Love and Money: Today, my recent ex-boyfriend stopped by my house with a well-dressed... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/04/2017 04:00

Today, my recent ex-boyfriend stopped by my house with a well-dressed man. He reached into his pocket and handed me records that "prove" he never cheated on me. Oh, and the man next to him? His lawyer, who gave me a summons to court over payment for the items I smashed when I dumped him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 868

You deserved it 9 980

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

BO Central

The Terminator

By Tamps - 13/02/2009 09:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 009

You deserved it 6 868

At will

By Anonymous - 29/08/2020 17:02 - Poland - Polska

Today, I was fired for asking HR to move me to another department, due to my manager's unethical behaviour against me. The alternative was shut up and look for another job. Which I have to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 932

You deserved it 10 525

By Anonyme - 06/09/2013 11:56 - France - Caen

Today, my 17-year-old son hacked off the legs of his bed with a saw. His explanation? "The bed looks cooler closer to the floor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 480

You deserved it 4 974

By hopelesss88 - 17/06/2010 12:42 - Australia

Today, I had a first date planned. He texted saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Two hours later his twitter account said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 541

You deserved it 4 309

By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 14:58 - United States - Niles

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 828

You deserved it 1 679

By lex31 - 14/02/2012 13:24 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 019

You deserved it 3 738

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 18:56 - United States

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 326

You deserved it 10 262

By aarone23 - 01/06/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 382

You deserved it 4 044

By Em - 30/04/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 446

You deserved it 20 804

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9 inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 2 539

By Anonymous - 03/11/2010 17:57 - Germany

Today, I failed to get my driver's licence. My father was the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 046

You deserved it 28 091

By theman - 21/05/2009 20:49

Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 407

You deserved it 6 841

By xMiSS_CuTiEx - 27/12/2009 22:25 - United States

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 040

You deserved it 14 319

By Anonymous - 26/03/2013 00:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 339

You deserved it 7 272

By MBrabs1996 - 19/12/2018 05:00

Today, despite the schedule saying I was off, I found out I’m supposed to be working because my boss changed the schedule without my knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 480

You deserved it 215

By mrtut - 29/10/2010 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 631

You deserved it 13 083

By Colin - 24/12/2008 05:56 - France

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 304

You deserved it 3 001

By smidgit - 19/05/2016 17:32

Today, after many days of messing around with wording and pictures, a huge and expensive printed card order came in to the office. I spelt the first word wrong. I can't get a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 866

You deserved it 9 757

By Broke - 27/07/2016 16:38 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend and I are looking at places to stay to meet for the first time. I figured renting a small vacation apartment would be ideal because he's not able to help pay because he isn't working and I'm not rich. He's telling me he can only be comfortable in 4 star hotels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 910

You deserved it 2 292

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 15:30

Spicy

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 266

You deserved it 1 322

Classic

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 17:01 - New Zealand

Today, I pulled up to an intersection behind a car waiting to turn left and we missed a whole set of lights. As I was getting frustrated that they weren’t going when the light was green, I realised I was waiting behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 929

By hastobeajoke - 31/01/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my 208th job application in less than a year, and went to my 83rd and 84th interviews, only to be told once again that I'm over-qualified for the first, and under-qualified for the second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 833

You deserved it 2 427

On Target, almost

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 06:00

Today, I was walking through Target when I was pulled aside by a very attractive girl who began kissing me. She stopped, because I wasn't who she thought I was. Disappointed, I turned around to see her very angry, very large boyfriend behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 165

STOP!

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, for the second week in a row, I woke up to the sound of my awful upstairs neighbors having sex between the hours of 1 and 3 AM. Their bed is so noisy, and earplugs barely help. At this point, based on the rhythm of their bed squeaking, I can tell when they're about to finish, and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 98

By omgboobs - 23/12/2009 02:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 791

You deserved it 2 753

By Anonymous - 07/07/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 466

You deserved it 30 563

By Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 644

You deserved it 13 819

Mid-life crisis

By theslutmuncher - 14/12/2012 23:20 - Germany - Merseburg

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 828

You deserved it 2 465

By Anonymous - 18/04/2013 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I had to explain to a woman why she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped the whole bottle on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 224

You deserved it 4 058

By I wish it was gum - 23/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 942

You deserved it 652

Very bad idea

By Yoir mom - 16/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 489

By bet a woman would've been thanked - 07/05/2013 20:21 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 035

You deserved it 3 092

Erection for Protection

By zingle af - 26/07/2017 20:00

Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock solid erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 498

You deserved it 597

By blondieforlife - 04/11/2014 03:38 - United States - Racine

Today, I left my desk to go to the bathroom. I arrived back at my desk to a large package of SlimQuick packets. Guess my coworkers think I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 443

You deserved it 3 570

By mhmohyeah - 10/11/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 726

You deserved it 18 429

Sleep tight

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 21:30

Today, my depression caused me to sleep through my appointment to try and get more antidepressants. We love mental instability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 97

Follow the lifescript or else

By IZK - 23/09/2021 14:00

Today, I once again had to explain that my husband's vasectomy was because we really don't want children, and that, "but you can always adopt or try to undo the vasectomy" isn't an appropriate answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 97

By Ashley - 07/10/2013 06:11 - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 207

You deserved it 8 054

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 114

You deserved it 9 068

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 4:04

That's what you get for breaking shit.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 4:13

I don't know why, but I love how the ex boyfriend brought the lawyer with him to the OP's house.

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 4:02

That's why you never retaliate against anyone. Good for him to take action to get his compensation for the damages.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 4:04

That's what you get for breaking shit.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 4:13

I don't know why, but I love how the ex boyfriend brought the lawyer with him to the OP's house.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 20:42

if she's crazy enough to break stuff then I'd being a lawyer, too. And maybe a cop

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 4:19

well if you went off so psycho maybe he dodged a bullet,good thing it was his stuff and not his life. Well ydi,pay up and get some anger management classes.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 4:24

I mean, if he actually went to a fucking lawyer and served you personally, then he's probably not lying about having never cheated. That's an awfully expensive path to take if he had.

crazyindynathan 13

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 4:39

That's what she gets for digging her key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive, among other damages.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 13:33

Even if he had cheated she had no right to destroy his property.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 5:02

Cheating is an asshole move but not illegal breaking someones shit is. You deserved it for breaking his stuff. If that's what you do I'm wondering how you handled disagreements in the relationship.

Druu 53

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 5:03

Ah, finally an FML from the point of view of the "psycho ex-girlfriend." Refreshing!

species4872 19

Thursday 27 April 2017 20:27

How can a comment with 30 likes 2 dislike be moderated?

anaheimangels40 11

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 6:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

species4872 19

Saturday 29 April 2017 20:47

Still going!

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 6:21

I seriously hope you're not looking for sympathy you 100% deserve what's coming

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 7:00

What I wanna know is: What records can prove faithfulness? His cel or internet history might show no messages if he banged someone from his work, or someone he picked up in a bar.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 April 2017 7:33

Maybe a tight schedule with alibis from work/gym etc..?

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 137

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 303