Miscellaneous: Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn...

By howannoying - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31202

You deserved it

3882

Favorite

Miscellaneous

BO Central

Deep-seated resentment

The end of the road

By Saraaah - 19/12/2020 02:01

You never know

Today, I'm on a long car trip with a friend who makes fun of my pee breaks every 45 minutes. "Well, are you incontinent? You should wear diapers, otherwise we'll never reach our destination!" What she doesn't know : I have bladder issues, and even if I try not to use them, I do wear diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1164

You deserved it

Favorite

By moneyman22 - United States

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31301

You deserved it

3939

Favorite

By ThanksChris - United States

Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31787

You deserved it

3299

Favorite

By honor sucks - United States

Today, I lost a huge bet with my friends. I had to either post a sexual message on my mom's Facebook wall confessing my "love" for her, or be ratted out for cheating on a school test earlier in the year. Now I'm considered a freak by half my school, and am indefinitely grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8995

You deserved it

44851

Favorite

By blinkanimgone - Australia

Today, I went to the blood bank to donate plasma. All went well until the machine went to return my red blood cells. It turns out the nurse sliced my vein and the blood built up in my tissues. I now have a massive swollen arm and bruising, and look like a junkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32331

You deserved it

2623

Favorite

By lilsis - Australia

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27456

You deserved it

3763

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35463

You deserved it

55874

Favorite

By Taylor - United States

Today, my brother's girlfriend dumped him. I overheard my mom tell him "It could be worse. Your brother can't even get a girlfriend". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29764

You deserved it

2132

Favorite

By sarah6786 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47532

You deserved it

4832

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52923

You deserved it

4402

Favorite

By OutOfLuck - United States

Today, my professor informed me that if I didn't "show more commitment" to my choral ensemble he would give my spot to a "more interested young woman." I missed class to see my neurologist. Apparently my seizures are a symptom of lack of commitment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39270

You deserved it

2750

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Rockford

Today, my car broke down. The good news is I can afford to have it fixed. The bad news is paying for the fix will wipe out my savings, which I need to get certified for a non-minimum-wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12941

You deserved it

843

Favorite

By too cool - United States - Carpentersville

Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44264

You deserved it

3333

Favorite

By Z - Australia

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9652

You deserved it

35407

Favorite

By left alone - United States - Schenectady

Today, the client that hired us for cleaning cancelled her contract because I was seen "holding a broom backwards." I'm left-handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14331

You deserved it

929

Favorite

By mysterygurll1234567 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. The reason? My boss didn't feel comfortable paying his son's girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32611

You deserved it

3692

Favorite

By steak through the heart - United States - El Monte

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46923

You deserved it

4104

Favorite

By AdriBAMF - United States

Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44193

You deserved it

7746

Favorite

By Christina - United States - Aurora

Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28337

You deserved it

3075

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I watched a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then just put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1765

You deserved it

111

Favorite

By allinicolesmh - United States

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35160

You deserved it

2687

Favorite

By Sara - United States

Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM to my boyfriend flipping on the lights and shouting, "We have a problem!" Our chinchilla had gotten out of his maximum security cage, and half of our apartment is now underwater because he decided the water line that leads to the fridge would make a tasty midnight snack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57344

You deserved it

9032

Favorite

By Activesleeper - Australia - Flinders

Today, I woke up to 7 texts about the data overage charges that were accrued last night while I slept. Apparently my phone used nearly 8 GB of data, with no apps open, while I was sound asleep, leaving me with a $63 fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4054

You deserved it

404

Favorite

By TKPhai - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28124

You deserved it

16405

Favorite

By kids

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65676

You deserved it

5611

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24169

You deserved it

2546

Favorite

By Skyler - United States

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62167

You deserved it

14266

Favorite

By not cool - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, while using a urinal in a very busy mall bathroom, another man unzipped his pants and attempted to use the same one as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54675

You deserved it

3163

Favorite

By steve-o - United States

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35779

You deserved it

4160

Favorite

By wantsleep

Today, my boss continues to think it's appropriate to send me whining texts about work at midnight. Or 4 a.m. I think his complaints about not selling as much candy as he expected can wait till work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4675

You deserved it

309

Favorite

By cmore - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36791

You deserved it

5602

Favorite

By wtf - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22402

You deserved it

2098

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/10/2020 18:02 - Australia - Melbourne

Keep the peace

Today, my girlfriend accidentally put rubbish in the neighbour's bin. Then the old lady took all the rubbish out and threw it on the floor. I came out and tried to calm the situation, but then my girlfriend ran downstairs and tipped her cat food and cat milk bowls over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

619

You deserved it

Favorite

By grrr1234

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31577

You deserved it

6285

Favorite

By stalker - United States

Today, I had a restraining order put on me. I have apparently been following a woman's daughter home after she leaves track practice and parking my car outside their home. I'm a math teacher at the school and leave everyday at 4:30. I have lived across the street for the past six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55281

You deserved it

2532

Favorite

By snowbunny - United States

Today, I got snowed in. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30934

You deserved it

2904

Favorite

By starbird - United States

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

I agree, your life sucks

79863

You deserved it

10594

Favorite

By artist - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36779

You deserved it

4504

Favorite

By wo-ow - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53141

You deserved it

4307

Favorite

By jack

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31687

You deserved it

2496

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By maz95 | 17

#5370491 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:53

Maybe you were safer walking home than being in the car with your mum in that state.

By perdix | 29

#5370475 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:46

You should have said, "Aw, mum, gimme a brake!"

Even better, learn the difference between "brake" and "break."

COMMENTS

By sylvie211 | 6

#5370469 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:43

ha,my moms the same

mmmPoptarts | 6

#5370486 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:50

Your mom's just a horrible hypocrite.

happle | 21

#5370664 - Saturday 16 February 2013 18:45

Hungry hungry hypocrite.

HairyPunisher | 27

#5396815 - Friday 8 March 2013 4:07

Cool story bro.

By sigurd | 11

#5370470 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:43

Ironic statement about road rage.

GuessWhatKids | 13

#5371326 - Sunday 17 February 2013 8:50

Thanks for pointing that out, I can't read.

sigurd | 11

#5372183 - Monday 18 February 2013 1:58

Always nice to help :), jokes away. Sorry for the bad comment.

By 80sgurl | 15

#5370472 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:44

Next time just let her get out her road rage, so you won't get introuble or have to walk.

VannahJane | 17

#5370516 - Saturday 16 February 2013 16:05

Road rage can make good drivers dangerous drivers.

lilhellian | 26

#5370522 - Saturday 16 February 2013 16:09

I'd rather walk then be in a car with a road raged driver.. MY chances just seem higher that way..

Bluekaren16 | 19

#5370586 - Saturday 16 February 2013 17:05

#24- Yes, definitely your chances of living.

420Zombie | 17

#5370626 - Saturday 16 February 2013 17:44

but not your chances of being on time 24

Zomg_Okay | 26

#5370688 - Saturday 16 February 2013 19:15

Better late than never and it could very well be never if the driver has road rage.

By perdix | 29

#5370475 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:46

You should have said, "Aw, mum, gimme a brake!"

Even better, learn the difference between "brake" and "break."

gc327072 | 29

#5370482 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:49

I hate when people don't no the difference between two words.

ballpython | 15

#5370485 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:50

I would have said that "two"

ballpython | 15

#5370496 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:54

Their and There, To Too and Two, Your and You're, Weather and Whether, obviously Break and Brake. I could go on but I won't.

perdix | 29

#5370508 - Saturday 16 February 2013 16:01

#13, you won't, but I will. You forgot they're and yore. Its and it's, discreet and discrete, principal and principle, site, cite and sight.

snufflelump | 12

#5370509 - Saturday 16 February 2013 16:01

Brake me off a piece of that kit kat bar!

Sorry Perdix, I just couldn't resist finishing your comment for you! you can thank me later.. with a kit kat bar :)

Pleonasm | 34

#5370559 - Saturday 16 February 2013 16:43

Practice/practise, Affect/effect, Quote/quoatation, alot/ a lot, A while/ Awhile

andyyroxx | 20

#5370561 - Saturday 16 February 2013 16:43

You fool... you 'defiantly' do not seem to understand Perdix' comment.

gc327072 | 29

#5370582 - Saturday 16 February 2013 17:02

Noor didn't get the pun?! :0 *gasp*

perdix | 29

#5370621 - Saturday 16 February 2013 17:42

#34, yes, Noor, I'm surprised that you'd make such a rookie mistake. Being serious on FML? That's for n00bs!

By young_weezy_fml | 3

#5370476 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:46

there is usually need for road rage

happle | 21

#5370669 - Saturday 16 February 2013 18:47

Like when?

young_weezy_fml | 3

#5370884 - Saturday 16 February 2013 22:11

like when you cross in the middle of the road

By enbliss | 10

#5370477 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:47

hey, you gotta set a good example for your kids and she did GREAT!!!!

By Nicole1225 | 14

#5370480 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:48

Anger issues. She should probably see someone about that. You know, find another way to vent than to throw their child out of the car....

420Zombie | 17

#5370631 - Saturday 16 February 2013 17:47

huuuh? throwing her child out of the car to walk on the side of the road like a deranged hitch hiker ISN'T good parenting?!

By maz95 | 17

#5370491 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:53

Maybe you were safer walking home than being in the car with your mum in that state.

By Lionesse | 15

#5370500 - Saturday 16 February 2013 15:56

OP auto know that Mom's can be crazy drivers.

iarefatal | 9

#5370514 - Saturday 16 February 2013 16:05

Ahh I see the pun now

Lionesse | 15

#5370518 - Saturday 16 February 2013 16:07

#19 It's a play on words. Otherwise known as a pun. Auto is a car. Like automobile. . . . . Why did you change your comment all of a sudden.. That grinds my gears.