Animals: Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school.... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school. Somehow it escaped from its cage, and ran into my room. My boyfriend, thinking it was a mouse, stomped on it. I'm stuck cleaning hamster guts from my carpet, and explaining to a kindergarten class what happened to their pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 494

You deserved it 7 579

BO Central

And today, on Dr Phil…

Hiding from the drama

By h - 20/12/2018 00:00

Today, while at a restaurant, my three year old daughter pointed at an African-American girl and yelled out “She’s ugly because she’s black!” Me and my wife got dirty looks for the entire rest of our meal. We have no idea where she learned that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 801

You deserved it 560

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 02:43 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 424

You deserved it 2 661

Thanks, I guess…

By Gabrielguitar - 25/04/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 820

You deserved it 5 295

By Catpiss - 03/01/2018 16:30 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I finished filling the pages in my passport. Also today, my mom's cat urinated on my backpack, soaking my passport with rancid pee. I have visas that last 10 years and can't be moved to a new passport, so I have to keep this nostril-burning booklet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 113

You deserved it 618

Pranks are terrible

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 23:01 - United States - Humble

Today, my sister threw my water bottle as a joke. When I stepped off the bleachers, my right foot lost its footing and my other foot followed. Now I have two sprained ankles at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 45

By Jackie - 14/09/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, I realized the guy I like is not deaf. This would normally be good news. However, for the past two weeks I assumed he was deaf after seeing him use sign language. I've been openly talking about him within earshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 554

You deserved it 49 582

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 01:36 - France

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 021

You deserved it 11 246

By PeedMom - 16/03/2018 09:00 - United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 947

You deserved it 1 789

By fml - 27/09/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 031

You deserved it 2 360

By Daniel_rules - 17/04/2009 17:02 - United States

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 532

You deserved it 9 971

By Jade - 25/04/2011 13:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 265

You deserved it 9 643

By Tiana Scott - 12/09/2018 13:10

Today, I left the door open while I went to the bathroom and my 11-month-old crawled in and then took off with my toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 285

You deserved it 819

By shitlicker - 08/12/2015 04:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 121

You deserved it 2 123

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 00:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 929

You deserved it 12 251

By Anonymous - 19/09/2018 22:15

Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 850

You deserved it 508

By ip7 - 31/03/2015 19:24 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 931

You deserved it 21 037

By anonymous - 30/01/2018 06:00

Today, I ended up in an awkward position during sex and dislocated my knee. My wife accused me of doing it on purpose to criticize her for being too fat and heavy for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 280

You deserved it 506

By lalanon - 03/04/2009 05:16 - Australia

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186 653

You deserved it 33 385

By vanessa_d15 - 10/11/2009 09:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 464

You deserved it 23 583

By Anonymous - 03/03/2016 22:36 - United States - Hampton

Today, I had to attend a meeting with my parents, my teacher, and my bully and his parents. When we started, my bully "broke down" and "tearfully" told the teacher that I was the one bullying him, and that he was getting blamed to cover it all up. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 697

You deserved it 1 388

By lonely - 21/03/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, I posted an event to have a get together with friends. Most of them put "not attending". I hadn't even set the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 620

You deserved it 5 942

By notmuchfun - 20/07/2010 21:17 - United States

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 356

You deserved it 4 664

By Anonymous - 14/06/2009 00:47 - United States

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 045

You deserved it 8 815

By BuggedinBelgium - 24/09/2015 20:15

Today, my sister and I checked into our cheap hotel in Brussels as part of our month-long Europe trip. At 11pm we awoke to the sound of a mouse chewing through a bag of food we'd bought. At 3am we awoke to bedbugs. We slept in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 922

You deserved it 3 815

By theawfulpresent - 30/01/2013 00:28 - United States - Germantown

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 346

You deserved it 3 427

By Geezum Crow - 06/12/2018 17:30

Today, I found out my school's financial aid had a "misunderstanding" of my finances, I can no longer afford to pay half of my bills or pay for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 643

You deserved it 152

By heat pumps suck - 26/01/2017 14:28

Today, since moving to a state with relatively milder winters last year, my heating bill has more than doubled. I am now paying more to keep my new apartment at 62 when it is 20 outside, than what I was paying to keep my ancient apartment at 70 when it was minus 14 outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 875

You deserved it 454

By -_- - 13/05/2015 16:00 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 983

You deserved it 3 174

By Steph - 21/06/2009 12:05 - Bulgaria

Spicy

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 215

You deserved it 3 251

By checkthelabel - 26/04/2016 00:00 - United States - Fremont

Today, I had a throbbing cluster headache. It didn't help matters when an angry customer yelled at me because a dress was "defective." Why was it defective? It didn't fit her. Why didn't it fit her? It was the wrong size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 860

You deserved it 846

By anonymous - 01/06/2009 07:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 127

You deserved it 5 279

By Mug - 24/04/2012 20:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 641

You deserved it 2 134

By Anonymous - 28/10/2013 04:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 579

You deserved it 3 584

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 14:00

Today, I was driving into work in my hubby’s truck. It’s his pride and joy. I managed to both get a flat tire and lock my keys inside the truck at a gas station, with my face mask also inside. Oh, and it’s 19 degrees. At least it’s sunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 269

Give me strength

By Michael - 05/02/2021 21:30 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 901

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 718

You deserved it 3 884

By tryingnottocare - 06/08/2009 20:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 316

You deserved it 4 573

Having multiple jobs may have its benefits

By Scoudrel - 26/02/2021 17:01

Today, I flirted with the cashier at the local bagel joint. I complimented her unique blue hair and got her number. Later on that evening, she served my girlfriend and me our food at a different restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 4 507

By Joel - 28/10/2018 15:30

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 876

You deserved it 1 064

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 838

You deserved it 4 117

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:02

even if it was a mouse.. why the fork would you step on it?

c0w 0

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:06

As mentioned above, why would anyone step on a mouse? Even more important, why are YOU cleaning it up? Someone here needs to take responsibility for their stupid actions.

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:02

even if it was a mouse.. why the fork would you step on it?

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Sunday 1 December 2013 1:25

would you let it scamper around your house and shit on your stuff if you had a chance to kill it?

hallix 21

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Monday 9 December 2013 22:51

Agreed! I've had three pet mice; OP's boyfriend needs his eyes checked.

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:03

But...why would he even STEP on a mouse? Oh lawd.

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Sunday 10 April 2011 3:07

to kill it

c0w 0

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:06

As mentioned above, why would anyone step on a mouse? Even more important, why are YOU cleaning it up? Someone here needs to take responsibility for their stupid actions.

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:06

buy another hamster and replace it

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:07

Ew.

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:09

why are you the one that's stuck cleaning-up? your boyfriend's the one that likes to step on mice, amongst other little animals.

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:11

OMG! I had a hamster before.. They're the cutest things, and look nothing like a mouse :S ... no offence, but your boyfriend is barbaric. He should be the one scrubbing your floor. How would he feel if a giant came and stomped on him for looking like a mouse.. or rat.

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:11

Get another hamster, then another boyfriend.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 15:12

hahahaaaaa :)

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:16

Why didn't your boyfriend clean it up? duh?

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Sunday 29 March 2009 10:18

poor hamster..

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 137

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 303