Miscellaneous: Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview,...

By kylie b - 25/05/2011 06:41

Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 017

You deserved it 4 378

Miscellaneous

Age difference

Bottom of the list

Workout

By dukemisery - 01/10/2016 05:34 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was glad to find out that all the bedbugs have been eaten. Now I have a spider infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 523

You deserved it 940

By marriedbutlonely - 15/02/2016 02:36 - United States - Federal Way

Today, after having my husband ask if I 'had any plans' for the weekend, and him mentioning that he got me something special, he played his PS4 for hours, ignored me, then finally took a break to hand me a tiny box of chocolates. I can't even be mad because he looked so proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 934

You deserved it 3 122

Routine

By youaresodumb - 27/09/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 377

You deserved it 34 209

By Matt - 28/04/2012 18:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the novelty of shaving a heart into my pubic hair for my wife vanished, when I woke up to find a collection of scabs around my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 276

You deserved it 15 670

Frenemies

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 08:01

Today, I found out that the person who I considered my best friend actually hates my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 77

By I_Lossed - 03/11/2009 11:02 - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 395

You deserved it 4 759

By clitty clitty bang bang - 13/04/2012 22:40 - United States - Brownsville

Today, after two years of vigorously fundraising on behalf of my senior class, they voted on spending the senior trip money at a waterpark. It's less than thirty minutes from where we all live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 850

You deserved it 2 887

By Lisa - 02/01/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 767

You deserved it 35 791

Innocent

By Boyufd - 19/01/2019 12:00

Today, I almost got arrested. The cops put me in handcuffs without searching me first and told me that I "matched" the description of a package thief. Turns out, I didn't even closely fit the description of the suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 537

You deserved it 121

By Perdedor - 07/01/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, my boss called me in to tell me I had got a raise. I bought a $1500 Chanel bag. Two hours later he called me in to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 879

You deserved it 44 837

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 00:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 974

You deserved it 3 359

By Nearly Crashed - 27/05/2013 13:42 - United States - Lake Hiawatha

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 382

You deserved it 9 066

By imawesome - 02/03/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, I wondered if my orgasms are worth the bother, seeing as I get horrible "I feel like I'm dying" cramps every time I climax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 845

You deserved it 2 973

By Nose bleed - 16/04/2014 02:48 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 159

You deserved it 7 770

By homealone - 03/05/2012 04:39 - Canada

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 716

You deserved it 3 800

By lovedoesnotexist - 24/09/2015 11:52 - Belgium

Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 424

You deserved it 1 951

By ShutUp007 - 22/11/2014 02:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 031

You deserved it 2 432

Emergency haircut

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 02:02

Today, I told off my crazy sister-in-law after she made my wife cry for putting on weight during lockdown. Then, as I was sleeping in my armchair, the crazy bitch snuck into the house and cut off every single one of my meter-long dreadlocks. Now I got a BALD HEAD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 177

You deserved it 330

By newlysingle - 14/12/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 731

You deserved it 3 610

By Noname - 29/01/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 673

You deserved it 3 892

By Anonymous - 28/02/2010 11:16 - Canada

Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him but I hear him in the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 076

You deserved it 2 597

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 08:01

Today, I met what I thought was a decent guy, via an introduction by my pregnant friend. She's dating his brother. The guy was dropping my friend and me off, but on the way out of the door he slapped her on the butt and smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 81

By whipplewhip - 30/06/2013 04:21 - United States

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 374

You deserved it 3 595

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 16:00

Today, I got told that I have a dainty sneeze. It was the closest thing I've had to a compliment I've had in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 136

By catpeecathy - 14/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 560

You deserved it 5 400

Reported!

By thatcreepyteacher - 17/02/2016 04:27 - United States - Mchenry

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 731

You deserved it 1 415

By cplaner - 04/02/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year old boy. 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 675

You deserved it 5 179

By MrZhang - 23/06/2009 03:34 - Australia

Today, I had an interview with IBM. For a week I did extensive research and preparation for the interview. At first the interview was going really well. I was hitting all the marks. Then just as a final casual question she asked with a smile "What does IBM stand for?". I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 357

You deserved it 26 469

By LawStudent - 19/09/2012 14:54 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 958

You deserved it 3 590

By zain - 04/06/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 837

You deserved it 3 675

By PublicToiletEspionage - 21/05/2009 10:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 626

You deserved it 4 237

By anon - 31/03/2016 01:09 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I went to 7-11, where the cashier asked me if I had the app to get rewards. She then looked at me and said, "Never mind, I can tell you don't." I guess I have no control over my resting bitch face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 992

You deserved it 2 102

Wipe out

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 02:00

Today, I was walking up the stairs with my lunch in hand. I slipped and I dropped my plate, the rice and curry down fell down the stairs, while also spilling the water in my other hand. The wallpaper and carpet stairs are now stained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 219

By left alone - 29/08/2016 12:46 - United States - Schenectady

Today, the client that hired us for cleaning cancelled her contract because I was seen "holding a broom backwards." I'm left-handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 371

You deserved it 931

By RohnAbheek - 21/08/2011 17:36 - India

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 164

You deserved it 47 138

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 688

You deserved it 3 576

By chickfilady - 29/07/2016 03:10

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 946

You deserved it 2 273

By fmlgirl - 25/04/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 355

You deserved it 11 800

By Anonymous - 14/07/2014 17:45 - United States - Lititz

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 173

You deserved it 5 588

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 845

You deserved it 111 237

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Top comments

OCDC 9

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:01

How dare you think of others first, OP!

iLazy 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:00

TELL HER TO GET A JOB!

iLazy 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:00

TELL HER TO GET A JOB!

Trupe 3

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 18:01

Cant be a nice person nowadays...

jane79 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 19:07

tell her if she's going to act like that your out of there. I hate to say it but your mom sounds pretty ungrateful for what you have done for her and if she starting out acting like this then she will probally only get worse and in that cas I would go back to the coast and have someone else take care of her

Rainbow2Cloud 12

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Wednesday 8 April 2015 16:53

OP's mom is so ungrateful.

OCDC 9

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:01

How dare you think of others first, OP!

iluvhobos 5

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 21:09

at least now OP can have all the potatoes she wants! (:

bhangu023 0

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Thursday 26 May 2011 1:03

time to move back

iAmScrubs 19

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:01

Your mom is a first class Principal Skinner's mom.

spez8 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:02

man! hang in there.

claiiire_fml 17

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:06

Your mom is a bitch OP.

BruisedGiraffe 15

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:07

I fuckin hate it when people act like this. you do so much for them and they just act like ungrateful little pricks

zbennett 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:19

Story of my life man, I feel like I help so many people and get little in return. I'm not complaining either. I know most of the time I shouldn't help, but I just feel guilty if I don't.

BruisedGiraffe 15

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 19:57

I feel the exact same way

thebestof1984 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:08

That's your que to pack up again and move back home far from Idaho!!!

KelStr 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 21:06

I love Idaho. Where else can you find almost every recreational sport in such a unique area? Idaho literally has everything other than the Ocean and a Rain Forest.

Person1233 12

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:13

I'm sure he wasn't dissing Idaho, simply the bitch who lives there.

Noelletakumi 36

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Monday 29 February 2016 8:30

I have lived in Idaho for 13 years...like OP I am originally from the coast and would do anything to go back. Honestly a lot more opportunity by the ocean.

HeavyMetalViking 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:08

You really deserved it for taking too long at the job interview. You're not supposed to give every single interviewer a blow job, you're only required to give a simple strip show. Blow jobs come after you get the job.