Money: Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 66

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 34

17/03/2009 18:17

Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 457

You deserved it 31 403

Best teeth in the game

Mother of the year

Walk the line

28/06/2019 00:30

Today, the most exciting notification I received was Amazon telling me that my bulk order of toilet paper had been shipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 250

02/08/2019 22:00

Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 532

01/04/2013 17:17

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 336

You deserved it 4 141

Busted

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 05:06

Spicy

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 553

You deserved it 5 746

06/06/2011 13:50

Today, I changed the date of my birthday to today on Facebook to see how many people actually know my birthday. My mom wished me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 602

You deserved it 15 715

06/11/2012 05:15

Spicy

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 794

You deserved it 46 615

Non refundable

By honeymooner - 28/03/2012 10:47

Today, I received a coupon for a special offer including flights and accommodation for the honeymoon destination that my fiancé and I are keen on. Yesterday, I paid the full price for the flight tickets and hotel deposit for the honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 429

You deserved it 2 612

31/12/2011 17:09

Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 741

You deserved it 2 612

14/07/2012 05:49

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 877

You deserved it 36 421

Cash me?

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 11:00

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 109

30/07/2009 05:46

Spicy

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 891

You deserved it 50 233

05/03/2013 05:08

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 446

You deserved it 4 922

14/09/2013 00:37

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 548

You deserved it 5 614

18/12/2012 15:30

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 657

You deserved it 9 672

28/06/2011 07:32

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he stopped brushing his teeth two days after we started dating. Tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 856

You deserved it 8 732

27/03/2011 10:06

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 631

You deserved it 11 213

07/12/2011 01:38

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 970

You deserved it 3 480

Zoom off

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 07:59

Today, I was caught on a hot mic during a work department meeting complaining about someone using a leaf blower, F-bombs and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 770

23/04/2011 21:26

Today, I had to climb over a tall gate. Getting to the top wasn't a problem, but falling face first on the way down wasn't what I'd had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 071

You deserved it 10 647

01/02/2011 05:56

Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with an A. I even wear a name tag. You would think after nearly four years, your boss would remember your name. Every time he speaks to me, it's a different name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 752

You deserved it 4 012

Misogynistic and insensitive. Great.

By Anonymous - 23/06/2018 14:30

Today, I told my boyfriend how my mom passed away when I was 11 after crashing her car into a tree at night. He muttered, "Women drivers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 835

You deserved it 419

13/05/2016 05:05

Spicy

Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding. I didn't know at first, so I blew my nose and an inhuman amount of blood sprayed out the side of the tissue all over my desk, the wall, and the student's paper. It looked like a murder scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 213

You deserved it 1 429

31/10/2011 04:12

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 145

You deserved it 2 636

Priorities

By Forever sad - 06/10/2011 00:55

Spicy

Today, I learned that my mother might not live much longer. My boyfriend, instead of showing compassion asked me, "We're still having video chat sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 649

You deserved it 4 621

18/11/2009 06:17

Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 389

You deserved it 2 723

07/02/2011 08:38

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 528

You deserved it 6 143

28/01/2013 17:24

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 960

You deserved it 4 320

Memento

By annie - 31/12/2020 02:01

Today, at the age of 24, the only way I can remember anything at all is if I repeat it over and over again like a mantra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 76

21/05/2014 02:24

Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 267

You deserved it 6 910

05/05/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 126

10/01/2015 02:13

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 199

You deserved it 10 407

Meme wars

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 22:57

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me via a meme. What the fuck? With a friend of mine as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 94

11/08/2009 12:17

Today, I was alone with a work acquaintance at lunch. A noise came from his pocket; he whipped out his iPod Touch and said "Sorry, I have to take this," before walking away with the iPod to his ear. Not only did he not want to talk to me, he thought I was stupid enough to confuse an iPod with a phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 624

You deserved it 14 702

Fuck these people

By Coughed - 22/08/2021 20:01

Spicy

Today, a customer came in without a mask, and called us "liberal sheep" for wearing one. She then coughed on me when I kindly asked her to leave. She told me, "Oh well, if you didn’t wanna get coughed on, you should have stayed home with your silly sheep mask." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 208

19/08/2010 05:26

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He also decided the best way to end our relationship was to kill me and our virtual child on The Sims 3 by setting us on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 387

You deserved it 6 862

08/10/2009 04:30

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 152

You deserved it 7 942

05/03/2019 18:00

Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 995

You deserved it 1 349

20/03/2015 02:23

Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 057

You deserved it 5 330

How do magnets work?

By batman - 04/07/2020 02:02

Today, I found out I was qualified to go to a magnet school. My mom threw the papers away, claiming she thinks I shouldn't be with "rich and snobby" people. She grew up as a rich snob and has a fortune waiting for her when her parents die, and she brags about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 82

27/06/2015 06:15

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 757

You deserved it 2 249

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

autumnshivaree 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:23

:-) That's basically what my family did to my brother, only we used a model BMW. You kind of deserve that - car's aren't toys and they are expensive to buy and worse to insure. Get a job and pay for it yourself. Best of luck!

tsezu 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:26

I wouldn't mind getting Hot Wheels cars...

Comments

autumnshivaree 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:23

:-) That's basically what my family did to my brother, only we used a model BMW. You kind of deserve that - car's aren't toys and they are expensive to buy and worse to insure. Get a job and pay for it yourself. Best of luck!

Send a private message

Sunday 22 August 2010 21:26

agreed and win!

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:32

My dad did the same thing to me. Had a toy mini cooper on top of my birthday cake that they brought out for us at the steakhouse where we ate. I was 16 then - just bought my own mini at 21 =] save your money is right its a great feeling

Send a private message

Friday 13 April 2012 15:16

Great advise!!!!

tsezu 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:26

I wouldn't mind getting Hot Wheels cars...

Send a private message

Saturday 27 February 2010 2:04

hhahaha i agree

Send a private message

Monday 1 August 2011 3:43

NNNNNNEEEEEERRRRRRDDDDDD!!!!!!

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:26

Ha. Ha! That sucks.

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:29

that's rude.. they didn't have to get you excited about getting a car and then let you down so colossally

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:30

your parents are assholes for doing that to you. just tell them that karma's a bitch and just wait till they need a nursing home to take their advice.

Send a private message

Monday 25 August 2014 17:56

Wow, spoiled brat much?

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:31

Well, yeah. Save your money and earn one yourself like most people have to do.

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:31

Your parents are realistic. At least you have a Hot Wheels car!

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:32

Your parents have a sense of humor. Apparently it's not genetic.

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:33

Too bad it wasn't a big wheel.... Could have driven that around the neighborhood :D

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:34

Easy way to fix this is tell them you're going to buy a motorcycle. Just watch how fast this sparks a real conversation about getting a car...

qwertification 0

Send a private message

Thursday 11 February 2010 2:08

lol thats wat im going to say