Miscellaneous: Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Sorry…

This Charming Man

By Anyonymous_101

Alexa, play "All You Need Is Hate" by The Delgados

Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML

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By faeliality - United States

Today, my boss called me and asked why I haven't been showing up to work. I didn't show up because he fired me last week over the phone. Then he fired me again for not showing up to work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was tending the cash register. I scanned a lady's items which totaled $89.68. She paid with a $100 bill. I gave her $11.32 change. She angrily gave back the extra dollar and complained about "schools nowadays". I'm an AP Calculus student. FML

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By SteveBassist

Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML

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By MakesMeLol - Ireland

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, at the office, my most annoying client asked me to send her a document. I have now sent it to her over 5 times, in a different format each time, and every single time she replies with, "Not in the requested format". She won't tell me what the requested format is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

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By illusia - 5/4/2021 16:58

It's complicated

Today, I was screamed at for not doing the dishes because I was exhausted. Last year, when my arm was broken, I did all my chores without complaint. I don’t know how to explain to my parents that I’d much, much rather work with a broken arm than while tired. FML

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By BlueyedKat - United States - Huntsville

Today, I gave a presentation to a class of 70+ people. No one bothered to tell me my fly was unzipped. No wonder they were all smiling. FML

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By jeremiah - Australia

Today, I let my brother borrow my car, as he had a job interview. I told him the tank was nearly empty and gave him $20 to put some petrol in it. Ten minutes later, he calls me, saying the car won't start. He filled it up with diesel. It's a petrol car. FML

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By girl - United States

Today, in dance class we did a choreography where we wear two shirts and take one off in one quick motion. After I took mine off, the audience goes "aaah". Then I realize that I had taken both my shirts off as stood there with only my bra on. I was being videotaped. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 17:01

Keep some things to yourself

Today, a colleague was talking about how she'd made some tomato sauce from scratch for her dad, but then he died before she could give it to him. I said she should have put it in the casket with him so the cremation would've been a real barbeque. My filter is broken. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. And then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him. Giving me the evil eye. FML

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By Anonymous - India

Today, a few weeks after moving back to my home country, I found out my diploma isn't recognized here. The only training provider I can find that can upgrade it to something valid wants another 2 years of my life, 500 hours of work experience and $16,000. FML

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By nopanties - United States - Durham

Felt cute, might delete later

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML

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By erpuchi - Dominican Republic

Today, my girlfriend got a great idea for her history class project... while we were having sex. FML

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By daddysjudy92

Today, after being hospitalized last week due to a severe mental breakdown, my mom is still mad at me for missing her big solo at church. She had even tried to demand I be released from the hospital for it. She's still going on about how she thinks I missed it on purpose. FML

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By Pururururin

Sounds bad

Today, I accidentally deleted an audio file for my first professional video project. Impossible to do a retake, because the production budget was so tight. The audio from the camera sounds bad and file recovery program still can't help. Also, the deadline is this week. FML

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By mitsuko045 - Ireland

Today, after moving into my new house, I agreed to let my house mates have a house warming on the condition it be a small one, as I have exams all day that day and one that I can't fail on the very next morning. The facebook event guest list now has 100+ confirmed guests. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone but me. Then, one of them said: "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that not only is my live-in mother-in-law a fan of Lady Gaga, she dances around the house naked to fully embrace the music. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2021 08:01

Bougie

Today, I went to the Louis Vuitton store to repair the broken handle on my handbag. Upon review, they told me that my handbag was not an authentic Louis Vuitton. I essentially paid $1600 for a fake that I can no longer use. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Montrose

Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML

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By Declan - 4/12/2020 21:58 - United States - Miami

A case of Keemstar beard?

Today, I finally got my boyfriend to go get his lockdown beard trimmed. He came back with the kind of pointy monstrosity you see on people like Keemstar. I'm tempted to prune it in his sleep. FML

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By brooklyn0118

Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

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By Screw My Parents - United States - Barrington

Today, my parents confirmed we were going to be taking a Disney World trip for Christmas vacation. I already knew that we were taking a trip, but I was now missing a week of school. Being in 3 honors and an A.P. class, I said that I didn't want to go. I got called an "ungrateful, little prick". FML

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By notquitejuliet - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

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By BirthdayBoy - United States - Madison

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2021 00:01

Oh no, not you

Today, I had no idea my dad and my fiancé's dad are old enemies, until we brought our families together for the first time since we met and COVID rules were relaxed. Long story short, there was a brawl, lots of drinking, a destroyed back garden and we’re not engaged anymore. FML

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By Anonymous

Dead wrong

Today, I attended my husband's funeral and my son carried out the eulogy, which basically turned into a character assassination, ending with "and I hope Hell is hot enough for you, old man." Almost our entire family agreed with every word he said. FML

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By disney - United States

Today, I went to Disneyworld. I fell and hit my head while jumping up and down to see Ariel. I'm a 35 year old man. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom

Left hanging

Today, I was at work, and I had to tell my manager I was calling someone to bring me a bra as mine had broken mid-shift. I was the only woman on shift. It took them 30 minutes to show up and I still had to serve front of house while I waited. FML

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By tommy3824 - United States

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

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By Danger. Hard Hat Area. - United States - Philadelphia

Today, while walking past a construction site on my way to class, a hard hat fell off a roof and hit me on the head. FML

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By k.love - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

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Top comments

By Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5469793 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:30

That's sad when a personal belief causes relatives to disown you. :(

By PrimeEvilTahir | 23

#5469922 - Monday 29 April 2013 2:02

It's amazing how people just blindly believe every stupid thing they hear without doing their own research.
If I had a dollar for every negative thing I hear about Islam, I'd be richer than the Saudi royal family...

COMMENTS

By fckwhyme | 11

#5469772 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:27

Hypocrites everywhere run for your life!

Reply

Enslaved | 36

#5470173 - Monday 29 April 2013 5:20

"If you want to get out alive
Whoa-oh, run for your life"

Reply

wjh100 | 13

#5470317 - Monday 29 April 2013 8:12

even the right album I'm quite impressed speaking that song never really made it onto the radio.

Reply

daminantion | 14

#5470811 - Monday 29 April 2013 16:21

Gotta love Americans...

By ShannyAK | 16

#5469773 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:27

I would call them on it! Just say 'hey weren't you the one who told me that I should not be controlled by other people?'

Reply

tygerarmy | 35

#5469795 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:31

And if calling them on it doesn't work just use the bible against them. There are so many things in there that no one in modern society fulfills.

Reply

Kyle_Kawi27 | 7

#5469990 - Monday 29 April 2013 3:15

Yea but you know how parents act, they would then find another way to skip around your own accusation. Its sad :(( lol.

Reply

wjh100 | 13

#5470324 - Monday 29 April 2013 8:20

yes no one fufills it this is true. but what god wants is for you to realize you have sinned and ask for forgiveness and will forgive you no matter what.

By FMLbutYDI | 17

#5469775 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:27

Hypocrites.

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5469781 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:28

Hippocrates*

Well, you edited your comment. Now I look like a fool. :p

By tygerarmy | 35

#5469785 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:28

Do good in school and move out as soon as you can.

By Wizardo | 33

#5469790 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:29

Religion as fickle as people and people as fickle as religion... its a vicious cycle.

By RoseBlack123 | 37

#5469792 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:29

Wow. No one should force you on what to believe. Your religious beliefs are yours to decide, not somebody else's. My parents did exactly the same too, so I feel your pain. FYL

By Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5469793 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:30

That's sad when a personal belief causes relatives to disown you. :(

By Bakarra | 22

#5469797 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:31

Really? Cuz God forced me to have determinism... Popcorns in the microwave, ladies and gents...

By gc327072 | 29

#5469801 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:32

Rebel and go Catholic.

Reply

chrissy2 | 28

#5469827 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:36

We got a badass over here.

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5469946 - Monday 29 April 2013 2:20

Bro, do you even mass?

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5470022 - Monday 29 April 2013 3:44

Do you even Lent?

Reply

NagainaFier | 16

#5470127 - Monday 29 April 2013 4:58

Do you even Advent?

Reply

ThePsyche | 9

#5470221 - Monday 29 April 2013 6:12

No, but I do Lent my prayers to the masses of people suffering from a Host of medical illnesses.

Reply

icemand90 | 17

#5470322 - Monday 29 April 2013 8:17

exorcism?

By pinkfeet17 | 3

#5469806 - Monday 29 April 2013 1:32

wow they sound like parents who love letting people have their agency