Miscellaneous: Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the...

By MyMomIsInsane - United States - Uniontown

Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the water heater. I told her that I had no idea how to fix it, so she threw my phone down the stairs, told me to Google it, and locked the basement door behind me. It's been two hours. FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Out of it

Own it

By bubblegummm13 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Moonee Ponds

Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML

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By bdayboy - United States

Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML

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By VeryLoved - 28/4/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Great parenting

Today, after a year of staying at home, I finally went out. I had a panic attack and couldn't breathe, so my mum decided to scream at me and slap me so I'd become "normal". FML

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By AnonWife - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

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By Sally

Today, after cleaning my house, I decided to treat myself with a glass of wine. I poured the wine, set it down, and came back just in time to see my cat push it off the table. I then yelled at her, which scared her so much she pissed on the carpet. FML

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By samantha - United States

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

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By butimarealbear - United States

Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call him 'Panda'. FML

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By Exil - United States

Today, I had to call patients that we hadn't seen in a long time. Most of them were dead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my idiot horse decided to grab a mouthful of stinging nettles while I was riding him. He panicked at the burning sensation in his mouth and bucked me off. Don't worry, though, my fall was cushioned, by the nettles. FML

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By Jenny - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I looked in my mouse's cage and noticed a tiny weed growing. I've been trying to grow a garden for years to no avail. Even my mouse is a better gardener than I am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

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By TheMysteriousTsundere

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

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By lonelyboy101 - United States

Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a "terrorist" and other names by a customer 'behind my back'. I made him the best sandwich I'd ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, "Your total is $9.11." FML

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By Heyhey - France

Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years old, he is 97. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Montpelier

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

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By ProudMama - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

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By tired individual - United States - Dickson

Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors fighting loudly. When they finally quit, they left a DVD on, directly behind my wall: Spongebob, with the menu tune on loop. FML

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By livin - United States

Today, I found out that on Wednesday, when I have 2 exams, I'm called to testify in court. If I go to court, I cannot make the exams. If I take the exams, I'll be held in contempt and arrested. FML

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By ow - United States

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

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By ahuman - United States

Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML

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By Deweyboy - United States

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

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By Drunk - United States

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58

Sounds like a catch

Today, the momma's boy I was getting to know cried when I said we should just be friends. He said I was being added to the list of people who treat him like shit and verbally abuse him. He has bad hygiene, musty, wears dirty clothes and I taught him how to properly clean a toilet. But I’m the bitch. FML

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By rawkdinosawr - United Kingdom

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

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By Jess-zee - Canada

Today, I took my mom out to a fancy restaurant, and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present. Later, my little brother drew her a card with crayons on pink construction paper. She cried. He is 20 years old. FML

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By sweet - United States

Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML

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By sickly - United States

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

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By NotSoClean - United States

Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML

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By Revalation - United States

Today, while riding the bus, a creepy guy gave me the "rape glare" and another guy repeated every word to the conversation I was having with my friend under his breath. FML

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By emilyupsidedown - United States

Out it comes

Today, I got a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. It was quite irritating so thought I could get it out with my finger. Good thing, the kernel is gone. Bad thing, I now have the rest of my lunch on my shirt as well. FML

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By csor027 - United States

Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Higher education

Today, I realized that all the swirling techniques I learned in chemistry labs has helped me to swirl alcoholic ingredients properly in my drinks to get the best mixtures. Thanks university. FML

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By Mike - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

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By lovewedge - United States

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

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By Anonymous

Baked

Today, I was supposed to have my first job interview for a bakery franchise. Turns out all the applications are submitted to every store, and I was called to the wrong one. FML

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By thepigeonsfriend - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

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Top comments

By Dean__Winchester | 16

#6227445 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

1. That's messed up
2. Google how to escape

By 1dvs_bstd | 41

#6227446 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

Some parents... how the fuck are you supposed to know the problem? how in the blue hell are you supposed to fix it? She wants to turn you into an emergency plumber?.. wickedness. At least did she give you a 3D printer to print out the required tools?

COMMENTS

By Mightyrif | 23

#6227443 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:20

I think I've read a book about crazy mums like this.

Gillett | 23

#6227512 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 10:45

Yeah " Mommy Dearest".

mrmcleod | 29

#6228137 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 21:35

"NO WIRE HANGERS!!!!"

MrsDruidess | 23

#6228570 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 8:34

whats crazy is he has a phone with Internet and hasnt yet called a repair man. . . that would have been my first move

KainMoogle | 21

#6229000 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 16:15

112, why? so their mom can force them to pay for it?

Bigfabthetruth52 | 22

#6232678 - Sunday 15 March 2015 10:34

The child called IT

apitrix | 24

#6234689 - Tuesday 17 March 2015 4:29

It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again!

By Puffpie | 24

#6227444 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

Oh that's awful! I hope you're ok Op!

wtffml1979 | 22

#6227565 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 11:46

That is awful. I'm thankful I've never had to deal with things like that. I mean we weren't the Brady bunch but never had to deal with that. We don't realize what other have to go through behind closed doors.

By Dean__Winchester | 16

#6227445 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

1. That's messed up
2. Google how to escape

BoyWhoCriedwoof | 5

#6227646 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 13:34

It would still take days to print the tools lol

By 1dvs_bstd | 41

#6227446 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

mellajella | 14

#6228218 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 23:18

Kind of reminds me of when I was an undergrad in engineering. Every time something was broken, everyone said " you're the engineer, you fix it."

Yeah, my first class was oven repair 101.

By SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#6227447 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

You are not the handyman and that's who she needs to call because of you don't fix it right then she's just going to get mad at you. good luck OP

By kent123654 | 14

#6227448 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

That sucks, hopefully she'll be reasonable soon. If not, maybe you could try calling someone who does know how to fix the hot water heater. Good luck!

coolster5000 | 22

#6227564 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 11:45

My thought was that he should call someone to get him out of the basement first

ninjahesten | 18

#6228064 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 20:20

like the police, fire dep., seach and rescue team or dial random number and whisp "heelp my mom locked me in the basement" just some suggestions :)

By drayloon | 50

#6227449 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:22

Sounds like she needs to cool down a bit instead...

By EclipseCandy6 | 24

#6227450 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:22

Take the hinges off and throw the door down the stairs

By ParisSosa | 11

#6227451 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:23

Should have just done it instead of saying you couldn't.

MrDonSalvetti | 27

#6227479 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 10:07

Yeah because everybody in the world can fix a water heater, I guess you can do it too, right? -.-

amberv61 | 22

#6227662 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 13:54

You know there is usually a reason why people say they can't do things. It's because they can't. Just fixing the water heater won't work because he knows nothing about it. They'll probably end up making the problem worse rather than fixing it

By hammonds92 | 21

#6227452 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:26

She sounds like a super b*tch