Animals: Today, my mom found a box full of stuff she had been looking... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom found a box full of stuff she had been looking for. She starts going through it and finds baby pictures of my sister and I as well as pictures of the cats. She puts my baby pictures back in the box and closes the lid. The cat pictures are now hanging in her living room. FML

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Understandable

Serious times

Season finale

By Anonymous

Look-alikes

Today, the guy I really like told me that I look exactly like Kathy Bates. I'm only 30. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I almost died in the shower when I slipped and my dumbass self tried to grab the water. FML

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By Snow White

Today, I'm so pale that I managed to get a sunburn while sitting in a bus. FML

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By AlexB - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, in an effort to try and get fit, I was doing yoga on my carpet when my foot slipped. It went under my radiator, which peeled the skin off my heel like peeling a potato. FML

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By smelly asses - 17/9/2020 07:50

Skidmarks

Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML

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By Seline

Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML

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By Tooloud - Canada

Today, my roommates decided to hold an intervention. They told me I would have to break up with my boyfriend because they don't want people having sex in our apartment during college exams. My boyfriend agreed. FML

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By IamTheSalt

Today, I got my grades back. They were all 98's and 99's with also a 104 (extra-credit). I got refused from entering an honors club, because it's "impossible to get above a hundred in a math class". I even got investigated for cheating. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Coshocton

Today, my mom grabbed my phone, said she was taking it because I'd been disrespectful, and hung up my call. I'd been speaking with a work client. This is the gratitude I get for paying all her bills for the past 2 years, all because she's too lazy to get a job. FML

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By wow - United States

Today, I was getting my picture taken. The woman taking it told me to smile, so I did, showing my teeth. She said, "Please, be serious about this." Slightly offended, I smiled with my mouth closed. She then said, "If you can't be serious, we won't do this." FML

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By totallyembarassed - United States - Charlotte

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

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By Glassjaw - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Concord

Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

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By sincerely depressed. - United States - Fremont

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 02:01

Does this smell bad?

Today, I spent a full two minutes doing nothing but sniffing my computer. Don't worry, it was in the living room and my roommate definitely saw me. FML

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By anon - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I woke up after taking the new sleeping pills I was prescribed for my insomnia. I slept for 12 hours and had 5 missed calls from my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Godalming

Today, my car broke down. My dad insisted he could fix it, but screwed up in the process. After finally getting the car towed to a mechanic, I was told that I'd only needed a new water pump, but thanks to the damage my dad did, fixing it all will cost me a small fortune. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 05:01

Social distancing

Today, we celebrated our daughter's sixth birthday. Out of the 30 invited, 7 showed up. The last one to cancel this morning told us she was ill. My daughter was in tears as this meant the last remaining playmate couldn't come. My wife later saw her tagged on Facebook at another party. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2020 14:00

This is going well

Today, my husband is so bored with speaking to me, he literally walked outside when I was mid-sentence during a conversation about how I need more attention in our relationship. We've only been married 3 months. FML

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By sick - United States

Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

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By foxfur - United States - Williamstown

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

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By Bear - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2020 14:00

The Taste of Love

Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year old sister who was sending him nude pictures. FML

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By .__. - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

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By mvgirl - United States

Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of no where. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look we hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML

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By Anonymous

Mommy Issues

Today, my mother-in-law yanked my corset so tight that I shit myself. While wearing my dress. On my wedding day. FML

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By passedout

Today, I got my blood drawn for a donation and they didn't warn me that I was borderline anemic. I passed out in the middle of Walgreens and woke up to people just standing there, staring. FML

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By BrisbaneCoop - Australia

Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML

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By a7xforever - United Kingdom

Get out

Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML

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By fatblooddonor

Today, I donated blood at a blood drive. As is the usual for blood drives, I was offered a shirt after donating. The worker handing out the shirts asked me for my size. I said that I was a medium. He looked me over, then asked, "Are you sure?" FML

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By Stepheroni

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

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By Michael - Australia

Today, my 4 year old daughter was ripping out photos of the family photo book, I asked her why she was doing it she answered, "I saw mummy doing it to another book." The only other family photo book was the day we got married. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

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By iceman123432 - United States

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

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By Cheyenne - United States

Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

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By kmyltd - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had a Reese's Krispy Kreme doughnut in the car. I orgasmed while thinking about a doughnut. FML

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Top comments

By kwbuzz23wk | 0

#64689 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:10

so your mom is a crazy cat lady? every neighborhood needs one.

By infinitylost22 | 0

#64654 - Saturday 28 March 2009 14:44

sounds like something my mom would do. feel your pain.

COMMENTS

By UrLifeDoesntSuck | 0

#64641 - Saturday 28 March 2009 14:36

YDI for being self-centered.

Reply

angelk11 | 0

#1192052 - Thursday 5 August 2010 5:48

ur pictures so cute!

Reply

annadorkable | 0

#2495328 - Wednesday 11 May 2011 23:22

hi

By infinitylost22 | 0

#64654 - Saturday 28 March 2009 14:44

sounds like something my mom would do. feel your pain.

By mtrem225 | 0

#64667 - Saturday 28 March 2009 14:49

oh big deal... stop crying about it.

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#973763 - Sunday 4 April 2010 0:37

in soviet Russia cat hangs mother on wall

Reply

bbodin33 | 7

#2631547 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:46

agreed

By kwbuzz23wk | 0

#64689 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:10

so your mom is a crazy cat lady? every neighborhood needs one.

By dancin303 | 0

#64698 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:14

thats not an FML maybe it just wasnt a good picture of you guys

By mellow_yellow | 0

#64739 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:34

my mom is the same way. its not a big deal. i wouldnt cry about it on FML. i mean, my mom loves me, but hey, babies aren't always the cutest things.

By herbert_fml | 0

#64779 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:55

cat lady mothers are painful to deal with

By Lolrus | 0

#64802 - Saturday 28 March 2009 16:08

If the situation was reversed, the cats wouldnt complain.

By yeahreally | 6

#64834 - Saturday 28 March 2009 16:25

what is with some moms and cats?!!! i would have replaced the pictures with pictures of..i dunno...her kids! Jeez!

By MoonTiger | 4

#64835 - Saturday 28 March 2009 16:25

Good, cats > humans in cuteness :p