Intimacy: Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child...

By LadyLola - 25/11/2013 05:22 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 223

You deserved it 6 551

Intimacy

Own it

Sorry…

Shidding and farding

By Literal Baby-Daddy - 02/07/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, my toddler threw a screaming, rampaging fit, because I ate the last chocolate mousse from the fridge. Did I forget to mention said toddler is actually my 52 year old dad? FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 113

You deserved it 661

By Mudge - 25/02/2016 22:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend said that his dad told him we couldn't hang out anymore, he thinks I'm a bad influence because I don't have all 90's in my classes. The only reason he knows I have below a 90 is because he's my geography teacher. I have an 87. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 422

You deserved it 1 463

By Forgetable - 21/04/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 044

You deserved it 3 004

Roommates from hell

By ugh - 30/09/2011 19:45 - United States

Today, after a month of living in a pigsty of an apartment with my roommates, I spent the day cleaning the place out. When everyone returned home, instead of thanking me, all they could do was point out the spots I'd missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 362

You deserved it 3 501

By TJFuentes - 11/02/2015 13:39 - United States - Appleton

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 256

You deserved it 3 742

By lonely - 21/03/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, I posted an event to have a get together with friends. Most of them put "not attending". I hadn't even set the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 625

You deserved it 5 944

By me - 19/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 886

You deserved it 28 512

Uninvolved

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 05:06

Today, I woke up to the only home I've ever known in 32 years being burned to ash by a wildfire with everything we own inside, barely getting me and my dogs out alive. My boyfriend of 3 years promised me we would work through this together, no matter what it took, only to completely ghost me a few hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 71

By alyssaamarante - 13/06/2015 02:41 - United States - East Northport

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 286

You deserved it 8 913

By Sneezy123 - 06/10/2009 02:21 - United States

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 215

You deserved it 10 133

Treat your pets properly!

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 19:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I had an argument with my dad about how Alpo dog food is trash and is why his dog keeps having terrible farts and diarrhea. My dad refuses to believe me, so now I'm always scrubbing vile, smelly, mucous-laden dog diarrhea out of the carpet. I'm a pet nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 28/09/2011 15:53 - United States

Today, campus security called me to let me know a lawnmower crashed into my car. Apparently the guy mowing the lawn lost control. My car wasn't parked by any grass. I need a new bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 797

You deserved it 2 169

By frosho - 09/03/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a restaurant with my best friend. We had just competed in a pageant together earlier this month. A lady comes up to my friend who got first alternate and said,"You were robbed of that title. You deserved to win. I hated the winner." I was the winner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 370

You deserved it 5 590

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:28

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 899

You deserved it 17 299

By rawr117 - 10/06/2017 04:00

Today, while working at the local paintball place, I noticed a girl without the safety on her paintball gun. I approached and reminded her to put the safety on, to which she replied "Don't worry im not going to shoot you." And then she did. It hit my happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 961

You deserved it 532

By IHateProtesters - 25/11/2014 16:13 - United States - Hartford

Today, a group of protesters set up just outside my residence hall at one in the morning. After an hour of chanting, the police finally told them to stop, and I was finally able to get some sleep. The protesters responded by pulling the fire alarm in every residence hall on campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 639

You deserved it 3 013

By Alejandroc - 20/01/2012 01:46 - Honduras

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 088

You deserved it 3 451

By sarahmaxine - 09/05/2015 04:10 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 514

You deserved it 2 094

Honest

By fml1977 - 04/03/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 261

You deserved it 7 957

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 12:12 - United States

Today, the guy I've been madly in love with for ages finally asked me out. I excitedly said yes. I waited a half an hour for him to show up, with another girl and say, "Where's your date?" I was asked to go on a double date, but apparently he forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 349

You deserved it 2 115

Boom!

By Elizabeth Ann - 12/07/2020 08:01

Today, I was laying with my cat when someone set off a firework next to my window. Now I have stitches and a bed covered in blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 339

You deserved it 4 523

Balls up

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 12:01

Today, I woke up at 2 p.m. to realise I'd slept through all of my alarms and missed my really big presentation at university, all because I was up most of the night with food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 150

By Dammit - 15/08/2009 05:22 - Canada

Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 417

You deserved it 13 857

What a cozy moment.

By ratfaced - 12/10/2017 07:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 644

You deserved it 358

By lala7 - 20/08/2011 23:02 - United States

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot whispering "jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 051

You deserved it 2 549

Worldstar! Worldstar!

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 08:04 - United States

Today, I went to buy some flowers for the anniversary of my grandpa's death. I was feeling sad as I finished paying, but as soon as I got near the exit, two women started fighting at the door. We had to wait for the fight to finish because the staff decided to record it and not break it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 99

By DebtedToSociety - 07/06/2009 17:54 - United States

Today, I was watching a TV show about people with shopping addictions. One girl was $15,000 in debt and I thought how horrible it would be to live with that. Then I realized that I'm in medical school and currently $135,000 in debt. At least they have something to show for their debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 043

You deserved it 8 558

#winning

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Lakeville

Today, I placed $20 in a slot machine at a casino and in a matter of 5 minutes lost it all. My sister then sat at the same machine, put her $20 in and quadrupled her money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 097

You deserved it 1 977

By creepedout - 31/07/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 317

You deserved it 14 620

Excuse you?

By done - 07/08/2018 11:30 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 171

You deserved it 181

By wurtabang - 09/02/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 395

You deserved it 3 085

By Clumsy Clumsy - 16/04/2016 16:27 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend to kiss him when he got home from work. I tripped and I fell on him, and he fell backwards. He ended up hitting his head on the sidewalk and had to get stitches. He also had a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 429

You deserved it 3 216

By Bex - 15/03/2016 07:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in front of a group of family, friends, and acquaintances, a guy I hadn't talked to in about two years asked me how rehab was going. In the monstrous silence that followed, I had to awkwardly explain that I work at a nursing home that also functions as a rehabilitation center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 417

You deserved it 1 499

Not now

By anonymous - 02/02/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Right before I was about to climax, he asks, "Do you remember when you bought the homeless guy with one leg a hot dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 220

You deserved it 4 698

By Eagle - 26/01/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, my mother urged me to "get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids." In front of my girlfriend of eleven months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 915

You deserved it 13 092

Isn't that illegal?

By Ryan Engle - 29/07/2021 02:01

Today, my neighbor, who has 4 video cameras pointed at the front of my house, got a drone that’s now hovering over my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 55

By nerp - 29/03/2016 19:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 958

You deserved it 2 653

Heavy

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 04:04 - United States

Today, a 100-foot maple tree fell on my house. I was inside. I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 86

By Rjlup - 11/06/2013 14:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 572

You deserved it 7 156

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments