Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes... - FML

By Anonymous - 16/11/2012 00:36 - United States - Panama City

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27405

You deserved it

1815

Tweet

Share

Season finale

Not gonna happen

TMI

By mainey92 - 25/2/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I heard a rumor about myself going around my high school that I am pregnant, I've dropped out of school, and that my belly is showing. I'm not actually pregnant. I've been severely depressed, so I've missed a few days of school and I've been eating too much apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31994

You deserved it

4474

Tweet

Share

By ruinedmoment - 24/2/2011 06:20 - United States

Today, I was looking at an old post between my ex and I on Facebook. Everything I was reading was adorable. Just as I was reminiscing about the great relationship we had, I look to the right of the screen to see the girl he cheated on me with in "People you may know". Thanks Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35404

You deserved it

8166

Tweet

Share

By PillPopperApparently - 20/12/2018 12:00

Today, after constantly shaming me for my ADHD and anti-anxiety pills, my family finally convinced me to drop $250 on their trusted psychiatrist friend because they thought he’d talk me out of taking them. He recommended higher doses of everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2539

You deserved it

151

Tweet

Share

By socksoffire - 17/3/2010 15:22 - United States

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32001

You deserved it

4813

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 00:10 - United States - Persia

Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24181

You deserved it

1986

Tweet

Share

By Anon E. Mouse - 15/9/2015 11:47 - United States - Waterville

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27869

You deserved it

2213

Tweet

Share

By lucywatson - 6/5/2016 19:06 - United Kingdom

Today, working as a veterinarian, I received a complaint from a client. He said I sucked at my job, purely because I implied he should have brought his severely ill cat in a lot sooner. Which he should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14234

You deserved it

859

Tweet

Share

By IbetIgotAIDS - 12/9/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

95432

You deserved it

15165

Tweet

Share

By fmbadluck - 29/10/2020 12:01 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Drive

Today, I set a new record: two fender benders in less than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

121

You deserved it

46

Tweet

Share

By badtimingdude - 18/8/2009 16:34 - Mauritius

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21488

You deserved it

66928

Tweet

Share

By asuramaru - 24/10/2019 16:00

Knowledge is power

Today, at 19 years-old, I found out that kiwi birds aren’t actually extinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

533

You deserved it

1163

Tweet

Share

By Jackie Campbell - 12/7/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using the "it's not you, it's me" speech with a slight variation, saying instead, "It's not me, it's you. And yes, I meant to say it that way round." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33274

You deserved it

6098

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/4/2014 11:36 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my little brother put a battery to my tongue while I was sleeping with my mouth open. The shock found its way right to my metal filling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46258

You deserved it

3936

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/6/2013 10:38 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

64392

You deserved it

25346

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/3/2015 05:56 - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, and pretty much every day, my co-worker takes off her shoes while working. The smell of her feet makes me dizzy. I don't know if she's oblivious to the fact that her feet stink, or she just doesn't care. It's affecting the quality of my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28923

You deserved it

2959

Tweet

Share

By t - 17/5/2011 03:26

Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31662

You deserved it

6129

Tweet

Share

By TheMysteriousTsundere - 3/11/2018 15:30

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2773

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By itssdianaa - 29/6/2010 03:18 - United States

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11906

You deserved it

27788

Tweet

Share

By mackamuir - 1/4/2016 13:01 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my roommate played a crazy April Fool's joke on me by not paying his rent this month. Good one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23848

You deserved it

1765

Tweet

Share

By upyours - 22/5/2020 17:00 - Australia

Leech

Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1868

You deserved it

133

Tweet

Share

By Fatty - 15/6/2019 09:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was walking in the mall with my friends when one of them pointed at a store and commented, "Bae Goals." My fat ass thought she said "bagels" and I actually got excited at the thought of eating a bagel, even after I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1419

You deserved it

422

Tweet

Share

By sweet2u22 - 27/2/2011 02:30 - United States

Today, I told the guy I like to listen to a song that expressed how I felt about him. When he was done, I asked what he thought about it. He said it made him realize that his ex was the love of his life and that he wants to go back to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37856

You deserved it

7501

Tweet

Share

By Whoopsie - 22/2/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27830

You deserved it

3339

Tweet

Share

By n1a1t1h1a1n1 - 11/12/2012 07:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35393

You deserved it

3377

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 14/10/2016 03:46 - United States - Manchester

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11727

You deserved it

1263

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/1/2010 01:12 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31903

You deserved it

2648

Tweet

Share

By becstar90 - 5/6/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, I was taking a picture with my friend. Her camera can pick out a certain color and only have that color show up in the picture. She chose yellow because of the yellow on my dress. When she showed me the picture, the sash wasn't the only yellow thing; my teeth showed up, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45448

You deserved it

18246

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/9/2019 06:00 - Australia

Roller coaster ride

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

920

You deserved it

1607

Tweet

Share

By lily389 - 21/3/2011 05:02

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38194

You deserved it

4065

Tweet

Share

By minty - 14/3/2015 03:52 - United States

Today, after days of being too sick to leave my house, I went to get some medicine. While picking out cough drops, an old man leaned over and said, "You smell quite delicious today". I haven't showered and the only "perfume" I'm wearing is VapoRub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30491

You deserved it

2945

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Kennebunk

Memory man

Today, my girlfriend and I were doing the dirty, when she told me to say her full name, including her middle name. I'd forgot her middle name. It was completely awkward after. I'm a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7639

You deserved it

3232

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 04:02 - United Kingdom - Southampton

WTF VHS?

Today, a teacher asked me to edit a video of her class. Unfamiliar with cameras that work with video tape, I accidentally recorded over her video. The footage is impossible for me to get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1115

You deserved it

907

Tweet

Share

By dk14 - 24/1/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad let me borrow his car for transportation to work because mine got totaled. This car is a complete dump and I've realized he's only letting me use it so it's my fault to fix the broken things on the car. So far, I've had to replace the battery and two popped tires. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5915

You deserved it

607

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/6/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend of 5 months runs a website where men can submit nude or semi nude pictures of their ex's for revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69712

You deserved it

5602

Tweet

Share

By annonymous - 7/9/2015 20:56 - United States

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31630

You deserved it

2399

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2019 20:00

Deliverance

Today, while at my family reunion, I learned my grandparents were first cousins. No wonder we're all crazy hillbillies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1479

You deserved it

131

Tweet

Share

By PrinceOfBritain - 14/5/2015 02:41 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30324

You deserved it

3490

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 20:27 - United States - Wales

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67996

You deserved it

24151

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/12/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, our Christmas tree was damaged beyond repair after my son and his friends borrowed it for a little experiment. They tied balloons to the branches and tried to make it fly, after seeing a similar video online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25517

You deserved it

3533

Tweet

Share

By her mom raised her - 17/5/2014 17:30 - Mexico

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43694

You deserved it

7001

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By accioshannon | 17

#5154160 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:30

That sounds catastrophic.

By buckdharma | 36

#5154291 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:02

i know...i know. im a copy cat.

COMMENTS

By lovelyheadache | 16

#5154158 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:30

Aw sorry that happened OP, maybe mom will lay off the drinking after the morning hits her.

Reply

AbstraktThoughts | 13

#5154171 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:33

Op should record her mom and put together a mix tape when she has enough drunken rants ;)

Reply

HahaHokayThen | 10

#5154195 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:41

Tsk tsk, haven't fed the cat in so long that you forgot you had one.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5154411 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:39

Yes #1, because so many people stop drinking because they can't stand the hangover...they say they will never drink again...then they drink again...

Reply

desoto96 | 9

#5157028 - Saturday 17 November 2012 4:30

Am I the only one who immediately thought of Bill Cosby?

Reply

lovelyheadache | 16

#5157203 - Saturday 17 November 2012 5:40

Well sorry #37, I was being hopeful. The sarcasm was unnecessary.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5157842 - Saturday 17 November 2012 11:07

Sarcasm is never unnecessary! What are you talking about?! *mops up the puddle of sarcasm* seriously, it's sarcasm on the Internet from a guy you don't know, why do you give a shit what I think? I know I don't give a shit what I think..,wait...

Reply

jimwsssnn | 11

#6629580 - Thursday 16 June 2016 20:01

Think of it this way #37 is a ass

By accioshannon | 17

#5154160 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:30

That sounds catastrophic.

Reply

Charmillionaire | 10

#5154191 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:40

No no wait I have one. Uh... pussy... heh.

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#5154208 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:48

Looks like the cat's out of the bag.

Reply

Charmillionaire | 10

#5154213 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:49

You hurt my felines, man :( Howzat?

Reply

hannaaaahr | 33

#5154234 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:57

you gotta be kitten me!

Reply

loserboii | 11

#5154347 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:15

Well this thread put me in a catatonic state of mind.

Reply

accioshannon | 17

#5154377 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:29

So, you guys can't let one pun come and go?

Reply

hannaaaahr | 33

#5154560 - Friday 16 November 2012 11:32

34 - NO! the thought alone makes me fur-ious!

Reply

mazzera_fml | 7

#5154897 - Friday 16 November 2012 15:06

You've got to be kitten me right meow.

By guiltySnake | 16

#5154165 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:30

Well played.

By Chanti_fml | 26

#5154173 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:33

Look what the cat dragged in...

By buckdharma | 36

#5154175 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:34

look what the cat dragged in.

Reply

buckdharma | 36

#5154291 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:02

i know...i know. im a copy cat.

By newbiehere99 | 6

#5154177 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:35

Mom wants her pussy fed ...

Reply

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#5154427 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:44

Too far.

By XxskyelovexX | 13

#5154181 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:36

Someone sounds like an angry drunk

By 007type | 26

#5154183 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:36

Pussy?

Reply

FMLKitten | 15

#5154188 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:38

You called?

Reply

007type | 26

#5154193 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:40

That was easy..

Reply

newbiehere99 | 6

#5154199 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:42

Hahahha this just made my night :)

Reply

Trix_Disorder | 20

#5154536 - Friday 16 November 2012 11:00

Who made the cat call?

Reply

RussianFox | 13

#5154737 - Friday 16 November 2012 13:10

Sorry am I late to the party?

By FMLKitten | 15

#5154185 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:36

Hey, at least she hasn't thrown up...

Yet.

By heythere131630 | 9

#5154197 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:41

Use this opportunity as an excuse to buy a cat!