Miscellaneous: Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview,...

By kylie b

Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML

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Miscellaneous

Harsh

That'll be Kevin in accounting

This is fine

By replaced - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

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By royallymessedup - United Kingdom - London

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

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By Anonymous - Brazil - Americana

Today, I was at work, reading some funny stories on my phone. Just as one of my co-workers decided to share that his father had passed away recently, I burst into uncontrollable, teary-eyed laughter at a story. They don't believe my explanation, and have branded me the office asshole. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

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By student101 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

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By patronuscat?

Meow!

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2021 11:01

Yummy

Today, I got an unexpected freebie for breakfast: I took my coffee and a plate of food up to my room. By the time I got there, some fairy had topped the food with a generous serving of animal hair. Gee, thanks. FML

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By Conspiratea

Today, I'm in the hospital for a broken hip and cerebral hemorrhage, bedridden with a continuous headache. My roommate has dementia and shouts and cries all day about a hospital conspiracy where everybody is drinking tea all the time except her. This will be a long month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

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By Halle - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

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By APersonSomewhere

Today, it’s my 21st birthday. The people I invited over spent most of the time talking about their LARP group which I am not a part of and so could not participate, talked over what I wanted to watch, and then it ended with an intervention by them for me because they were upset that I was upset. FML

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By Munkeh - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Faithful

Today, I found out that my partner thinks love is more meaningful than sex, so it's okay to stick his penis in someone else. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML

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By Jolabanane - France

Today, my neighbor was having work done in his apartment, and he'd warned me that there might be some noise. Yes, there was, what with all the town's firemen in the building after he'd ruptured the main gas pipe. FML

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By Mmm - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

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By asdffhhjk - Philippines - Makati

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

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By WTF - United States

Today, I have to choose between getting a cellphone contract that I need, or a TV that I don't even want, but which my flatmates insist I contribute towards. The same flatmates who eat all my food. This increased grocery bill has left me unable to afford either the phone or TV. FML

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28868

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By dizzy - Malaysia

Today, I discovered that sea-sickness also applies when making love on my girlfriend's new water bed. FML

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44349

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By sleepingonthetoilet - United States - Birmingham

Don't let the bedbugs bite!

Today, my supervisor locked me in the women's bathroom as I was cleaning it. I heard the owner scolding him, so I waited for the door to open, thinking he got in trouble. It wasn't until I heard the front gate locking that I realized I'm staying the night in the bathroom. FML

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4154

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By Anonymous - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

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By chronic

Today, I'm on opioids due to severe pelvic pain. Taking them makes me constipated and increases my pain, which leads to taking more painkillers. I can choose to be in agony and the possibility of pooping, or be in slightly less pain and completely bunged up. FML

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4824

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2021 05:01

Rookie mistake

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend. Two weeks before Valentine's day. She expects me to buy her a present because we've known each other for a while, and apparently thinks it's more than a drunk hookup. FML

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290

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By spoiled22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

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By susan - United States

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

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26342

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By StillDrowsy - United States

Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML

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33078

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By starving_freelancer_forever

Today, I found out the works council won't let the company offer me the job for which I was the only applicant because the council requires 3 years experience with the company. I've only been here for 2 years, 10 months, and 26 days. FML

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3752

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, at work I was looking for my lost wallet. After hours of looking I gave up and went home. The wallet then shows up in my mail box with an envelope marked "To the asshole." I opened the letter and it was filled with poop. My wallet too. FML

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32575

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By mandy - Australia

Today, my mum deleted my college research assignment on rape because the subject was too vulgar. I had worked on it for the past month and it was worth 50% of my grade. It's due tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I competed in a ballet competition and made the finals, while I was on stage awaiting the results, I sneezed really loudly and snot went flying all over the stage. When I went to accept my award the woman presenting it refused to shake my hand. FML

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38613

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By Shoutout1011

Today, my 6-month-old daughter decided she'd scream every time I'd answer her cries instead of her daddy. He just left for a 12-hour shift at work. Only 11 more hours to go. FML

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By NotFunny - United States

Today, I missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step dad asking him if he can drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I see him drive by the bus stop pointing at me and laughing hysterically. FML

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By quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roseburg

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

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47367

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By married and hates - United States

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

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By superman21 - Ireland

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

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34212

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By leah_kascar - United States - Hialeah

Today, in the class I'm teaching, I assigned my students an essay to complete for homework. One student asked me if I was deducting points for bad spelling. I teach English. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Chilly

Today, my window got busted and won't shut properly. I live in a college dorm room and maintenance says they can't fix it for a couple of days. It's below freezing in my dorm and I can see my breath while trying sleep. FML

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Top comments

By OCDC | 9

#2562476 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:01

How dare you think of others first, OP!

By iLazy | 0

#2562470 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:00

TELL HER TO GET A JOB!

COMMENTS

By iLazy | 0

#2562470 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:00

TELL HER TO GET A JOB!

Trupe | 3

#2563006 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 18:01

Cant be a nice person nowadays...

jane79 | 0

#2563226 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 19:07

tell her if she's going to act like that your out of there. I hate to say it but your mom sounds pretty ungrateful for what you have done for her and if she starting out acting like this then she will probally only get worse and in that cas I would go back to the coast and have someone else take care of her

Rainbow2Cloud | 12

#6256481 - Wednesday 8 April 2015 16:53

OP's mom is so ungrateful.

By OCDC | 9

#2562476 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:01

How dare you think of others first, OP!

iluvhobos | 5

#2563669 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 21:09

at least now OP can have all the potatoes she wants! (:

bhangu023 | 0

#2564840 - Thursday 26 May 2011 1:03

time to move back

By iAmScrubs | 19

#2562477 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:01

Your mom is a first class Principal Skinner's mom.

By spez8 | 0

#2562486 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:02

man! hang in there.

By claiiire_fml | 17

#2562514 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:06

Your mom is a bitch OP.

By BruisedGiraffe | 15

#2562520 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:07

I fuckin hate it when people act like this. you do so much for them and they just act like ungrateful little pricks

zbennett | 0

#2562845 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:19

Story of my life man, I feel like I help so many people and get little in return. I'm not complaining either. I know most of the time I shouldn't help, but I just feel guilty if I don't.

BruisedGiraffe | 15

#2563439 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 19:57

I feel the exact same way

By thebestof1984 | 0

#2562524 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:08

That's your que to pack up again and move back home far from Idaho!!!

KelStr | 0

#2563649 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 21:06

I love Idaho. Where else can you find almost every recreational sport in such a unique area? Idaho literally has everything other than the Ocean and a Rain Forest.

Person1233 | 12

#2564280 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:13

I'm sure he wasn't dissing Idaho, simply the bitch who lives there.

Noelletakumi | 36

#6547970 - Monday 29 February 2016 8:30

I have lived in Idaho for 13 years...like OP I am originally from the coast and would do anything to go back. Honestly a lot more opportunity by the ocean.

By HeavyMetalViking | 0

#2562528 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:08

You really deserved it for taking too long at the job interview. You're not supposed to give every single interviewer a blow job, you're only required to give a simple strip show. Blow jobs come after you get the job.