Intimacy: Today, my parents told me I was conceived at Disneyworld. Monday,...

By Mike - United States

Today, my parents told me I was conceived at Disneyworld. Monday, I take a class trip to Disneyworld. My friends will be having fun and all I'll be able to think about is my parents having sex. FML

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Intimacy

Triage

Fun for all the family

Kids and their wacky crazes

By icarlymom - United States

Today, my 18 year old daughter comes home telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had ICarly happy meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

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By oh no - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

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By "Noelle Diane Irwin"

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, despite filling all the parameters for a model employee and being praised by multiple people over the time I was working, I was fired because a client complained to my manager that I didn't seem to know what I was doing. FML

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By lucy - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 08:01

In all my days…

Today, I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown, and poured my heart out to a doctor, who seemed to be well over 60. She looked at me, flabbergasted and said, "I never met anyone with that many problems!" Gee, thanks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML

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By NotASquirrel - United States - Bronx

Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML

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By Krystl - Australia

Today, I met the old couple I would be house-sitting for. As I was leaving the lady stuck her fist out towards me. After a seconds awkward pause I thought she wanted to fist-bump so stuck mine out and bumped. Turned out she was handing me the key. FML

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By thats_not_good - United States

Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML

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By AtheistLookingforRoomie

Today, I had a meeting with a potential roommate to rent a 2/2 space and it was going well. We laughed, joked, and seemed to get along and want the same things. At the end of the conversation, however, he said he needed to "pray" about his decision to room with an atheist. This probably won't work out. FML

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By SisterOfTard - United States - Florence

Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML

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By Anon - Australia

Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after 2 days of not showering. FML

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By Ewwwwno - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out that most of my family has the same fetish as I do. I don't know whether to be revolted or relieved that I'm not the only one. FML

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By lawl - Canada

Today, my date asked if I could drive his friend home before we went out for breakfast. His friend had blonde hair, big boobs and wore a skimpy black dress. He wasn't 100% sure of her name. I guess I drove home my date's one night stand. FML

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By ForeverAlone - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I emotionally confessed to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat it several times. He ended up telling me no. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fresno

Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband half-naked and yelling at the TV screen over a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML

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By Ella - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Big Pine Key

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

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By zain - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

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By Sam_Licker81 - United States

Today, I was baking cookies and opened the oven door to check on them. Apparently, wearing a gold necklace means the wave of heat will burn your very fair skin. I now have a bright red ring of stars around my neck. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, and every day since I got her, I leaned down to pour food and water into my cat's bowls. And today, like every single day, I forgot that my granite countertop sticks out a bit. I think part of my head is flat now. FML

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By ugh Buck! - United States

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

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By Heather Scurfield - 21/3/2021 10:59

Stomach bug?

Today, I was going to be sick, so I ran to the bathroom. When I got there, I fainted, and fell back against the wall. When I came around, I immediately vomited all down my body, in my hair, and all over the floor. My cat judged me. FML

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By Foreveralone17362562 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, it's only been a week since I've been in my new apartment with my boyfriend, and I already caught him cheating. FML

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2125

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By Anonymous

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

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By newbffswelcome - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML

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By Disrespectful

Today, my boss fired me for "disrespecting" him after I told him to fuck off. This would be understandable, if I hadn't said it when he was at my house for dinner, harassing my wife with suggestive poses, heavily implied comments, and trying to put his hand on her crotch. FML

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By ugh - United States - Milford

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

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By Anonymous

Seems fair

Today, so far, 3 of my employees have requested tomorrow off because of "emotional damage" due to Toys 'R' Us closing. FML

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By fuckmuppeter512 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

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By Patricia - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

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By sudoku_fiend - United States - Millville

Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML

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By leena - United States - Encinitas

Today, my two best friends that I've known since middle school broke up. I'm glad I'm no longer a third wheel but now they won't talk to each other and both use me to complain about the other. FML

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By Enanimus - United States - Mountain View

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

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By rokkstarrrVRV - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

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By give me an F - United Kingdom - Corby

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

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By mynameisarmpit

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

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Top comments

By tb15 | 0

#832895 - Monday 8 February 2010 2:25

I'm going to disney world, but my parents had relations there years ago.FML
what's next
I won the lottery, so now I have to leave my house to pick up the money.FML
I got accepted into Harvard, but it's cold in Boston.FML

By StewieBigFan | 0

#832749 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:46

Oh, boo hoo. Your parents have sex. Big woof. That's how babies are made. Grow up and learn to have fun, jeez.

COMMENTS

By killerviral | 0

#832714 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:39

yay for majic mountain lol
1st.
dufkflxkjkib. hdjdsbjd e. shave fjihdhd. r f f f y g g g

harryman04 | 0

#833016 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:03

this isn't an fml. your life isn't fucked dumbass

sc95060sc | 0

#833596 - Monday 8 February 2010 5:32

ur parents have sex in ur house all the time. boooo ur life isn't fucked

lolpwntdumass | 0

#833729 - Monday 8 February 2010 6:06

O. M. G.
Your. Gonna. Die.

mitch707 | 0

#834300 - Monday 8 February 2010 9:59

Harden the fuck up kid

time4coffee | 3

#835063 - Monday 8 February 2010 17:42

Cool what ride?

jusk | 0

#845017 - Thursday 11 February 2010 16:40

think so too. Do you wanna kill yourself now because you are depressed????? Come on that is rediculous!!!!!!

00yoda4 | 0

#986442 - Thursday 29 April 2010 4:50

be grateful jackass my mom was a prostitute

ZleveL | 0

#1075050 - Friday 9 July 2010 7:51

my mom was an ASStrouNUT

jessamy_brit | 5

#2788555 - Thursday 30 June 2011 1:55

ohh go cry to your Teddy bear. you don't know life.

gc327072 | 29

#5244854 - Thursday 13 December 2012 22:12

Splash mountain, if ya know what I mean.

By babyveronica | 0

#832722 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:40

that's just gross now I'm going to think about people having sex there haha eww

Averizzle | 0

#832908 - Monday 8 February 2010 2:28

Why wouldn't you think about people having sex at Disney World of all places? Is that not what it is for??

sparkman97 | 7

#3590518 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 22:45

PWhat kind of school takes a class trip to disneyworld? Fucking schools nowdays.

Honda288 | 2

#4099219 - Tuesday 28 February 2012 4:37

Well parents have to do something while they are waiting for Chip and Dale come out.

enormouselephant | 15

#5016715 - Monday 8 October 2012 5:11

How old are you guys to be so grossed out by sex?

Allnightampm | 18

#6461881 - Sunday 15 November 2015 12:25

It's usually large fine arts programs

By azreal_13 | 0

#832739 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:44

aww your nasty thinking about your parents getting it on, just enjoy your time there

By StewieBigFan | 0

#832749 - Monday 8 February 2010 1:46

Oh, boo hoo. Your parents have sex. Big woof. That's how babies are made. Grow up and learn to have fun, jeez.

tiffanyheart | 0

#838134 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 15:59

You know it's "big whoop" right?

xXxXxMasonxXxXx | 7

#2313226 - Friday 8 April 2011 7:19

OWNED

orlandogirl4life | 11

#3911431 - Friday 20 January 2012 1:15

Agreed. 100%

By MasterConan | 0

#832856 - Monday 8 February 2010 2:12

get over it.

By tb15 | 0

#832895 - Monday 8 February 2010 2:25

BoostaRoosta | 0

#833540 - Monday 8 February 2010 5:16

^this guy = win

tb15 | 0

#839924 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 4:09

thank you

By meaganliz | 0

#832918 - Monday 8 February 2010 2:33

How old are you, OP? Twelve?

Get over it.

By AngryNinja | 1

#833000 - Monday 8 February 2010 2:58

hm. I am a person. I came out of my mother. my dad made me.

STORY OF EVERYONE'S LIFE. or they wouldn't HAVE life. just forget it and have fun. that's what they did!

By JeNGaL9 | 0

#833047 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:13

it's not like they had sex on a ride...suck it up....quit your complaining - some ppl will NeveR see Disneyland!!

noobienick | 19

#5757416 - Sunday 17 November 2013 7:50

You don't know that.

By amihearts | 0

#833058 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:16

um why would think if that? I don't get that. I mean I would just forget about it