Miscellaneous: Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents...

By Anonymous - 07/09/2010 10:17 - United States

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 281

You deserved it 3 009

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Hiding from the drama

Compassionate management

Not on a plane

By Surewhatever - 16/10/2019 14:01

Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 116

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 23:34 - United States - Brimfield

Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 944

You deserved it 12 789

By projectfain - 22/05/2013 12:28 - United States - Akron

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 832

You deserved it 3 187

By rtrim29 - 26/12/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 713

You deserved it 93 574

Can he fix it?

By Chelsy - 11/09/2019 12:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend is drunk he pretends to be Bob the Builder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 08:06 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 341

You deserved it 4 410

By thewallrules - 05/12/2009 14:10 - United States

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 893

You deserved it 3 442

By cooploops - 31/01/2015 15:13 - United States - Memphis

Today, I went to the mall with some friends. We all kept smelling this god awful B.O. smell and had no idea where it was coming from. On the car ride home, we all figured out it was actually me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 367

You deserved it 12 059

By "lk07" - 27/10/2017 23:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, after selling things on eBay all week to afford a nice weekend with my husband and kids, my car died. Now we have to spend the money on a battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 578

You deserved it 316

By puppylove - 20/10/2012 07:16 - United States

Today, while driving with my puppy in the passenger seat, he jumped out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 751

You deserved it 28 798

Pencils down

By Idiot - 16/12/2020 19:58

Today, I took an exam, for which I have been studying for weeks, I was confident at first, but then really struggled with it. I finished with about ten minutes to spare, turned to what I thought would be the end of my paper and found the first page of questions I was supposed to have answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 298

By the dead never die - 09/07/2019 22:00

Today, after over a dozen separate blood tests, my doctor told me conclusively that my results are perfectly normal for a middle-aged woman in the early stages of pregnancy. Problem is, I’m a 24-year-old guy, so my doctor is very concerned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 105

By really though? - 03/08/2014 22:02 - United States - Dover

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 737

You deserved it 14 131

By Anonymous - 03/12/2014 17:06 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 546

You deserved it 46 169

Apron strings

By heatherjo - 02/11/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me he wants to buy an engagement ring for his mother, so that she doesn't feel left out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 399

You deserved it 3 916

By MaKaDa - 23/09/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 610

You deserved it 4 803

By Anonymous - 10/01/2014 16:12 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 230

You deserved it 5 665

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 20:22 - Spain - Valencia

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 226

You deserved it 9 345

By babyfatt - 16/12/2009 08:23 - Australia

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 551

You deserved it 27 136

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 22:51 - United States

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 438

You deserved it 1 679

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 05:38 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing and cut through the headphone wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 898

You deserved it 3 227

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 168

You deserved it 11 436

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 430

You deserved it 17 987

By Lance - 28/01/2010 20:25 - United States

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 959

You deserved it 52 983

By hala - 16/03/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 432

You deserved it 18 284

By Tallie - 01/10/2018 12:00

Today, I fell down the stairs, breaking my foot and tendons. It was the first time I had ever broken anything, and the doctor said that it's the most complicated break he'd ever seen. It's too complicated to operate. Now I'm stuck in a wheelchair for god knows how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 111

You deserved it 194

By Jailbird - 09/06/2017 17:00 - United States - Redmond

Today, I took a group of teens with me to hang up posters for our church's yard sale. Because it's summer, we went out at dusk to beat the heat. Someone called the cops on us, and we were arrested for "gang activity". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 212

You deserved it 539

Technique

By jlowder2 - 11/12/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 122

You deserved it 30 557

By Nic - 23/02/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, I just studied for 13.5 hours completely outlining a book for history. Thirty minutes before the test, I realized I had been reading the wrong book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 753

You deserved it 42 901

By bleeding - 06/12/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 214

You deserved it 6 573

By ashlee - 31/08/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 286

You deserved it 4 627

By frownyface - 14/01/2012 17:32 - United States

Today, my family and I were burning our Christmas tree. For a laugh, my dad jokingly pushed me toward the fire. I tripped, and my doctor says the burns are probably going to scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 497

You deserved it 3 175

By Z - 03/07/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 768

You deserved it 14 246

By Ducati - 10/08/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 729

You deserved it 13 448

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 19:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 650

You deserved it 4 310

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 827

You deserved it 46 191

By Noname - 17/01/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, asking if I had left my underwear over at his place. No, no I didn't. They weren't mine. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 234

You deserved it 2 097

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 708

You deserved it 19 567

By graciegold95 - 06/12/2014 16:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter decided it'd be funny to change the time on my clock. My boss didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 830

You deserved it 2 926

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 14:03 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 435

You deserved it 3 020

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green_eyes124 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:58

wow! kind of seems like they should be responsible for buying you new gifts. I can't believe someone wouldn't make absolutely sure that the door to a place where people could've just seen you take a bunch of gifts was locked. it's like going christmas shopping at the mall, taking a handful of gifts to the car, and going back to shop more: the gifts will be gone when you get back. oh well... sorry op : (

LOLatU87 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:00

OMG kill your step parents!

LOLatU87 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:00

OMG kill your step parents!

LOLatU87 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:17

I meant parents in law.... y'all knew what I meant

NotYourOrdinary7 6

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:20

fail lol

NotYourOrdinary7 6

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:20

fail lol

BoyFromTheFuture 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:20

insurance?

Heazie 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:23

They aren't his step parents...

LOLatU87 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:24

nod "hangs head"

sixtimessix 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:25

so much fail happening here.

legonut4 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:34

now your playing with burglary

Jonkbaby 21

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 18:14

horrible horrible situation- but you gotta learn what's truly important here

starile 19

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 18:49

Yeah, your in laws suck ass and I hope they feel absolutely horrible for their stupidity.

oogyboogy 6

Tuesday 7 September 2010 21:18

you live under my roof you live by my rules!!

Tweety122888 0

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Wednesday 8 September 2010 6:43

inlaws just fuck everything up!!! they should mind their own damn business!!!!

l_2589 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:00

haha that sucks fyl

Matu 4

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Wednesday 8 September 2010 13:51

he was probably living in the projects

Arkzadere 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:05

Ouch, sorry bro.

B4SK3TB4IL 0

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Sunday 12 September 2010 1:12

u still have each other, awwww

Sailor_Mars 6

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:05

that's a great start to your new life together

KBruce317 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:06

Oh man... that sucks :/

oakleyguy 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:28

uh-huh.....

BrookeBabe92 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:07

That really sucks, FYL.

Mauskau 35

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Wednesday 8 September 2010 1:28

I was about to say you were really pretty but then I saw the shitload of piercings and changed my mind. ew at the one on the bridge of your nose. ick. and lol op kill them