Miscellaneous: Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time.... - FML

By DB - United States

Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

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Dangling modifier

Out of it

Very fishy

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, we found out that the beloved "Uncle Jimmy" from my early childhood was really the man my mother was cheating on my dad with. FML

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By Debra - United States - Bloomington

Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our daily 15-minute nap. Not wanting to spare any more class time on his disrupting jokes, I let the headache sleep. After another 10 minutes we called an ambulance. He had a stroke. FML

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By stinky car - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

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By elaine - 2/2/2021 21:01 - United States - Denver

Are you a wizard?

Today, I tried to prove a point to my six-year-old son who refuses to drink water from the kitchen sink in favor of from the bathroom faucet. I filled up two cups, one with the kitchen water and another with the bathroom water, thinking he wouldn’t tell the difference. He gagged on the kitchen water. FML

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By annonn - Brunei Darussalam - Bandar Seri Begawan

Today, I found out that people know when you're screenshooting their snaps on Snapchat, by the guy I have a crush on, asking me why I keep doing it. FML

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By Terry - United States

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

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By Messy love life - 19/2/2021 12:31 - India

Just ask

Today, I casually hooked up with a guy with no strings attached. Later, we had a great conversation and I suddenly realized that I have feelings for him. He wants nothing even close to a relationship and probably doesn't like me back. FML

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By nobleach - United States

Red alert

Today, I was going to bleach my bikini line, as I have not been able to shave there due to some ingrown hairs, and I also have to lifeguard every day. As it turns out, I'm allergic to the bleach. There is now an angry red, burning rash on my crotch that you can see around my swimsuit. FML

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By both are dimwitted - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2020 20:01

Shark-infested offices

Today, I attended my father’s funeral. I have the week off work, and one of my colleagues is using this time to make a play for my job. I’m not supposed to be checking emails, so I can’t call them out on it until I get back, by which time it may be too late. FML

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By teach - United States

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

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By rhartnett11

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I had any plans to go out tonight. To divert attention, I pretended to be angry and accused her of prying into my social life. Actually, I have no social life and nobody to go out with. My only "big plans" were to finish my Sudoku book. FML

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By Offended - United States

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

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By beckbm23 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

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By crazy dog lady - 2/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Furry family

Today, my girlfriend got evicted for having too many dogs. She expects me to let her and all 5 dogs live in my one-bedroom apartment. When I told her no, that I’d get evicted too, she said that should be a sacrifice I’m willing to make for “our family” if I really loved her. They aren’t even my dogs. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

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By gemtas5 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

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By BunniesOnAcid - United States - Clinton

Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML

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By Shepaintsmusic

Today, an antiques dealer made a joke about chopping off and buying my deformed left hand. FML

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By RohnAbheek - India

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Collingswood

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

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By moviewalker - United States

Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML

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By musicgod123 - France

Today, I bought a $3000 HD camera. It never shipped to my house, so I was concerned. I then realized I had given the seller the address for a house in California. I live in Maine. FML

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By atmac95 - United States

Today, I am expected to write an 8 page essay, due tonight. The reason why I don't even have one page yet? My mom decided to take away the only computer I have the essay saved on because I have an 'F' in English. The essay is for English. FML

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By ballnchain - United States

Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML

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By Nate - United States

Today, we watched a movie in class. Afterwards, the professor asked us what we thought. I raised my hand and said it was pretentious, dull and a really poor example of filmmaking. It was the movie HE spent five years writing and directing. FML

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By Nose Numb - United States

Today, for the first time ever, my family bought a real Christmas tree instead of using our old fake one. Today, I also found out I'm allergic to Christmas trees. My family won't get rid of it because they paid so much for it and intend to "get their money's worth". FML

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By UhhhUhhhRRRick - United States

Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, when he produced several graphic photos of him having it off with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

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By Shampoodle

Today, I found out that my mom uses my incredibly expensive conditioner to wash her two dogs every single weekend. No wonder they smell so good. FML

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By Boyufd

Paaaaaaarty!

Today, it's my birthday. I'd planned an outside party in my backyard, and I'd invited all of my friends. Only 2 of them showed up. It also rained today, even though it wasn't supposed to. FML

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By 092492 - United States

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

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By animalover - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Scared shitless

Today, I stayed after hours studying in the medical library. I was the only one left, and as I was leaving through the glass doors, I saw a person's reflection behind me. I screamed, jumped, fell into the doors, smashing my head. I'd actually seen the reflection of a medical demonstration dummy. FML

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By dumbass - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. I hit my own parked car while trying to drive my mother's car into the garage. FML

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By Dana O'Neil - 24/8/2020 15:03 - Canada - Westerose

Invest in ear plugs

Today, and every night all summer, I can hear the kids outside playing when I go to bed. They’re so loud, it makes it hard to sleep. The kids have a later bedtime than I do, and I’m 33. I'm feeling like a broken down old lady. FML

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By unfortunatelyunlucky - United States

Today, while parked at school, someone broke into my car by smashing the window. I called the police and they informed me I could drive it to the local station as it was an easy 2 minute drive. As I was driving there, I got pulled over for driving with a smashed window. FML

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By belladonna1025 - United States - Mesa

Today, a customer came up to me with a can of ground black pepper and asked me what the ingredients were. FML

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By Andrea Trevor

Today, I woke up at 5am to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

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By bitchimgay - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

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Top comments

By capilot | 10

#5890 - Monday 23 February 2009 18:18

Depends on what you were being bailed out for. As the saying goes: a friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be in the next cell saying "dude, that was awesome!"

By rplovez | 9

#3270575 - Sunday 11 September 2011 4:03

The whole family isn't in jail... the boyfriend and girlfriend are in jail. The parents met each other while bailing the kids out... :P

COMMENTS

By rachelroller | 0

#5723 - Monday 23 February 2009 8:23

MEh, I doubt this actually happened.

Reply

purplepandaz | 0

#2367003 - Monday 18 April 2011 10:48

ikr! some of there would actually suck if it happened, but they're so far fetched! a) excluding drugs, it's not exactly easy to have ur WHOLE family in jail n b) I'd never call some one u don't know. defiantly not real. comment if u agree

Reply

rplovez | 9

#3270575 - Sunday 11 September 2011 4:03

The whole family isn't in jail... the boyfriend and girlfriend are in jail. The parents met each other while bailing the kids out... :P

Reply

cassiebear7652 | 7

#3312918 - Monday 19 September 2011 22:38

Ginger!!! ^ lol

By girl_fml | 0

#5763 - Monday 23 February 2009 9:28

im sorta jealous to be honest.

Reply

itssoratchet | 10

#6129915 - Friday 28 November 2014 22:57

Dammmm! i bet he's hot

By davidtheday | 0

#5879 - Monday 23 February 2009 17:57

Sounds like a nice guy...

By capilot | 10

#5890 - Monday 23 February 2009 18:18

Depends on what you were being bailed out for. As the saying goes: a friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be in the next cell saying "dude, that was awesome!"

Reply

kevg | 0

#1023584 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 5:54

that is such a cool saying

Reply

iloveyoumorethan_fml | 0

#2007274 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 18:11

agreed

By Edmund_Dantes | 0

#5917 - Monday 23 February 2009 19:34

This would automatically be a "you deserved it" if "legal" had any relation to right or wrong. As is, if yall didn't hurt anyone, the parents will probably get over it.

By Easy_Target | 0

#5920 - Monday 23 February 2009 19:41

Now this, this is a good story. I would pity you if you didn't have the best drinking party tale in the world here.

By holynemesis1208 | 3

#5929 - Monday 23 February 2009 20:13

need more juice what did you two do? at least it wasnt: my parents just met my boyfriend for the first time. now he's in jail. im 12.

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#5936162 - Tuesday 6 May 2014 4:29

You're 12 and your dating? Are you mental? That's such a young age to start dating!!

By LifeSux2897 | 0

#11597 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 0:03

Haha...thats funny!

By kairey324 | 0

#12099 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 4:54

what were you in jail for???

By RawShark | 0

#12884 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 19:39

LOL That's awesome!