Today, my mum told me I should see a therapist when she saw me wipe down a remote before using it. My dad has a knack for blowing his nose into his hand and wiping it on his pants, and my mum is the kind to pick up food residue from the drain and eat it - but sure, I'M the one with bad habits. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML
Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, my mom called to tell me that I needed to clean the side of her couch. Why? Because someone picked their nose and wiped snot all on the side of it. She thinks it was me because I sat there last. It wasn't me. I don't even live there, but I have two teenage siblings that blame everything on me. FML
Today, my parents kept overreacting over stupid stuff during dinner. I found a hair in a dish, so I removed it myself. My mom goes, "Is that a hair? Is it?! I'll get rid of it!" I told her that I'd already done it myself. Then, because I bit my nail once, my dad constantly kept asking if I was OK, even though I'd said I was. He wouldn't stop! FML
Today, my mother guilted me into going with her to have lunch with my eldest brother. He showed up having obviously not showered, with filthy clothes, and the stench of rotten teeth on his breath. She criticises me for every little thing, but makes excuses for him being a jobless slob for 20 years. FML
Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML
Today, as always, my parents wait until I go into the kitchen to drop what they’re doing, rush into the kitchen, and stare at me while I’m making food. They also comment on what I’m eating. I’ve had seven therapists and none of them were able to help me with my embarrassment surrounding food. FML
Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML
Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML
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Top comments
alternative-facts 6
OP, your comment about your mom eating food residue from the drain made me throw up a little in my mouth. You don't need a therapist, you need a supersize box of latex gloves that you never take off. And cleaning supplies. Lots of cleaning supplies.
misspandamonium 27
I have never been more horrified by a family's hygiene than I am right now, OP. It's time to bathe everything in the house in straight bleach, and burn what you don't need.
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Comments (25)
alternative-facts 6
OP, your comment about your mom eating food residue from the drain made me throw up a little in my mouth. You don't need a therapist, you need a supersize box of latex gloves that you never take off. And cleaning supplies. Lots of cleaning supplies.
TrapQuEEn72216 1
Aaaa ******* men. This family is ****** up haha.
species4872 20
She didn't say that her Mum actually did that. Read it again. She said that she was the "kind" of person to do that.
MidnaLink 35
No, that pretty much means she does it.
raven_of_azarath 35
That usually means that that person does that.
Brit_Tiny17 6
yeah that part made me gag
Neorecon19 18
Somehow, a HAZMAT suit seems more appropriate.
misspandamonium 27
I have never been more horrified by a family's hygiene than I am right now, OP. It's time to bathe everything in the house in straight bleach, and burn what you don't need.
Kpotassium 4
Your mom sounds disgusting.
countryb_cth 38
Do you live with wild animals?!
DyingHawk 11
Your dads gross, your mother is Satan.
TrapQuEEn72216 1
If your mom seriously picks food out of the drain and eats it, she had psychological issues and needs to be admitted to the psych ward immediately and have her body checked for diseases haha that is ******* foul as hell.
JDonly 8
Eew
PennyLane27 32
Oh my god. I literally had a minor anxiety attack from this. OP, you're good. They? Not so much. Please make sure food that's prepared isn't expired, and that anyone cooking (especially your mom) washes their hands and follows basic food safety stuff...like not letting things sit out too long... avoiding cross contamination. We had to do stuff like this with my grandma. That was more of an old age plus depression era hoarding thing though. Holy shit!
foreverxxi 0
The part about your mom eating food residue made me regret reading this fml andddd almost throw up in my mouth
bigred121970 10
OMG EEEEEEEW!!!??