By cmendez - 26/02/2010 05:02 - United States
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She may have been ashamed. Some people of that generation were either afraid the children wouldn't be accepted as family or embarrassed that they could not have children of their own. If she was a good mother, forgive her. If you are inclined, it is not too late to search for your biological family. Are you and your sister biologically related? Good luck to both of you.
Parents are those who raise, not those who knock someone up/get pregnant.
@ 2 - Absolutely agreed. I hate it when the people who go through all the pain, stress, expense and effort of raising a child suddenly get relegated to the back seat when the biological parents waltz back into a person's life (after the hard work is done by somebody else) expecting that the fact that they dumped the kid like a broken tv will not matter because they are the "real" parents. Hate to break it to them, but they are not the parent of that child in any shape or form other than sperm donor or temporary accommodation (womb). And no, I have not adopted kids or had this happen to me but I have seen it happen to a good friend (who was the adopted kid) and it wasn't pretty... All you need from bio parents who adopted you out is medical history, IMO. All else is baggage and headfucks from what I've seen.
Yes, the parents that have spent the majority of the childs' life raising them and loving them are important, but the biological parents are also important. A child should know where they come from, they should know about the family that left them behind, and had things been a little different, the family that they would be a part of. None of us know the OPs biological parents' circumstances, so we shouldn't be so quick to assume the worst. If the new guys suck, the kid can get closure, and if not, maybe a rekindling? I know the OP is 45, I'm using the word 'child' and 'kid' relatively.
So what? You didn't suspect it, which means you probably had a pretty good childhood. Consider yourself lucky, many people who were raised by their biological parents couldn't say the same.
Pure psychology. There are always signs which may raise suspicion of adoption, such as different eye/hair color compared to both parents (I know this is possible with biological children too, but with ~25% probability), some facial feature not found at any parent, neither at the sister, different blood type than both parents, etc... But these tend to be overlooked if the behavior of the parents doesn't raise any suspicion.
i don't see how can that be true, wouldn't you need your birth cert at some piont in your life and wouldn't that show up (can't make a fake one), or I mean there had to be clues along the way I mean all thoses years.. so I higly doubt it is true, unless she was unsulting you and disowning type of way
Actually, this isn't the case. More states than not have "blind", "double blind", or "closed" adoptions--this essentially means the adoptive parents' names are put on the birth certificate and no actual record of the birth parents' names are on any legal birth certificate. Texas--where I was born, and adopted--is this way. My (adoptive) folks' names are on my birth cert. I have no record at ALL of my sperm & egg donor's names. I believe only 10 or 12 states DON'T do this, currently. It is still the norm.
No -- adopted people, in 44 states in the US anyway -- are issued a fake birth certificate (called an "amended birth certificate") to make it look like the adoptive parents are the biological parents. So yes, they have a birth certificate, but it's not the original one. That is sealed away in Arizona and in 43 other states.
you seriously didn't notice that neither of you look anything like your parents?