Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school.... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/3/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school. Somehow it escaped from its cage, and ran into my room. My boyfriend, thinking it was a mouse, stomped on it. I'm stuck cleaning hamster guts from my carpet, and explaining to a kindergarten class what happened to their pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58434

You deserved it

7572

Tweet

Share

Boozehound

The student becomes the master

You snooze, you lose

By single now - 26/2/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, a friend of mine sent me a message saying, "Man, I am so sorry but we were both really drunk and I swear it didn't mean anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29290

You deserved it

4285

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/11/2012 13:30 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, my parents told me that they had joined a local club. Proud of them for going out of their comfort zone to make new friends, I googled the name of the club. I'm sure they'll make some lifelong friends at their first swingers club meet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30504

You deserved it

3186

Tweet

Share

By tryfailtryget11 - 5/9/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were messing around and I always jokingly say "You're adopted, nobody loves you" to everybody. His reply, "That's pretty fucked up, I am adopted." He really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11640

You deserved it

76571

Tweet

Share

By thanks mom - 3/5/2019 14:00

Today, after 10 years of intense training, I earned a black belt in karate. When I told my mom, she asked how long it took me, then laughed and sarcastically remarked, "Wow. SO impressive," whilst slow-clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3213

You deserved it

236

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/5/2011 14:10 - Australia

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11823

You deserved it

43392

Tweet

Share

By bosslady - 30/6/2015 09:57 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27318

You deserved it

2273

Tweet

Share

By have it your way - 29/4/2014 19:13 - United States - Rochester

Today, during a boat trip with my boyfriend's family, I got seasick and went to the side of the boat to puke. A current rocked the boat so badly that I fell overboard, prompting a panicked rescue and my boyfriend's mom muttering that I'm a pathetic attention whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47937

You deserved it

5042

Tweet

Share

By I hate nasty people - 5/4/2012 16:18 - United States - South Bend

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25727

You deserved it

2083

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 20:13 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I saw some servicemen sitting outside a café, and I went over to thank them for their service. They waited till after I was done shaking their hands before they told me they were just actors on their lunch break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41615

You deserved it

7209

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/7/2012 15:41 - United States - Apex

Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23920

You deserved it

8178

Tweet

Share

By Igor - 19/12/2012 05:16 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34194

You deserved it

4070

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/1/2013 04:23 - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9560

You deserved it

46129

Tweet

Share

By Depressed - 14/7/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41936

You deserved it

3565

Tweet

Share

By KiwiMaid - 3/6/2016 10:31 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I got excited because my husband will be away for 5 days, which means I'll be able to deep clean the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12823

You deserved it

2116

Tweet

Share

By pathetic - 23/4/2012 22:06 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16091

You deserved it

55878

Tweet

Share

By Chels - 11/5/2011 05:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67689

You deserved it

5255

Tweet

Share

By cherbear1000 - 4/9/2013 21:07 - United States - Newville

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32911

You deserved it

8931

Tweet

Share

By Username - 8/7/2011 13:24 - United States

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34469

You deserved it

5584

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 17:31 - Sweden - Karlskrona

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I'm pregnant, though I don't really suffer from morning sickness. I do however suffer from sympathy puking, which kicked in with horrifying consequences when someone burst in and started vomiting in one of the other stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30806

You deserved it

2492

Tweet

Share

By incestastic - 14/8/2010 23:23 - Canada

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43014

You deserved it

3033

Tweet

Share

By yeah hun i think insects arent animals too - 9/10/2013 07:51 - Germany - Leipzig

Today, I yet again had to pretend to be a dumb bimbo so that my boyfriend wouldn't get upset over the fact that, in some cases, I might be smarter than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41498

You deserved it

23736

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/8/2013 16:45 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47237

You deserved it

6186

Tweet

Share

By roze198765 - 4/8/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45698

You deserved it

4357

Tweet

Share

By paige - 27/2/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20153

You deserved it

51630

Tweet

Share

By myjobsucks - 13/12/2011 02:15 - Australia

Today, I found out that I'm working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I'm spending my favourite time of the year working for $8.70 an hour. At McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41195

You deserved it

9231

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/12/2013 20:39 - United States

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51906

You deserved it

5755

Tweet

Share

By misty - 28/6/2011 16:14 - Canada

Today, after checking in and waiting 3 hours to see the doctor, the receptionist said she forgot about me because she didn't see me. She asked me to come back tomorrow. I was sitting right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37019

You deserved it

4179

Tweet

Share

By Home sick - 4/1/2019 20:00

Today, I was called fat by my boyfriend's old-fashioned mom. I'm not close to fat but I'm not really skinny either so she calls me fat. She also complained that my feet makes noise when I walk and that girls shouldn't make noise when walking. This week has been hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2810

You deserved it

261

Tweet

Share

By me - 22/1/2013 18:49 - United States - Peabody

Today, I went and bought lunch for all the people I work with. The only meal the place forgot was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34197

You deserved it

3287

Tweet

Share

By rejected - 23/4/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27096

You deserved it

79103

Tweet

Share

By natedudelol - 7/6/2018 19:00

#choices

Today, at the self-checkout, I didn't have enough money for honey, so I just walked out with it and ended up getting caught. Now I have to hold a sign in front of the store wearing a big bumblebee costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

884

You deserved it

8273

Tweet

Share

By ants9omarching - 10/3/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, the seat in my car broke and wouldn't move forward. I had to walk to school in the rain because I was too short to reach the pedals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35450

You deserved it

5919

Tweet

Share

By - 22/2/2020 18:00

My dear neighbor

Today, I had a very sweet and romantic love note brutally scratched into the door of my brand new car. It was addressed to Cindy. Cindy lives next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2063

You deserved it

107

Tweet

Share

By nemesis5196523 - 3/12/2013 19:45 - United States - Ogden

Today, I got the ending to Breaking Bad spoiled for me by a cashier while I was buying the final season box-set. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46748

You deserved it

4240

Tweet

Share

By Ammile - 25/12/2018 04:00

Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2700

You deserved it

164

Tweet

Share

By MissTrix - 29/10/2010 00:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he hates my male best friend because they have "conflicting interests." My best friend's response? "What's his gamertag so I can shoot him in Halo?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31810

You deserved it

7329

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/5/2010 12:03 - United States

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34045

You deserved it

5541

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/1/2016 02:51 - United States - Mission

Today, I was talking to one of my supervisors at my new job. He asked if I knew a professor at the school I recently graduated from, and I decided to babble on about how shitty of a professor he was and how much I loathed his class. He then looked at me and said, "That's my dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12449

You deserved it

22347

Tweet

Share

By ohdang - 1/3/2012 17:12 - United States

Today, my therapist clapped for me when I told her I'd made a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31348

You deserved it

3951

Tweet

Share

By whoslade - 28/6/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28802

You deserved it

4561

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lol_everyday | 0

#66783 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:02

even if it was a mouse.. why the fork would you step on it?

By c0w | 0

#66790 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:06

As mentioned above, why would anyone step on a mouse?

Even more important, why are YOU cleaning it up? Someone here needs to take responsibility for their stupid actions.

Comments

By lol_everyday | 0

#66783 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:02

even if it was a mouse.. why the fork would you step on it?

Reply

MarkToast | 19

#5773822 - Sunday 1 December 2013 1:25

would you let it scamper around your house and shit on your stuff if you had a chance to kill it?

Reply

hallix | 21

#5785901 - Monday 9 December 2013 22:51

Agreed! I've had three pet mice; OP's boyfriend needs his eyes checked.

By ThisisLegit | 0

#66786 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:03

But...why would he even STEP on a mouse?
Oh lawd.

Reply

Lucidium | 0

#2322832 - Sunday 10 April 2011 3:07

to kill it

By c0w | 0

#66790 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:06

As mentioned above, why would anyone step on a mouse?

Even more important, why are YOU cleaning it up? Someone here needs to take responsibility for their stupid actions.

By aznturtle1 | 0

#66792 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:06

buy another hamster and replace it

By plethora | 3

#66794 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:07

Ew.

By mf_fml | 0

#66798 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:09

why are you the one that's stuck cleaning-up?
your boyfriend's the one that likes to step on mice, amongst other little animals.

By Snazzy | 0

#66801 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:11

OMG! I had a hamster before.. They're the cutest things, and look nothing like a mouse :S ... no offence, but your boyfriend is barbaric. He should be the one scrubbing your floor. How would he feel if a giant came and stomped on him for looking like a mouse.. or rat.

By ateasenfitz | 0

#66802 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:11

Get another hamster, then another boyfriend.

Reply

davide234 | 0

#1808484 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:12

hahahaaaaa :)

By superson_fml | 0

#66808 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:16

Why didn't your boyfriend clean it up? duh?

By Shroomsteroo | 0

#66814 - Sunday 29 March 2009 10:18

poor hamster..