Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview,...

By kylie b - 25/5/2011 06:41

Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML

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Miscellaneous

Ant life

This ain't working out

What did I do?

By Anonymous - 2/4/2015 14:19

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

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By Embarrassed Swimmer - 11/12/2011 07:23 - Australia

Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML

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By xolaurennnn - 22/5/2015 15:55 - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

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By Judgeisalwaysright - 1/3/2016 08:57 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML

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By fuckthat! - 13/11/2017 09:37 - United States - Madison

Today, my soon-to-be ex-husband had the audacity to ask if the woman he cheated on me with could be in the delivery room while I give birth to our baby. FML

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By babydoll - 12/10/2010 09:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2020 05:05

Baked

Today, I was supposed to have my first job interview for a bakery franchise. Turns out all the applications are submitted to every store, and I was called to the wrong one. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2014 04:05 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

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By neverhealthy - 1/10/2019 02:01

Which toppings?

Today, I read that food cravings are only supposed to last a couple of minutes. I have been craving and dreaming about pizza for a month straight, and the urge is only getting stronger. FML

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By annoymous - 7/2/2017 06:00 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, it was the first time I was meeting my guy's parents. Turns out he forgot it was his mum's birthday and I ended up having to meet his whole family. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2017 15:00

Today, I saw my 32-year-old boyfriend of 4 years pick his nose and eat it. The booger in question was attached to his nose and he sucked it out spaghetti-style. He then tried to kiss me. I still feel my stomach churning. FML

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By Ann - 18/6/2009 19:40 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. While I was at the store, an employee came up to me and said, "You're beautiful!" When I came home I told my husband what had just happened. My husband then asked, "What was wrong with him?" FML

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By heartless - 11/3/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, my mom told me she can't wait for me to turn eighteen so she can turn my room into a place for her to display all her antique glass dolls. FML

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By ClearOne - 12/5/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, I finally came to terms with the fact that my girlfriend considers me a glorified ATM. FML

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By wtfiswrongwithher - 7/5/2011 13:56 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife has a YouTube channel dedicated to 20 second videos of her wearing a fake mustache and making weird sounds. FML

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By socreepedouticanteven - 27/10/2014 00:05 - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

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By RIP_Nose - 3/4/2014 21:48 - Germany - Aidenbach

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2009 06:45 - Canada

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

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By yuhan - 22/7/2018 19:00

Today, while walking around outside with my friends, I was told that I have no right to complain about the heat since I'm not fat. Thirty minutes later, I had sweat out all the liquid in my body and promptly passed out from heat stroke. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2014 13:17 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

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By NickJJ - 16/5/2014 02:34 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2016 20:44 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I've been using a clay pad to warm up my stiff neck muscles. I put it in the microwave as instructed on the box, just as I've been doing for weeks. This time, the bag exploded, splattering sticky clay. Now my neck is even more sore from reaching inside to clean the microwave. FML

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By Devon - 3/9/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

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By thanks for the $5 gift voucher - 13/6/2015 16:34 - United States - Randleman

Today, my parents bought my 11-year-old brother a MacBook for my birthday. FML

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By LuxTheSarcastic - 6/11/2015 23:05 - United States - Apex

Today, my mother dragged me to the mall to get me out of the house and to get me to stop using my phone. She then spent the whole trip talking on her phone instead of actually interacting with me. FML

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By cthulhu help me - 1/3/2013 18:22 - United States - Cabot

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

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By fuck off, dad - 2/1/2014 17:07 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

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By anonymous - 15/8/2016 03:06 - United States - Pewaukee

Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML

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By Its My BDay I Can Cry If I Want To - 10/8/2016 16:51 - United States - Ephrata

Today, all of my friends bailed from the birthday party I was throwing myself. This was also after they had encouraged me for months to have one, knowing I'd never had my birthday celebrated before. FML

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By happyturtle - 10/10/2013 11:27 - Croatia

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

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By Baby eater - 20/5/2014 00:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

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By DonPedro - 16/1/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I took a crap at work. When I go to flush the toilet, it clogs and begins to overflow. I leave the bathroom the way it is and as I walk out, my boss comes in. FML

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By AllieOops - 17/8/2011 09:14 - United States

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

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By jonjon - 13/6/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

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By norestforthewicked - 2/3/2016 20:41 - United States

Today, I had to use a sick day from the school I teach at. While I was off, another teacher called me mid delirium, because my students were borderline rioting over the work I left for them. I'd asked them to read a book and edit the one-page essay they've had two weeks to work on. FML

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By ohEw - 9/11/2017 10:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

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By married - 16/10/2010 12:31 - United States

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

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By veggieluver - 16/1/2013 00:58 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2012 05:07 - Canada - Port Hardy

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

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By svenska75 - 3/9/2014 21:30 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

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Top comments

By OCDC | 9

#2562476 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:01

How dare you think of others first, OP!

By iLazy | 0

#2562470 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:00

TELL HER TO GET A JOB!

COMMENTS

By iLazy | 0

#2562470 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:00

TELL HER TO GET A JOB!

Trupe | 3

#2563006 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 18:01

Cant be a nice person nowadays...

jane79 | 0

#2563226 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 19:07

tell her if she's going to act like that your out of there. I hate to say it but your mom sounds pretty ungrateful for what you have done for her and if she starting out acting like this then she will probally only get worse and in that cas I would go back to the coast and have someone else take care of her

Rainbow2Cloud | 12

#6256481 - Wednesday 8 April 2015 16:53

OP's mom is so ungrateful.

By OCDC | 9

#2562476 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:01

How dare you think of others first, OP!

iluvhobos | 5

#2563669 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 21:09

at least now OP can have all the potatoes she wants! (:

bhangu023 | 0

#2564840 - Thursday 26 May 2011 1:03

time to move back

By iAmScrubs | 19

#2562477 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:01

Your mom is a first class Principal Skinner's mom.

By spez8 | 0

#2562486 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:02

man! hang in there.

By claiiire_fml | 17

#2562514 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:06

Your mom is a bitch OP.

By BruisedGiraffe | 15

#2562520 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:07

I fuckin hate it when people act like this. you do so much for them and they just act like ungrateful little pricks

zbennett | 0

#2562845 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:19

Story of my life man, I feel like I help so many people and get little in return. I'm not complaining either. I know most of the time I shouldn't help, but I just feel guilty if I don't.

BruisedGiraffe | 15

#2563439 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 19:57

I feel the exact same way

By thebestof1984 | 0

#2562524 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:08

That's your que to pack up again and move back home far from Idaho!!!

KelStr | 0

#2563649 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 21:06

I love Idaho. Where else can you find almost every recreational sport in such a unique area? Idaho literally has everything other than the Ocean and a Rain Forest.

Person1233 | 12

#2564280 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:13

I'm sure he wasn't dissing Idaho, simply the bitch who lives there.

Noelletakumi | 36

#6547970 - Monday 29 February 2016 8:30

I have lived in Idaho for 13 years...like OP I am originally from the coast and would do anything to go back. Honestly a lot more opportunity by the ocean.

By HeavyMetalViking | 0

#2562528 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:08

You really deserved it for taking too long at the job interview. You're not supposed to give every single interviewer a blow job, you're only required to give a simple strip show. Blow jobs come after you get the job.