Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the...

By MyMomIsInsane - 10/3/2015 00:28 - United States - Uniontown

Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the water heater. I told her that I had no idea how to fix it, so she threw my phone down the stairs, told me to Google it, and locked the basement door behind me. It's been two hours. FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

Trip Advisor says no

Risky business

By karmavictim - 18/3/2011 11:28

Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2011 16:30 - Sweden

Today, I saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving frantically. She gave me a really weird expression and moved quickly away from me. Then I realised that I only knew her because I had stalked her Facebook once. FML

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By quitfuckingalready! - 4/9/2020 08:00 - United States

Let me go

Today, my request to move apartments was once again denied. My next door neighbor’s constant marijuana smoke wafts over every day, and the woman upstairs is pregnant with her sixth child. It’s like a herd of elephants living above me. They won’t let me out of my lease unless I pay a huge amount. FML

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By anonymous - 12/12/2014 01:17 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2018 05:00

Today I went in for an STD test. The Q-tip broke off in my urethra. FML

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By FYLyfer - 26/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

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By MoMoneyMoProblems - 7/8/2014 08:23 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

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By NJ - 24/1/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend that I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlock our flat to see that the place was a mess. She had thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2016 21:35 - United States - Middleboro

Today, my daughter posted a poem on Facebook about how her father and I abused her for years. It's a complete lie and an obvious attempt to impress her boyfriend, whom she thanked for "rescuing" her. I've received several hateful messages already, along with threats to report me to CPS. FML

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By estranger - 3/1/2014 22:36 - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

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By smelly asses - 17/9/2020 07:50

Skidmarks

Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML

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By FlyingPain - 5/8/2016 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I need to get a root canal, the only day I can get an appointment is on the same day I'm flying out for training for my new job. I can't get out of either, so now need to face my fear of flying and fear of dentists the same day. FML

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By stupid older sister - 24/7/2014 21:54 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I woke up from a nap to find my little brother playing some games on my phone. A few hours later I come to find he had deleted all 500 pictures from my trip to Europe last month. He needed more space to download the games. Mom says he's too young to understand what he did wrong. He's 14. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2013 06:55 - United States - Evansville

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

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By goingup? - 25/2/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck mid-floor. Being supportive, I went to hug her and tell her we'll be OK. Today I also learned that my girlfriend is deathly claustrophobic and her predominant reaction is to vomit. In this case, all over me. We were stuck for 2 hours. FML

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By needs_another_loan - 2/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2009 02:56 - United States

Today, I was trying on dresses in a stall that requires an employee of the store to have a key to open. After I took off one dress to go to another, an employee quickly opens my door, to give the stall to someone else. The entire store could see me in my granny panties and bra. FML

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By Jman6295 - 8/1/2012 00:12 - United States

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

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By ineedanewjob - 9/4/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I got all my co-workers motivated. We were all going to quit and walk out the door. I went first. I gave an emotional speech to my boss and threw my uniform to the ground. Then I turned around to to see the rest follow, they all began laughing. They didn't. They WANTED me to quit. FML

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By iAMloud - 19/3/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was riding to a prom with my friends in the middle of a swamp-covered area. I stuck my head out the top and screamed like they do in the movies. My hair, makeup, and mouth were quickly filled with bugs. FML

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By mannnnn2717 - 20/12/2009 22:41 - Australia

Today, I finally got around to writing my Christmas cards. After finishing, I realized I had written "Happy Birthday" instead of "Merry Christmas" on every single one. FML

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By Anoniem - 10/12/2018 17:30 - Netherlands

Today, my two co-workers got the promotion we were all working for. The reason they got the promotion and not me? My interview got cancelled because of a policy change, implemented that day. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2019 14:00

Today, as revenge for a prank I played on him last week, my brother took things way too far and loaded my milkshake with so many chocolate laxatives, I’m now in hospital. I’ve had so much diarrhoea in the past few hours, I’m dangerously dehydrated and had to be put on a saline drip. FML

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By eyebags - 10/10/2016 13:04 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

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By lonesome - 15/12/2014 03:22 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML

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By allennn - 14/3/2010 14:56 - France

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

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By Halle - 1/11/2011 07:41 - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2016 10:39 - United States - Lemon Grove

Today, I was pretending a long corridor at work was a catwalk, when a coworker walked out just in time to see me prancing around like an idiot. Now the whole building is laughing about it. FML

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By W...T...F - 9/8/2013 16:15 - United States

Today, I found the carcass of the frog that got into my house last week. It was a horrifying sight, but not nearly as horrifying as the fact that I found it in my refrigerator. No, I don't know how it got in there either. FML

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By sel2207 - 6/1/2009 03:27 - France

Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML

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By snowinggrey - 19/2/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

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By StupidCar - 7/2/2009 20:56 - United States

Today, I spent 600 dollars to have my brakes fixed on my car, they weren't squeaking. I got my car back and now the brakes squeal and my air conditioning won't work. I just spent 600 dollars to break my car even more. FML

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By Disappointed - 26/5/2016 20:27 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML

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By JustSomeGuy - 30/7/2013 03:43 - United States - Bulverde

Like a virgin

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2019 02:00 - Germany - Wuppertal

Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML

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By chlorobitch551 - 5/11/2014 16:54 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

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By pain - 26/2/2010 10:23 - Japan

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

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By hk - 20/9/2016 15:29 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was introduced to the girl my current boyfriend went out with while dating me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2019 04:30

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

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By SeeingGreen - 8/5/2017 02:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex popped up as someone I might know as instagram, complete with his workout photos. My fiance is mad at me for showing these to my family, even though the consensus is that my ex looks like a condom stuffed with marbles. FML

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Top comments

By Dean__Winchester | 16

#6227445 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

1. That's messed up
2. Google how to escape

By 1dvs_bstd | 41

#6227446 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

Some parents... how the fuck are you supposed to know the problem? how in the blue hell are you supposed to fix it? She wants to turn you into an emergency plumber?.. wickedness. At least did she give you a 3D printer to print out the required tools?

COMMENTS

By Mightyrif | 23

#6227443 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:20

I think I've read a book about crazy mums like this.

Gillett | 23

#6227512 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 10:45

Yeah " Mommy Dearest".

mrmcleod | 29

#6228137 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 21:35

"NO WIRE HANGERS!!!!"

MrsDruidess | 23

#6228570 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 8:34

whats crazy is he has a phone with Internet and hasnt yet called a repair man. . . that would have been my first move

KainMoogle | 21

#6229000 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 16:15

112, why? so their mom can force them to pay for it?

Bigfabthetruth52 | 22

#6232678 - Sunday 15 March 2015 10:34

The child called IT

apitrix | 24

#6234689 - Tuesday 17 March 2015 4:29

It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again!

By Puffpie | 24

#6227444 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

Oh that's awful! I hope you're ok Op!

wtffml1979 | 22

#6227565 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 11:46

That is awful. I'm thankful I've never had to deal with things like that. I mean we weren't the Brady bunch but never had to deal with that. We don't realize what other have to go through behind closed doors.

By Dean__Winchester | 16

#6227445 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

1. That's messed up
2. Google how to escape

BoyWhoCriedwoof | 5

#6227646 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 13:34

It would still take days to print the tools lol

By 1dvs_bstd | 41

#6227446 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

mellajella | 14

#6228218 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 23:18

Kind of reminds me of when I was an undergrad in engineering. Every time something was broken, everyone said " you're the engineer, you fix it."

Yeah, my first class was oven repair 101.

By SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#6227447 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

You are not the handyman and that's who she needs to call because of you don't fix it right then she's just going to get mad at you. good luck OP

By kent123654 | 14

#6227448 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:21

That sucks, hopefully she'll be reasonable soon. If not, maybe you could try calling someone who does know how to fix the hot water heater. Good luck!

coolster5000 | 22

#6227564 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 11:45

My thought was that he should call someone to get him out of the basement first

ninjahesten | 18

#6228064 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 20:20

like the police, fire dep., seach and rescue team or dial random number and whisp "heelp my mom locked me in the basement" just some suggestions :)

By drayloon | 50

#6227449 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:22

Sounds like she needs to cool down a bit instead...

By EclipseCandy6 | 24

#6227450 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:22

Take the hinges off and throw the door down the stairs

By ParisSosa | 11

#6227451 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:23

Should have just done it instead of saying you couldn't.

MrDonSalvetti | 27

#6227479 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 10:07

Yeah because everybody in the world can fix a water heater, I guess you can do it too, right? -.-

amberv61 | 22

#6227662 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 13:54

You know there is usually a reason why people say they can't do things. It's because they can't. Just fixing the water heater won't work because he knows nothing about it. They'll probably end up making the problem worse rather than fixing it

By hammonds92 | 21

#6227452 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 9:26

She sounds like a super b*tch