Intimacy: Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of... - FML

By wow - 28/05/2014 23:08 - United States - Cape Coral

Spicy

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 907

You deserved it 5 419

You tried

Vulture

Trashy

By Spoilicious - 05/11/2012 15:58 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 027

You deserved it 2 857

By Anonymous - 04/02/2014 18:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 452

You deserved it 16 717

By rolypoly - 05/03/2014 12:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 380

You deserved it 5 607

By TragicallyAnxious - 09/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had a draft paper due that I hadn’t written yet. I decided to skip the class to avoid embarrassment. Later, I went to change my major and was told to go to room 223 to talk to the English department head. I knocked on the door and the professor whose class I'd skipped answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 2 370

Vandals

By Interpid traveler - 07/09/2021 05:01

Today, I was woken up by my wife calling the police because our garden had been ransacked during the night. A whole row of houses has had their plants uprooted, greenhouses broken into and garden tools stolen. The cops haven't found any leads and I feel terrible for my wife, who poured her heart and soul into that garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 58

Obey!

By twinkygaymer - 27/06/2020 02:02

Today, I got screamed at by a girl because I said I didn’t want to go on a date with her. I’m a gay man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 154

By Fat Jon - 29/10/2015 19:43 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 671

You deserved it 2 796

WOOF!

By Dweeb - 02/10/2019 18:00

Today, I ran into a parked car and fell into the gutter. All because a dog suddenly barked at me. From the other side of a wooden fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 612

By GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 925

You deserved it 524

By Username - 04/08/2010 05:18 - France

Today, I walked into my bedroom, only to find out that my bed is missing. I have no idea where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 935

You deserved it 3 820

By badbirthday - 16/03/2009 20:51 - Canada

Today, is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparantly my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked infront of half my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 198

You deserved it 46 351

Student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 09:58 - United States - Steele

Today, my son's "favorite" teacher went on a tirade criticizing my "awful" parenting. About two months ago, my son got her fired after he reported her to the principal for forcing him to miss out on lunch to finish a project. Apparently, that wasn't the first time she did something like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 88

By dumbfounded - 08/05/2016 12:14 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to calm down an angry customer who claimed one of my employees had "traumatized" her dog. Apparently her dog is really OCD and my employee didn't line up the dog bed at the right angle. She threatened to report us to the BBB. How do these morons even exist? FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 144

You deserved it 1 344

By Loser - 08/06/2018 01:30

Today, at school, I offered my friend $5 to climb up a tree and jumped off. I was already having a hard day and just wanted a bit of a laugh. What I didn't expect was to end up in the hospital with a broken arm because my friend jumped on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 4 274

Respect should be earned

By sarah - 06/06/2020 20:00

Today, while out in public, my stepmom turned and screamed at me for a good while for “walking through a door before an elder.” People stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 203

By Squeezebox - 30/08/2017 08:00 - United States - Missoula

Today, my son ruined our fairly new 60 inch smart TV by giving it a bath with his squirt gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 183

You deserved it 550

By tiffany - 18/09/2012 18:24 - Canada

Today, after having lost 11 pounds following my pregnancy, I felt sexy and put on a cute outfit for my husband. When he walked into the bedroom, he ended up passing me three times, and then went to bed without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 273

You deserved it 2 897

By Rynne S. - 13/03/2012 06:12 - United States

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 424

You deserved it 2 455

By Anonymous - 28/02/2010 14:26 - South Africa

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he was going to make it to our first child's Christening as there was a football match on at the same time. Without hesitating, he replyed that he would just watch the recording. He meant the recording of the Christening. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 411

You deserved it 6 368

Great work, son

By firestar772 - 12/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 738

You deserved it 5 452

Just once

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 20:00

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 853

You deserved it 175

By sadsadboy - 07/09/2015 21:20 - Peru

Today, I went to a bar which has two stories. I was on the top floor and then went downstairs. As I was going down, I recognised a boy in a wheelchair and his friends trying to get him up. I helped and took the wheelchair. One of his friends decided it would be a good moment to steal my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 310

You deserved it 1 834

By Piggirl - 13/07/2018 19:00

Today, one day after our 12-year wedding anniversary, which my husband failed to acknowledge, I found a receipt in his pocket for chlamydia testing. We haven't had sex in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 164

You deserved it 967

By Anonymous - 24/08/2009 11:33 - Romania

Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm 'a self-absorbed bitch'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 569

You deserved it 8 909

By ITM21 - 09/03/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I accused a student in my class of getting his dad to do his homework. It turns out that his dad died 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 759

You deserved it 57 869

By 88_OP - 25/07/2011 02:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I returned home from a three-week vacation. None of my friends realized I'd been gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 386

You deserved it 3 942

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I take a few swigs and notice a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I feel something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 650

You deserved it 6 244

By Mitchellbassists - 17/04/2015 15:27 - United States - Dayton

Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 816

You deserved it 5 417

By Anonymous - 26/08/2012 23:39 - Canada - Mississauga

Spicy

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 244

You deserved it 4 260

By barbieissocute - 01/02/2016 03:27 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I flipped out with happiness over the new Barbies. I want to buy one. I'm almost 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 487

You deserved it 6 612

By bwoolf96 - 10/09/2015 12:32

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 863

You deserved it 1 851

Leave Me Alone

By gordogs 25 - 04/04/2012 10:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 994

You deserved it 12 987

By maggu - 11/02/2013 04:26 - Denmark

Today, my mom started referring to me as "The Bitch". When I asked her why, she said that I have always been a bitch, but I was never old enough for her to actually call me a bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 124

You deserved it 7 384

What about me?

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 14:00

Today, my younger brother got in engaged. When we had a conversation about the wedding, he asked why the hell would I be involved with any of it! He used to be my best friend. I don’t know what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 132

Bladdered

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 14:31 - India - Delhi

Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 1 233

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 23:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I'm recovering from a brain injury that occurred a few months ago. The newest challenge I'm facing is thinking the floor is moving any time there is a change in colour or texture. My house has patterned tile floors and carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 750

You deserved it 1 225

By FirstStringQB - 01/10/2011 22:45 - United States

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 171

You deserved it 4 709

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 14:41 - United States - Modesto

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 213

You deserved it 3 768

By Anonymous - 10/09/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 072

You deserved it 35 817

By Anonymous - 28/04/2018 01:30

Today, I spent 900 dollars on a ticket for my boyfriend to visit me and he missed the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 203

You deserved it 542

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Thursday 29 May 2014 15:54

I guess you could turn it into a positive thing and keep the tradition going... Okay, maybe there is no positive way to look at this.

hexo21 13

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Thursday 29 May 2014 15:52

Wow. Talk about tmi

Comments

hexo21 13

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Thursday 29 May 2014 15:52

Wow. Talk about tmi

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:33

She forgot the time of day down to the exact hour, minute, and second.

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:36

This is where the phrase "some things are better left unsaid" came from.

boxbrandon11 20

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Thursday 29 May 2014 17:35

It was your destiny to work there.

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Friday 30 May 2014 1:16

I feel you OP. I was named after a musician who's memorial concert I was conceived at. Every time someone makes the connection and asks me about my name... I die a little inside.

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Saturday 31 May 2014 7:48

@64 Bob marley?

grapefruit_hd 7

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Sunday 8 June 2014 14:42

@ #84 was it Bob Marley

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Monday 9 June 2014 11:26

Maybe try not to make it into a tradition!

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Thursday 29 May 2014 15:54

I guess you could turn it into a positive thing and keep the tradition going... Okay, maybe there is no positive way to look at this.

Miss_Whipped 43

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Thursday 29 May 2014 15:56

And life comes full circle, once again.

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Thursday 29 May 2014 15:58

I was coming here to make a "circle of life" comment, but you beat me to it.

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:42

it's destiny!

Miss_Whipped 43

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Thursday 29 May 2014 17:10

Let's be honest. You wouldn't want a destiny that began in a bathroom stall.

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Saturday 31 May 2014 8:58

Still beats a destiny that ends in a bathroom stall

cherries62212 16

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Thursday 29 May 2014 15:59

Time to bleach the brain I guess. sorry OP... my mom tells me the same type of disturbing things...:(

missyfiona89 28

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:09

soo... Where were you conceived?

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:00

My mom told me i was conceived during really bad sex... So i feel for ya

FrankHotpants 31

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Friday 30 May 2014 2:44

I know some people don't care to know but I think everyone should know where they were conceived, it's pretty much where you're life began.

missyfiona89 28

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:00

toilet baby! We've got a toilet baby here!

SideOfTheAngels 23

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:01

Nothing wrong with being the product of spontaneity :)

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:07

Thing is… there are much better places for spontaneity.

syki 22

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Thursday 29 May 2014 17:41

If you plan where you want 'spontaneity' to take place, is it really still spontaneous?

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:02

They always say, honesty is the best policy!

Miss_Whipped 43

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:09

I think 'Employees must wash hands before returning to kitchen' is also a good policy.

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:04

If you can pinpoint the time and place you conceive your child You are not having enough sex.

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:17

having a child can be memorable, especially if the sex (or location) was unusual. Now, if you're having sex in so many unusual (weird) places that you can't recount them all, that could be a problem too.

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:05

Classy

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Thursday 29 May 2014 16:34

Not.

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Sunday 1 June 2014 5:51

who hasn't hooked up in a restaurant bathroom? nothing wrong with it.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 82

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 87