Animals: Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at,...

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 12:50 - United States

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 485

You deserved it 4 345

Animals

Own it

Sorry…

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Do not disturb

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 14:00

Today, I’m camping in the middle of nowhere and my mom wrote me not one, but two emails asking where my car keys are, because she needs to move my car. She apparently did not think to check in the key cabinet first. You know, the one where we keep… keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 07:25 - Australia

Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 748

You deserved it 2 885

By scaredshitless - 10/04/2019 18:00

Today, at 2:30am, I heard my baby crying on the monitor. As I got out of bed, she stopped crying and started laughing. There's nobody else in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 226

By Anonymous - 14/10/2012 17:03 - Estonia

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 689

You deserved it 8 636

By danjoylovefun - 25/10/2010 00:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 572

You deserved it 3 454

8 out 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 02:01

Today, after having toothaches for about two years, which persisted even after I had the crack in my tooth repaired, I went to a different dentist and it turns out that the actual culprit is a hole in the neighboring tooth, which has had years to grow, unnoticed under the edge of my gums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 56

By Anonymous - 01/06/2013 07:51 - United States - Portland

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 907

You deserved it 6 146

By Anonymous - 09/05/2013 07:01 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 756

You deserved it 4 304

By grrrr - 12/02/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 105

You deserved it 48 097

By Jessica - 21/10/2009 18:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 239

You deserved it 3 439

By jack - 28/05/2019 12:00

Today, I asked my new girlfriend if she was feeling alright, since she is on her period for the first time since we started dating. I got an empty cereal bowl thrown at my head. Question asked and answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 351

By Sad_homeowners - 20/10/2016 15:45 - United States - Pierre

Today, I'm still not living in the house I fought so hard to buy three months ago. As I was fixing a hole in the wall, I found black mold covering the back side of my drywall. On every wall. I can't afford to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 219

You deserved it 1 412

By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - 11/11/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 836

You deserved it 3 910

By instinct - 12/06/2013 03:06 - Australia - Doncaster East

Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 776

You deserved it 78 061

Works with podcasts as well

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 16:00 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I realised I get really attached to characters in long-running TV shows, because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 129

Get Out

By Anonymous - 25/07/2013 06:04 - Australia - Mulgrave

Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 066

You deserved it 8 105

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 15:00 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, my mum, who always wanted more kids than just me, started crying because I'm not pregnant with her first grandchild yet. I'm 16, and this all started because I got my period and I asked to borrow one of her tampons because I'd ran out of my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 162

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 17:07 - United States

Today, as always, I have a type of eczema that flares up when I'm stressed out or anxious. And today, the girl I've been in love with for 4 years asked me out on a date. We meet up in a few hours, and right now I look like I have smallpox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 508

You deserved it 1 737

What a cult

By not the same thing! - 12/10/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I had an argument with my husband. I’m a stay at home with a 6, 3 and one year-old. He insisted that we homeschool, so I literally never get a break. When I told him I need people to talk to, he replied, "Why? You talk to the kids all day!” God forbid I should interact with other adults. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 144

By ididlookgood - 13/04/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I went to the gym that I just became a member of, making an extra effort to look good because I've heard there are hot guys there. The lady at the front desk said they need to take my picture, then took a second look and said, "Don't worry hun, we'll take it when you're more prepared." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 925

You deserved it 6 023

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 05:14 - Canada - Clairmont

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 787

You deserved it 10 221

By flustered - 28/07/2009 22:55 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. My checker was very hot. When it came time for me to pay, I swiped my debit card and the machine kept rejecting it. Sure that I had money in my account, I did it again, before the cute checker informed me that I was swiping my driver's license, not my debit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 329

You deserved it 52 187

By 911 - 13/11/2008 03:57 - France

Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 163

You deserved it 2 310

By ELparano - 29/12/2012 01:21 - Canada

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 526

You deserved it 49 556

By Lily - 09/10/2018 17:30

Today, I did a sprint in gym class. Despite being the skinniest in the class, I ran slower than everyone else, including two morbidly obese people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 068

You deserved it 2 399

By Deli meat prom - 20/04/2015 21:41 - United States - Dallas

Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened with the tailoring but not only does it not fit, but it also looks like deli meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 432

You deserved it 3 409

By crankg - 21/10/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, my roomie had guests over. I didn't feel like socializing, but I really had to piss. So I pissed in the plant in my room, spilled half of it, mopped it up with an old shirt, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 542

You deserved it 55 251

By teejayrn - 15/12/2012 11:48 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 489

You deserved it 2 434

By pooped - 13/05/2009 09:49 - China

Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women's restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I fell into the toilet's waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers' faeces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 886

You deserved it 5 837

By anonix - 21/12/2014 19:08 - Canada

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 834

You deserved it 4 370

By Iknoweverything - 22/12/2012 08:06 - United States - Mankato

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 663

You deserved it 3 193

By rosabelle91 - 17/06/2012 14:58 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 359

You deserved it 14 758

Understandable

By sweetlilthing - 31/05/2020 17:00

Today, my husband is depressed because the government is relaxing coronavirus isolation and he doesn’t want to have to return to talking to people, or having family drop by unexpectedly, or socialising at all. He prefers being stuck at home as an antisocial Xbox and Netflix goblin FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 146

You deserved it 1 155

By Cheated - 03/08/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 205

You deserved it 4 538

Runner up

By milamadeleine243 - 22/10/2020 14:00

Today, I finished a huge project for work. It took 3+ days and I was very proud of it. Except when I submitted it to my boss, he said that he'd already asked another person to do it. He used that person's project, not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 315

By Tytonic - 02/02/2016 22:25 - United States - Washington

Today, I took a few Advil. They weren't Advil. My dad mixed the containers and I have no idea what I just took. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 49

Rage Quit

By Redsnation - 08/08/2017 05:02

Today, my older brother said that if he beat me in a game of NBA 2k17, he would get to keep my PS4. I beat him so badly that he got angry and destroyed my PlayStation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 666

You deserved it 502

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 20:32 - United States

Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 780

You deserved it 3 155

By mymidlifecrisis - 08/09/2016 04:53 - United States - Valley Village

Today, after years in a relationship I realized that my partner does not like the music I listen to, the food I cook, the pictures I take, the way I dress. The only thing she likes is when I take her out to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 879

You deserved it 1 366

Noise Annoys

By Anonymous - 24/03/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5 a.m., which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7 a.m. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10 a.m. Just let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 195

You deserved it 145

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Top comments

melonrind 8

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:09

And this is how not to do it!

leogirl95 12

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:24

I think they did find the bite zone.

melonrind 8

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:09

And this is how not to do it!

SecretMe00 5

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:46

Isn't the bite zone anywhere around the head? How are you suppose to groom them if you can only touch half of the dog? I work at a dog daycare and I would think you should just keep a muzzle on the ones known to bite.

desireev 17

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 17:30

At a grooming salon, you never know which ones will bite. New dogs come in all the time..

ShakeMeDown 12

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 5:07

26 - When is a dog's head half it's body?

lyttleravyn 1

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Saturday 14 January 2012 9:29

Sounds the OP works at a corp/big box store. The "bite zone" they are referring to is where the dog can reach with its head, which mainly includes not only the head, but the neck/chest and front legs/feet - the front 'half' of the dog.

noncomposmentis 6

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:11

Was it your first day at work? If not, your manager should have given that warning on your very first day.

josephbates 8

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Tuesday 5 July 2016 22:01

Trust me this is petsmart... I work there too They have this specific "safety topic" every couple of months... Well the only problem is if you groom or do nails or tons of other shit youre FORCED to be in "the bite zone" Seriously fuck petsmart Btw all managers that work there are mentally challenged people who can't work themselves

BeefyQueef 5

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:12

Dogs are the shit! I have a golden retriever :)

Awsumuzzie 12

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 17:42

Take out the "the" from the first sentence and I would agree very much so!

xxGheTToGumbYxx 16

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:43

^ hater

AnagenisisZagus 13

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 19:12

Oh? You do now, yeah? Well, cheers. You are a winner, friend.

neal001 0

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Thursday 12 January 2012 5:06

Haters gonna hate man :(

icey0796 6

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Friday 19 April 2013 16:21

No one hates women. Women are scary.

f_my_flip_life 5

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:12

That's the dogs way of telling you that you shouldn't have stopped grooming him :)

NiiTeH 7

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:12

Dog feels Un-CUN-FORTA-BLE!

RetardedChipmunk 7

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:40

Spelling is fun

Awsumuzzie 12

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 17:44

I thought this would be a pun since you spelt it wrong.

Peach3 1

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:15

That dog totally did that on purpose!

fernclogger 5

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:19

NOOOOB!!!!!!!!! Jk

silentspilla 0

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:24

lol

Roevera 14

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 22:48

^ you're pic just makes me want to thumb you down. Seems like someones full of themselves.

squirrel1215 5

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:19

I think the irony would hurt worse than the actual bite. >.<

CremeEggs 6

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:29

Chocolate doesn't bite.

Pentium_4 26

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:19

were you giving it a handy dandy fap and got too rough?

TheFakeFamilyGuy 9

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 21:48

Creep.

biggestfan23 11

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:20

Seems that you were indeed in that bite zone. Maybe next time you'll learn

AmbrosiaWriter 17

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 16:33

I've handled a lot of dogs and you'd be surprised on how drastically the "bite zone" changes depending on breed. It's really hard to tell unless you have experience with the breed exactly how far they can, and will contort themselves to get your hand. Sure, you should always try your best to remain out of what can be assumed is the "bite zone" for all breeds, but it's not always obvious if you're in danger or not. I've handled a dog that nearly flipped himself over on the doctor's table - luckily he just REALLY wanted to lick my face and get the treat I had, but if he had been going for a bite I probably would've gotten it.