Animals: Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 42

17/01/2010 15:18

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 832

You deserved it 4 117

And today, on Dr Phil…

Walk the line

Family values

Alexa, play "Confusion" by New Order

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 02:00

Today, I found out my husband has been telling everyone he doesn't want a baby. He has been telling me he does. We have been trying for months. I'm now pregnant and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 131

28/08/2011 11:29

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 385

You deserved it 42 931

02/03/2015 13:26

Today, I fell out of a window while trying to close it so no one would fall out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 456

You deserved it 4 715

I am sexy

By Anonymous - 19/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 362

You deserved it 462

23/11/2010 05:22

Today, I realized that 95% of my facebook friends added me only because they think my sisters are hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 113

You deserved it 4 521

23/10/2016 08:20

Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit". Seems my manager is economising his time like never before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 471

You deserved it 653

26/05/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 2 081

29/10/2013 22:09

Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this time last year. She turned to me to say, "You would've loved it, it's a shame you couldn't come". I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 793

You deserved it 2 790

05/09/2011 13:00

Spicy

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 066

You deserved it 3 183

At will

By Anonymous - 29/08/2020 17:02

Today, I was fired for asking HR to move me to another department, due to my manager's unethical behaviour against me. The alternative was shut up and look for another job. Which I have to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 119

27/05/2014 15:58

Today, at school, I got seated in front of the resident creepy kid that everyone stayed away from. I was pretty relieved to get through most of the class with no incidents, until the bell rang and he tore out a chunk of my hair, yelling "DNA! DNA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 321

You deserved it 4 121

01/04/2009 00:07

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the mall. We were looking at jewellery in Zales and she came across the engagement rings. She looks at one and says, "Are you kidding me? That ring is hideous and it's the most expensive one here! Who the fuck would buy that?" Well, that would be me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 765

You deserved it 6 500

22/07/2011 04:23

Today, I am sitting at home, alone, playing video games. My wedding is tomorrow afternoon. None of my bridesmaids wanted to hang out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 522

You deserved it 4 823

06/06/2009 14:03

Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 373

You deserved it 12 595

12/05/2012 04:27

Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 245

You deserved it 53 950

20/11/2011 11:31

Spicy

Today, I caught my husband once again looking at half naked pictures of a friend of mine on Facebook. When I asked why he did it, he said "I was checking to see if they were still there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 621

You deserved it 5 017

19/06/2012 17:20

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 455

You deserved it 55 000

20/08/2012 13:25

Today, a stranger came up to me with a flirty smile, greeted me by my name, and asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 7 642

08/07/2013 23:26

Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 149

You deserved it 3 730

29/04/2018 15:00

Today, the person who is supposed to train me at my new job left the country for a week due to a family emergency. I can't start until they return. This pushes my first paycheck back a pay period, two weeks later than expected. I'm already broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 050

You deserved it 314

06/10/2018 21:00

Spicy

Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 797

You deserved it 447

Staycation time

By Anonymous - 30/01/2017 13:05

Today, £250 of money belonging to work was stolen from my handbag. My boss says I have to pay it back because I'm the one that signed out the cash. There goes the holiday I was about to book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 256

You deserved it 1 001

Unhappy birthday

By Anonymous - 05/11/2019 19:00

Today, my cleaner wished me a happy birthday. My family and friends forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 186

11/09/2010 04:53

Today, I was moving. While packing, I found an old photo that had been laying face down in the bottom of a drawer for some time, and some of the ink transfered to the drawer lining. There is now an image of my ex-girlfriend's face permanently burned into the bottom of my nightstand drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 028

You deserved it 5 731

11/01/2013 02:41

Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 235

You deserved it 38 175

10/05/2011 16:37

Today, my dad texted me while I was in school saying, "Your cat vomited. Covered it up with a bowl so you can clean it when you come home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 426

You deserved it 7 684

10/09/2015 06:09

Spicy

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules: No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 630

You deserved it 2 257

21/08/2014 17:39

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 451

You deserved it 3 792

14/02/2019 20:00

Today, it was my first day at work. They had me a large tray with lots of food on it, even after I told them I wasn’t comfortable carrying it. I hit the door on the way out of the kitchen, spilling everything on the tray, breaking 2 soup bowls and 3 salad plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 084

You deserved it 343

23/06/2013 19:39

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 094

You deserved it 4 356

14/11/2010 05:33

Today, I got my science test back. I thought I did a horrible job on it, but only three were circled. I was happy but doubtful that I did so well, so I asked my teacher just to make sure. He said it was faster to circle the correct answers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 595

You deserved it 29 523

Size Queen

By Jenson - 17/11/2020 19:05

Spicy

Today, I found out that being a good boyfriend who financially supports his girlfriend through university, has a good relationship with her family and even put myself at risk to care for her through a COVID infection, doesn’t matter because she prefers the guy she cheated with who has a bigger knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 131

28/09/2009 06:41

Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumps on my lap and vomits all over my doughnuts, stares at me then bites the doughnut out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 263

You deserved it 5 347

21/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was at a fancy family dinner. The dish I'd made was served, and as we ate, I told my aunt that I was a total failure as a cook, explaining everything wrong about my dish, in painful detail. Apparently we'd both made the same dish. That one wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 1 526

30/08/2009 05:38

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 783

You deserved it 9 354

04/11/2012 00:37

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 045

You deserved it 3 409

25/11/2015 17:30

Today, I told my parents I don't really like children and probably won't have any in the future. They sat me down and gave me a lecture on how people who hate kids are heartless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 637

You deserved it 3 740

Cosy chat

By sick and awkward - 20/05/2012 06:11

Spicy

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 225

You deserved it 3 556

16/09/2010 00:40

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 807

You deserved it 2 520

09/05/2009 04:18

Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 780

You deserved it 84 269

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:01

That sucks, I'd check the house before searching, Tbh.

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:00

hahaha your mom is awesome

Comments

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:00

hahaha your mom is awesome

Secret_Fire_King 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 4:57

YDI for keeping your dog in the basement ?!

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Monday 18 January 2010 7:39

Honestly, how? How is that wrong at all? The dog could be out and about all other times, but their kennel is in the basement for nighttime, so they don't run amuck in the house unsupervised. But, nope, the OP obviously deserves to have to get up and run at 4:30 in the morning. I swear, people just try to look for "YDI"s for no apparent reason. I don't understand.

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Monday 18 January 2010 19:19

I think the only solution to this is that #40 doesn't know what a basement is.

Secret_Fire_King 0

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Wednesday 20 January 2010 13:55

Well, I don't have a basement.. But, I just keep the dog outside..

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Thursday 21 January 2010 2:44

YOU DESERVED IT FOR KEEPING YOUR DOG IN THE BASEMENT Dumbass

DeltaDragonxx 20

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Thursday 15 October 2015 23:04

40, my dog prefers the basement over anywhere

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:01

second

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:01

That sucks, I'd check the house before searching, Tbh.

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Saturday 26 April 2014 0:00

We'll if it was their dog it would of got away

rhyspiecesno8 18

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Saturday 9 July 2016 22:52

Yea that makes sense. Check the house when you see a dog that looks identical to yours running down the street

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:02

oh forgot to be an asshole FIRST!!!!!

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:03

Damn, that sucks. Reminds me of when my neighbor tried to get me to help catch her Chihuahuas at 5 in the morning.

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:06

LOLOL what a great april fools joke! ill have to keep that in mind!!

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:06

lol we let our dog run he always comes back. sucks for you

saranottelling 7

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:07

I know how that goes, OP. When my old dog was a puppy he found his way out of the house and ran down the street. It took us awhile to catch him. At least you did a good deed and caught your neighbor's dog.

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:16

weel u got your neighbours dog didn't ya? bet they'll be pleased

randomaccountnam 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 20:28

YDI for having a dog, and for living next to someone with a dog, without killing it.