Kids: Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my... - FML

By sisterly love - 14/08/2013 21:13 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 122

You deserved it 4 136

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Another great day to be alive

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By facepalming all the way - 19/07/2015 06:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 603

You deserved it 2 320

By Alex - 20/06/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 372

You deserved it 4 140

"At least you've got a job" - Mr. Missingthepoint

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 16:01

Today, I drove an hour to work, did nothing for 8 hours, drove an hour back, and then studied for 4 hours. This has been happening for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 263

By elsatheannoyed - 12/11/2014 04:34 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman. My name is Elsa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 044

You deserved it 4 518

By crazystuff23 - 01/06/2009 16:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 601

You deserved it 5 815

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 12:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 481

You deserved it 3 815

By MH - 24/01/2014 12:36 - Norway - Sandnes

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 942

You deserved it 3 957

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 11:16 - France

Today, after going to college for 5 years to become an architect I discover my plumber makes more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 278

You deserved it 3 746

By Anonymous - 26/01/2014 17:21 - United Kingdom - Aberystwyth

Today, after waiting two weeks for an email with my online textbook access code, it still hadn't arrived in time for my quiz tomorrow, so I ended up spending most of my money on the expensive physical copy. Not long after I got back home, the email finally arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 130

You deserved it 5 016

Too much of a good thing

By tryingtoberomantic - 28/09/2019 14:00 - Australia

Today, I took my boyfriend out to dinner to an expensive restaurant. He overate, and now I have to nurse him through food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 222

By Nutless - 02/04/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 466

You deserved it 12 404

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 113

You deserved it 3 208

By Anonymous - 11/06/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard "you may now kiss the bride" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 888

You deserved it 4 446

By parasheeeet - 13/01/2016 17:05 - United States - Birmingham

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 038

You deserved it 19 917

Professional

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 17:01 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I sent an email to a private escort, only to later realise that I sent it off my work email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 1 601

By anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Spicy

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 2 710

By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I couldn't find my phone. Worried that I'd accidentally thrown it in the trash, I emptied out all the bins and searched the garbage. An hour later, my daughter said she'd found it by the bathroom sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 981

You deserved it 26 705

By chunkymonkey - 23/11/2011 23:54

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 744

You deserved it 6 257

Contagion

By Girlygal32 - 13/09/2020 08:02 - United States

Today, my mother chewed me out for not wearing deodorant and smelling of B.O. I was wearing plenty of deodorant. My shirt just smelled like my boyfriend, whom I'd been cuddling with earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 469

Fake it til you make it

By Carl - 08/12/2020 12:02 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was working from home alone while my wife was at her office. I decided that instead of having a healthy lunch at home, I would walk to the fast food place a block over. I didn't realise that my fitness tracker would automatically log this as "Exercise (walk)." My wife clicked "Like" underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 830

By pikachu_43 - 21/03/2015 15:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 585

You deserved it 4 175

By Anonymous - 24/05/2015 15:15 - United States - Lompoc

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 448

You deserved it 2 269

The System

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 00:01

Today, I found out I can’t get in-state tuition at my college, all because I’m under 24 and considered a "dependent" student; therefore my parents must prove state residency on my behalf. I lost both my parents to COVID last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 67

By NoWedding - 10/02/2009 22:30 - United States

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 815

You deserved it 3 525

By broke_kid - 03/01/2010 13:18 - United States

Today, I noticed white stuff in my colored clothes as I transferred them from the washer to the dryer. That's when I realized that the white stuff is my paycheck which I had put in my pants earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 087

You deserved it 14 968

Stahp!

By Michael - 14/10/2020 23:02 - United States - Kearny

Today, I had to babysit my dying grandmother, so I brought up my guitar. She hadn't said anything to anyone today, and the first thing and only thing she said was, "Stop. Make it stop" to me when I played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 357

By Puppysit88 - 16/04/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 700

You deserved it 9 045

I'm parked here!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 17:00

Today, they've been building a house next door. I went to wash and wax my car, and I was back home for only 10 minutes before a Bobcat digger backed into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 49

By Anonymous - 30/07/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 110

You deserved it 4 002

By Sharibabi65 - 07/03/2012 06:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 346

You deserved it 6 805

By SCREWED - 15/07/2011 06:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to my mom dancing the hustle naked. With a group of 4 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 744

You deserved it 3 879

By Dafuq happen there - 23/08/2014 07:34 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, after a long silent and awkward pause after asking my girlfriend's dad if I can take her on holiday for Christmas, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, you may not impregnate my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 572

You deserved it 6 600

Seeing is believing

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 10:46 - Sweden

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 406

You deserved it 39 404

By Xia - 18/10/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, I spilled a half bottle of superglue on my hands. I also found out that cold water only makes it harden faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 725

You deserved it 16 108

Slippery when wet

By anonymous - 03/01/2017 01:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I managed to spill piping hot oil all over my kitchen floor, thinking it was too hot to clean right then and there I left it for a few hours to cool. I forgot about it, and slipped over in it bashing my head into my cupboard handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 598

You deserved it 1 650

By Lmop68 - 27/05/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 979

You deserved it 17 306

Be careful what you wish for

By cottage cheese-cunt - 21/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 415

Dominion

By baby.momma2 - 26/11/2020 19:58

Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 282

By lonely - 15/04/2013 03:45 - United States

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house. After asking him what was wrong due to his weird attitude, he responded with, "This isn't working; I'm in love with my sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 633

You deserved it 4 510

By el211 - 15/03/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend ran accidentally head-first into my face and left me with a giant black eye. My mother is convinced I had a seizure in a park somewhere and won't listen when I tell her she's wrong, and everyone else thinks my boyfriend is abusive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 191

You deserved it 2 763

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:05

A smart little entrepreneur your sister is. If she ever starts a business, I would invest.

TorturedXeno 27

Thursday 15 August 2013 9:05

You mean your ex-sister? Just kidding. FYL, OP. I hope there's nothing blackmail-worthy on the pages.

Comments

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:03

First

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:06

Wtf? Seriously? Anyways, that sucks OP but it's kinda funny. Should learn to hide your diary. ;)

Obey_StudBoii 23

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:09

#1 You're an ass. No one cares that you were first to comment.

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:05

A smart little entrepreneur your sister is. If she ever starts a business, I would invest.

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:09

Her sister is unethical, puts money over sisterly loyalty. I doubt that diary was hers to partition off and dispose as she did. What makes you think if she starts a company, she won't screw you investors over?

SamanthaNGoree 10

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:11

12- Wow, way to take a comment WAY too seriously..

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:18

Thank you #12 for being #2's broker...

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:48

#13, you take artificial gunk i.e. make-up way too seriously.

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:55

Wow someone had a huge bowl of carnation instant bitch this morning.

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:55

Wow #25, that's your comeback? Attacking her appearance just because you can't take a joke?

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:58

25, you're judging 13s use of make up via FML comment? Really?

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Thursday 15 August 2013 23:27

wait. where's #1?

then000bster 16

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:05

Hey, some people know how to make money (:

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:08

I'm glad you changed your comment.

TorturedXeno 27

Thursday 15 August 2013 9:05

You mean your ex-sister? Just kidding. FYL, OP. I hope there's nothing blackmail-worthy on the pages.

threer 30

Sunday 18 August 2013 10:53

It's a diary.

Send a private message

Thursday 15 August 2013 9:06

Really? your own sisters?! I'm sorry OP, that must have been very hurtful and annoying to hear! I hope there was nothing too bad written in there.

SamanthaNGoree 10

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:07

I hope you get a cut of the profit.

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:20

Yes a nice and embarrassing cut of the profit

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Thursday 15 August 2013 13:14

I could picture her making up some fake diary pages and selling them to your exes if and when you run out of juicy stuff to sell... Lol

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:07

This is the part where you put Nair in her shampoo

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:11

That is just so evil but so right.

ViRepz 28

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:17

Or put bread on her face while she is asleep on the beach.

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Thursday 15 August 2013 10:08

Or bleach

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Thursday 15 August 2013 13:15

Really? bleach? Smdh

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Thursday 15 August 2013 20:35

Nair in the shampoo doesn't work well. You can smell the Nair and know something is up. Put some dye in a capsule and put that in the shower head.

Obey_StudBoii 23

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:08

That's just..that's wrong. She went behind your back and invaded your privacy.

aimeegoldberg 22

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Thursday 15 August 2013 11:40

Thank you Mother Teresa

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:13

Wow. They were paying for it, You're either a talented writer or your ex boyfriends are shallow twats. Also you need to slap your sister upside her traitorous head.

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:17

that sounds like my sister. I hope you'res and my never met up. It could be the end for us.

_tequierodianna 14

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Thursday 15 August 2013 9:26

yours*

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 25

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 193