Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been... - FML

By RdL - 17/3/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML

I agree, your life sucks

69426

You deserved it

31377

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Property law

The cheek of some people

By Austin Franklin - 18/3/2012 11:41 - United States

Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9858

You deserved it

47189

Tweet

Share

By kacysospacyy - 15/7/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34963

You deserved it

4735

Tweet

Share

By chubbs - 28/5/2014 21:07 - United States - Vacaville

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50045

You deserved it

3753

Tweet

Share

By jobless - 6/11/2014 02:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, for the first time since I can remember, I went in to work feeling positive, and that I could make good things happen. At the end of the day, my employment was terminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36924

You deserved it

3159

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 19/10/2011 12:19 - Australia

Today, my best friend who I have known for ten years recommended I didn't continue a relationship with my girlfriend. I thought she wanted to go out with me which I was hoping for, for a long time. Turns out she wanted to go out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39831

You deserved it

6904

Tweet

Share

By AshWil - 26/6/2015 16:54 - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16839

You deserved it

22961

Tweet

Share

By anne - 30/7/2010 23:23 - Canada

Today, my 20 year old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33315

You deserved it

4103

Tweet

Share

By adrenochrome - 9/2/2009 09:21 - Lithuania

Today, I learnt that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8866

You deserved it

43089

Tweet

Share

By Michelle Jade - 5/9/2018 22:00

#worthit

Today, I'm lying in a hospital bed with two broken leg bones, a reattached tendon, and four screws holding my leg together. Why? Because I wanted chocolate milk and some asshat didn't see me walking across the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2876

You deserved it

490

Tweet

Share

By katie06 - 28/10/2010 06:39 - United States

Today, my dad explained to me the "chain of command" for our house. McKinley, Mom, himself, Charlie, then me. McKinley is my two year old daughter and Charlie is the dog. He was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26030

You deserved it

5691

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/7/2015 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28184

You deserved it

1812

Tweet

Share

By hugs511 - 25/7/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52460

You deserved it

3131

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 8/2/2009 01:23 - United States

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36077

You deserved it

3811

Tweet

Share

By notinterested - 13/9/2011 10:11 - United States

Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34193

You deserved it

5402

Tweet

Share

By loner - 12/2/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, in an effort to make new friends in my history class, I sat in the empty seat next to a friendly-looking guy. He got up, walked away, and sat down in a different seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36535

You deserved it

4176

Tweet

Share

By sal - 19/8/2012 02:48 - United States - Rexburg

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54627

You deserved it

3991

Tweet

Share

By -- - 4/9/2011 16:42 - Canada

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37489

You deserved it

3040

Tweet

Share

By Sharkie49 - 26/3/2012 22:33 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I paid top dollar for an Italian soda that ended up consisting almost entirely of ice. When I complained, the girl insisted that the soda water stopped the ice from melting. She said she didn't see what the problem was, and threatened to have me thrown out if I didn't "simmer down." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22558

You deserved it

5283

Tweet

Share

By itisthedude - 10/9/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I was walking with my very attractive friend who I like a lot. She then told me that her roomate wouldn't be home tonight, and if I wanted, I could come over and study history. I didn't get it. I told her no thanks, that I was covered, and it was chem I needed to study. An hour later, I understood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15774

You deserved it

76385

Tweet

Share

By indefiniteforest - 10/9/2016 04:11 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my best friend texted me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. Trying to be supportive, I sent a long message about how he never deserved her and that I was there for her if she needed someone to vent to. She replied, "Are you high?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10793

You deserved it

1094

Tweet

Share

By smeeagain - 21/10/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29412

You deserved it

6345

Tweet

Share

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50741

You deserved it

3458

Tweet

Share

By sierra808 - 31/5/2009 09:43 - United States

Today, I was walking the beach and I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other I smiled and waved as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40418

You deserved it

17467

Tweet

Share

By CJune24 - 22/10/2014 21:24 - United Kingdom - Huddersfield

The Great Pretender

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38361

You deserved it

5407

Tweet

Share

By pornhastaughtmenothing - 21/2/2013 08:46 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42260

You deserved it

11555

Tweet

Share

By not the scalpel - 15/9/2012 07:36 - United States - Paso Robles

Weird

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30465

You deserved it

3062

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/3/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27032

You deserved it

2471

Tweet

Share

By [email protected] - 6/12/2008 04:54 - France

Today, I decided to spend a night of love with my darling, so I arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number and waited in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it enticingly, convinced it was him. It was room service. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33249

You deserved it

11807

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 05:01 - Italy

Statistics

Today, I found out that my 7 friends, with a total of 23 past boyfriends in 11 years, have had 0 orgasms during sex. As someone whose sex ed was basically porn, it felt like finding out Santa wasn't real, but worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1136

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By HotAsTits - 20/3/2011 20:31 - United States

Ah, young love…

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50857

You deserved it

10425

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/8/2015 19:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror and she quickly excused herself. That was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23349

You deserved it

2482

Tweet

Share

By theuglyfriend - 17/7/2012 06:09 - United States - Riverbank

Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33607

You deserved it

3680

Tweet

Share

By Ouchmybum - 3/11/2018 12:00

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2475

You deserved it

214

Tweet

Share

By speechless - 2/11/2010 17:20 - Canada

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28824

You deserved it

3725

Tweet

Share

By yupppp - 8/8/2011 18:12 - United States

Today, I was talking with my mom about getting my school photos retouched. I believe her exact words were, "They'll take one look at you, and charge me triple." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34064

You deserved it

3912

Tweet

Share

By DriedDeadFroggo - 4/6/2019 04:06

Today, my dog has figured out how to open screen doors on his own, by body checking them at full force, of course, like one does. This would be all fine and good, but we live by a lake with a considerable mosquito infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1682

You deserved it

151

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/8/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11740

You deserved it

66785

Tweet

Share

By twistedelegance - 19/7/2019 04:00

Today, I failed my driving test, and didn't get my great new job that a buddy helped me get. He got fired, and they won't hire me because he recommended me, regardless of how qualified for the job and how great the interview went. He called to tell me an hour before my driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1640

You deserved it

135

Tweet

Share

By razzipost1 - 5/10/2009 05:28 - Canada

Today, I came home from work to my basement flooding. With sewage. That wasn't from our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39788

You deserved it

2027

Tweet

Share

By - 9/1/2020 20:00

Winner

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1978

You deserved it

936

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By autumnshivaree | 0

#38421 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:23

:-) That's basically what my family did to my brother, only we used a model BMW.
You kind of deserve that - car's aren't toys and they are expensive to buy and worse to insure. Get a job and pay for it yourself.
Best of luck!

By tsezu | 0

#38431 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:26

I wouldn't mind getting Hot Wheels cars...

COMMENTS

By autumnshivaree | 0

#38421 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:23

:-) That's basically what my family did to my brother, only we used a model BMW.
You kind of deserve that - car's aren't toys and they are expensive to buy and worse to insure. Get a job and pay for it yourself.
Best of luck!

Reply

isaiaha11 | 2

#1286527 - Sunday 22 August 2010 21:26

agreed and win!

Reply

aesculpius89 | 2

#3018451 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:32

My dad did the same thing to me. Had a toy mini cooper on top of my birthday cake that they brought out for us at the steakhouse where we ate. I was 16 then - just bought my own mini at 21 =] save your money is right its a great feeling

Reply

babe7260 | 30

#4299559 - Friday 13 April 2012 15:16

Great advise!!!!

By tsezu | 0

#38431 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:26

I wouldn't mind getting Hot Wheels cars...

Reply

XCaLX_fml | 0

#895846 - Saturday 27 February 2010 2:04

hhahaha i agree

Reply

beastwill64 | 16

#3012098 - Monday 1 August 2011 3:43

NNNNNNEEEEEERRRRRRDDDDDD!!!!!!

By Pokerdance | 0

#38433 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:26

Ha. Ha! That sucks.

By qwert5 | 0

#38452 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:29

that's rude.. they didn't have to get you excited about getting a car and then let you down so colossally

By meddude | 0

#38459 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:30

your parents are assholes for doing that to you. just tell them that karma's a bitch and just wait till they need a nursing home to take their advice.

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6047490 - Monday 25 August 2014 17:56

Wow, spoiled brat much?

By Bubs_fml | 0

#38463 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:31

Well, yeah. Save your money and earn one yourself like most people have to do.

By shitfaece | 0

#38466 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:31

Your parents are realistic. At least you have a Hot Wheels car!

By truth_fml | 0

#38473 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:32

Your parents have a sense of humor. Apparently it's not genetic.

By Cadle90 | 0

#38475 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:33

Too bad it wasn't a big wheel.... Could have driven that around the neighborhood :D

By cuttybuddy | 0

#38487 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:34

Easy way to fix this is tell them you're going to buy a motorcycle. Just watch how fast this sparks a real conversation about getting a car...

Reply

qwertification | 0

#842888 - Thursday 11 February 2010 2:08

lol thats wat im going to say