Miscellaneous: Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 54

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 1 018

18/03/2015 09:44

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 878

You deserved it 4 054

Stop talking!

There's no helping some people

Sounds like a catch

16/06/2011 06:20

Spicy

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 473

You deserved it 243 379

Epitaph

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 14:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend to honestly tell me if I had become overweight. He replied that yes, I had, but that it was OK because I was his "Lumpy Space Princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 1 287

21/12/2018 04:00

Today, I was pulling in to my work parking lot gate, accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake pedal, ran through the gate arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 1 227

11/06/2011 06:27

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 646

You deserved it 6 230

14/05/2016 15:48

Today, a very attractive man asked me out on a date, and I said yes. He is tall, charming and a very good kisser. I'm sure the woman he heavily made out with after I left would agree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 706

You deserved it 977

Weird family

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 136

Awkward family moments

By hated - 02/07/2021 13:03

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 940

You deserved it 2 913

03/02/2009 03:28

Spicy

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 643

You deserved it 15 464

04/07/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he dated me was because he was lonely, and I looked lonely enough to like him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 143

16/03/2009 21:01

Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 529

You deserved it 91 968

Unknown number

By Whoisshe - 17/01/2020 01:00

Today, I gave my phone number to a guy at the movie theatre. I was excited to receive a text a few minutes later, sure enough when I unlocked my phone I had received a message from an unknown number. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 389

02/09/2012 22:31

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 387

You deserved it 7 335

07/06/2012 18:12

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 406

You deserved it 5 259

03/09/2012 17:16

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 338

You deserved it 32 948

28/01/2010 20:12

Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 081

You deserved it 3 970

30/10/2011 19:13

Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 477

You deserved it 3 472

10/04/2015 18:04

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 491

You deserved it 2 634

06/03/2015 16:51

Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 741

You deserved it 2 327

22/08/2013 14:48

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 648

You deserved it 13 790

16/03/2013 00:05

Spicy

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 849

You deserved it 6 195

03/02/2013 07:32

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 181

You deserved it 7 837

Badass

By zzz - 09/08/2021 11:52

Today, I was nicknamed "Sandman." Not after the badass Spider-Man villain but rather because my personality is so boring it puts people to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 914

You deserved it 4 366

19/11/2014 17:03

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 034

You deserved it 8 319

22/05/2009 00:18

Spicy

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 596

You deserved it 12 601

Bad blow job

By testacular - 25/03/2014 21:20

Spicy

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 619

You deserved it 55 652

19/06/2014 14:37

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 999

You deserved it 15 384

08/11/2015 09:34

Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 281

You deserved it 1 920

01/04/2014 02:08

Spicy

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 503

You deserved it 36 880

08/09/2017 20:00

Today, I went to Houston to help with hurricane relief and to donate supplies. Later, I realized that I'd accidentally donated a bag that had my brand new truck keys in it. I've been waiting for 5 hours already to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 383

You deserved it 842

08/09/2018 13:00

Today, I accidentally touched a hot pan and, like any normal person would, jerked my hand back. My mom saw, yelled at me for being a "prissy princess" and then proceeded to stick her whole hand on the hot pan for a full 5 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 893

You deserved it 355

16/05/2009 20:05

Today, I got home from college. Since I haven't seen my parents in almost a year I sorta expected them to come meet me/pick me up at the airport. Nope. What did I get instead? A text from my dad saying, "I hope you have a key." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 219

You deserved it 3 428

30/04/2017 04:00

Today, at the age of 21, I've been diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. There goes my volleyball career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 590

You deserved it 375

03/06/2016 19:46

Today, the police finally recovered my stolen car. All it took was a shootout and two people dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 576

You deserved it 1 930

14/01/2010 19:04

Today, I got my cell phone bill. I pay for 700 minutes per month. I used 9 last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 421

You deserved it 17 968

Thanks, I hate it

By nakedyogagirl - 03/09/2010 00:16

Today, on my way to work, the obese old guy in the house opposite mine offered me tips on my yoga technique. Not only were his tips helpful, but I now know I should either close my curtains or put clothes on when I do yoga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 066

You deserved it 39 589

18/08/2017 17:15

Today, my raving lunatic mother screamed at me for being "disrespectful", threatened to not pay for my college, swore at me, and accused me of having multiple personality disorder, all in rapid succession. This was provoked by me sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 511

You deserved it 249

Unexpected

By bruh - 28/03/2017 20:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 847

You deserved it 319

28/05/2014 03:23

Today, I saw the hottest nurse ever. Too bad he was pulling out a piece of wax the size of a raisin from my blocked ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 228

You deserved it 8 279

Chewbacca goes surfing

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 18:00

Today, my wax appointment cancelled on me, we’re supposed to be going to Hawaii in the morning and now I can’t wear a bikini because my stomach and back are hairier than my husband's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 425

Merry Christmas, or not

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 05:02

Today, I got a quick COVID test and got a positive result. Christmas is in 3 days, my son and husband have to stay with my mom and Christmas is my favorite holiday. I've never been away from them this long and it is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 1 354

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Top comments

travellingfun 18

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:01

Sounds like the best maths lesson ever.

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:01

Probably not the most fun, but hey at least you're not doing math!

Comments

travellingfun 18

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:01

Sounds like the best maths lesson ever.

MetalxSoldier 26

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:16

I think it sounds like the teacher is lonely.

Johnnycake23 42

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:27

Do you think he feels isosilated?

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 20:13

isolated? ?

XPhoenixFire 17

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 20:53

Wow that joke really flew over your head #28

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 21:02

21 Probably one of my top 5 FML puns.

zeemonster424 15

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 23:47

Isn't that what we do on the Internet all day anyway when we are out of class?

zeemonster424 15

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Thursday 19 March 2015 3:11

No I just think they wanted everyone to see acute cat.

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Thursday 19 March 2015 14:45

I definitely wouldn't be complaining.

False_Stupidity 41

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Thursday 19 March 2015 20:41

I can understand why the OP is complaining if they actually want to learn math in math class and not just bludge.

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:01

Probably not the most fun, but hey at least you're not doing math!

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:12

Well Mr. Teacher (just guessing that's his name) could be making them do math based on the cat like "If my cat's name is made fun of three times a week, how many times will the name be made fun of in the next two years?"

BlackPhoenixNite 14

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 21:19

312 times :)

DaRito 25

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 21:27

*aren't doing maths

Cian_1 28

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 23:16

Is it bad that I actually always really enjoyed maths class? My teacher was so tiny and sweet, but then would suddenly go crazy; a bit like a gremlin, really. :P

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Thursday 19 March 2015 9:30

I really do enjoy math as well and yet I'm 15, won't be seeing much of my kind.

HeWillBeLoved105 22

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:01

I'm sorry, what's the problem? Sounds to me like you got out of class?

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:02

But still, seeing pictures of a cat has to be better than doing "maths." Even if the teacher can't come up with a less literal name for a cat.

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:06

It is referred to as maths in the UK.

Kazze 31

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:03

Very educational. My sister named her cat "Dr. Professor Kitten." I loved that cat.

soulreaper12296 28

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:03

I's rather do that than actual math work

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:03

Such a creative name!

Steffi3 40

Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:04

I wonder hope Mr Cat will also be in your exams, instead of whatever material you were supposed to be taught

Johnnycake23 42

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:04

Mr. Cat would like to see you in his office right meow!

ShadowGenius 12

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 19:07

Anyone else smell bullshit?