Miscellaneous: Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with... - FML

By jdsksoapy - 30/03/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

I agree, your life sucks 210 752

You deserved it 34 931

Mama's boy

Dementia or hate? You decide

Give me strength

By stoopidRUnner - 24/02/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I was running by a school and saw that a deer had caught his antlers in the fence. I felt bad for it so I tried to help it free. Finally, he became unstuck. Then he rammed his antlers into my hip. Now I can't run in the marathon I have been training for a year to race in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 546

You deserved it 13 464

By boundandgagged - 13/01/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 412

You deserved it 4 971

By not-religious - 17/12/2013 09:16 - United States

Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 248

You deserved it 5 148

By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 18:50 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. She bitched me out for not getting the ring she had been "hinting" me to get, and angrily left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 336

You deserved it 4 959

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 19:11 - United States - Ontario

Today, I found myself admiring my eyelids for being the only parts of my face not covered in acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 359

You deserved it 4 482

That's rank

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 06:01 - Germany - Emden

Today, I took a piece of toilet paper to blow my nose and had a surprise: someone in our house seems to not have understood how TP works. In this case, the principle that it shouldn't stay on the roll once there is poo on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 81

Winner winner chicken dinner

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 14:02

Today, I realized I have finally turned into my mother when I got excited about using so many coupons that I only paid 70 cents for $14 worth of groceries. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 23/07/2014 20:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Spicy

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 027

You deserved it 13 928

By shugette212 - 05/12/2014 01:56 - United States

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 071

You deserved it 7 654

By paid to scoop ice cream not nana-sit - 17/06/2016 03:13 - United States - Fall River

Today, I was working when my boss left briefly, leaving me with her elderly, senile mother. Not only did I have to chase her when she ran after a stranger on the road, I turned my back for 5 seconds to do my actual job and she walked off. When my boss returned, I had to tell her I lost her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 977

You deserved it 1 084

By Cyberdeeder - 13/10/2008 08:19

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 052

You deserved it 20 241

By marriagesux - 29/12/2009 07:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, marks the second week straight without sex. Being a newlywed isn't as great as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 653

You deserved it 4 643

By Cat Piss - 15/12/2013 16:58 - United States - Lavon

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 595

You deserved it 6 852

By nameless - 12/07/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 223

You deserved it 11 820

By Anonymous - 19/04/2011 15:06 - United States

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 063

You deserved it 6 163

By Foam - 26/12/2009 06:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 619

You deserved it 2 989

By Anonymous - 09/01/2015 21:17 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I went to work and said hi to my boss. He reached towards me. I thought he was trying to give me a hug, so I awkwardly hugged him back. Turned out he was just trying to fix my shirt collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 137

You deserved it 4 454

Forever Alone

By Lisa - 19/08/2018 23:30

Today, at my younger sister's wedding, my hospitalised grandmother called to ask if I have a boyfriend yet, both my parents wondered if I'll ever get married, and when the 13-year-old next to me caught the bouquet, his father yelled from the back to give it to me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 829

You deserved it 209

By ssjin93 - 24/11/2009 00:07 - United States

Today, I received two letters, one from my mom, other from my dad, about how much they missed me with me not being around them. I called my mom, feeling sad. She didn't sound sad at all. She asked me which letter was better. My parents were competing each other which letter would be more moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 187

You deserved it 2 395

By oh gee, you don't say - 15/12/2012 18:43 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 944

You deserved it 4 635

By Partners - 22/06/2015 19:55 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 740

You deserved it 3 376

Bodyshaming

By auslander - 12/08/2009 20:13 - Switzerland

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 679

You deserved it 7 897

By mommymo - 16/09/2010 10:59 - Australia

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, 'So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?' FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 105

You deserved it 4 386

By Lady of Sorrows - 31/01/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 981

You deserved it 3 285

By Mortifiedcharityworker - 01/05/2014 20:10 - Austria

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 313

You deserved it 38 552

By Eddy - 27/08/2017 16:00

Today, I was let go at work. About 2 years ago, we had hired an eager-to-learn "assistant" for me. When they canned me, they let me know that I should've trained him faster so I could've been fired sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 890

You deserved it 306

By Inthedumps - 23/07/2014 00:51 - United States - Jerseyville

Today, my boss is still refusing to hire any more people because he's convinced I can handle all of the work after the majority of staff quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 830

You deserved it 3 590

By syco - 28/12/2009 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I like was panicking because her car broke down, so I offered her a lift to wherever she needed to be. I drove her to her boyfriend's house. She asked me to drive her home in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 204

You deserved it 7 361

Coach Class

By GetFuzzy - 18/10/2019 12:00

Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 932

Fight Yoga, try anxiety!

By thegoalie - 16/09/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I overheard this girl I don't really know say that she had cramps. Trying to be helpful, I turned round and told her she should stretch out where she had them. She then asked how the fuck she was supposed to stretch her ovaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 2 607

By nosexforthee - 23/01/2015 19:25 - United States - Katy

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 547

You deserved it 7 940

Every little helps

By Anonymous - 21/04/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that my grandmother desecrated my grandfather's grave. 14 years after his death, she dug up his body and had him cremated so that she could sell his plot back to the cemetery for money. I was the one who found out so I had to tell the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 189

By oooooopss - 01/04/2012 06:44 - United States - Portland

Today, I got into my car and it wouldn't start. I noticed I had left the lights on and assumed the battery was dead. Then, I couldn't get my key out of the ignition. So, I called AAA only to have the guy put my car in park and start the engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 839

You deserved it 29 415

By Stalkerella - 08/05/2018 05:51

Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 589

You deserved it 253

By thwack - 24/05/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 023

You deserved it 3 970

By Anonymous - 09/06/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 444

You deserved it 2 814

By meh - 31/10/2016 15:43

Today, at work, a guy tried to buy me for a dollar. I've only been there a week and it's the third time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 295

You deserved it 703

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 09:08 - Australia

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 413

You deserved it 16 117

By "jonnybones223" - 08/03/2019 04:00

Today, I was awakened by my father saying how proud he was of his little boy. I assumed he meant me, since I landed an apprenticeship in the same union he's worked in for 25 years. Turns out he was speaking about his cat, who left a dead squirrel next to my bed. I stepped on the damn thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 199

By sleepingbeauty - 24/04/2016 08:45 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I sent him a long message pouring my heart out about how hurt I am that he constantly ignores me or responds to almost everything I say in monosyllables. He texted back "ok". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 3 741

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:09

Fail parents -_-

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:10

Try "Heck!" or if really moved "Fiddlesticks!"

Comments

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:09

Fail parents -_-

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Friday 25 September 2009 15:49

To say nothing of the 19 year old who was too much of a pansy to protest to having his mouth washed out with soap.

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Thursday 9 September 2010 7:33

That's what I thought. Heck, even back when I was 12 I would've refused. Probably as a small kid, too.

caitlin21holly 0

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Wednesday 16 February 2011 6:53

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 14 July 2011 5:00

Damn man, I know exactly what you mean :/ I'm 14, and my parents literally made me drink 1 tsp of tobacco sauce, 1 tblsp of vinegar, wash out my mouth with soap, and got grounded for a week, all for saying the word "crap". it's fucking ridiculous. especially since both of my parents swear all the time. literally, one time my dad yelled at me: "I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY GODDAMN SWEARING IN MY HOUSE! DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?!" ...fucking hypocrites.

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Thursday 14 July 2011 5:00

Damn man, I know exactly what you mean :/ I'm 14, and my parents literally made me drink 1 tsp of tobacco sauce, 1 tblsp of vinegar, wash out my mouth with soap, and got grounded for a week, all for saying the word "crap". it's fucking ridiculous. especially since both of my parents swear all the time. literally, one time my dad yelled at me: "I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY GODDAMN SWEARING IN MY HOUSE! DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?!" ...fucking hypocrites.

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Wednesday 30 December 2015 1:59

Your legally an adult tell them to fuck off... oh wait, nevermind.

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:10

And you didnt reject?

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:52

if youre already 18 then your parents can't make you do that.

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:10

Try "Heck!" or if really moved "Fiddlesticks!"

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Sunday 10 August 2014 23:17

Golly gee wilickers, that's a pretty good gosh darn idea! I'd be pretty steamed if my parents punished me for using bad flipping words...

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:11

move out.

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:12

Tell your parents to f*ck off!!! You should have resisted this if you're 19!

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Sunday 8 August 2010 17:37

/signed

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:12

thats something for like 5 yr. olds..

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:13

what are you amish, tell your mom your just try to expand your biblical vocab

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Sunday 27 June 2010 14:53

lol that's hilarious usaywhat. x)

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:13

Or next time say "Unclefucker." you are going to get your mouth washed out anyway, it may as be for something actually offensive.

ImaBmyLonurTees 0

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 18:43

Or at least, donkey-raping, shit-eater. I guess that's what u get for still living at home.

alyssadapsycho 7

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Friday 12 March 2010 3:38

mother fuckin ass eatin fuck face shit

averageirishman 0

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Saturday 1 May 2010 23:11

or fiddlesticks

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:03

or assfuckin pussy licking cocksuckin cuntass

Misanthropist 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:14

Time to move out, get a tattoo and a mohawk. Your parents are nuts. (For added fun, tell them you're an active member of an atheist group and/or gay! Guarenteed for laughs.)

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Wednesday 15 September 2010 6:35

I'd tell them I started new 'peoples temple' group and give them a free glass if coolaid... lmfao

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Sunday 29 May 2011 8:26

or maybe if he's white, pretend to be a national socialist or kkk

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:15

lol if my parents ever did this i'd be like "HELLLLL NAW". then find a friend to move in with or a friendly local park bench.

keso1 0

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 18:22

LMAO I LOVE U! hahahahahahaha

IGuessIDeservedI 0

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Sunday 16 January 2011 5:14

wow

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 26

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 194