Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never... - FML

By ThanksMa - 22/3/2009 19:45 - Canada

Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way my mother said, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then said, "Does he know that?" FML

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Fashion Police

Tense

The end of the road

By Ice cold - 22/11/2012 05:35 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

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By Jess - 20/12/2013 08:02 - United States - Modesto

Today, in a desperate attempt to add some variety to my life, I resorted to closing my eyes and picking a random font for my essay paper. FML

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By Rach - 8/8/2018 23:30

Today, I didn't put any makeup on my acne-ridden and newly sun-burnt face. Today was also the first time I've ever run into my crush outside of work, all while trying to parallel park in a car that hasn't been washed in 6 months. I hit the car behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2018 22:00

Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 20:03

Greed

Today, my husband told me he wants a $600 birthday gift. He doesn't understand why I said that wasn't happening, and is now mad at me. Not only can we not afford that, he only spent less than $10 on my birthday gift last month. FML

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By whoopsiedoodle - 21/5/2009 12:45 - Canada

Today, we went out to dinner to a family restaurant, and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out. My 4 year old scooted under the table to sit next to his brother. When he popped up on the other side, he exclaimed, "Mommy! You forgot to put on your underwears!" People were staring. FML

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By udnrizh - 8/10/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to do something new and borrowed some of my clothes. She's currently wearing a very small pair of short shorts and a very tight tank top. We're going to a very prestigious golf course and she won't change. FML

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By Name - 11/7/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

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By hamburglar - 11/8/2016 18:46 - United States - Irving

Today, I ordered two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's and asked for one of them without pickles so they would think I was ordering for two people. Both burgers were for me. FML

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By nekoneko - 7/2/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 20:00

Today, my mom borrowed my computer without my permission and downloaded a virus. I came home to a blue screen of death. She refuses to admit fault and pay for a new computer. FML

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By FuckYou - 2/7/2012 06:07 - United States - Santa Maria

Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2013 16:25 - United States - Burlington

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2011 10:34 - United States

Today, I asked my dad what his plans for Friday were. Apparently, he's going to a concert with my step-mom all evening. It's been their plan for months. Friday is my birthday. That's been set since the day I was born. FML

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By Wheredigowrong - 21/10/2013 04:18 - United States - Ankeny

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

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By grammarnazi-forareason - 3/7/2013 06:48 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

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By ApparentWeirdo - 6/6/2017 14:00

Today, my boyfriend called me weird because I keep gloves in the glove box in my car. He's never seen that before. FML

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By projectfain - 22/5/2013 12:28 - United States - Akron

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2016 21:55 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, the cockroach infestation at my house has gotten so bad that I can now tell the difference between male and female cockroaches. FML

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By rmb131 - 20/3/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer to him so he could get a better look at my teeth. He was hard. FML

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By n77 - 23/4/2011 02:17 - Switzerland

Today, at work, a customer went to try on a pair of pants. A few minutes later, she hurriedly returned and put the pants back on the shelf without saying anything. I later found out she'd come down with a bout of diarrhea and apparently didn't want to pay for the dry-cleaning. Glamorous. FML

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By LoadingMeows - 23/9/2016 01:17 - United States

Today, I was written up. Too many customers complained that I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I got written up for being ugly. FML

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By momlife - 28/3/2016 20:45 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

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By maystar - 26/5/2018 15:00

That's worth $0.30 at GameStop!

Today, it's my birthday. My mom and three other relatives each bought me a copy of Diablo 3 for my birthday. A video game that I didn't ask for, for a console I don't have. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 11:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

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By LonelyAF - 12/8/2017 13:00

Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML

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By ILoveAnimals - 11/6/2012 07:14 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML

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By dating a manchild - 1/6/2012 23:50 - Denmark - Hellerup

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

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By skrillexblewme - 2/8/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 05:00

Tricky situation

Today, my roommate in our barracks posted trans hate-speech on Facebook. My choices are to report him and risk ending his military career, confront him and risk him finding out I'm trans, or do nothing and live in fear of him figuring me out. FML

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By thathurt - 1/1/2012 00:51 - United States

Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face", then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before. FML

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By deadhammy - 11/1/2013 07:09 - United States - San Diego

Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML

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By thepigeonsfriend - 7/5/2012 14:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

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By ihpgolj - 18/6/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

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By Big_gulps_huh - 28/11/2017 22:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I realized I am more confident running a million-dollar piece of construction equipment than I am around people of the opposite sex. FML

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By Username - 7/6/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML

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By usmcpain - 23/6/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2014 15:13 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I should be spending my birthday with my boyfriend of 8 months. Instead he's visiting his ex, who's pregnant with a baby that "may or may not be" his. FML.

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Top comments

By Skolden | 0

#51001 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:33

Well... Were you ashamed to introduce him or something? No wonder she'd ask if you guys were so cool to eachother.

By Megan_fml | 0

#51033 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:41

if he was your boyfriend why did you just casually say hi and walk past?

COMMENTS

By Your_Shadow | 0

#50997 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:32

Lol.

Reply

PageantGirlXOXO | 16

#2094458 - Friday 18 February 2011 3:17

One of my favorite FML's ever.

By Skolden | 0

#51001 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:33

Well... Were you ashamed to introduce him or something? No wonder she'd ask if you guys were so cool to eachother.

By princess243 | 0

#51010 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:34

LMFAOO... omg thats sooo mean

By thisismyname_fml | 1

#51030 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:39

why is this an fml? like number 2 said if you guys were all casual in passing and she had no idea who he was why would her reaction be anything but that?

By Megan_fml | 0

#51033 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:41

if he was your boyfriend why did you just casually say hi and walk past?

Reply

leh9 | 2

#3528270 - Wednesday 2 November 2011 3:02

Prob because she didn't want him too

By Gawain_fml | 0

#51040 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:42

Haha, your momma must think you're pretty darn ugly.

By cyberhoy | 3

#51041 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:43

He's just not that into you

By laxx_baybee | 0

#51043 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:43

well i guess thats mostly his fault for not acting like you're dating.

By MrCanoe | 5

#51046 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:44

I find it quite odd that you wouldn't introduce your boy friend to your mother. No wonder she thought you weren't telling the truth if you were causal with him and treated him like someone you knew from school or work

By _chrissy_ | 0

#51070 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:54

I concur...it's a little strange that you didn't introduce them, even if it is a fresh relationship...and not stopping to talk and just saying something in passing seems pretty juvenile, like a relationship you'd find in junior high. You know, where you just kind of talk a few times but it's not really a real relationship? No offense, haha.