Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her... - FML

By pleaseno - 24/7/2009 00:52 - United States

Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML

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Mixed signals

The Summoner

Time for the ER

By skunk head - 22/7/2020 05:01

Extreme makeover

Today, my idiot husband got drunk in the middle of the day and decided to dress our 7-year-old like Rufio from the movie Hook. I wouldn’t have even been mad if he’d done a decent job. Instead, he did a botched bleach and dye job in our boy’s hair that makes him look like a skunk on acid. FML

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By jordigs - 23/12/2009 08:46 - United States

Today, the elderly couple next door asked me to cut down a tree in their yard. It turns out they told me to cut down the wrong tree, and I cut down the tree they got married under. They now hate me and tell me they plan to sue me for damage to property. FML

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By facefuckedguy - 12/8/2014 21:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2020 20:01

Toxic parents

Today, my mom caught me vaping weed oil and tried to ground me. I’m 33 years old, with my own wife and kids, weed is legal in this state with a medical card, and I use it to treat the seizures I’ve had since mom belted me around the head as a kid, giving me brain damage. FML

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By Idi - 9/12/2008 12:54 - France

Today, I arrived right on time for my train. Only problem, it was the wrong station. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2011 07:51 - Australia

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The interviewer started by introducing herself and asking how I was. I got caught between introducing myself and telling her how I was and replied "I'm Kate thanks". FML

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By janae - 6/8/2018 23:30

Today, I discovered that I am pregnant. I questioned my boyfriend and he admitted to not using a condom because he thought we were just doing "practice sex". FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2012 17:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I replaced my car's windscreen wipers, after someone stole the last pair. After I finished, I went indoors for a drink. When I returned, the new ones had been stolen too. FML

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By DyingOfShame - 24/8/2010 23:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend whilst on the train home from spending the weekend with him at his grandparents' house. It said, 'Gran says to tell you that the bin beside the toilet is actually for storing spare shampoos and toothbrushes, so could you not put your tampons in it next time?' FML

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By metalflower01 - 11/1/2012 16:31 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my wedding. On top of being upset about the break up, I was informed I owed a $900 cancellation fee for not using the venue. Single and broke. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2011 07:06 - United States

Today, it was so cold that I had to put slippers over my slippers. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2013 18:39 - United States - East Northport

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

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By ew - 27/10/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, I realized that my dandruff issue was so horrible, that even my eyebrows have dandruff. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

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By My spit everywhere - 30/12/2016 07:48 - United States - La Grange Park

Today, I went to the dentist. She had a tool that sucks up saliva, and put it in my mouth. She told me to close my mouth, and I did. Turns out she forgot to turn it on, causing my saliva to go all over my face. I had to sit like that for the rest of the visit. FML

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By BrandNewLemon - 15/8/2015 02:09 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I financed my first car. I also made my first call to AAA when it broke down. It barely had any miles on it and I wasn't even home yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

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By Username - 21/4/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

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By mylifeisfed - 4/11/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I encountered one of my professors from college. Back when I was in his game theory class, he publicly criticized me for falling asleep and not paying attention, to which I retaliated by acing all of his exams. Four years and a degree later, I met him again... while working at Pizza Hut. FML

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By notyourfriend - 9/9/2014 01:26 - Canada - Peterborough

Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML

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By Dani - 24/1/2012 05:23 - Australia

Today, I tried to take a piss in the woods, but ended up peeing all over my feet. I still had to hike another five hours in wet shoes. My boyfriend's only comment was, "At least you didn't wet your pants." FML

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By trisha - 16/7/2012 20:57 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 20:07 - France - Sardieu

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

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By jobless - 10/11/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

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By JeezAndAges - 24/11/2018 05:00

Today, I walked in on my nineteen-year-old stepson masturbating into a pair of my panties. His excuse? He thought they belonged to my 17-year-old daughter. FML

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By Pk45 - 11/11/2011 15:37 - United Kingdom

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

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By slipperyhands - 15/8/2009 07:50 - United States

Today, on my wedding day, when they said "you may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately my hands were sweaty as I was nervous and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML

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By Tris - 12/9/2019 16:00

Talk is cheap

Today, my co-workers keep making fun of me because I said, “You’re very so welcome.” They say it's not proper grammar, but honestly I can’t find anything that says I’m wrong. FML

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By jdch_99 - 3/11/2012 05:34 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

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By alone - 23/9/2011 11:04 - China

Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2014 10:01 - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

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By GasFromThePast - 24/11/2018 16:40 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I smelled gas when entering my apartment. I checked everything and then left to seek help. I was told to call 911, which resulted in two firetrucks and 10+ firefighters, one of which was my high school sweetheart, entering my messy apartment and finding nothing wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over 2 years said he wants to get married before he leaves for basic training. Not because he loves me, but because he'll get paid more if he's married. This is the only time he's been excited about marriage. FML

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By Why Charlie!? WHY!? - 9/8/2018 13:00

Today, I woke up seeing my neighbor's 5-year-old daughter next to me. She said good morning and handed me a note from her dad saying that I owe him and he's cashing in. So, I'm babysitting as her parents escape to the Bahamas for 2 weeks. My annual 2 weeks vacation starts today too. FML

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By biker2012 - 1/6/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML

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By abbacjt - 16/1/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex father in law. FML

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By Shock91 - 11/9/2019 02:02 - China - Beijing

Milky Milky

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

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By ohgodwhy - 10/2/2012 09:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

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Top comments

By av232 | 0

#424430 - Friday 24 July 2009 9:54

perhaps it's just a master plan to get you two to break up

By natsumosam92 | 0

#424429 - Friday 24 July 2009 9:54

thats like somethin out of a movie

COMMENTS

By yikes12345 | 0

#424425 - Friday 24 July 2009 9:53

that's a nice surprise... FYL

Reply

cucuto89 | 0

#425124 - Friday 24 July 2009 16:01

thats fucking sick dude

Reply

lolbulla | 0

#425823 - Friday 24 July 2009 20:41

lol thats so jacked up

Reply

KiSsKiZzy | 0

#490014 - Sunday 16 August 2009 3:05

Seriously I don't know why this is a bad thing! At least ur mother is fkn (fuckin) happy,you twit!!

Reply

ImOnlySleeping_G | 0

#790082 - Friday 22 January 2010 4:35

that's gross. if they got married you'd be with your brother.. ew.

Reply

Mubus | 0

#1040918 - Thursday 24 June 2010 8:48

so if both couples got married and had children and grand children in future, it will be nothing less than some sort of soap opera. May God have mercy on your future lol

Reply

luvdatglitter | 0

#1047559 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 0:21

just say don't wannaggo on dates with her

By eddy1sis | 0

#424426 - Friday 24 July 2009 9:53

that sucks. lmao.

By natsumosam92 | 0

#424429 - Friday 24 July 2009 9:54

thats like somethin out of a movie

Reply

chinolatino | 0

#424507 - Friday 24 July 2009 10:16

My thoughts exactly

Reply

ilovefml_ra | 0

#424652 - Friday 24 July 2009 11:55

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAH

Reply

ilovefml_ra | 0

#424653 - Friday 24 July 2009 11:55

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAH

Reply

silentmusic | 0

#425460 - Friday 24 July 2009 18:06

omg i died laughing at this!! but fyl now its gonna be personal if uand ur bf have sex. itll get your mom mad and his dad mad and then they'll brake up and u ruined a relationship and u will be forbidden from seeing eachother not that thats gonna a stop u and now im rambling....

Reply

Bobinthebutt | 0

#425628 - Friday 24 July 2009 19:41

Thats epic =-P

By av232 | 0

#424430 - Friday 24 July 2009 9:54

perhaps it's just a master plan to get you two to break up

Reply

kukitheaf | 0

#806630 - Friday 29 January 2010 7:14

or have foursomes

Reply

warsun | 27

#5859753 - Sunday 16 February 2014 8:04

I like the break up plan abit better :/ more clever

By midwestjerk | 0

#424444 - Friday 24 July 2009 9:58

lol...
OK, that's pretty awkward.

Reply

Young_Sparta | 0

#424545 - Friday 24 July 2009 10:29

imagine playing who's in my mouth with them!

haha

fyl

By rukiafujioka | 0

#424449 - Friday 24 July 2009 9:59

Suucks-you're going to be related to your boyfriend if it works out between your mother and his father.

By shazzahllala | 0

#424453 - Friday 24 July 2009 10:00

I'm just thinking chaotic double-wedding for some reason... :S

Reply

midwestjerk | 0

#424462 - Friday 24 July 2009 10:02

The same thought occurred to me, but it seemed a little too wacky 80's movie to me. That or creepy-ass deep woods hillbilly.

Reply

xHaniffax | 0

#425075 - Friday 24 July 2009 15:41

LOL yeah!
But if they do decide to get married
you and your bf should stand up and shout out
"WE WERE FIRST!"
ya know....just to clear it up.

By cutepooh | 0

#424459 - Friday 24 July 2009 10:01

gross...someone needs to break up...lets hope its your mom and not you haha

By M13LO | 0

#424465 - Friday 24 July 2009 10:03

YDI for banging your brother

Reply

EJade | 0

#424877 - Friday 24 July 2009 14:03

Its not her brother genius!

Reply

Synchestra_fml | 2

#425054 - Friday 24 July 2009 15:31

I'm pretty sure that was a joke >.>

Reply

worldjudge | 0

#425088 - Friday 24 July 2009 15:48

it could just be a matter of time.... poor girl

Reply

mike1921 | 0

#426520 - Saturday 25 July 2009 1:03

Step-brother, Who cares? Even if she is banging him, they're not biologically related.

By elohel419 | 0

#424467 - Friday 24 July 2009 10:03

i can only imagine how awkward it will be if one couple breaks up and the other stays together. or maybe it won't but still...