Today, my mom accused me of stealing $350 from her. She didn't...

By ohhaithur

Today, my mom accused me of stealing $350 from her. She didn't accuse my unemployed brother, who just bought a brand new iPhone. Even after he confessed to her, she thought he was covering for me. My brother has a criminal record for theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2375

You deserved it

Favorite

Sorry…

The student becomes the master

Parental guilt

By bellabreeze - United States - Lebanon

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26023

You deserved it

3335

Favorite

By sarskii - United States

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36797

You deserved it

19473

Favorite

By annonymous - United States

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36213

You deserved it

2693

Favorite

By bummer - United States

Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31619

You deserved it

2158

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32886

You deserved it

6098

Favorite

By Jack - United States

Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41570

You deserved it

5150

Favorite

By TheVirginJenny - United States - Spanaway

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32825

You deserved it

7721

Favorite

By Mary C. - United States - Mendota

Today, while my in-laws were visiting, my two-year old accidentally pushed the door wide open while I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughed, took out her cell phone, snapped a picture of me and posted it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34431

You deserved it

3538

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I went on a date after months of rejection and loneliness. Everything was going great until my date argued with me over the correct way to pronounce my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5041

You deserved it

298

Favorite

By Barista - United States

Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75579

You deserved it

4151

Favorite

By The fat and the ugly - Finland

Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41951

You deserved it

5113

Favorite

By Simms - United States

Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22440

You deserved it

6437

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36681

You deserved it

3867

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26577

You deserved it

5755

Favorite

By mama bear

Call the Midwife-slash-Locksmith

Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1367

You deserved it

296

Favorite

By kayt240 - Canada

Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47198

You deserved it

8067

Favorite

By choup - Australia

Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16143

You deserved it

27469

Favorite

By BakedBat - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54864

You deserved it

4424

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32018

You deserved it

5462

Favorite

By Trey Deluna - United States

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33397

You deserved it

3131

Favorite

By annoying - United States

Today, I bought a key finder that responds to loud, high-pitched, annoying tones. It beeps every time I talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15137

You deserved it

22499

Favorite

By HousemateHorror

Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4144

You deserved it

546

Favorite

By Nick - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14967

You deserved it

28851

Favorite

By dumper - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37049

You deserved it

5559

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 10:01 - United Kingdom - London

Paranoia

Today, I asked a girl to move from Tinder to WhatsApp, after 3 weeks of nice chat. She said no way, and that I just wanted nudes and then unmatched. The only intention I had was getting to know her and asking her on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1000

You deserved it

154

Favorite

By Amber C - United States

Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15934

You deserved it

22869

Favorite

By zyordz - Peru

Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church. Seeing a rather disheveled couple, I told them the line started "over there". Only then did I realize that they were from my church, and were there to help serve soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12787

You deserved it

41077

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 02:04

Party animal

Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1176

You deserved it

150

Favorite

By TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - United States - San Diego

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33703

You deserved it

4090

Favorite

By divorced - United States

Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I called to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said 'Mommy, I don't want to leave.' She wasn't talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

150764

You deserved it

10390

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Deer Park

Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51563

You deserved it

3669

Favorite

By awkward - Canada - Okotoks

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47475

You deserved it

4295

Favorite

By Shelling Ford - Germany - Munich

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26146

You deserved it

3288

Favorite

By 41k312

Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8680

You deserved it

3551

Favorite

By Ethan_18 - United States

Today, as my 12 hour shift was about to finish, a young boy came in wanting to buy a $200 gaming device. His mom said he was purchasing it with his own money, which I found admirable. That is, until he took his piggy bank out of his backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30890

You deserved it

2484

Favorite

By strayy - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my mother told me I should volunteer in Africa, because I might "get lucky, catch malaria and come back skinny". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27514

You deserved it

2320

Favorite

By Username

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10989

You deserved it

44783

Favorite

By - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23059

You deserved it

2787

Favorite

By gtrs750 - Canada

Today, I gathered both mine and my girlfriend's families secretly to a restaurant. I paid the restaurant to play romantic music, and paid for the best table available. As soon as we finished our meal, our families gathered around and I proposed. She laughed and said no way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

105065

You deserved it

8751

Favorite

By sissydlk - United States

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40106

You deserved it

10325

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By tounces7 | 27

#7825067 - Friday 26 July 2019 3:15

Not unusual for the Golden Child to end up being the criminal, since they think they can do no wrong.

By acmariner99 | 24

#7825070 - Friday 26 July 2019 3:29

Guess we know who’s the favorite.

COMMENTS

By tounces7 | 27

#7825067 - Friday 26 July 2019 3:15

Not unusual for the Golden Child to end up being the criminal, since they think they can do no wrong.

By acmariner99 | 24

#7825070 - Friday 26 July 2019 3:29

Guess we know who’s the favorite.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7825072 - Friday 26 July 2019 3:40

Nice try. Yes, but a brand new iPhone costs $1000. He must have stole that money from a different victim at the same time you fleeced your mom. A-ha!!!