Animals: Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Panama City

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27425

You deserved it

1816

Tweet

Share

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

I've just got one of those faces

Ah yes, homophobic jokes, so funny

By Jessica - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34866

You deserved it

47370

Tweet

Share

By boohoo - Ireland

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39651

You deserved it

6102

Tweet

Share

By dickface - United States - Lewisburg

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21192

You deserved it

1546

Tweet

Share

By SeaBind - United States - Saginaw

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31742

You deserved it

3238

Tweet

Share

By comfort_ - United States - Dalton

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25475

You deserved it

10110

Tweet

Share

By Knaxer - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when a guy cut me off at a light. I honked and swore at him when a bug flew into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19872

You deserved it

6530

Tweet

Share

By JohnB - United States

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26732

You deserved it

4191

Tweet

Share

By Courtney - United States

Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22269

You deserved it

6031

Tweet

Share

By youlyingjerk - United States

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28467

You deserved it

3467

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39105

You deserved it

7813

Tweet

Share

By jesushelpme - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32040

You deserved it

5562

Tweet

Share

By pam - France

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23115

You deserved it

7912

Tweet

Share

By rarara - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32077

You deserved it

3036

Tweet

Share

By brokeandiknowit - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I installed an app that notifies me of every purchase on my credit card. Now I'm being tormented by notification after notification as my wife decimates our finances. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4399

You deserved it

930

Tweet

Share

By - France

Today, my 10-year-old brother won the poem contest at his school. Since then he won’t stop bugging me with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26514

You deserved it

8256

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31698

You deserved it

4580

Tweet

Share

By all5fingers - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28524

You deserved it

3226

Tweet

Share

By Real Life Sucks - United States

Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I make less money in my full-time job now than I did working part-time in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34103

You deserved it

3117

Tweet

Share

By Daniella - 12/11/2020 11:03 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Online classes can be tricky

Today, I accidentally unmuted my mic during a class, and normally it would've just been silence, but dumb old me just had to sing a song at the top of my lungs, and I only stopped when my phone blew up with notifications. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

315

You deserved it

1013

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53068

You deserved it

8446

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that the electricity company can just show up unannounced and cut off my power, but cannot find the meter for a whole 10 days to switch it on again. It's currently dark and 7°C in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4924

You deserved it

454

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Monson

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35823

You deserved it

4037

Tweet

Share

By Ican'tgotoschoolapparently - United States - Vancouver

Today, I found out after $200 worth of checks and tests, three rugs being ruined from her peeing and pooping on them, that my cat isn't sick. She just has really bad separation anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10295

You deserved it

1155

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40213

You deserved it

4296

Tweet

Share

By so jealous - 27/4/2020 05:00

Goodbye phone

Today, I was FaceTiming a good friend of mine from back home, telling her how good she looked and how happy I was to hear from her. My insanely jealous girlfriend snatched my phone and smashed it on the ground. I was saying my friend looked good because she'd just finished chemo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3098

You deserved it

375

Tweet

Share

By good_job_john - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80290

You deserved it

4274

Tweet

Share

By some band player - United States - Highland Park

Today, I had a music duet in front of a crowd and 3 judges. I play tuba and my partner plays the saxophone. He burst out laughing in the middle of it because one note that I played sounded like a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43200

You deserved it

4592

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had to clean up after the kid that discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36160

You deserved it

3155

Tweet

Share

By Ramis182 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38659

You deserved it

5987

Tweet

Share

By The Bearded Woman - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32825

You deserved it

2870

Tweet

Share

By Hopelesshomeless - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I moved back to my home town. My best friend and I had arranged to rent a house together that we both liked. I finished my last day at work and made the three-hour drive, only for her to break down and tell me that she isn't "ready" to move out of her parents' basement. She's 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35950

You deserved it

2897

Tweet

Share

By notthesame - United States - San Antonio

Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14633

You deserved it

1179

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Understanding

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1672

You deserved it

700

Tweet

Share

By embarrassed - Canada

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10594

You deserved it

123912

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32428

You deserved it

4320

Tweet

Share

By Asterisk1009 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50460

You deserved it

17014

Tweet

Share

By UniverseHatesMe - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, my neighbor kindly set off a bed bug fogger rather than getting an exterminator, which we'd even offered to help him pay for. We have baseboard heating in our condo building. Guess where the parasites crawled to now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12893

You deserved it

821

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I realized that the random string of numbers I deleted in my phone notes a few months ago was actually the pin code to my new bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2193

You deserved it

2669

Tweet

Share

By fleur_de_fevrier - Ireland

Today, I finally decided to go Christmas shopping. It's only once I arrived that I realized that I had forgotten my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10104

You deserved it

24054

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom admitted that her story about my dad leaving us for his current wife was a lie. He left when he caught her with a coworker. She blocked his number and got a restraining order to keep him from telling his side of the story. I haven't talked to my dad for six years because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54876

You deserved it

2490

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By accioshannon | 17

#5154160 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:30

That sounds catastrophic.

By buckdharma | 36

#5154291 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:02

i know...i know. im a copy cat.

COMMENTS

By lovelyheadache | 16

#5154158 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:30

Aw sorry that happened OP, maybe mom will lay off the drinking after the morning hits her.

Reply

AbstraktThoughts | 13

#5154171 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:33

Op should record her mom and put together a mix tape when she has enough drunken rants ;)

Reply

HahaHokayThen | 10

#5154195 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:41

Tsk tsk, haven't fed the cat in so long that you forgot you had one.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5154411 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:39

Yes #1, because so many people stop drinking because they can't stand the hangover...they say they will never drink again...then they drink again...

Reply

desoto96 | 9

#5157028 - Saturday 17 November 2012 4:30

Am I the only one who immediately thought of Bill Cosby?

Reply

lovelyheadache | 16

#5157203 - Saturday 17 November 2012 5:40

Well sorry #37, I was being hopeful. The sarcasm was unnecessary.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5157842 - Saturday 17 November 2012 11:07

Sarcasm is never unnecessary! What are you talking about?! *mops up the puddle of sarcasm* seriously, it's sarcasm on the Internet from a guy you don't know, why do you give a shit what I think? I know I don't give a shit what I think..,wait...

Reply

jimwsssnn | 11

#6629580 - Thursday 16 June 2016 20:01

Think of it this way #37 is a ass

By accioshannon | 17

#5154160 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:30

That sounds catastrophic.

Reply

Charmillionaire | 10

#5154191 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:40

No no wait I have one. Uh... pussy... heh.

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#5154208 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:48

Looks like the cat's out of the bag.

Reply

Charmillionaire | 10

#5154213 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:49

You hurt my felines, man :( Howzat?

Reply

hannaaaahr | 33

#5154234 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:57

you gotta be kitten me!

Reply

loserboii | 11

#5154347 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:15

Well this thread put me in a catatonic state of mind.

Reply

accioshannon | 17

#5154377 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:29

So, you guys can't let one pun come and go?

Reply

hannaaaahr | 33

#5154560 - Friday 16 November 2012 11:32

34 - NO! the thought alone makes me fur-ious!

Reply

mazzera_fml | 7

#5154897 - Friday 16 November 2012 15:06

You've got to be kitten me right meow.

By guiltySnake | 16

#5154165 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:30

Well played.

By Chanti_fml | 26

#5154173 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:33

Look what the cat dragged in...

By buckdharma | 36

#5154175 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:34

look what the cat dragged in.

Reply

buckdharma | 36

#5154291 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:02

i know...i know. im a copy cat.

By newbiehere99 | 6

#5154177 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:35

Mom wants her pussy fed ...

Reply

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#5154427 - Friday 16 November 2012 9:44

Too far.

By XxskyelovexX | 13

#5154181 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:36

Someone sounds like an angry drunk

By 007type | 26

#5154183 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:36

Pussy?

Reply

FMLKitten | 15

#5154188 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:38

You called?

Reply

007type | 26

#5154193 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:40

That was easy..

Reply

newbiehere99 | 6

#5154199 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:42

Hahahha this just made my night :)

Reply

Trix_Disorder | 20

#5154536 - Friday 16 November 2012 11:00

Who made the cat call?

Reply

RussianFox | 13

#5154737 - Friday 16 November 2012 13:10

Sorry am I late to the party?

By FMLKitten | 15

#5154185 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:36

Hey, at least she hasn't thrown up...

Yet.

By heythere131630 | 9

#5154197 - Friday 16 November 2012 8:41

Use this opportunity as an excuse to buy a cat!