 8 June 2012 13:18

11 - No u.

Reply

auzz1_pride | 9

#4540060 - Friday 8 June 2012 14:05

Can I be honest 19, your picture made me a little scared :(

Reply

lifeisaterriblem | 6

#4540167 - Friday 8 June 2012 14:38

Sounds like someone has problems

Reply

Spazz420 | 7

#4540268 - Friday 8 June 2012 15:12

It's a picture!! Seriously! Bad plastic surgery this OP is a wuss!

Reply

I_lost_the_game | 25

#4540556 - Friday 8 June 2012 16:25

That could be said for your fear. How would you like it if someone told you to "Man up, and get over it," for your fear?

Reply

Spazz420 | 7

#4540957 - Friday 8 June 2012 17:57

But fear of Michael Jackson's face?? It's effin stupid.

Reply

jbuczek1 | 0

#4541001 - Friday 8 June 2012 18:14

Your name says it all, Spazz.

Reply

mikeawesome | 0

#4541292 - Friday 8 June 2012 19:37

I agree with you they should grow up

Reply

FMLshark | 12

#4541555 - Friday 8 June 2012 21:33

That's like telling someone their fear of clowns is stupid. A phobia is an irrational fear. Please get off the Internet before your mom finds out you're using it without her permission.

Reply

Spazz420 | 7

#4542569 - Saturday 9 June 2012 5:08

Thank you very much!!! Finally someone else with a brain!

Reply

hcarrillo90 | 0

#4545901 - Saturday 9 June 2012 23:18

dont be hating cuz shes afraid of mj bitch