Love: Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night...

By birgz - 25/10/2011 12:42

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 865

You deserved it 21 263

Love

You tried

The smell detective is on the case

Busted

By KBL3 - 11/08/2010 09:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 115

You deserved it 14 940

By inboxbuddies - 16/06/2009 10:35 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 454

You deserved it 5 937

By Notyourstepmom - 07/09/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 389

You deserved it 4 451

By JSterl - 02/01/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, our airplane was delayed because of issues with the de-ice-ing. Then, because it had too little fuel. Then, because of engine troubles. Then, because our first officer needed to be replaced due to legal restrictions on pilots' hours. Now, I get to go straight from the plane to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 782

You deserved it 2 332

By upset room mate - 18/08/2011 06:59 - United States

Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 028

You deserved it 4 281

By creeper - 14/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I like. He's very private and hides all his photos and wall posts on Facebook. Or so I thought, turns out he has me on a restricted friends list, titled "Creepers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 265

You deserved it 26 779

By MAWZ - 19/07/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell and hit my head on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 571

You deserved it 5 132

By Albert06 - 14/03/2011 21:26 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 900

You deserved it 7 294

By anonymous - 08/06/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 956

You deserved it 8 703

By sari14 - 11/02/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 103

You deserved it 5 010

By Anonymous - 25/11/2013 19:47 - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 897

You deserved it 13 816

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 08:16 - Australia

Today, my boss sent out an email with the subject line "Urgent". He accidentally left the body of the email blank. I replied to all staff "You're firing blanks Peter". I later heard that his wife once got drunk and told everyone that they couldn't have kids because he has a low sperm count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 508

You deserved it 11 564

By sickmom - 21/01/2014 11:07 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 552

You deserved it 5 501

By facepalm - 06/06/2012 08:06 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 004

You deserved it 3 032

Delayed

By inheritance - 05/05/2015 14:44 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 089

You deserved it 3 407

By shadokis - 12/09/2012 18:31 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 917

You deserved it 2 536

By gassy - 15/07/2015 11:15 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 231

You deserved it 4 001

Sharkeisha, no

By TIlly - 23/02/2021 14:01

Today, after seeing an old viral video on YouTube, my boyfriend started calling me Sharkeisha. Our friends thought he was implying that I'm violent with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 78

Weirdo

By ReineXre - 15/06/2016 00:00

Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 407

You deserved it 708

By bluehairedfreakgirl - 01/06/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 441

You deserved it 38 672

By Anonymous - 18/05/2017 20:00

Today, the water was shut off, so I had to wash down my anti convulsants, anti depressants and sleep aids with an old, flat, non-alcoholic beer from the night before. I don't think I've ever had a more mentally dysfunctional cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 690

You deserved it 696

By Dave - 27/09/2012 15:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 236

You deserved it 2 281

By Catherine - 10/06/2012 18:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I confronted my husband over the fact that despite me working two jobs to support us for the last three years, we're nowhere near our goal of buying a house. He actually had the brass balls to defend pissing my money down the drain on his ceramic cat collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 591

You deserved it 5 935

By s0728 - 01/09/2014 21:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 508

You deserved it 3 292

By jessiluvxx - 25/09/2016 21:08 - United States - Kearny

Today, I was called to be told I'm fired for not showing up for my shift. I guess she didn't check her voice message to see that I gave birth last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 138

You deserved it 757

Running gag

By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 219

You deserved it 303

Why People Break Bad

By Gnomead - 12/08/2018 18:30

Today, I got turned down for a home for low income people because my income was too low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 100

You deserved it 196

Just a dream

By Anonymous - 06/02/2020 01:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 201

By Sean - 01/05/2013 04:44 - Canada - L'assomption

Today, from the balcony of my apartment, I watched helplessly as a teen came along and peed through my car's open window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 045

You deserved it 12 161

By anonymous - 02/09/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 576

You deserved it 4 802

By jadakorn - 11/07/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 134

You deserved it 29 346

By Aberrombie Blue - 18/04/2013 23:01 - United States - Durham

Today, I was at my little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet, and in the middle of her solo, her phone started ringing. She decided to stop, check her phone, and continue playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 814

You deserved it 14 092

By ChaoticGamer - 23/12/2015 15:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 745

You deserved it 1 883

Noise annoys

By Mystic - 04/09/2021 00:01 - United States - Denver

Today, it’s the fifth day in a row that my mom has vacuumed right outside my room, from 5 to 11 AM. Despite this, I still can’t fall asleep before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 86

"Found", eh?

By Panda_bruh96 - 13/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I found a bunch of half-naked girls saved in my boyfriend's phone, and only a handful of the pics were of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 11:34 - United States - Macungie

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 897

You deserved it 4 326

By Anonymous - 09/08/2015 00:03 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, I realised that my closeted gay friend has dated more women this year than I have in my 28 years of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 208

You deserved it 2 748

By finallyready - 08/01/2013 19:56 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 003

You deserved it 4 647

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 21:52 - United States - Lake Dallas

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 483

You deserved it 53 113

By WhyTheFNot - 20/06/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 397

You deserved it 9 280

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Top comments

s0m3guy2010 21

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:04

If you don't remember her, then maybe you can have another one night stand. It'll be like seeing her for the first time. Just ignore all of the proposals for marriage and you'll be fine.

choshaki 8

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:02

FYI u have a funny roommate though

s3xymoma 1

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:02

Awe I'm sorry :(

Midrash 5

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:05

Maybe he should bang her again and it'll bring back some memory.

opendoorclosed 8

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:12

She doesn't love you after just 1 night, she's confused. Talk to her and be honest / realistic. Orrrrrrrrrr....... Block her. I'd go with option A though.

nromanyuk 4

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 21:48

Or try and get to know her, who knows? Maybe you'll really like her..

EvilPotato 14

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 22:38

Am I the only one who sees the female gender icon and is thinking "WTF!".

chelseaaababyyy 17

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 0:03

83 - not really. i was thinking shes a lesbian..

satph 12

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 8:15

83- damn your slow! don't breed.

Naitsi 19

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Monday 14 November 2011 16:40

connorgrant98 24

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Sunday 4 January 2015 3:12

Never exchange names or other information to your one night stands.

choshaki 8

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:02

FYI u have a funny roommate though

loroxe 6

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 21:23

Ops room mates got a funny sense if humor, sounds like something my brothers would of done

zoPwNAgEzo 21

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 2:41

Is she hot?

False_Stupidity 41

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 20:29

He can't remember her 106, so couldn't answer if she's hot or not.

s0m3guy2010 21

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:04

If you don't remember her, then maybe you can have another one night stand. It'll be like seeing her for the first time. Just ignore all of the proposals for marriage and you'll be fine.

mduffy08 8

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 20:34

OP is lesbian.

s0m3guy2010 21

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 20:54

46- Even if she was looking at OP's pics, that doesn't change the fact that OP doesn't remember her. Also, you either have the best poker face ever, or you obviously didn't see the sarcasm in my comment.

zombicidal 11

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 22:29

OP is a girl

lemon_phat 11

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:04

Give her a chance. :)

pitchblease 2

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 20:51

One night stand. By my definition, he did.

False_Stupidity 41

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 20:31

She

TurnpikeTwister 0

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 22:04

Yeah, you should at least have a box lunch down at the Y

Nanall 15

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:05

I don't see a problem.. Names are overrated.

lemon_phat 11

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:07

It says that they are in a relationship, when OP was simply in it for the sex.... One time.

ipodlover1995 0

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 0:53

Wait, if all this was happening on facebook, wouldn't her name be on her account?

ipodlover1995 0

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 0:56

I thought it said, "I don't remember her name". Sorry for my fail. May the thumbs down commence.

TalkinSmack 6

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:06

Uh-oh!! Stage 5 clinger!!

usmcsniper16 0

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 12:37

jersey shore fag

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:06

Just tell her she's mistaken and deny the whole thing. Totally foolproof.

nollid7 5

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 8:27

Screw that nonsense, give it another go. It's always fun to get another nut if you really want it. But still FYL for having a Facebook lol

Savra_fml 17

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:10

Make the status "in an open relationship". Problem solved.

13FTW 9

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 20:02

In this case I think it's "in a civil union with"

Savra_fml 17

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 20:33

A civil union would block the OP, wheras an open relationship would alow them to see other people without consequences, no?

HomeAl0ne 20

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 22:55

I'd go with "I'm told my short term amnesia is back. Please disregard the previous 48 hours everyone."

yswt 12

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:10

Your roommates are awesome :)

deviable 9

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:11

Is it really that easy to get into another persons Facebook? you'd think with everyone being hacked Facebook would have some extra security.

WallyTheWombat 0

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:54

He probably just left it open or maybe the roomate knows his password?

deviable 9

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 20:53

I was thinking that, but I didn't want to accuse without evidence.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 16

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 1 092

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 1 245

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