Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

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36235

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Tidy your room

Masterchef 2020

By tonedef - United States

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

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48153

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By Anonymous

Sashay away!

Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML

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By canadiansun - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

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24115

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By epicfailureismyl

Today, whilst driving, I had the sudden urge to vomit. As I pulled over I wound my window down, stuck my head out, and emptied my stomach. At least I would have if I had wound down the driver's window instead of the back window. FML

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3407

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By Ugggggggggg - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

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By DesperateMother - France - Wasselonne

Today, my 16-year-old daughter handed me the picture she wants TV reports to use if ever she happens to get kidnapped. FML

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By highlandgirl10 - Canada

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rochester

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

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By comedybreak - United States

Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML

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30103

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By Winx - United States

Today, my dad informed me that my prom dress makes me look chubby from the side, gives me "back fat", and that I wouldn't want to go to prom looking like that. I tried to ignore his hurtful comments and tell myself I was beautiful. Then the clasp broke. FML

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By ryu1356 - United States - Dallas

Today, my company let me go after 3 months. A day before my wedding and with zero advance notice. FML

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25256

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By theyre not THAT big. - United States - Auburn

Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML

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47466

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3174

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By AGeeksWife - United States - Saukville

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

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29218

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By couchsurfer - Canada - Toronto

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to allow the cats to sleep with us on the bed. As we started to cuddle, one of the cats pissed right in between us. We are sleeping on the couch until the baking soda absorbs the smell in the mattress. I'll be sleeping there longer than that. FML

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11019

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By Anonymous - Canada - Montreal

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

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By single not ready to mingle - 27/10/2020 18:02 - United States

Fuck the patriarchy

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me that we could keep dating, but he doesn’t see a future with me because I’m not a good submissive woman like his mother. His mother who’s been married four times for cheating on all her husbands. Yeah, good woman indeed. FML

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1212

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By notwhatithought - Germany - Erlangen

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

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By weirded out - United States - Brentwood

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

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39004

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By hipster glasses - United States

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

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47531

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By juliannamelissa - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I wanted to take a bubble bath with the jets in the bath that I haven't used in years. When I got in, it took me a while to realize that the jets had squirted out slime and a family of unidentifiable bugs that have probably been living there for years. FML

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27102

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By anonamous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

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32119

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96600

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By sparky83000 - Canada

Today, at work on a construction site, my coworker dropped a small piece of metal from 4 stories, and it struck another worker. We quickly began to climb down to see if the person was OK, and the same coworker dropped a metal pole, and crushed my hand, two minutes after the first accident. FML

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25052

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By psychworker - United States

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

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27989

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By fernie vazquez - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents at her sister's play. The moment I introduced myself, I realized that her father was my probation officer. FML

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36261

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By WhosGoingToCleanThisUp - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter taught me the literal meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML

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21659

You deserved it

1717

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By katelynm - United States

Today, I pointed out to my boyfriend how Valentine's day, my birthday, and our one-year anniversary were all coming up in the next few weeks. He then promptly broke up with me. FML

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39846

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By Overflow - United States

Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML

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16219

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By Craig Thompson - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I found out that when I drink alcohol, I snore so bad my boyfriend contemplated suffocating me with a pillow to get some sleep. FML

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4008

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761

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By well okay then - United States

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

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32687

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

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25275

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By Tom - Israel

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

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50357

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3572

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By granny_panties - United States

Today, I was folding the laundry. At one point, I had to take a moment to figure out whether a pair of underwear was mine or my mothers. I'm 18. She is 56. Enough said. FML

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54385

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By Samantha - United States

Today, my boyfriend talked me into having drunk sex. Right after we started, my head hit a wall, knocking me out. I woke up to him taking pics of my tits. FML

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38180

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By Anonymous

Today, my friend explained to me that the toilet paper in his bathroom is "just for show." Now I know why his hamper smells like shit. FML

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1688

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112

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while waiting on a customer at a restaurant, I accidentally asked a midget if she'd like a children's menu. FML

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21703

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30437

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By "Caroline Ballard Turner" - 22/12/2019 14:00

Chili beans

Today, I woke up to find that there has been a water main break in my neighborhood and there is no running water until the break is located and fixed. I had chili with beans late last night and it is wreaking havoc with my lower gastrointestinal track, and the toilet won't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1970

You deserved it

207

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

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27493

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By Snurkles McGee - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I confronted my boss to find out why I was denied a promotion that she promised to me. Her response? "You should know by now I'm a liar. Not my fault if you believe the things I say." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40401

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By little nokken - United States

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3724

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By Kaylz - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was given a $100 cookbook as a gift by a co-worker. The man who shares a desk with me didn't realise it was mine, as he was at lunch when I got it, so he decided to give it to my boss when he walked in. My boss is refusing to return it. FML

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23079

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Top comments

By LOLatU87 | 0

#1365645 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:00

OMG kill your step parents!

By green_eyes124 | 0

#1365759 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:58

wow! kind of seems like they should be responsible for buying you new gifts. I can't believe someone wouldn't make absolutely sure that the door to a place where people could've just seen you take a bunch of gifts was locked. it's like going christmas shopping at the mall, taking a handful of gifts to the car, and going back to shop more: the gifts will be gone when you get back. oh well... sorry op : (

COMMENTS

By LOLatU87 | 0

#1365645 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:00

OMG kill your step parents!

LOLatU87 | 0

#1365692 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:17

I meant parents in law.... y'all knew what I meant

NotYourOrdinary7 | 6

#1365697 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:20

fail lol

NotYourOrdinary7 | 6

#1365698 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:20

fail lol

BoyFromTheFuture | 0

#1365700 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:20

insurance?

Heazie | 0

#1365703 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:23

They aren't his step parents...

LOLatU87 | 0

#1365705 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:24

nod "hangs head"

sixtimessix | 0

#1365710 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:25

so much fail happening here.

legonut4 | 0

#1365724 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:34

now your playing with burglary

Jonkbaby | 19

#1365860 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 18:14

horrible horrible situation- but you gotta learn what's truly important here

starile | 19

#1365941 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 18:49

Yeah, your in laws suck ass and I hope they feel absolutely horrible for their stupidity.

oogyboogy | 6

#1366424 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 21:18

you live under my roof you live by my rules!!

Tweety122888 | 0

#1368329 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 6:43

inlaws just fuck everything up!!! they should mind their own damn business!!!!

By l_2589 | 0

#1365650 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:00

haha that sucks fyl

Matu | 4

#1370116 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 13:51

he was probably living in the projects

By Arkzadere | 0

#1365666 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:05

Ouch, sorry bro.

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1389225 - Sunday 12 September 2010 1:12

u still have each other, awwww

By Sailor_Mars | 6

#1365667 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:05

that's a great start to your new life together

By KBruce317 | 0

#1365672 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:06

Oh man... that sucks :/

oakleyguy | 0

#1365715 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:28

uh-huh.....

By BrookeBabe92 | 0

#1365676 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:07

That really sucks, FYL.

Mauskau | 35

#1367172 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 1:28

I was about to say you were really pretty but then I saw the shitload of piercings and changed my mind. ew at the one on the bridge of your nose. ick.

and lol op kill them