Love: Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day...

By Anonymous - 25/07/2009 02:35 - Brazil

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 671

You deserved it 9 617

Love

Vulture

Compromises

Best teeth in the game

By Anonymoose - 19/08/2016 20:06

Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 656

You deserved it 980

By Iris - 12/10/2016 13:53 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today I bought a 50$ voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 366

You deserved it 11 616

By butterball - 18/07/2012 14:41 - Israel - Palmahim

Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 077

You deserved it 6 555

By HansonLUVR - 12/03/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 194

You deserved it 79 043

By shorty - 21/04/2014 04:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 538

You deserved it 4 410

By embarassed - 12/10/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 431

You deserved it 6 794

This pandemic is so 2019

By Anonymous - 04/06/2021 20:59 - United States - Cabot

Today, my water broke. Due to Covid-19, we couldn't go straight to labor and delivery, so had to go to the emergency room and wait to be taken up. I sat there for an hour with a ruptured sac and contractions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 85

By Come on - 29/01/2012 00:46 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 595

You deserved it 3 473

By gayboii - 19/03/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 931

You deserved it 35 562

Is this guy Hugh Hefner?

By Gold diggerzzzzzzz - 15/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad is getting married for the 4th time. First it was my mom, then as they got older, he married a woman 10 years his junior, then his third wife was my age and 28 years his junior. Now at the grand old age of 64, he is marrying a 22 year old, 42 years his junior, almost 2 decades younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 87

By Jessey - 18/06/2009 13:05 - United Kingdom

Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they actually called up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 47 773

By Anonymous - 03/01/2009 16:48 - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 537

You deserved it 4 349

By Anonymous - 24/08/2011 06:34 - Canada

Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 252

You deserved it 9 529

Technique

By shiznit - 25/10/2010 19:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 539

You deserved it 4 270

By noneofthesex - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 442

You deserved it 12 127

By carboat - 28/01/2009 09:24 - United States

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 334

You deserved it 44 648

By Ticketshame - 08/05/2019 08:00

Today, I got pulled over for talking on my phone while driving. I'd lost my phone the day before. He didn’t believe me. So, I got a ticket for talking on a phone I can’t even find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 083

You deserved it 134

Lonely

By GinaD - 02/05/2021 11:01

Today, my friend got an engagement ring. She’s been with her boyfriend for 2 years and it started as a one-night stand. Whenever I have one-night stands, the only thing I get is left on "read". FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 647

Saboteur!

By Juancames3 - 23/05/2018 01:30

Today, after spending all night packing for my 5am flight to Brazil, my cat peed all over my open suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 632

You deserved it 698

By Septy - 21/01/2016 18:17 - Spain - M?laga

Today, my sick semi-delusional boyfriend, whom I've been taking care of for days, accused me of trying to poison him so that I could play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 746

You deserved it 1 887

By WhyTheEff - 20/11/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 454

You deserved it 3 072

Breakfast innuendo

By Anonymous - 30/03/2021 15:30 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I went to get a banana for breakfast and said to my mom, with whom I currently live at age 32 because of Covid, that I don't normally eat bananas, but it looked good. She looked at me and said, "You clearly need to get yourself a man." She's right, but jeez! Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 213

By shameonme - 01/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Nampa

Today, I found out one of my friends had never seen the "Two Girls, One Cup" video, so I loaded it up and told him to watch it. I knew he was squeamish, but I didn't expect him to actually pass out. He cracked his head on the side of my desk and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 797

You deserved it 17 250

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 06:09 - Australia

Today, I realised I haven't had a date in so long that I actually seriously considered meeting someone from online, purely based on the fact he could spell properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 922

You deserved it 4 265

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 17:44 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse: the fact that I know she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 101

You deserved it 13 862

Check your head

By Anonymous - 21/03/2020 21:00

Today, while watching a movie on my iPad, a really cute girl sat next to me. Suddenly, everyone on the bus started clapping. I started to clap very loudly as well, asking the girl why we were clapping. She gave me a strange look. I then realized the applause was coming from my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 2 115

By Anonymous - 07/05/2011 00:22 - United States

Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 406

You deserved it 4 680

Luck of the draw

By Jordan - 12/11/2020 05:02 - United States - Herndon

Today, I waited 3 hours and paid $360 to have a routine tuneup done on my old car. As I pulled into my driveway, about to turn off the engine, one of my headlights blew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 54

First Dates

By mildver - 20/04/2009 04:51 - Costa Rica

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 368

You deserved it 4 567

By void bowels() { cry(); } - 26/11/2014 20:45 - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 891

You deserved it 3 669

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 21:31 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 223

You deserved it 9 697

By Sleepless - 04/08/2016 18:44

Today, after countless nights of no sleep and only some spontaneous naps, I was finally seeing a sleeping doctor to analyze the problem. I missed the appointment because I ended up sleeping through my alarm after not being able to sleep at all last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 327

You deserved it 1 151

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 687

You deserved it 7 465

By severedface - 22/05/2011 05:35 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. When I got there, I found out that the guy was a ventriloquist and was going to use his puppet to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 266

You deserved it 5 350

Kinda sus, dude

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 20:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 075

You deserved it 5 152

By sick of life - 23/09/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, I called in sick to work for a second day. After months of my boss trying to get me sacked by spreading vicious rumors about me, taunting me into retaliating, and generally making my life a living hell, he finally got his chance. He sent me a text saying, "yeh dont bother son ure fuckin fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 660

You deserved it 3 614

By NiquetChrome - 14/04/2013 23:18 - France

Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 978

You deserved it 14 054

Notification sound

By Anonymous - 09/06/2020 02:00

Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 723

By wooed - 03/12/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 months has been faking his southern accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 487

You deserved it 9 012

By Seabiscuit - 06/07/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 467

You deserved it 77 637

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Top comments

amandawins 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 9:59

Honestly, long distance relationships are hard. A similar situation happened with me and my bf, but we worked through it - not that we didn't like each other, but we fell off the pedestal. It happens in every relationship, but it's worse in long distance.

kamichama 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 11:10

I feel your pain. Happened to me. 10 day visit, dating for 4 months. After day 6, he just kind of ignored me.

meme3 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 9:54

Ha pwned.

mzmartinez92 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 10:03

seriously

amandawins 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 9:59

shelbtron 0

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Sunday 26 July 2009 9:37

this sounds like an internet relationship...not a long distance one.....

Alex_95 0

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Sunday 26 July 2009 12:31

I don't really get this It happens a lot in long distance relationships And he probably didn't say it in that blunt words In fact, it happens even in non-long distance relationships

Kamon97 23

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Friday 30 May 2014 6:30

Hey YDI for going long distance

Fire_lights 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 9:59

Dang. Harsh. Don't worry though, OP, you'll find someone someday 8D

alexgisforme3 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 10:00

4th?

alexgisforme3 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 10:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

lailax3 0

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Monday 9 August 2010 20:24

absolutely. :)

M13LO 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 10:11

YDI for having long distance bf

diabetic_rage 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 12:03

Agreed.

darkmis1 17

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Saturday 25 July 2009 15:50

So? My bf lives 5 hours away, and we text basically all day every day, and when he comes over, I always spend the whole time with him, AND if I ever ask him to, he'll come rite down to c me. Long distance relationships aren't hard if u really luv eachother.

vers_fml 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 15:58

#37, you don't really get to tell people if they love each other or not thanks

snocap12 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 16:02

5 hours is a bit easier than other cases....mine lives 14 hours away...so he just cant come on down whenever i feel...and we both work a lot..so it makes it hard to talk....but ya..its possible to work thru if they are worth it...but it is NOT easy

nubber 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 18:55

Wow at least your bf/gf is only hours away.... mine is Ontario and i'm in Alberta lol But I've known her for 4ish years and only recently asked her out so I think it's all good =D

RustedMetal 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 18:56

Well what if your really in love and one of you is forced to move away ? It's not that easy to break up, eh

Ohhaithar 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 20:10

then don't break up -- doofus. keep it working even if you are on opposite sides of the world.

kusiobache 0

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Sunday 26 July 2009 4:49

14 hours... That really isn't a long distance relationship, considering you can actually see eachother on weekends if you really cared. Try dating someone who lives 9 hours away by plane.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Saturday 25 July 2009 10:12

Ouch =/

goalie20 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 10:16

ouch

kaelendra 0

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Saturday 25 July 2009 10:18

Not a ydi but not really a fyl imho... this is why you need to meet people and frankly it's nothing to do with you being a bad person but you can't be sure you'll really click irl till you meet.