Today, my roommate and I got charged $100 for having a cat in... - FML

By komp6390 - 28/2/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, my roommate and I got charged $100 for having a cat in our apartment. I was only babysitting the cat so my neighbors wouldn't get caught and fined. We got caught because my roommate reported the people downstairs for having a dog, so they reported that someone else in the building had a cat. FML

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Proactive

Ghosted

Rich people problems

By Anonymous - 7/1/2010 05:19 - Australia

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

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By Depressedegg - 8/3/2017 18:00

He can run, but he can't hide!

Today, my toddler realised that my pregnancy means I can't move easily anymore. He celebrated his freedom by doing everything he's not allowed to, and staying just outside my reach at all times. He loves his new game, and it looks like he's not going to stop anytime soon. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2016 15:06 - United States - Ventura

Today, after a badly misjudged hand signal, I accidentally hit my boss in the face instead of high-fiving her. FML

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By anon - 20/12/2016 23:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, after taking a guy home and getting frisky, he woke up in the middle of the night, got out of bed, and peed on my desk. That's 2 years of uni work and my laptop soaked through. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2013 21:23 - United States - Burlington

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

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By James - 6/9/2019 02:04

Windows 2019

Today, a group of angry women stormed my boss’s office, complaining I was harassing them and peeping through their windows. I'm a window washer, and these women never buy curtains. FML

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By DocShadow - 3/12/2013 17:33 - United States - New York

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 17:00

Sensitive

Today, my mom had to go off on my grandmother because I don’t have kids yet and she, "wants great grand babies before she dies." My grandmother was going to gift me a baby outfit for me to get another hint. I’m 25 and can’t conceive because of health issues. I may never have my own kids. She knows. FML

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By Username - 25/5/2010 12:32 - France

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

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By notapedobear - 13/1/2011 08:21

Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML

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By - 23/11/2019 01:00

The hustler

Today, my boyfriend of six months, who happened to be my first kiss, broke up with me after borrowing 120 dollars. Not twenty minutes later, he was at the bar drinking with my brothers and my dad. FML

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By thankspal - 24/6/2012 10:57 - United States

Today, while shopping, I bumped into a guy I knew in high school. He went on about he heard I'd got married, looked like I'd had a baby, and that, "she looks just like you!" The kid was my niece, and my husband broke up with me 2 years ago. Thanks for bringing that up. FML

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By missclitter - 9/4/2012 18:18 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend, when I had to go pee. Halfway down the aisle, I tripped, screamed, and fell face-first into some guy. My boyfriend is now accusing me of cheating and "flirting" with every man I see. FML

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By Anon E. Mouse - 15/9/2015 11:47 - United States - Waterville

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

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By pukeytimes - 10/4/2015 23:03 - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

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By Guess I was wrong - 16/3/2020 06:23

Mistaken identity

Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML

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By tkrause - 1/4/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

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By Simms - 14/3/2012 02:32 - United States

Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2013 10:43 - United States

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2017 01:30

Zigazig Ah

Today, I walked in on my fiancé while he was masturbating to the Spice Girls movie. FML

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By Ricky - 9/3/2009 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

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By MeowApp - 1/2/2017 10:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2012 19:45 - United States

Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 18:02 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

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By TimeForANewJob - 16/1/2017 17:47

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

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By 3 More Months - 30/9/2013 06:02 - United States - Stanford

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

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By notsogood - 8/11/2013 20:02 - United States

Snoozefest

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

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By Faithy - 3/6/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

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By anonymous - 18/12/2019 20:00 - United States - San Angelo

Fast food dinner

Today, I called my husband and asked him what he wanted from our favorite fast food place. A divorce. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2014 11:40 - Australia - Applecross

Today, my daughter asked me how long she had to put her 2-minute noodles in the microwave for. FML

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By Wow - 13/3/2012 04:38 - United States

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

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By ryan - 10/2/2010 15:08 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML

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By CreepedOut - 29/8/2010 19:45 - United States

Today, I decided to try something new and sign up for an online dating service, since I can't meet a decent guy in person. The first guy I talked to told me he used to be in a mental hospital for obsessing over a girl, then told me he would be dreaming of me that night. FML

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By semischweet - 1/9/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I learned why you should never to use Sean Connery's voice when asking your girlfriend to sit on your face. FML

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By Eh.. - 5/12/2018 04:00 - Israel

Today I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles at smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number and she said "nah" still haunts me. FML

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By pandabear93 - 4/9/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about when I have kids. I told her I may want two or three. She immediately cut me off and told me to stick to one, and that any more than that will be a burden. I am the second born child of my family. FML

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By badmom - 2/8/2020 02:02

Zoom this, bitches!

Today, my younger son was doing a Zoom meeting for his upcoming school orientation. I tried to hold it in, but I stepped away for a moment to run to the restroom. My older son thought it’d be a hilarious "prank" to moon the camera. School hasn’t even started and we're already the "problem family". FML

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By Tweety - 9/4/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML

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By akosirm - 25/9/2012 02:28 - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

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By mylifeissad - 30/12/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

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Top comments

By suppressed08 | 2

#901249 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:02

YDI, but I'd hold a grudge against your roommate and the people downstairs.

By 24788 | 6

#901334 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:16

make the people who own the cat pay.

COMMENTS

By reyemrein | 0

#901242 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

gaximus | 0

#901252 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:02

totally agree.

Reply

FYLDeep | 25

#901313 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:12

The people who make these rules are just worried about people bringing tigers in.

Reply

deathcab7 | 0

#901365 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:22

YDI for snitching on the apartment with the dog. what goes around comes around.

Reply

woofis | 0

#901464 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:54

it was the roomate that reported the dog lol this sounds like second grade

Reply

vtranchitella14 | 3

#901675 - Sunday 28 February 2010 22:43

yes,13

Reply

jasonsaied | 1

#902309 - Monday 1 March 2010 2:19

hahahahaha 8 FTW

Reply

M4V3R1CKR13 | 0

#902628 - Monday 1 March 2010 4:16

Grammer FAIL Today, My Roomate and I... not me btw karma ydi

Reply

theschweigert | 0

#902629 - Monday 1 March 2010 4:17

holy shit 22's not fuckin around, theres a tiger in there

Reply

Tahsis | 4

#902742 - Monday 1 March 2010 4:50

GJ on finding that error; however, contigously it says "fine", but it should read "fined". G-Nazi FTW.

Reply

Zills | 0

#902982 - Monday 1 March 2010 5:37

That's your cat now. Fuck your neighbours if they want Mr. Sprinkles back they're paying for the fuzzy bastard.

Reply

funkandspacejunk | 2

#903228 - Monday 1 March 2010 6:17

@75: spelling and punctuation FAIL. Nice try.

Reply

hotscar | 3

#903338 - Monday 1 March 2010 6:43

she didn't, the neighbors did

Reply

Philosophic | 0

#904088 - Monday 1 March 2010 13:13

Agreed. In Soviet Russia, cat reports you!

Reply

FYLDeep | 25

#907040 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 9:26

Hey #76, Where the fuck is Doug?

Reply

mileycyrusisgay | 0

#914177 - Thursday 4 March 2010 16:51

@75 Grammar, not grammer.

Reply

jetdyl95 | 10

#5896723 - Wednesday 26 March 2014 22:08

For some reason, I don't think you understood the whole situation of this FML at all. Don't post stupid, pointless comments

By suppressed08 | 2

#901249 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:02

YDI, but I'd hold a grudge against your roommate and the people downstairs.

Reply

Ep1cPha1l | 0

#901671 - Sunday 28 February 2010 22:40

you sure have lots of hair

Reply

DonkeyDelight | 0

#901836 - Sunday 28 February 2010 23:58

May I ask where?

Reply

nmsm | 1

#901953 - Monday 1 March 2010 0:59

On his head, the only hair-growing place visible in his picture, but if I were like the majority of people on this site, I would've replied, "THREESOME!".

Reply

loski87 | 4

#902558 - Monday 1 March 2010 3:54

does surpressed kind of look like snickerdoodles or is that just me? not a diss or anything

Reply

loski87 | 4

#902596 - Monday 1 March 2010 4:04

suppressed*

By musicalibrary | 4

#901260 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:04

It was nice that you were trying to help, yet you shouldn't complain. You broke a rule. Even though some say rules are meant to be broken. YDI

Reply

amazinggbaby | 2

#901298 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:09

Babysitting a cat isn't against the rules and you contradicted yourself when you said even though some rules are meant to be broken.

Reply

ImaginaryFoe | 0

#901345 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:18

If the rule is "no cats in the apartment" they violated it. Whether the cat lives there or not is immaterial. Ask your neighbors to pay the fine.

Reply

woofis | 0

#901469 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:56

WTF kind of rule bands the cutest household companion

Reply

fisheatsbear | 6

#901504 - Sunday 28 February 2010 21:12

the kind of person that doesn't want cat pee everywhere

Reply

babybubz | 0

#903456 - Monday 1 March 2010 7:13

wtf... ^^

Reply

xelao | 0

#903563 - Monday 1 March 2010 8:12

who end up in ditches, get the riches

By WoAhAnNa123 | 0

#901266 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:04

ydi

By Shae84 | 0

#901268 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:05

Karma!

Reply

nomnommonster | 0

#902781 - Monday 1 March 2010 5:00

Charmeleon!

By maskedman | 9

#901331 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:15

this whole situation sounds like a bad Mel Brooks movie.

By 24788 | 6

#901334 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:16

make the people who own the cat pay.

By sbjess | 8

#901357 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:20

sounds like you got some spiteful neighbors AND a roommate that sucks...but YDI

By cyanidepoisoning | 0

#901385 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:28

Karma is a bitch, don't be a narc.

By mattmag | 0

#901398 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:32

If the same rules apply to you and your neighbor, why were you babysitting the cat to stop them from getting fined? Shouldn't they have asked a friend in a different apartment complex?