Miscellaneous: Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have...

By its still broken - 11/06/2015 00:13 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 580

You deserved it 1 961

Miscellaneous

Compromises

Commando

Baby fever

By vidzgrl - 28/01/2009 19:51 - Canada

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 692

You deserved it 5 312

Cabin fever

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 20:00

Today, my (now ex) boyfriend came home from work at 8 p.m., monologued about how he doesn't love me anymore for two hours, and walked out on me. In the middle of quarantine. Out of nowhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I take a few swigs and notice a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I feel something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 725

You deserved it 6 259

By JD - 02/02/2009 17:23 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with a girl for the first time. I opened her car door for her and then slammed her leg in it upon closing. She will be in a cast for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 659

You deserved it 10 409

By woodre - 02/09/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I was emptying a bag of grass from my lawn mower when I saw pieces of what used to be a 50 dollar bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 106

You deserved it 6 163

By ohtheirony - 19/08/2018 18:30

Today, I scratched my car with a bottle of scratch remover deeply enough that the scratch remover couldn't remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 573

By ThatHurts - 14/11/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 274

You deserved it 34 465

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 07:29 - Canada

Today, while my boyfriend was sneaking out before my parents woke, he slipped on some ice and fell on their car. The alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 253

You deserved it 29 689

Finally!

By oppsiedaisey - 02/09/2019 12:00

Today, it's been so long since my husband has been able to give me an orgasm that when he finally did today, I started sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 930

You deserved it 334

What a charmer

By Anonymous - 30/05/2020 23:05

Today, after surgery on Monday, I can’t do much because of where my scars are until they heal. My husband won’t clean the house at all, dishes are all over my kitchen bar, laundry is all piled up by the washing machine. When I asked for help, he said it’s not his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 548

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 218

You deserved it 13 863

By xharuki - 29/08/2010 20:37 - United States

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 596

You deserved it 3 507

By BadFather - 21/11/2011 06:23 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 693

You deserved it 42 839

This is fine

By TheywearintheDIRTYlaundrybasket! - 26/03/2019 22:00

Today, I walked into the house I share with my boyfriend and found his mum sashaying up and down the hall. When she saw me, she exclaimed, "Oh, you've got to tell me where you get your underwear from!" Yep, she was wearing my panties. Neither she nor her son could see why I would be upset by that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 908

You deserved it 174

Bum note

By Music Lover - 07/11/2020 05:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, after entering a conservatory of music, I've worked really hard on my academic subjects to past through the exam, so my major is pretty weak. After practising 6 hours a day for three weeks, my teacher asked me to change my major and said I'm the worst student she's ever seen. And there‘s nowhere I can go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 137

By AnRom - 17/12/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 590

You deserved it 43 872

By trooper93 - 18/01/2010 06:36 - Canada

Today, I received a letter saying that I was accepted into university and that I qualified for a number of scholarships. Too bad an equivalent sum of money will be spent fixing the car I hit, after spinning out on ice, whilst driving home from said university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 876

You deserved it 4 835

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 748

You deserved it 6 281

By im_a_mocker - 28/01/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 248

You deserved it 5 867

On yer bike

By E-fail - 07/10/2020 08:53 - Canada - Bathurst

Today, I received my new e-bike. I could barely afford it but I desperately needed a method of transportation. On my second ride, I splashed through a fresh sidewalk. There was sidewalk in the chain, in the brakes, everywhere. There goes my brand new bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 1 266

By no salt, no burning, just STFU - 08/03/2015 14:41 - United States

Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 581

You deserved it 3 531

Beautiful

By Anonymous - 10/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 442

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 313

By thwack - 24/05/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 022

You deserved it 3 970

By fml - 22/05/2012 23:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. He asked me what had brought me there, so I said I needed to get over some issues. He told me to close my eyes and visualize myself constructing a bridge. I paid to get told to build a bridge in my mind's eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 567

You deserved it 4 680

Comeback

By Pinsky - 20/09/2021 01:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I walked in on the guy I called a cuck in high school going down on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 1 593

By AKN - 29/01/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 432

You deserved it 3 110

By thebiteof87 - 22/07/2015 06:32 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 749

You deserved it 26 833

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 973

You deserved it 6 994

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, after being turned away by nearly all the restaurants in the area, I tried applying at Burger King. They too turned me away. I have a Culinary School Degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 326

You deserved it 3 093

By CreeptacularBait - 21/03/2018 15:00

Today, after my husband trusted me to sort out the arrangements for modifying our kitchen and I spent a lot of time finding the perfect top-quality items, they were delivered 1,291 miles away in a town I’ve never heard of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 775

You deserved it 530

By Anonymous - 23/09/2018 17:30

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 965

You deserved it 166

By mishyb - 28/07/2013 04:28 - United States - Englewood

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 404

You deserved it 4 324

Preemptive strike time

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 07:58

Today, my husband compared leaving me for another woman to finding another job with a better pay, saying, "Sometimes, better is out there, and I deserve better." He seriously thinks it’s a good enough reason. We’ve been married for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 130

They grow up so fast these days

By Greg - 08/06/2021 00:01

Today, my 6-year-old nephew told me that he wanted to grow up already, so that he could smoke, drink and, "fuck like a rabbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 121

By Zanovitch - 13/08/2013 20:19 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 981

You deserved it 4 256

Annoying neighbors ruin everything

By so much for relaxing - 21/07/2021 06:01

Today, I decided to sit on the back porch for a while to enjoy the nice weather and relax. Unfortunately, one of my neighbors was outside too, having a very loud argument with his wife for about 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 64

By Fatality - 28/10/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 911

You deserved it 30 825

Filth

By roughsexgonewrong - 05/11/2013 18:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 138

You deserved it 11 561

The Sweet Smell of Success

By let ‘Er rip - 13/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 539

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Top comments

EclipseCandy6 24

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:28

You should kick him in HIS berries

IniestaRox 21

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:27

Well, that was berry meanest.

IniestaRox 21

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:27

Well, that was berry meanest.

wtffml1979 22

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:44

Everyone berry well knew there would be a pun to start off the comments

TheRugMan 17

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Thursday 11 June 2015 12:17

That was the last straw for that neighbor

Ms_ValS 27

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Thursday 11 June 2015 17:15

Maybe he will get sick from not washing them first. You can always hope OP

e_is_for_eli 12

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Friday 12 June 2015 3:13

cccccccombo breaker! but I agree, you should plant one right in his face OP.

tuxedoandex 28

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:27

he fucked up. you never steal strawberries from a child.

jtthegr8 26

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Thursday 11 June 2015 20:51

At least he didn't tear the plant out of the ground. My neighbor did that to me when I was 7 with my strawberry plant. Either way this is a terrible deed by any person

EclipseCandy6 24

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:28

You should kick him in HIS berries

citrusfruit 12

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:29

That wasn't berry nice at all

ColonelCusswords 24

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Thursday 11 June 2015 12:22

3 minutes late bud

hoosiergirl94 31

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:30

Because that's what mature adults do

keiNan_fml 35

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:40

do they?

wtffml1979 22

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:48

I would've said something negative but you're absolutely hot and well, just couldn't do it.

seriouslygrowup 11

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Thursday 11 June 2015 12:00

I'm a hot girl too. buy me dinner and drinks please. I need more free stuff from horny men.

leogachi 15

Thursday 11 June 2015 12:46

That username though.

Benmantha 31

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Thursday 11 June 2015 17:05

Damn, I need to give you more than just one thumb up, #12!

MDoremis 38

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Thursday 11 June 2015 18:24

Apparently attractive women are seen as having an inability to use sarcasm. Way to go, guys.

sstahpp 33

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Friday 12 June 2015 1:46

If there's free food involved I can be hot,too.

uselessfag 18

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:37

V mature

wtffml1979 22

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:42

Go to the store and buy a few boxes of strawberries and smash them on his front door.

ColonelCusswords 24

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Thursday 11 June 2015 12:24

Take away "front door" and add "ugly ass face"

myoukei 31

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Thursday 11 June 2015 16:06

But that's such a waste ;-; I'm sure op's daughter is the one who needs that box a bit more....

shadowshalf 8

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Thursday 11 June 2015 20:33

He'll probably still eat them.

gracehi 31

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Thursday 11 June 2015 11:46

Mow his lawn into the shape of a cock and balls. He won't be able to fix it because he evidently doesn't have a lawn mower.

VeganDarkLight 31

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Thursday 11 June 2015 12:20

Brilliant idea, but OP doesn't have a functioning lawn mower either :/

ColonelCusswords 24

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Thursday 11 June 2015 12:25

He doesnt either tho

gracehi 31

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Thursday 11 June 2015 13:21

It says it's still "broken," not that it's inoperable. It might just run very poorly or have a broken aesthetic part. Although you may be right. Broken could mean inoperable too. Still, it would be worth it to get it fixed or get a new lawn mower that much faster for the sake of sweet, sweet, revenge.