Miscellaneous: Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom...

By notyourcleaner - 13/01/2015 11:06 - Malaysia - Puchong

Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 037

You deserved it 2 671

Miscellaneous

Dysfunctional

Kids will be kids

I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry that I made you cry

By Anonymous - 09/06/2012 02:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 564

You deserved it 10 312

By whatnot - 04/08/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 492

You deserved it 3 238

By lovealways22 - 17/07/2012 07:19 - United States - Littleton

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 981

You deserved it 2 820

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 20:55 - United States

Today, while I was in the break room at work, one of my coworkers walked in on me playing with my animal crackers, complete with animal noises. Now, the entire department won't stop teasing me and calling me Tarzan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 673

You deserved it 36 712

By 4fucksake - 18/07/2010 23:26 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 268

You deserved it 4 676

By Anonymous - 23/08/2012 16:50 - Canada - London

Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 628

You deserved it 29 719

By Roxy19 - 22/01/2013 06:50 - United States - San Diego

Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 367

You deserved it 39 434

By Anonymous - 08/12/2016 09:35

Today, it's been so long since my fiancé and I have had sex I now apparently have dreams about all-night unprotected screwing marathons with George Bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 199

You deserved it 1 414

By Respect101 - 26/06/2014 00:20 - United States - Alvin

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 585

You deserved it 27 587

By stargate25 - 24/07/2015 02:33 - United States - Denver

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 906

You deserved it 11 581

By anne - 30/07/2010 23:23 - Canada

Today, my 20 year-old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 372

You deserved it 4 105

Drunk

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 17:59

Today, I awoke in my bathtub, water all over the floor, all the way into my living room. I drank too much so I don't remember getting into the bath, I have no clue how long I was in there, and I got a message from the manager of my apartment complex telling me the water had leaked into the apartment below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 1 399

By quickfingers100 - 22/07/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 779

You deserved it 10 681

By Embarassedd - 26/11/2009 05:01 - Canada

Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 710

You deserved it 4 412

Top brass

By Lipstick lez - 15/05/2021 11:02

Today, my boss told me to kick out of the hotel anyone who was clearly a prostitute trolling for men. I spotted a woman in a miniskirt approaching a guy in the bar, so I told her politely to leave. Despite the skirt, turns out she's the hotel manager and the man was her fiancé. I got fired so hard and fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 757

By Gurior - 04/09/2011 07:01 - Canada

Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 878

You deserved it 48 632

By Laptop - 25/05/2010 04:44 - France

Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 665

You deserved it 3 713

By Bengemon825 - 20/06/2015 19:03 - United States - Manchester

Today, I was trying to sleep in the car, and when I went to rest my face on my fist, our car hit a bump and I ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 625

You deserved it 4 163

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 18:03 - Canada

Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 781

You deserved it 5 998

By letmedienow - 11/10/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted out in front of my parents, "At least she isn't pregnant!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 466

You deserved it 3 383

By Atropos - 01/06/2019 00:00

Today, I went to the campus health office because I had some VERY strong pains in my side. I thought my appendix was about to burst. I asked the receptionist for a doctor, but she said they were all out of the office until later, and kindly offered to make me an appointment for mid June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 112

By AshleyRose24 - 23/11/2013 08:02 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I had to have a talk with my stalker. After telling him not to snapchat me, not to text me, and that I'm not interested, all he said was "I think persistence is going to be key here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 055

You deserved it 3 739

Nice try

By Ma.Sa.La. - 27/02/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings - No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right… NO INTEREST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 641

You deserved it 50 456

By stolen-car - 26/06/2012 02:55 - United States - Columbia

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 608

You deserved it 2 643

By kj1 - 17/02/2014 18:28 - United States - Draper

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 213

You deserved it 6 677

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 895

You deserved it 3 970

Liquid fun

By Anonymous - 16/08/2020 05:04

Today, after 25 years, I quit drinking. It wasn’t worth it. My life and everyone around me still sucked. So I started up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 618

By mapleleafs34 - 17/01/2010 19:24 - United States

Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 182

You deserved it 7 286

By Anonim23 - 15/08/2019 20:00

Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 215

Grief is weird

By Denni - 03/10/2021 08:00

Today, my sister called me a selfish cow, all because I wouldn’t let her have a portion of my daughter’s life insurance check so she can go on a shopping spree. She’s more upset about that than her niece passing way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 972

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 09/05/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 801

You deserved it 6 296

By s3xygrandpa - 06/11/2013 19:09 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 647

You deserved it 5 109

By Anonymous - 06/10/2012 23:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 821

You deserved it 2 801

By WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! - 09/08/2013 22:13 - United States

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 347

You deserved it 3 697

I get around

By Permafucked - 12/05/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer, I ended up in bed with one of them, who kindly put my bra back on for me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 877

You deserved it 85 422

What? How? Why?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 22:01 - United States - Boise

Today, I smashed my finger with a hammer. A finger on the hand holding the hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 276

By foreveralone - 23/07/2013 09:51 - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 906

You deserved it 3 528

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 443

You deserved it 56 765

By thirdwheel - 09/07/2013 11:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 355

You deserved it 4 813

By Humiliated - 14/09/2009 12:58 - United States

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 807

You deserved it 5 345

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Top comments

Paco_el_Taco 17

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:41

Use one of her shirts to clean it up then she might learn to do it herself next time.

Pleonasm 35

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:39

Scoop all the vomit into a bucket and pour it back onto her face while she's sleeping. Maybe she'll learn the lesson. Or she will wake up and won't remember a thing. Win/Win

biasedshooter 24

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:38

That's why you dont give ugly people mirrors

sullivankeara 25

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:38

Classy.

ZachHatesPeople 22

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:38

Sounds like it's time for a talk.

Remembered 14

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 20:01

..And perhaps a new roommate.

4evaawkward 11

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:39

Id kick her out lol

linkinpark98 23

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 23:55

I'd rather "teach her a lesson" instead of throwing her out. Maybe something along the lines of forcing her to clean up her own throw up with a toothbrush and some thin napkins.

classicsparkles 17

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 18:10

#39 OP is her roomate not her parent if my roomate tried to make me clean something with a toothbrush for "punishment" (even if I deserved it like OP's roomate) I would tell her to go fuck herself. Parent/child discipline doesn't really cross over to relations with peers.

xSphinx 18

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Thursday 15 January 2015 7:18

39, kicking her alcoholic ass out IS teaching her a lesson. You can't force someone you love with who pays rent to do something for being a cunt, she's not the OPs child.

tony1891 22

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:39

sounds like Someone had a good time last night.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 3:53

It amazes me how people associate that with having a good time. How is puking, blacking out, not remembering anything, having a hangover and massive headache in any way a good time?! I can have a really good time and after I experience none of those issues.

Pleonasm 35

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:39

Scoop all the vomit into a bucket and pour it back onto her face while she's sleeping. Maybe she'll learn the lesson. Or she will wake up and won't remember a thing. Win/Win

incoherentrmblr 21

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:40

...or wash your vag with it...

Paco_el_Taco 17

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:41

Use one of her shirts to clean it up then she might learn to do it herself next time.

redstone7693 29

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:41

That's fucked. Talk to her about it

GodPart2 20

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 19:41

Leave it there a few days and use the gym showers if you can (or other alternatives). That should teach her a lesson

linkinpark98 23

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Tuesday 13 January 2015 23:57

I don't think letting the smell of someone else's throw up permanently sit in your house and all over your bathroom floor is a good alternative to just talking to your roommate about cleaning it up.