Miscellaneous: Today, my mom admitted that she always makes me put away the...

By Awesome. - 15/09/2011 02:35 - United States

Today, my mom admitted that she always makes me put away the dishes because my obsessive compulsive tendencies force me to arrange the glasses and silverware by size, just the way she likes them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 856

You deserved it 4 980

Miscellaneous

Things can only get better

Roommates from hell

Management balls-up

By shutup shutup shutup don't wanna hear it - 08/11/2016 00:43 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate told me that she was studying in the library. Turns out, she didn't feel like going to the library and just spent all afternoon studying in a friend's room because she didn't think I was capable of shutting up for long enough to get any work done. Our other friends agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 318

You deserved it 4 573

By #MurrayShow - 27/02/2018 01:30

Today, my son was finally born. He was the perfect weight, as healthy as can be, and has his father’s dark, chocolate complexion. At least I’m guessing so, since both my wife and I are white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 605

You deserved it 498

By in_pain - 06/05/2011 23:23 - Canada

Today, my doctor called and asked me when I could have my broken hand x-rayed again. I said the ER staff had told me it was a bad sprain over two weeks ago. I'm now in a full cast, and have to have my partially healed bones re-broken. There goes my summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 852

You deserved it 2 823

By OhMyWhitney - 20/02/2012 07:41 - United States

Today, my friend and I got into such a heated debate the police had to be called. The debate was about Whitney Houston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 167

You deserved it 32 816

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 06:00

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a volunteer badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she had a horrible day at work. They showed her my picture to cheer her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 141

By bun593 - 27/02/2010 01:52 - United States

Today, I gave a technical presentation to a group of male colleagues. I was surprised by how attentive they were until I went to the washroom and realized that they could see every detail of my nipples through my new shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 202

You deserved it 16 191

By Anonymous - 28/03/2015 15:50 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 712

You deserved it 2 306

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 591

You deserved it 29 226

By Laura - 03/05/2012 07:55 - France

Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 260

You deserved it 2 590

By gingerbread - 18/12/2017 18:00 - Armenia - Yerevan

Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 3 622

By BigPurplePresent - 28/07/2009 13:34 - South Africa

Today, I was really upset after work, and tearily asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 933

You deserved it 18 051

By Angel - 25/10/2016 20:54

Today, while out to dinner with my adult daughter, I told her I look at her Twitter because it helped me to feel close to her since she rarely calls or visits. When I got home from dinner and looked at her Twitter, she had set it to private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 239

You deserved it 2 515

Monday madness

By socks - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed I'd mislaid one half of the "Monday" pair of socks from my "Days of the week" set that were a gift for my birthday. I'm slightly OCD. I think I'm going to rip the floorboards up if I don't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 10 154

Scary

By Adan - 04/12/2012 21:34 - United States - Monroe

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 652

You deserved it 25 141

By Jenna - 03/07/2012 23:20 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 713

You deserved it 38 704

By Anonymous - 15/03/2013 04:01 - United States - Appleton

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 233

You deserved it 9 650

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 05:49 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I felt so lonely that I asked Siri to read me Wikipedia articles so that I could pretend I was having a conversation with a real human being. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 372

You deserved it 3 299

By iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles - 12/08/2013 14:30 - United States - Mabank

Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 806

You deserved it 4 394

Perfect contraceptive

By slapstick1982 - 22/11/2019 01:00

Today, I realized that my wife is on her 3rd month using an IUD. The side effect is nonstop bleeding. I haven't had sex with her since she got it. I'd say this contraceptive is working perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 043

You deserved it 264

Rampage

By emmalou - 16/09/2021 08:01

Today, my roommate is rampaging in the house at 1:00 a.m. because her stuff was moved out of the pantry for the new person, after being asked several times to move it herself. Apparently, she didn't see the text message heads-up, because she refuses to use her phone as a source of connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 93

What?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 18:01

Today, I finally confronted my father about how rude and tactless he is. It wasn't until I'd finished my rant that I realized he was ignoring me. He then told me to get him something to drink. I replied, "Since you asked so rudely, you can go get it yourself." As soon as I'd said that, he grunted and repeated himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 114

Dad of the month

By littl3storm - 11/07/2020 08:08

Today, I found out that my 'dad', the man who couldn't afford to buy me a bed, despite sleeping on the floor for 3+ years, has spent well over $3000 on sex chat lines, as well as cheating us out of child payments. He doesn't understand why I refuse to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 98

Mouthwatering

By yuna - 05/04/2021 22:59

Today, I discovered that I have a condition in which saliva frequently falls out of my mouth for no apparent reason. I’m 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 66

By preggers - 29/11/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I are divorcing because HE had an affair. He now wants a paternity test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 331

You deserved it 3 609

By Anonymous - 24/02/2010 14:20 - Israel

Today, after months of searching I finally got a job interview. Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 226

You deserved it 4 232

By Unknown - 18/10/2011 04:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 790

You deserved it 6 370

By suckstobeme - 24/03/2010 15:00 - United States

Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 188

You deserved it 4 650

By Anonymous - 27/08/2019 12:00

Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 234

By Anonymous - 28/09/2011 16:30 - United States

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 359

You deserved it 2 640

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but in fact, it wasn’t her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 973

You deserved it 108 799

By pussy - 04/05/2009 14:46 - Italy

Today, I was talking to my boss about her children. She told me she didn’t want them to develop any problems by letting them sleep with the light on. I didn’t tell her last night I slept with the light on because I’m scared of ghosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 313

You deserved it 44 764

By wenchfucker - 18/06/2012 19:49 - France - ?pinal

Today, I was once again passed over for a promotion. I'm now the assistant to a kid who has failed to meet almost every single responsibility he's been given before. It's my job to make sure he's successful, and if he isn't, I'll lose my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 229

You deserved it 2 157

By cestquoicebordel?? - 14/08/2012 22:50 - France

Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 804

You deserved it 6 172

By OhNo - 22/01/2016 21:28 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 494

You deserved it 3 524

By prince-charming - 07/11/2009 10:12 - Kuwait

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 610

You deserved it 3 914

By Anonymous - 31/01/2013 21:29 - United States - Beloit

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 486

You deserved it 2 606

Anger management

By truecountrybitch - 09/05/2020 23:00

Today, my boyfriend got frustrated trying to take my entertainment center into the basement, for the kids' game room. It didn't fit, thanks to the horrible design of the house, so he Spartan-kicked it down, breaking it into 15 pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 195

By Anonymous - 14/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad came in to ask if I wanted the rest of his cake. I'd made it for my cousin's wedding, and spent 2 days preparing it. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 088

You deserved it 124

By Dmessmer1 - 05/06/2016 08:37 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 047

You deserved it 1 708

Puppy love

By Hotmama - 30/01/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I was nice to my son's friend. He's 27 and needs to get a life, so now he won't stop texting me and flirting. I will have to escort him back, not just to the "friend zone", but to the "I'm twice your age and your friend's mom zone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 082

You deserved it 622

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Top comments

sklorange 5

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:05

Smart mom; way to put your child's mental disorder to good use!

enonymous 8

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:06

Sounds like you found your calling. My dishwasher is full and just clean now get to work

sklorange 5

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:05

Smart mom; way to put your child's mental disorder to good use!

Mekeritrig 15

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:10

Yeah, I don't see why other people do this.

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:14

True, but only if it's not very taxing on OP. If it annoys her to be unable to resist something her mom should be a bit more considerate.

Freeze_fml 16

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:17

Thanks, Dr. Phil.

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:40

No problem, if you thought this was helpful be sure and buy my book.

sklorange 5

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:47

Is it available on Amazon?

fthislyfe 22

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Thursday 15 September 2011 10:00

I used to be like that when I was a kid. And it was not just about dishes... Thank God it's gone now

EvilPotato 14

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Thursday 15 September 2011 12:25

That's thats the way I like it too, you should form a job with you mental disability.

monkeys1315 0

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Thursday 15 September 2011 14:14

It's better then the mom doing it and messing it up, that would prob make op freak out

TheOptimist 0

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Thursday 15 September 2011 17:47

40 - Janitor, Maid, Slave, Housekeeper. Looks like we already get a few jobs for this. Looks like the unemployed OCD kids of America are to stay unemployed for now.

shaubygal 11

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Friday 16 September 2011 7:06

I have OCD and I get super pissed when someone changes things in my room or house also if something I write on a piece if paper aggravates me I have to erase it like literally 10 times

DreBeezy 9

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Tuesday 20 September 2011 2:49

Really! Sounds like a good quality mom to me!

delilahtealight 0

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:05

lol I'm not the only one! my mom makes me do the same!

opendoorclosed 8

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Thursday 15 September 2011 17:51

EPIC DUCK FACE!

micha090 21

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Sunday 6 October 2013 22:29

facepalm

kathuzada 6

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:05

I don't see the problem until you move out.

iam_yummylicious 12

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:47

I hope you're joking.

22cute 17

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Thursday 15 September 2011 10:04

Actually, I was thinking the same thing. Where's the problem?

JordanA1 0

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Thursday 15 September 2011 21:35

She specifically does this because of the OCD... She's using her child's mental disability for her benefit

wowthatsucks5 8

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Friday 16 September 2011 3:33

I agree, I mean you're going to have to do chores anyway so why not do the ones you're good at?

marinus_fml 19

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:06

What's the problem? You think your mental condition was exploited? Your mum was just using your condition to her advantage.

enonymous 8

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:06

Sounds like you found your calling. My dishwasher is full and just clean now get to work

ceepevoy 0

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:06

Your moms taking advantage of your mental disorder, that sucks :/

kareltje 17

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:07

Good way to try to overcome your OCB :D Wouldn't say YDI, but thumbs up for your mom.

sean0120 3

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Thursday 15 September 2011 10:43

I think you mean OCD :)

perdix 29

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Thursday 15 September 2011 11:29

No, there's OCB which is Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior which is mild form of OCD, the Disorder. I have CDO -- it's the same as OCD, except in proper alphabetical order like it needs to be.

yoshivar2002 0

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Thursday 15 September 2011 11:33

Doctors will tell you anything as long as you keep buying the drugs for it...

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Thursday 15 September 2011 12:05

Or you could have faith in humanity for at least a moment and believe that not every person trying to make a living is a money-grubbing fucknut.

MrSarcasm 4

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Thursday 15 September 2011 14:15

Or… not. It's more fun that way.

perdix 29

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Thursday 15 September 2011 14:21

#38 I used to have faith in humanity, but then their behavior would confuse and upset me. Now that I look at everyone as a money-grubbing fucknut, I can often successfully predict what people will do.

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Thursday 15 September 2011 23:23

Well, I guess that's how you live your life.

nadhirah 4

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Thursday 15 September 2011 9:13

What's wrong? It's Good to keep the house neat and tidy. And it's just the dishes. If you always keep it neat and order, there wouldn't be much work everytime u do it.